Re: FIC: Taking a Risk

["Jon Penner" <jonpenner@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

that was a lovely little story. you want to do sequel now? Repurcussions makes a great name methinks.
----- Original Message -----
From: Pat Kelly
To: buffyloveswillow@xxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2000 3:04 AM
Subject: [buffyloveswillow] FIC: Taking a Risk


From: "Pat Kelly" <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>


Hey.

This is set in Season 2, kinda during Inca Mummy Girl time period. Enjoy. I hope.

TAKING A RISK

Recently, Willow had been conflicted. Well, more conflicted then usual. For most of her life, she had been praying for Xander to notice her. But the more time that went by, the less likely it seemed that he would ever do that.

And slowly, other people started entering into her head. Buffy for one. And that was scary. Buffy was her friend, a girl, and she was interested in Angel. Trying to get her thoughts in order, she replayed moments back in her head.

When she saw the bodies of the people she knew, her friends, in the school last year, mutilated, and the blood on the walls, her world started to crack. She knew vampires were bad, but until then, she hadn't seen how vicious they could be. Buffy was there to console her.

Not Xander, Buffy.

When she had doubts about how stable her and Buffy's friendship had become, Buffy reinforced it. She was more grateful then ever to have her recently blonde friend in her life. Did she love her? Well, she wasn't sure. Though she had been thinking about it a lot, and came to a conclusion. She really, really, really, liked her. Love would be too complicated. She had to find out what her friend thought first, anyway.

After Buffy left to spend the summer with her dad, Willow was worried. Buffy hadn't said a word about her fight with the Master, she had just left. And Willow had spent three months coming to realize just how important she was to her. She was someone Willow looked up to. For guidance, for advice, for help, and just plain admiration. And Buffy was always there for her. She liked that.

But, she wasn't quite ready to give up on Xander. It wasn't easy to give up such a long lasting crush. Besides, this way it was safe. For her, Buffy, and Xander. Nobody's friendships were getting ruined this way. She was on the brink of trying to put him behind her though, because now he was interested in Ampata.

Sitting across from Buffy in the library, she fiddled with her stuffed frog as Buffy looked at a piece of the Mummy's seal in a microscope.

"Ha! Or possible ha." Buffy exclaimed. "Do you think this matches? Hey!"

Willow looked up at Buffy, whose expression was saying, 'You with me?'

"Oh! Yes. I'm caring about mummies."

"Ampata's only staying two weeks."

'But you'll still be here after she leaves. But let's not say that.'

"Yeah. And then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life."

'That sounded awfully mature. Nice.'

"Good for you."

"Well, I didn't choose yet."

"Good Lord! Good work!" Giles said, inspecting Buffy's find.

And she'd have to wait a little longer to make her choice, because they had a mummy to find.

***


Sitting in History Class the next row over from Buffy, Willow was writing a note. It didn't matter that Ampata had been the mummy, she knew Xander would find somebody else. And it was time to let it go.

She prided herself on being honest. She was tired of playing it safe. Buffy was her friend, and even if what she was about to reveal to her didn't go over well, she knew they would deal with it. Or she hoped they would.

She passed the note to Buffy, and waited.

(Remember when I said I was going to make a choice?)

Buffy wrote a response and passed it back. (Yeah?)

(Well, I decided to move on)

(I'm glad. Got anybody in mind?)

(Yep)

(Really? Who?)

'So what if it isn't the best way to tell her?'

(You)

Buffy's head immediately snapped up, and looked at Willow, in shock.

"Are you alright, Buffy?" The teacher asked, noticing Buffy's quick movement.

"Huh? Yeah.fine.sorry."

Buffy looked back down at her textbook, trying to avoid her friend's worried gaze. Willow sighed, and looked at her own book.

'You sure know how to pick 'em, Rosenberg.'

***


She didn't know why she was doing what she was doing. Coming to Buffy's house? Her friend bolted after class, and obviously didn't want to see her yet. Or at all. So why was she trying to drive the wedge further between them? She had no idea what she was going to say. She didn't want to leave things festering either.

The possibility of being gay didn't bother her much, though that was probably she had yet to do anything that could be considered an act of gayness. But, for one, her parents were never around, and weren't involved in her life, so that was no problem. And secondly, she didn't care about what anybody in school thought.

Well, she was trying to try the strong, defiant angle, but that might change once something happened with Buffy. If something happened with Buffy. That was her main concern at the moment. Losing her best friend. She entered the back door of her house hoping to stop that from happening.

"Hello Willow."

Buffy's mom was home. That was great. "Hi.hi, Mrs. Summers. Is Buffy here?"

"She came home for a few minutes and then when out again. She seemed distracted. Is something wrong?"

"Uh.no. I don't think so."

"It's just, she doesn't tell me much, and well, I guess it's my fault. What about you?"

"Huh?"

"You look kind of distracted too. Call it a motherly instinct."

Willow wasn't sure what made her start to talk to Joyce, but she was here.and if she changed a few names, a few facts.

"I don't know."

"Hot chocolate?"

"Okay!"

She couldn't turn down hot chocolate.

***


"She's not sure what to do because she thinks liking this person could be wrong." Willow said.

"Why does she think it's wrong?" Joyce asked, sipping from her mug.

"Uh."

"Is it drugs?"

"No! No! She doesn't.I don't think she does."

"So this girl - likes this one boy, and this other boy told her he liked her, and when he did, she ran away because she thought it was wrong to like him?"

"Right. What do you think she'll do?"

"Depends on a lot of things."

"What?"

"How long as she known the two people?"

"About the same amount of time."

"How well?"

"One she knows really well, I hop.I think. And the other's kind of shut off."

"Then if she's smart, she'll pick the one she really knows."

"You think?" Willow asked, hopeful.

"Who are we talking about?"

"Nobody."

Her thoughts reached the breaking point then, and it all came out. So to speak.

"ItoldBuffyIlikedherinthemorethanfriendlywaycauseIdoandsheranawayandshedoesn'twanttoseemeandIdon'tknowwhattodo."

'Why can't you keep your mouth shut and deal with your own problems? And all people you blab to it had to be her mom? That's great. Now they both hate you and you won't be allowed within two feet of Buffy and.'

"Oh."

"I'll save you the trouble of throwing me out. Thanks for the hot chocolate."

She got up and started for the door. Joyce was silent for a few moments.

"Wait, Willow." She did. "You don't.I mean you're not.a bad person."

"Thank you?"

"I don't hate you. I can't say I completely understand, but I don't hate you."

"Okay.so can we talk?"

"You still have some hot chocolate left."

***


Buffy sat on a bench in the park, twirling her stake. She didn't feel much like patrolling, and the vampires didn't seem to feel much like attacking, so that was a bonus. Willow.what was she going to do about Willow? She felt horrible ignoring that note.

But how was she supposed to respond to something like that? Either way it was complicated. If she said yes, they would both go through hell. If she said no, she'd destroy her friend. Her only friend. Well, the one who understood her the best.

It must have taken Willow an awful long time to muster up the courage to admit what she did. To admit to herself what she felt. The problem was, Buffy didn't know the answer to her friend's unasked question. Did she like her, possibly even love, her back?

The answer wasn't exactly yes.but it wasn't exactly no either. If she was going to say anything to Willow, she wanted to be sure she was sure of herself first. Over the summer, when she had visited her dad, she thought about Willow a lot. What the shy hacker had been exposed to. Her bodies of people she knew, the blood, the cruelty of vampires.

And she, the supposed Slayer, wasn't there to stop it from happening. If that wasn't bad enough, she was barely doing the comfort friend thing, when she had to go, leaving her friend alone and traumatized. Could that be what triggered Willow's change of.heart?

"Slow night?" Angel asked walking up to her in his usual stealthy way.

"The best kind. Ever have one of those days where your whole world gets flipped upside down?"

"About two hundred and forty years ago."

Buffy chuckled. "Oh.were you trying to be funny?"

"I'm not sure."

"That makes two of us then."

"Love does that to you."

"Whoa, hold it? What makes you think love has anything do with my unsureness?"

"A guess?"

"Hello cryptic wise-guy."

"So who is it? Not Xander."

"No. You're getting warm though."

"Oh." He smiled. "You love Willow."

"I never said that."

"It's in your eyes."

"But then there's you."

"I shouldn't be factor in this."

"Why not?"

"The only thing keeping us together right now, is the darkness in our lives. You're too young, and have got too much going for you to get swallowed up in it."

"And why shouldn't I? I'm doomed to darkness."

"Doesn't mean you have to stop living. That was the problem with all the other slayers. They had nothing else to live for except their duty. When that's all you have, of course you're going to die quickly. You, on the other hand, have lots to live for. Friends, family."

"Do you love me?"

"I don't think anybody who meets you can help not loving you. I'm sure Willow does."

"But Willow could.my life could destroy her."

"That's her decision to make. And don't make your decision based on what might happen to her. If you have someone willing to stick by you, don't push them away."

"And what would you do?"

"What I've been waiting a century to do. Atone for my past by helping you."

"If we did get together." They stood contemplating the possibilities of involvement. "You coming up with a long drawn out drama plot too?"

He nodded.

***


She and Joyce had talked for over forty-five minutes. The older woman was beginning to understand her feelings for her daughter.

"So?" Willow asked, after she finished.

"Like I said before, if she's smart, she'll pick she one she knows the best, and the one who knows her. I've been trying for awhile to figure out how to help my daughter, and I've been having a hard time coming up with the right thing to do.

"I think I finally understand what she needs. You. You know her better than she knows herself, better than I know her. I'm not going to stand in the way of that. I've made a lot of bad decisions, and I don't want this to be one them."

"You're being to hard on yourself."

"I love Buffy, there's just things in her life, that I feel like I'm missing something. My parenting skills are rusty, and she's quickly becoming independent, and I can't keep up. But I can tell she relies on you. Just promise me, if she, if you.get together, love her like she needs to be. Maybe then she'll let me in."

"She loves you too. A lot."

"I know."

That's when Buffy walked in the door.

***


They went into the living room, and sat on the sofa. Willow looked at her hands, while Buffy paced. After a few seconds, the talking began.

"I'm sorry, Will. I shouldn't have run."

"And I shouldn't have told you in a note. That was stupid."

"It took a lot of guts to do that. I don't know if I'd be able to do that."

"Of course you would.you're.strong.and."

Buffy knelt down in front of her. "Maybe physically, but without you, I wouldn't be able to keep going without breaking down. You've kept me alive."

"I'd be dead if you weren't here. And now we have to hug."

"Your wish is my command." Willow pulled Buffy up and into her arms, and they seemed to meld into one another's embrace. "I love you, but I can't promise that -"

"Stop, and say that again."

"I love you.

"I've never had anybody say that to me before."

"You should have."

"You know I love you too. Right?"

"Yeah, Will. I know. Thanks for taking a risk."

They sat on the sofa, just holding one another. Joyce peered in, and smiled. Looked like she made the right decision.


"I have misplaced my pants." (Homer J. Simpson)

"You know what the secret of life is?"
"Your finger?"
"One thing. Just one thing."
"That's great, but what's the one thing?"
"That's what you gotta figure out."
(Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, City Slickers)

"I heard your heartbeat." (Buffy Summers, to Angel, ANGEL)

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