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["Clarke, Carol A - Hazelwood"]

Pat fixed it up. (Grammar and spelling.) Pat is nice.
Going with it. Part two New Feelings
It's been almost a month since I moved to Sunnyhell. Destiny really sucks.
Then again, if it wasn't for fate, I would never have met her. My Willow. Of
course she doesn't think of me that way. I'm not sure I think of her that
way. She is so sweet in her mismatched fashion and red hair.
I love her shy pattered smile. The way she chews her pencil and thinks of a
computer like a real person. Face it, I'm in love. Only I can't tell anyone,
not even myself. If Willow ever found out she would never speak to me again.
I'm already a total freak to the whole school.
Worse, I tried out for cheerleading, and well...the Hellmouth had other
ideas. Do not ever try being a slayer and cheery on a blood vengeance spell.
I'm just lucky Xander, Giles and Willow kept me from hurting anyone. I don't
ever want to hurt anyone, but
I know sooner or later, I'll let somebody down. How can I not? But if I ever
hurt Willow I don't think I could go on living.
Yeah right. Drama queen, that's me. On the other hand, I did find out that
my mom isn't that bad after all. Wow. Can't imagine living my life with a
mom like Amy's. I know I thought my mom was a real witch before, but she's a
saint in comparison. And she really likes Willow.
The thing is, there's this guy. Well, he's not really a guy. He's a Vampire
guy. But a good vampire guy. His name is Angel, and he's cute in this
annoying kind of way. He's got these sad, puppy dog eyes that just break
your heart. I guess he's ok. Whenever he's around long enough to notice. I
can just see us married. It would be like: Hi, honey! The world is going to
end, see you in a month.
Even if there is a track here, I can't stay on it. Angel kissed me, which is
how
I found out he was a Vampire. It scared the hell out of me, and I do not
scare easily. Unless you happen to be a certain redhead and frown at me.
Which is how I ended up kissing Angel in the first place. Well, that and he
saved my life from these 3 super vamp warriors. The Three. Could they pick
cooler names or what? They sound like the stooges.
Ok, back to Angel. Will and I were sitting in the Bronze when I pointed him
out to her. I don't know why but I did. And she started on how cute he was,
and how much he was into me. How I should go for it. And I started to panic.
I mean really panic. And she gave me her resolve face, saying, "Buffy, you
need a man in your life as all young women must have...yada yada yada."
She didn't actually say that but I could read her face. So I tried to tell
her that
I wasn't interested in Angel, and under my breath, how I was madly in love
with her. Only, I have no guts. I can behead a football player with an
exacto knife, but I can't tell Will that I love her. I know how Xander must
feel, and that's an issue I don't even want to get into.
He gave me a bracelet. I was so caught up in the "Amy's Mom" thing at the
time, I didn't read it. Or maybe just didn't want to deal with it. It said
"Forever Yours." How do you deal with that? I mean I like Xander, I just
don't like Xander. And I don't really like
Angel that much either. I like him better then Xander. He's different. A
non-high school kind of thing. But I feel trapped. Dating Angel takes care
of that whole "no boyfriend" issue, and him not being at school means I
don't have to deal with him on a daily, or with Angel, even a weekly basis.
It stops guys like Xander from wanting to be more than friends. Plus, with
Angel, it's a work thing, so there isn't that much groping time. Mostly it
keeps Willow from knowing the truth. From knowing who I am. I hope sometimes
in the back of my mind that I gain the nerve to tell her. I mean, she deals
my being the Slayer. But they're two different things.
The Slayer is a freak that helps people and a dyke. Not that I'm a dyke, or
maybe I am. I don't know. Wait. Back to the point. Whatever I am is a freak
that people are afraid of.
Weird huh? As the Slayer I can pull your arms out of their sockets, but as a
whatever, I can't even look you in the eye. And that's the one people fear.
Well, mom is calling...Dinner's ready.
Carol Clarke
Words for the week-
"Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority"

Warning I am not use to kindness, I my wig when it is directed my way.

I have an elsewhere to be, so tell me in ten words or less.