Re: FIC: Restart(Or - Five by Five what?)

["Pat Kelly" <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>]

Hey.

Here's my guess: Five by Five means everything's even. Cool. In balance.
Sounds like dimensions or something. Maybe Faith knew a lot of carpenters.
:-)

Later

Pat

"I have misplaced my pants." (Homer J. Simpson)

"You know what the secret of life is?"
"Your finger?"
"One thing. Just one thing."
"That's great, but what's the one thing?"
"That's what you gotta figure out."
(Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, City Slickers)

"I heard your heartbeat." (Buffy Summers, to Angel, ANGEL)
----- Original Message -----
From: Clarke, Carol A - Hazelwood <CAClarke2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <buffyloveswillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2000 6:23 PM
Subject: RE: [buffyloveswillow] FIC: Restart(Or - Five by Five what?)


> From: "Clarke, Carol A - Hazelwood" <CAClarke2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>
> Great story as always Pat. But you will add more right because I need to
> know what happens. And what does 5 by 5 mean?
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Pat Kelly [mailto:bandits@xxxxxxxxx]
> Sent: Thursday, March 02, 2000 5:17 PM
> To: buffyloveswillow@xxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [buffyloveswillow] FIC: Restart(Or - Five by Five what?)
>
>
> From: "Pat Kelly" <bandits@xxxxxxxxx>
>
>
> Hey.
>
> Okay. This isn't a Buffy/Willow fic. It's got pinches of friendship
> undertones, and the normal relationships are displayed. This is primarily
a
> Faith fic. I don't know about the rest of you, but I felt sad and sorry
for
> Faith after the ep. This is an attempt to make myself feel better. Hope
you
> like.
>
> RESTART (OR - FIVE BY FIVE WHAT?)
>
>
>
> "Who am I?" Faith asked herself sitting in the back of the truck.
>
> Everyone asked themselves that at one point or another, but for Faith, it
> was not a casual, fleeting question. She needed an answer, and she needed
it
> then and there. She had just spent the previous night, and the better part
> of a day in Buffy Summers' body. And she had experienced things she had
> never thought possible.
>
> She was running down the list in her head. She had been appreciated, she
had
> been loved, by a parent and by a boyfriend, and she had done the right
> thing. And shockingly, looking back, it had felt good. But she had to keep
> reminding herself that the love, the gratitude, was not for her. It was
for
> Buffy.
>
> Looking at down at her own body now, she was ashamed at what she had let
it
> become. It had been wore down, used, and it had killed. She stared at her
> hands in disgust. The hands that had held weapons used for murder. And
> without assistance her hands had killed through brute force.
>
> It was a sickening feeling, hating your own body. Wanting to destroy it
but
> knowing the little voice in her head, the one designed to keep survival a
> priority, would not let her. Where had that voice been last year? When she
> started on the dark path that had become her life? She let out a dry
laugh.
> It had been there. She had just convinced it that murdering was necessary
> for survival. She might not have been able to hurt herself, but that
didn't
> mean she couldn't let anyone else do it for her. The voice popped up
again,
> telling her she was almost out, almost free.
>
> She knew now that the voice was corrupted. She shut it up, and banged on
the
> truck.
>
> "Yeah?" The driver called back.
>
> "Let me out."
>
> "We're not out of town yet."
>
> "Just stop."
>
> She felt the truck slow down, and she opened the back doors, hopping out.
> She shut them again, and hit them, telling the driver to take off. As the
> vehicle pulled away, she walked along the road, hoping that she might get
> hit accidentally. She just wanted everything to be over.
>
> ***
>
>
>
> "How could you not know?" Buffy asked Riley eventually, after the
lingering
> thoughts of Faith had plagued her long enough.
>
> "She...I don't know...she came on a little strong at first..."
>
> "Did she? Maybe I shouldn't have asked for an explanation." She got up off
> of his bed, and faced away from him.
>
> "But I told her I didn't want that. And then..."
>
> Buffy turned around to face him now, her strong, interrogating Slayer face
> on. "Then what?"
>
> "She was you. And I bought it."
>
> "She was me? Just because she had my body doesn't mean...come on, Riley."
>
> "I'm not...what I did, there's no excuse for. I just know what happened.
And
> you can do whatever you want with me, because I'd deserve it."
>
> "So," Buffy couldn't believe she was asking this, "what happened?"
>
> "Details aside..."
>
> "Thanks."
>
> "I was making love to Buffy Summers. She didn't act like...she acted like
> you. Maybe it was because she knows you so well..."
>
> "She didn't do anything 'un-me' at all?"
>
> "Surprised."
>
> "Huh?"
>
> "Surprised. She seemed surprised that someone was...well, hindsight
doesn't
> really help right now, does it?"
>
> "I know you didn't think that it wasn't me, and I'm sure Faith was
> convincing," she said 'convincing' in a harsh tone, "but that still
doesn't
> make it any better."
>
> Riley got out of the chair, and Buffy turned her head away from him. He
> cupped her cheek in his hand. "Hey. I love you. You have to know that,
> right?"
>
> "Yeah, I know."
>
> He bent down and kissed her softly. "Then punish me."
>
> Buffy went wide-eyed. "Now wait a second. Faith may go in for that, but I
> don't. And you're in the doghouse as it is."
>
> He laughed quietly. "I meant I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to
you.
> As long as you don't plan on never seeing me again."
>
> "Oh." She flushed. "Well, good. And -"
>
> Then the ringing began. They both looked toward the source of the noise,
> which was the phone. She pointed to it, and he went over and picked it up.
>
> "Hello?...You're sure?...Where?...No, tell them not to engage...No, I'll
> check it out...Probably...Well it's not your call...Thank you for the
> information, Agent."
>
> Riley hung the receiver up, and closed his eyes in frustration.
>
> "What is it?" Buffy asked him.
>
> "Forrest...oh you mean...it's Faith. She's still here."
>
> "She's what?"
>
> "She's walking along the road just outside of town. Patrol team spotted
her
> about five minutes ago."
>
> "I gotta go, then." Buffy said, already making her way toward the door.
>
> "Buffy I can -"
>
> "Just me."
>
> ***
>
>
>
> Faith continued along the road, staying just off of the asphalt. She still
> couldn't work up the guts to step out and see what happened to collide
with
> her. The voice had surfaced again, screaming with all its might to keep
her
> out of harm's way. But she was slowly beating it down.
>
> Who was going to care, anyway? Buffy wasn't going to rush in to stop her,
> Willow most certainly didn't care, Xander was scared of her, and Giles, he
> would...he wasn't sure what he would do. She had nothing to live for. No
> job, no place, no family, she had had friends once, but she blew that
> chance.
>
> She watched as a Sports car flew by. If she had been run over by that,
there
> was still a chance at living. Then she saw a bread truck. Perfect. And
just
> so there was no risk of the driver seeing her and breaking before impact,
> she quickly walked out into the road, effectively killing the voice, and
> laid down.
>
> And waited.
>
> And waited.
>
> And wait...then she felt something pull her up. Before she realized what
was
> going on, she was being forced to run back off the road. When her feet
> touched the grass, the force holding her up let go, and she fell.
>
> "What the hell did you think you were doing?" Buffy's voice asked her.
>
> Great. She may have killed the voice, but it came back to life as Buffy.
> That's when she turned her head, and saw that it was really Buffy standing
> over her.
>
> "B. I never thought you'd come."
>
> "What's that supposed to mean?"
>
> "I never thought you'd come? Not really a brain teaser." Buffy stood in a
> defensive position, waiting for Faith's attack, but it never came. The
> brown-haired slayer, simply laid on her back in the grass. "I'm glad you
> did, actually."
>
> "You are?"
>
> "It's always nice to having someone you know around to witness your
suicide.
> Notes are for the weak."
>
> "That's what you were doing? For what possible reason?"
>
> "Heard it was in this year. You know me, B. Always stayin' with the
trends."
> "That's...wrong." Faith let out a full-fledged laugh now. "What? What'd I
> say?"
>
> "Nothing. Forget it. And why do you care what happens to me? One less
> problem for you and your gang to worry about."
>
> Buffy finally eased herself to a sitting position near the other girl. "Is
> that what you think you are?"
>
> "I know what I am. And I know what I am to you."
>
> "You have no idea -"
>
> "Oh I do. Changing houses gave me a whole new perspective. The Scoobies
hate
> me, and so do you."
>
> "Okay, so maybe they have a grudge or two...and why are we having a heart
to
> heart?"
>
> "Damned if I know. I'm just waiting for you to kill me."
>
> "God, Faith...what happened to you? And I'm not going to kill you."
>
> "I don't know who the hell I am anymore. And you didn't have a problem
> getting it done last year."
>
> "I wasn't trying to kill you. I was playing by your rules. I was being
what
> you wanted me to be. Besides, you're the one who jumped off the roof."
>
> "Potato, Pototto. And I'd never want you to be like me. Ever."
>
> "Let's get everything out. I tried to reach out to you, but you weren't
> being receptive girl. But you kept pushing and pushing for me to see your
> side of things. And I did. Things got out of hand. So don't say you didn't
> want me to."
>
> "If you're gonna get technical, then, okay, yeah. Then. Now, if you ever,
> ever turned out like me...well you were me. How was it?"
>
> Buffy looked down at her hands. "I...you...got spit on."
>
> "Really? Got off easy. I tried so hard to be me in there," she pointed to
> Buffy, "but I ended up being you."
>
> "You were in control. You could've done anything you wanted. And from what
> Riley told me, you did."
>
> "That boy has it hot for you."
>
> "And you enjoyed taking advantage of that, didn't you?"
>
> "I wanted to, but I couldn't."
>
> "You couldn't?" Buffy half-stated and half-asked. She didn't believe it.
>
> "He used the L word. It wasn't for me."
>
> Buffy thought for a few moments, contemplating what to do. Faith was on
the
> verge of something, and Buffy didn't quite get it yet. But she wanted to.
> And if she pushed her away now, it would've been her last chance to reach
> the other slayer.
>
> Buffy stood up, and reached out her hand. "What do you say we get outta
> here?"
>
> "And go where? Cops want me, remember?"
>
> "They won't find you."
>
> ***
>
>
>
> The two witches had just returned to Tara's room.
>
> "So...you do that kind of thing a lot?" Tara asked Willow.
>
> "You mean the waiting while Buffy kills the evil things? I used to do it a
> lot more, but yeah, I have experience."
>
> "Have you ever been hurt?" Tara asked quickly.
>
> "Once. It's a long story."
>
> "You did it for her, didn't you? Whatever, you know, happened?"
>
> Willow sat on the bed. "Yeah. I...it was...I just wanted to see her
happy."
> She smiled. "What'd you think of her? The real her."
>
> "She was nice. I don't know if she likes me, though."
>
> "Why?"
>
> "She's protective of you. She cares about you."
>
> "I care about her too. We're best friends. She has to be cautious. It
comes
> with her job. But once she gets to know you..."
>
> "It's good that she watches out for you. I just...don't want her to hate
> me."
>
> "She doesn't hate you. Well, unless you're planning to hurt me. But I know
> you're not."
>
> Tara shook her head quickly. "No! No way."
>
> Willow grabbed her hand, and smiled. "You want to go find her so she can
get
> to know you better? She'll like you as much as I do. I know she will."
>
> "Okay." Tara said, nodding.
>
> ***
>
>
>
> Buffy led Faith into the college's empty gymnasium. They walked over onto
> the mats.
>
> "Hang on, I'll be right back." Buffy said. She walked near the back of the
> gym and disappeared into a side room.
>
> "This isn't exactly below cop radar."
>
> "Please. The police in this town don't see anything unless it's right in
> front of them. And even then they're still blind." Buffy said, coming back
> with a punching bag. "Point is, they aren't going to come here looking for
> you. They probably think you're long gone."
>
> "So what are we doing here?"
>
> "Blowing off some steam," Buffy said hooking the bag to chain that came
down
> from the ceiling, "and we're going to work this whole thing out."
>
> "Okay it's my turn to ask this now. Why aren't you attacking me?"
>
> "Cause I don't attack somebody that isn't attacking me. But you really
wanna
> know why?" Faith shrugged, but she really did want to know. "I don't want
> to. I never really have. You're like a sister to me."
>
> Faith tried very, very hard not to let her jaw hang open in shock.
>
> ***
>
>
>
> Giles was eating a salad, his lunch, when Spike barged in, jacket over his
> head. The vampire slammed the door shut, and stood there looking at the
> ex-watcher, clearly angry. Giles simply took a bite of his salad.
>
> "You too?" Spike growled. "Goddamn chip!"
>
> Giles looked up finally. "Something wrong, Spike?"
>
> "Everyone's a comedian. Well I don't need it. You here me?"
>
> "Perfectly. Why are you here? Because I seem to recall your least words to
> me were, 'I hate you all.'"
>
> "I do. With a bloody passion."
>
> "Then would you mind leaving?"
>
> "Yeah, I would." Spike sat on the couch by the TV. "It's that Slayer of
> yours. She's pissing me off."
>
> "And you expect me to care why?"
>
> "She's losing her mind, and I can't take it."
>
> "Fine, I suppose I'll ask. Why exactly is she loosing her mind?"
>
> "It's not so much her mind as her morals. Buffy the Vampire Slut."
>
> "Excuse me?" Giles asked, nearly choking on a crouton.
>
> "Yeah. That's right. She was all over me. Flaunting it."
>
> "And this was when?"
>
> "Last night. I just...god, if I could just tear out her throat...only her.
> That's all I ask."
>
> "Oh." Giles said in a relieved tone. "I believe that was Faith."
>
> "Wait." Spike said rising from the couch and walking over to the table.
"You
> said Faith was brow-haired," he raised his hand just below his neck, "this
> tall, and criminally insane."
>
> "She is, but there was a slight mix up."
>
> ***
>
>
>
> Faith was punching the bag repeatedly as Buffy held it. The brown-haired
> slayer was clearly angry, and she was making the bag hurt.
>
> "Talk to me. You had a chance to screw up my life, but didn't. Why?"
>
> "Because...I...couldn't. I was gonna. Destroy your life, split. But it's
> meaningless. It's all meaningless."
>
> "My life?"
>
> "Mine." She stopped punching and was breathing heavily. "This body screws
> and kills. Yours loves and saves. See the difference?"
>
> "You're not your body. You're you. A body doesn't make you who you are."
>
> "What did you do to get away from the Council guys? Did you reason with
> them?"
>
> "I tried."
>
> "But it didn't take, did it? They didn't care what you had to say, did
they?
> So what did you have to do? Use violence? Threaten? Why didn't you act
like
> you?"
>
> "I know what you're driving at, okay? So you have a rep. You can change."
>
> "It's too late. My place is set. It was cool being in your shoes. Being
> appreciated was...made me realize how big I screwed up. I made the wrong
> choices, and I can't fix it. It's easy for you to say I can. You've got it
> better."
>
> "Do you hate me?"
>
> "Yeah. I did. Cause the Mayor convinced me it was easier."
>
> "Why'd you do it?"
>
> "Survival, B. Appreciation. Love. He gave it all. But you wouldn't
> understand."
>
> "I know he loved you. I can't understand how he could love anything, but I
> knew. I just wish I hadn't driven you away."
>
> "I drove myself away. If I had been in your position, I would've gutted me
> too."
>
> "Eight months, Faith. I lied when I said I forgot about you. I wanted to
> tell you how sorry I was..."
>
> "Let it lie. It's done."
>
> "What's going on?"
>
> They turned around and saw Willow and Tara looking at them.
>
> "Tara, right?" Buffy asked, trying to avoid the situation that had just
> developed.
>
> "Uh huh. Hi." The girl responded.
>
> "Buffy?" Willow asked.
>
> Buffy turned to look at Faith, but the other slayer was already running
off.
> "Faith, wait!"
>
> ***
>
>
>
> Buffy caught up with her at the side door of the gym. Faith watched the
> other two girls' approach slowly, and she put her hand on the door handle.
>
> "I held a knife to her throat. I don't think we're gonna bond."
>
> "Maybe...maybe not. But I'm not letting you leave. This is one of those
> choice moments, and I'm trying to help you make the right one. Let me."
>
> Buffy stared at her, and Faith slowly took her arm off the door and
brought
> it down to her side. Willow walked up, Tara behind her.
>
> "Explain." The redhead said.
>
> "I'm sorry?" Faith offered tentatively. "To you too." She looked at Tara.
>
> "What did you say to her?"
>
> "It's okay." Tara said putting her hand on Willow's shoulder.
>
> "No it's not!" She's..."
>
> "Telling the truth."
>
> "Huh?" She looked at Tara quizzically.
>
> "She is, Will." Buffy added.
>
> "Look, I don't expect you to forgive me. I'm just sorry." Faith said. "I
> don't know much anymore. But I do know I'm sorry."
>
> Everyone was silent. Then Tara raised her hand. "Can I...ask you a
> question?"
>
> "Sure." Faith sighed.
>
> "What's five by five mean?"
>
> They all smirked a little, and then Faith answered her. "I'll let you
figure
> it out. I'm not 'it' anymore. I can tell you that."
>
> "Oh."
>
> "Well I can't speak for anyone else," Buffy started, "but if you let me,
I'd
> like to help get you back there."
>
> Buffy, Tara and Faith stared at Willow. The hacker/wicca couldn't handle
the
> stares, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't go against her nature.
> "As long as it doesn't involve sharp, metal objects, I'll help."
>
> "It's gonna be hard, isn't it?" Faith asked.
>
> "Probably." Buffy admitted.
>
> "Fun factor?"
>
> "Zero."
>
> "I haven't given that lifestyle much of a shot. I'll give it a go. Cops?"
>
> "We'll handle it." Willow said, referring to her and Tara.
>
> "Ready for the first problem?" Buffy asked Faith.
>
> "Shoot."
>
> "My boyfriend."
>
> "Oh...right. Ah, aren't sisters supposed to share?" Buffy had a
disbelieving
> look. "Kidding, B. You know I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, but...I never,
felt
> like..."
>
> "It's...a start." Buffy looked at Willow and her friend. "You two coming?"
>
> "Yeah." Willow said. "Tara?"
>
> "Right behind you."
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "I have misplaced my pants." (Homer J. Simpson)
>
> "You know what the secret of life is?"
> "Your finger?"
> "One thing. Just one thing."
> "That's great, but what's the one thing?"
> "That's what you gotta figure out."
> (Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, City Slickers)
>
> "I heard your heartbeat." (Buffy Summers, to Angel, ANGEL)
> _____
>
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