Fic... "Why My Heart Aches" PG

["A.M. Glass" <glasswrks@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: "My Secret Heart Ache."
Author: Angela
E-Mail: glasswrks@xxxxxxxxx
Copyright: February 19, 2000
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy all have
something to do with "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and
all the characters contained herein. The story is sole
property of the author, me. No copyright infringement
is intended or inferred.
Author's Notes: This is the fifth story in the "Heart
Ache" Series. This story has not been beta'd, only
spell checked using Microsoft Word '97.
Distribution: If you'd like it, it's yours.
Feedback: It really helps to see if you like the story
or not.

***
Previously:

"Are you sure?" Tara asked as they neared her dorm
room.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I brought it up, and I wouldn't
bring it up unless I was sure," Willow replied.

"Okay."

Tara opened the door and allowed Willow to enter
first, looking down the hall; she had had the oddest
feeling that someone had been watching them earlier,
prior to shutting her door behind her.

***

They entered the room without saying anything, only
the door closing behind Tara broke the silence. Tara
slowly turned to see Willow looking around her room,
as if this were the first time the other girl had ever
seen it before.

This was *not* the big step she had hoped for, but it
was the next best thing.

They were going to sleep together.

'Sleep,' she told herself.

They had spoken about it once or twice, in general.
Never really placing their situation into the
equation, just as a 'what if' sort of thing.

What if they decided to move forward with their
relationship?

What they were contemplating would be the most natural
next step. Neither of them wanted to rush what was
going on between them. Tara understood that Willow had
come from a devastating break-up with her boyfriend.
She didn't know exactly what happened, but from what
Willow had told her, she hadn't expected it.

Tara also knew that Willow had been intimate with her
boyfriend, and that they had shared a unique bond.
Although she didn't like listening to some of the more
private details of Willow's previous relationship, she
never considered telling the other girl that she
didn't want to hear what she had shared with someone
else.

"Um… do you want something to drink?" Tara asked
Willow.

"No, thanks. But don't let me stop you," she replied.

Tara thought about getting a soda from her tiny
fridge, but decided against it. She walked up to
Willow, placing her right hand on her shoulder,
dropping it quickly when she felt Willow flinch.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Tara said, siting on
the edge of her bed, looking at the floor.

Willow turned around slowly, taking a deep breath. Her
heart went out to her friend. Walking towards her, she
kneeled down.

"Tara?"

"Yeah," she replied not looking up, not wanting to
get lost in those eyes.

"Thank you."

Tara's head jerked up and looked at Willow.

"For what?" she whispered.

"For letting me change my mind…"

"Oh."

"Hey, I didn't finish," Willow replied, her hand
gently caressing Tara's face. "I was going to say,
thank you for letting change my mind… if I wanted to."

"Oh…" she said, before the meaning of the other woman
words sunk in. "Oh!"

Willow smiled as she watched the transformation take
place, gone was the crestfallen look of despair and in
its place was a smile that conveyed so much, it took
her breath away.

"Um… so what do we do next?" Tara asked, never having
been in this position before.

"Good question," Willow replied, as she got
comfortable.

They both looked at each other and laughed. It felt
good.

"How about we try a spell?" Tara asked.

"Normally I'd be all over it, but I don't think so."

Tara nodded her head. Willow patted the empty space
next to her.

"Keep me company?"

"Sure," Tara answered with a smile on her face.

"So…"

"Yeah, so." Tara replied, sitting next to Willow
their legs touching.

"Wow, who knew that sleeping would be so hard?"
Willow said out loud.

"Yeah. Umm… Willow?"

"Yes Tara?"

"Could I kiss you?"

A smile graced Willow's features, making Tara's heart
clench.

"Yes."

Tara's face lit up. She unconsciously moistened her
lips, searching Willow's eyes for any sign that she
didn't want this as much as she did. Closing her eyes
at the last possible second, Tara felt Willow's lips
with her own. She found out after the first kiss
they'd shared that kissing Willow was the best thing
that had ever happened to her. After a few seconds she
broke it off, before gradually opening her eyes.

"Thanks," she whispered, before feeling her cheeks
burn with embarrassment.

"Tara?"

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me again."

***

'What the hell is that noise?' Willow thought as she
tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, a loud
buzzing sound continued in the most annoying fashion.

"Sorry," she heard seconds before the buzzing sound
finally disappeared.

Willow's eyes shot open, her eyes glancing first left
then right.

"Good morning. Are you okay?"

Willow felt an arm draped around her stomach, and a
comforting source of warmth along her back. Turning
her head to the right, she could Tara glancing in her
direction.

"I'm fine, you?"

"Great," she replied, kissing Willow on her temple.

Willow smiled at the gesture.

"What would you like to do today?" Tara asked, her
chin resting in her hand, as her elbow propped her up.

"Sleep."

"Well, we did stay up kinda late," Tara replied, as
she remembered each kiss, each caress they shared long
into the night.

"Yeah, we did," Willow said. "Unless there's
something else you'd like to do?"

A mischievous grin appeared on Tara's face.

"Alright young lady, just what *are* you thinking?
Hmm?"

"I love you Willow," Tara said, before her eyes widen
in shock. "I'm sorry… I didn't… I don't… I…"

Willow felt something inside when she heard those
words coming from Tara. She wasn't sure what it was,
but she had to do something to calm the other girl
down.

"Tara… Tara listen to me," Willow began, as she
turned on to her back, placing a finger on Tara's
lips. "Shh… I don't know what to say. I know I care
for you deeply and I wouldn't change anything we've
done so far. I don't want you to think that you've
said something wrong, you haven't, honestly," she
said. "Let's not talk about it anymore, at least not
for today. Just be with me," she asked.

"Always."

Willow reached up with her right hand and brought her
closer and kissed her. She heard a whimper as Tara's
arm wrapped itself around her, holding on to her. As
the kiss grew more passionate, Willow could feel her
heart being to pound with excitement. Her hand slowly
makes its way underneath Tara's shirt.

"No… not like this," Tara said as she broke off the
kiss much to her heart's utter amazement and dismay.

"What's wrong?" Willow asked catching her breath,
feeling Tara stopping her exploration. She withdrew
her hand from the shirt.

"We're not ready, not yet," Tara replied, gazing into
green eyes that managed to capture her heart.

"What? Isn't this what you wanted?" she asked.

"Oh, most definitely, never doubt it for a second.
But, is it what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Willow, you know how I feel about you. I would
consider it an absolute honor to show you how I feel.
Gods, you make it so easy to love you," Tara said as
she brushed a strand of hair from Willow's face.
"When… or if we decide to go that next step. I need to
know that *you* want it as much as I do. It's
important to me, can you understand?"

"Oh… Tara," Willow said, before tears spilled from
her eyes.

"Willow… please don't cry. I'm sorry…"

"Would you hold me?"

"Of course I would," Tara replied, gathering Willow
in her arms.

After a few minutes, Willow was able to speak.

"I don't think it would be a wise decision for me to
sleep with you again," she said.

Although Tara knew that it would be the most prudent
course of action, she couldn't help but feel that she
had lost something very dear to her.

"Do you want to leave now?" she asked.

"Not really, unless you're uncomfortable?"

"Oh… no. Please stay, for a little while longer. It's
Saturday, and we don't have class."

"Okay. I think I'll get a little more sleep. Night
Tara," Willow said as she snuggled down under the
covers.

"Night Willow," Tara replied softly.

When she was sure that Willow had fallen asleep, she
let the tears she had held inside fall.

TBC

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