Fic. "Heart Ache" PG-13

["A.M. Glass" <glasswrks@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: "Heart Ache"
Author: Angela
E-mail: glasswrks@xxxxxxxxx
Copyright: Jan. 31st 2000
Disclaimer: The characters from "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer" are owned by Joss. No copyright infringement
is intended or inferred.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Brief mentions of the following episodes:
"The Wish" "Dopplegangland" "Wild At Heart" and
"Hush".
Author's Note: This is a slightly angst filled story,
at least towards the end. And it could be seen as
being slightly off topic, but not by much.

****

Why is it, all of a sudden, life decides to take one
of its more unexpected turns?

I'm happy.

All right, not *happy* but, settled in my life.

That's when fate decides to throw a monkey wrench into
the fray.

I wasn't looking for anyone. I had just really begun
to move on from Oz. So, looking for someone else was
not exactly a priority at the moment. If it hadn't
been for the 'Gentlemen' who knew what would have
happened.

I thought the feeling that passed through Tara's hand
into mine was from the transference of power. The
joining you might say, of both our abilities.

So, we held each other's hands a bit longer than was
needed. It wasn't as if I hadn't held girls' hand
before.

I had in fact.

I had held Buffy's earlier.

*In* the middle of the street.

It was a show of support, more than anything else,
plus the fact that we couldn't speak.

Why then, am I constantly thinking of Tara?

There's something about her, something I can't quite
place my finger on. She wasn't like anyone else I've
ever met.

I can *see* myself in Tara's shoes, a few short years
ago.

If it hadn't been for Buffy, I'd still be the
sheltered computer geek who carried a torch for my
best friend.

That is of course if I still lived. I knew what could
have happened if Buffy hadn't arrived in Sunnydale
when she did.

Xander and I would have been vampires.

Ew.

But, back to Tara.

She's quite, kinda shy, but powerful, even though she
doesn't think so.

So, that might sound a little like Oz, nobody's
perfect.

She has really nice hands as well.

They're very soft.

And her lips, well… I'll just keep that to myself for
now.

The first time we kissed, I didn't even realize it,
until we broke apart. One minute we were casting a
spell, that went a *little* awry, the next, smoochies.

We were sitting next to each other, when Tara turned
to face me.

It was just there.

It seemed like the most natural thing to do, and we
did.

It was nice.

Sweet even.

But that didn't stop me from breaking it off as soon
as I realized what was happening.

It wasn't that I didn't like it.

I did.

I just wasn't ready for it.

I started thinking about the comment I had made to
Buffy when speaking of my vampire-self.

The infamous: 'I think I'm kinda gay' comment.

Of course Buffy brushed it off. Angel started to say
something to the contrary, when he suddenly changed
his mind.

I never thought about it again, until that night. When
Tara and I were trapped, in the laundry room of all
places. And it came rushing back to me, as we held
hands.

We've kissed since then.

But does that make me gay?

"Don't think about it so much," she heard Tara say
over her shoulder, reading what Willow had written in
her journal.

Leaning back, Willow relaxed into the arms that
wrapped themselves around her.

"Does it really bother you that much?"

"Um… I don't know," she answered, turning around so
that she could face the other girl. "It's different."

"It is," Tara agreed. "But that doesn't make it bad."

"No. I'm not saying it's bad…"

"Go on," Tara prompted.

"What will my friends think."

"If they love you as much as you say they do. They
should be happy that you've found someone," Tara
replied, kissing Willow on the forehead, prior to
resting hers against it.

"Would you mind if I didn't tell them right away?"

Willow heard a heavy sigh.

"I could say, 'I guess not'. But then I wouldn't be
telling you the truth," she said.

"I'm sorry."

"Willow, you don't have anything to be sorry about.
When you're ready, you'll let them know," Tara told
her.

Willow wrapped her arms around Tara and squeezed
lightly.

"So, what do you want to do?" Willow asked.

"Well, I thought I might to this," Tara said, before
covering Willow's lips with hers.

"I like that," Willow said, after they broke the
kiss.

"Funny, so do I."

"Do you want to practice?" Willow asked.

"Kissing, sure," Tara replied with a smile.

"You don't need any practice for that," Willow
replied.

"Why thank you," Tara said, kissing Willow once more.

"Um… nope. I think you've got it down pat."

Buffy stood outside the door to the dorm room,
wondering if she should stay or go. She wasn't sure
about the feelings she experienced when she heard
Willow and Tara talking, let alone when they weren't.

The ache in her chest took her by surprise. She knew
she cared for Willow, it was impossible *not* too.

"I think I might need a little more hands on
experience," Tara said, taking her by the hand and
leading her towards the bed.

'Oh God,' Buffy thought when she heard Tara's remark.

"I don't know about that," Willow replied. "You've
had enough hands-on experience for today."

"A hug, that's all."

"A nice lonnng hug."

"Okay. But, another kiss or two?"

"I'll check my schedule," Willow replied laughing.

Buffy hadn't heard Willow laugh in a long time.
Shaking her head, she walked down the hall, and out of
the dormitory.

"You'd better take care of her Tara," Buffy muttered
to herself, wondering when the ache would stop.

The End.
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