FIC: Enough of Me (1/7)

[Kimber]

Title: Enough of Me (1/7)
Author: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxx)
Disclaimer: I am a gnat in the world that is the Joss (watch out for
the fly swatter). All characters belong to him and Mutant Enemy. I'm
only borrowing them. I promise to put them back when I'm done, maybe
with a little more angst. This is non-profit.
Summary: Sequel to 'Many Facets'. Someone wiggs out from the
encounter, two of the most unlikely allies bond, and Christmas just
doesn't seem like Christmas without someone in town. Angst ensues.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including "Hush" is fair game. All
episodes are subject to bend at my will. *Bwahhhahahahaha*
Distribution: Just drop me a line and it's yours to archive.
Author's Notes: Feedback = Food. Story probably still has to be
beta'd, any volunteers would be appreciated. PG-13, possibly PG-15.
I'm not sure yet. It's probably for most audiences.
Thoughts are enclosed in < > and flashbacks are enclosed in <<< >>>
------------
<Stupid.>

<Stupid> Thwack! <Dumb> Crunch! <Idiot> Slap! <Moron> Kick, kick…
'stake'….poof!

The pile of dust was proof positive that messing with the slayer now was
not the best move to make after first rising. She'd made her rounds
through the cemetery as usual. Checked the crypts, and two fresh
graves. It would have taken her all night had Willow not left her a map
of the cemetery and the names of the two boys who'd died of a
'mysterious loss of blood'. Willow. Her mind drifted back to only a
week ago, when they'd crossed the line…gone past the point of no
return. Buffy felt the color rise in her cheeks and her pulse quicken.
Willow was all she'd thought about lately. Winter break was here and it
was a chance to explore the new side of their relationship, make a solid
connection. So what went wrong? Why was Buffy in the cemetery
patrolling alone and Willow was…..


<<<"I have to go."

"But Will, classes are over. We finished exams! We have to celebrate,
together…"

"No, Buffy. I'm…I'm spending the holidays with my parents…..in
Wyoming. They're at my grandparents' house…and they…um…they reserved me
a ticket…."

"But, I thought…."

"I can't."

"What about….?"

Buffy looked beyond her friend, saw the bags there, on her bed. Saw her
computer packed up, her bed made, and apparently, her mind was made up
too. She couldn't move. Afraid that the slightest movement would put
things in motion. She stood there, her head down, a million images
running through her mind….

Before she knew it, Willow was a breath away.

"I have to go. My plane leaves at six."

No response.

"Buffy, I…."

She was at a loss for words, they both were. Without a sound, Willow
reached up and lightly touched her fingers to Buffy's cheek. Leaning
in, she left a light, lingering kiss there.

Buffy was startled. After Willow began to pull away, Buffy reached out
and grabbed her friend into a crushing hug. The tightness in her throat
let go in a strangled sigh, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"But, I don't' want you to go. Why do you have to leave now?"

"I need to Buffy."

"No! You're…you're running away….there's a difference…."

Willow pulled away and removed Buffy's arms from her neck. Buffy
frowned at the loss of contact. Gathering her things, Willow made her
way to the door.

"I'll see you after break Buffy. Take care of yourself."

Willow opened the door…….

"I love you, Will"

then she closed it.>>>


……..She'd closed the door to their room, and effectively, their
relationship. By some fluke, Buffy found the phone number to Willow's
grandmother's house buried on the desk underneath the cemetery map and
called earlier in the evening. Willow refused to come to the phone, her
grandmother made excuses and said she was resting, but Buffy knew the
truth. Willow was avoiding her.

For three days before exams, a silence covered the town of Sunnydale, an
unwelcomed silence. 'The Gentlemen' took their voices away, slowly and
methodically hunting for seven hearts. By the time Buffy reached the
bell tower and, side by side with Riley, fought the demons, there were
two jars left. They both knew what it meant. With Riley smashing the
box and Buffy screaming, The Gentlemen's plan was averted, but not
without consequence. As Willow put it, something really 'freaky' passed
between her and the new witch Tara. Admittedly, something passed
between Buffy and Riley also. They'd kissed.

Buffy was sure Willow found out about the kiss. She and Riley had been
talking about their 'identities', their separate duties, and the kiss.
Willow walked in moments after, back from her 3 o'clock class. She gave
no sign that she'd heard what they were saying, but Buffy knew she did.
She wouldn't have been acting so distant and awkward lately had she not.

The four days leading up to Willow leaving were filled with near misses
and tense undercurrents in their conversations. Buffy went to the
Library, Giles' house, Xander's basement, the cafeteria…..missing Willow
by mere minutes each time. Finally, having had enough of everything
going unspoken, Buffy cornered her in their room. Willow knew she was
supposed to be on patrol, and that's probably why she was there…..

<<<"Hey Will"

"Buffy, I….I thought you were on patrol? Did something happen? Are you
hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. Thought I'd skip patrol tonight to in lieu of more
important things…"

"What's more important than patrol? Giles isn't going to like this…"

"Us. We're more important. What's going on, Will? Why have you been
avoiding me?"

"Avoiding? I'm not avoiding you…see?…this is me not avoiding. We're
here… together…in the same room…'cause, this is where we
live…together…no avoiding going on here!" Her response was all to
chipper and not very convincing.

"I think we need to talk about things. About us. What happened the
other night was…"

"Buffy, I really don't want to talk about it, OK?"

Buffy looked at her for a moment. "No, it's not OK, Will" The hacker
shot her a look of surprise. "I mean, I care about you…and I want the
best for you…I hate that things are so weird between us….I want things
back to the way they were…"

"We can't go back Buffy. Don't you see? What happened was…..it
probably shouldn't have happened. We shouldn't have…." She moved out
from behind her desk, silencing the slayer with a wave of her hand
before she could interject, "Let me finish. I don't know what this is.
I….I don't know who I am anymore. I was always the computer geek in
high school, or Xander's unrequited crush, then I was your side-kick and
Giles' research girl. Then to top it all off, I was the witch
girlfriend of Sunnydale's resident werewolf. Now, I've lost myself
somewhere between here and there. Everything's moving so fast and I
can't….I won't get caught up in it. I need time…I have to think about
everything. I just need you to leave me alone for now….please." With
that she walked out the door.>>>

Without even realizing it, Buffy had think-walked herself to the front
porch of Willow's house. She would have chuckled at the irony of the
situation had she not been so consumed with thought. <Four hours.
She's been gone four hours, two states away and you show up on her
doorstep.> Trotting down from the porch, Buffy regrouped herself and
set a new course for Giles' house. Since her mother was still away,
she'd be spending Christmas with him. Her mother had tried to convince
her to stay with her father for the holiday. It worked, but when she
called her father, she found out that he'd be in New York for a
conference the week of Christmas and New Year's Eve. He didn't even
offer to have her go with him. She gave him Giles' number and hung-up.
Still, Christmas with Giles wouldn't be THAT bad. At least that's what
she tried to convince herself of on the walk over.

When Buffy walked in, Giles was just hanging up the phone.

"Oh, Buffy. You just missed Willow, she called to wish me a good
holiday."

"Really? Oh, well…I guess I can try to catch her some other time."
Buffy flopped unceremoniously on the couch and flipped the TV on. Giles
gave her a look of curiosity and was going to say something but thought
better of it. <She'll tell me when she's ready I suppose.> The night
went off without a hitch and dinner was unusually quiet.

"Buffy, is there something on your mind?"

"Hmm, oh, no….not really. I well….Willow and I kind of had words before
she left and I'm feeling kind of icky about the whole thing. I wish I
could have talked to her when she called."

"I see. Yes, well, that would explain her mood on the phone then. She
was quite somber and distracted. Not herself really. Is it something
you wish to talk about?"

Just then, Spike walked in, a mug of just-microwaved blood in his hand.

"What are you doing here, slayer? Shouldn't you be out somewhere
dusting my friends or fighting demons and the like?"

"Shut up, Spike."

"Well, someone's in a horrible mood toady, aren't they? What's wrong,
luv, wake up on the wrong side of your stake?" He grinned.

"I wish you would wake up on the wrong side of a stake, bleach boy."

"That's quite enough, you two. Spike, Buffy is staying with me for the
holidays. She'll be in the other spare room. I hope you two can ah,
amicably cohabitate. It won't be for long."

Spike gave a disgusted look at both of them and switched the channel on
the TV.

"Living with a slayer. Good thing Dru's not around to see this. She'd
be so disappointed. What's become of me?"

Buffy helped Giles clean up after dinner, then went and sat at the other
end of the couch. "Oh, great. Giles, I forgot all of my stuff! Now
what am I supposed to do?"

Spike didn't miss a beat. "You could always sleep naked."

"Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you fang." She glared at him.

"Ah, Buffy…it's still early. You could go and get it now if you wish."

"Giles, I'm 18. Do you really think I'm only gonna bring an overnight
bag? I'm staying here for a month!"

"Yes, well. That could be a problem. I'd offer you my car, but…"

"No, thanks but no thanks. Even if I did have my license, I wouldn't
want to be caught dead in the watcher-mobile."

"Well that wasn't very nice." Giles furrowed his brow.

"No offense Giles."

"I'll take her." It came from Spike. They both looked at him like he
had sprouted an extra head.

"What? I'm bored and there's nothing on the telly. I need to get out
of here, all of this tweed and watcher dust is kicking up my
allergies." They didn't look too convinced. "I'll be good, really."

"I must be insane to agree to this." Giles looked torn.

Spike gave Giles a hopeful look and put on his best puppy dog face.

"Go ahead Buffy. I'm sure it'll be fine"

"Fine. But if he acts up, I swear I'll put him on a leash." She
crossed the living room and waited by the door. Spike followed suit.

"Aww, promise?" He smiled as they walked out the door.

-------

Two hours later, Spike's car was weighted down with Buffy's things. It
looked like it was ready to explode.

"I swear slayer. I never had THIS much….crap….when I was 18. What are
you, some sort of a pack-rat? And what the bloody hell are you going to
do with all those pictures albums? You're only staying there for a
month. It's not like you're not going to see all of your bloody friends
over the holiday anyway."

Buffy was putting the last box in the car. Either she didn't hear
Spike's comments or didn't want to dignify them with an answer.

"Did you hear what I said?" He looked annoyed.

"Huh? Oh yeah Spike, sounds good…"

"Now I know something's REALLY wrong. I'm trading barbs with you and
all you can say is 'yeah that sounds good', You got a fever or something
luv? Aww, is the slayer feeling feverish? Did you catch the willies or
something?" Spike put on his best sarcastic whiny voice and reached his
hand to her forehead.

She slapped his hand away, "Did I catch the what? No, I'm fine. I'm
just distracted."

"Well, a distracted slayer is a dead slayer. Got myself two slayers
like that. Why don't you tell old Spike what wrong? Maybe I can help."

It looked like Spike, the voice was Spike's, but Buffy couldn't believe
what she was hearing. She poked at him with her finger.

"Hey! Cut that out. Me being ticklish and all that." He swatted her
hand away.

"Excuse me? I thought I just heard you offer to help. I must be
feverish."

"Something's obviously bothering you, luv. I'm really not in any
position to give you THAT hard of a time. Me being well…."

"Neutered? Impotent?" Buffy offered.

"Temporarily incapacitated. Now, what is it? Tell old Spike. You
never know, I could be of some help. I'm not all soul-havin and all
that, but I am pretty sharp. Angel wasn't the only smart vamp in
town." Spike's face brightened. "Hey, this has to do with the little
witch, doesn't it? What happened slayer? Did she put frog entrails in
your soup or something?"

"Remind me again why I should tell you anything?" Buffy gave him a
skeptical look. She wasn't thoroughly convinced. Yet.

"I'm an outsider, an unbiased opinion. All of your little group is
probably too close to it to give you an honest assessment. Plus, I
won't charge ya for the advice. Come on now, what's the dirt? What did
the little tree do to work you up into such a lather?"

"Her name is Willow. Not little witch, or little tree. Willow. And
she didn't do anything. I did. I think I totally messed up our
friendship, and I don't think there's a way to get it back."

"Come on slayer. Do go all dramatic on me. There isn't anything that
can be THAT bad. Even Dru and I can make up after a scuffle of sorts.
Heck, I even forgave her for kissing that chaos demon…." Just then,
Spike's face lit up and a light bulb went on in his head. "Unless, of
course…."

What? WHAT? Unless what Spike? Tell me or I'll stake you right
here….."

"Well, unless you've, um, crossed some sort of a line. You didn't……did
you?" The look on Buffy's face answered his question. "Didn't you learn
your lesson with Angel? He was all souled-up till you gave him
happiness, and as much as I liked him without the bleeding heart
routine, he was a menace when he lost it."

"Willow didn't lose her soul, Spike…she's human." Buffy gave him a look
of disgust.

"No, slayer…she didn't. But if your implying what I think you are, then
she's lost something just as valuable. She's lost her innocence. That
damn wolf ran off and left her hangin by a thread, and none of you
bloody well saw it until it was too late. I don't think I have to
remind you about the havoc she caused by that little will spell of
hers. I still can't get your taste out of my mouth." He was pacing
now, arms flying around in the air. "She's vulnerable now and you took
advantage of it! I can't believe you. I'm disappointed, really. I
thought you had more brains than that."

Buffy gave him an incredulous look. "Since when do you care so much
about Willow? And what about your little speech in the magic shop,
how'd it go? 'Love isn't brains children, it's blood. Blood screaming
inside you to……"

"All right, all right. Enough with the posturing. I full well know
what I said to you two. If I've learned anything in the century or so
I've been around it's that love hurts. And if you give it the chance
it'll hurt you…"Buffy was about to interrupt, but Spike waved his hand.
"I'm not saying it's not worth it slayer, don't get me wrong. I'm
saying that you have to be sure. You have know in your heart that it's
real and worth all the sacrifices. And you also have to know that it's
not easy. Do you think it's worth it, slayer? Because if you don't, if
you have even the smallest doubt in your mind, then all the love and
fuzzy feelings in the world aren't gonna save your relationship with
that girl. Any kind of relationship. If love is what's in the cards
for you, then you'll know it, and so will she. If it screams through
your blood, if you feel her touch even though she's not here, if it
makes you quiver from head to toe, then you'll know it."

After a few minutes, Buffy opened the passenger side door and gave Spike
a look. With that, they both headed back to Giles' house, the
conversation still playing in each of their minds.

--
Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and...
skanky. (aside to Buffy, worried) And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do
with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy) uh, That's a good
point.

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