FIC: Forces - PT. 1 (Part 6 of the 'Who Am I?' series)

FORCES - PT. 1 (OR - "WAIT! STOP! THINK!" "NO! NO! NO!")

Buffy was roused from her slumber by a hand on her arm that was trying to shake her awake. As she slowly opened her eyes, the massive morning hangover headache hit her like a Mack truck. She hadn't gotten THAT drunk last night, had she? Certainly not as badly as she had during her "devolving experience". Being a Slayer helped, because after about a minute, the cobwebs cleared, and the pounding lessened some.

Then she remembered the previous night. She and Faith mixing drinks, having somewhat of a bonding conversation thanks to some loosening up by aforementioned drinks, and then Faith had…she had…pulled her down, and viciously, forcefully, and with a loving touch in there too, had attacked Buffy's mouth with her tongue, and wouldn't stop. And Buffy had let it happen. Wait. Who was she kidding? She had been a very willing participant. Damn, it had felt good.

It had felt really good. And now the guilt was setting in. The confusion. Oh, and the guilt. She suddenly went wide-eyed, wondering how far they had actually gone. When she looked down at her body and still found herself fully clothed, she sighed in relief. That's when she remembered more. The seemingly never-ending kiss had ended. Faith was the one who stopped it. While Buffy was trying to remember how to breathe, Faith had mumbled a good night, and laid on the floor.

Faith. Where was she? She looked around frantically now, seeing no sign of the other slayer. That's when she began to worry.

"Buffy?" She focused on Willow now, who was standing over her. "What's wrong?"

"Faith, where is she?"

"She came and got us up like an hour ago. She said she was going to go for a walk, and that you were still asleep." Tara said, who had come into view.

"What time is it?

"Uh…noon. We cleaned up. Looks like you had fun last night." Willow said.

'You have no…whoo boy.' "Why didn't you come down?" 'You could've stopped us.'

"Sorry, but I was teaching. You know how I get."

"I'm not computer illiterate anymore, that's for sure." Tara said; her brain still a little fried.

Buffy, despite the flood of emotions running through her, managed to crack a small smile. "That's Will's other passion. You have my sympathy."

"Hey!" Willow looked somewhat offended, but then grinned slightly.

"I didn't mind. Not many people are as passionate as…she…I mean, about things, as she is. It's nice." Tara said slowly.

Buffy saw Willow smile widely at Tara. Oh yeah. Faith had the two of them pegged. She wanted to say something. Did Willow get the depth of feeling Tara had for her? The poor girl was so nervous, Buffy saw. But she couldn't intrude on her friend's life like that. A relationship had to develop on its own. At its own pace. Their moment would come.

Was that what she and Faith had? A moment? An opening of possibilities? But her and Faith? No, that was crazy. She was in a very fulfilling, and happy, relationship with…Riley. God, Riley. Well, he slept with Faith, and she kissed Faith. They were even. She quickly realized how wrong that reasoning was. A relationship with Faith would never happen anyway. It had been the drinks, and Faith was a 'get some and get gone' type of girl.

But Faith had stopped the kiss. She hadn't used her. So what did that mean?

"We're gonna go back to campus." Willow said.

"Yeah, okay. We'll meet up later." Buffy said, trying to get her thoughts in order.

What was Faith thinking? Where was she?

***

Spike came to on the dorm room floor. Shaking his head he wondered if Forrest had double-crossed him. He didn't feel any different, but he guessed he wouldn't know that until he had a chance to experiment. Standing up, he smelled the sun. And then he felt the rays hit him through the window. He quickly shut the blinds, frustrated that he'd have to wait.

Then he heard voices. Willow's voice. And somebody else's. He had to get out of there. Now. He heard them get closer to the door.

"Let me grab some Tagis root and we'll go to your room and try that new spell." He heard Willow say.

"I have some, don't worry about it." The other girl said.

"Oh. Cool."

Their footsteps got softer as they walked down the hall. Spike would've taken a deep breath and prayed in thanks if he were still alive and not evil. He quickly opened the door and looked down both ends of hall. They were gone. He took off down the opposite end, and ran into the stairwell.

He'd waited months to kill again. A couple more hours couldn't hurt.

***

"Why do I always have to screw things up?" Faith asked herself walking down Main Street.

She had a good thing going with Buffy. They were friends again. They were slaying. They were hanging. Then she had to go take advantage of her. To relieve her own "needs". That was what she was doing? Right? That's who she was. A user. One good lay, no emotional attachment whatsoever. But…she didn't go all the way with Buffy. She stopped, and she didn't know why. Well, she did, but she wasn't going to let that surface again.

The Bostonian slayer had been drawn to Buffy the first time she laid eyes on her. When she saw the walls Buffy had built around herself, the rigid, defensive attitude, she had devoted herself to breaking through it using whatever methods were necessary. And she had gotten under Buffy's skin pretty well. That's when the bottle blonde started to befriend her, and Faith started to like her. But she still pushed Buffy's limits.

She needed to see if Buffy would crumble under her taunts or hold her own. Faith had this way of either causing people to stay away from her, or making people lose themselves. But Buffy didn't do either of those things. And Faith continually grew to like and respect her. Buffy was strong, and her own woman. Something Faith wanted to find for herself. Because she wasn't strong.

Wesley had shown up, and that's when Buffy started to get drawn to Faith's way of life. And what a pitiful life it was. She was screaming inside for Buffy to run away from her. Buffy was too good for using her body to get a group of guys hot and bothered, to skip school, to rebel, to steal, all the things Faith had built her life around. But it didn't matter if she was screaming inside, on the outside, she loved the fact that Buffy was with her. And she hated it too.

After the murder, Faith had no choice but sink deeper, but Buffy pulled herself out. She had been strong enough to do that and to try and save Faith at the same time. It was then that Faith got hit with it. Love. Buffy Summers still cared about her after she had screwed up, and unlike Faith, still had that strength. But Faith didn't know how to deal with the love, because she had never felt it before. And by then, she was too far-gone.

So she turned the love, the respect, into the one thing she had always been good at. Hate. It was so simple. While she was killing people or hurting Buffy, it was killing her inside. Even if Buffy had reciprocated her feelings, Faith still wouldn't have been able to deal with it. She used people. Guys and girls alike. But she didn't want to do that with Buffy. And she was afraid that she would end up doing just that, no matter how hard she tried not to.

It was who she was. Buffy wouldn't love a screwed up person like her anyway. She had to push down her emotions. She didn't love. She knew Buffy had responded to the kiss, but she was under the influence and not thinking clearly. But Faith would always remember that kiss. She could still feel it. But she also had to remember that life wasn't fair, and that Buffy had a boyfriend.

***

Riley looked up from his desk when his dorm room door flew open. Three people, led by Forrest, rushed into the room, and began pulling stuff out of his closet, and removing the bedspread. They took down his mini-basketball net off the door, and continued to remove everything until the room was bare.

He watched for a few minutes as this was going on, and then watched as Graham walked behind him, and cuffed his hands together. Forrest stood in front of him. Riley stayed silent, not bothering to fight. It would have been pointless. He knew the protocol.

"Special Agent Riley Finn," Forrest began, "you are being taken into custody by order of the United States Military. You are charged with crime of treason against your country, by releasing classified materials to one Buffy Anne Summers, who is considered a threat to national security. Do you deny these charges?"

"Who told you?" Riley asked, monotone.

"Do you have anything to say in your defense before you're brought to a higher court where sentencing will be carried out?"

"You and I both know that's not what's going to happen. So let's get it over with."

"You heard the prisoner."

Forrest led the way to the mirror that was the entrance to the elevator, which carried them down to the Initiative. When Forrest's retinal scan was completed; they all entered the elevator and went below.

***

"What is it you want me to look for exactly?" Giles asked Buffy later at his home.

Olivia, his girlfriend, was on her way back to England. Her plane had taken off just over an hour ago. It had been a very enjoyable week for him, because he didn't get to see her very often. His good mood had faltered somewhat when Buffy had come over. She seemed distraught.

"Slayer stuff. You know."

"I thought I had gotten pretty adept at interpreting your vague explanations, but this has once again thrown me off course. Could you please be more specific?"

"Were you trying to be funny? Cause if you were I picked up on it."

Buffy thought about going to Riley's after leaving her house, but the guilt would have been unbearable. She even considered kissing him to compare. But that wasn't fair. If she did that she would've hated herself for using Riley in that way. It was also unfair to Faith, because if she had gone to Riley and kissed him, she would have been trying to push the kiss she and Faith had shared out of her mind. And she didn't want to forget it. At least not until they talked and figured things out.

Something had prompted her to return Faith's kiss, and it wasn't just the alcohol as she had tried to reason earlier. She didn't know what it was, but she intended to find out. Her next thought had been that since the two of them were both slayers, maybe they had a chemical imbalance…or something. She knew she was grasping at straws, but she needed an explanation. And as much as she didn't want to, she knew Giles was the only one who would have a clue.

"What do you want to know?" Giles asked.

"Do slayers have…a bond with each other?"

"You're the first slayer in history to fight alongside a second slayer. It used to be that slayers never actually came in contact with one another. Or, if they did, it wasn't documented."

"So you're saying you know zip."

"On the contrary, you and Faith have proven that there is without a doubt some form of connection between slayers. The dream you shared in the hospital last year, and more recently, the…nightmare, that played out in a rather prophetic fashion later."

"Okay…so dreams. But…I didn't have them with Kendra."

"Hmmm…that's true. Well, maybe you weren't meant to. Perhaps whatever bond slayers have only activates when both slayers feel certain emotions. A personal connection would be just as important as a 'built in' one, so to speak. The bond could then be triggered that way."

Buffy paled. Did that mean -? "I still don't get it."

"It's simply a theory, but Kendra was a very closed off person emotionally."

"So's Faith."

"There's a difference between being open about your feelings and showing emotion. Faith was not very open with any of us about her true feelings at first. She is just now, starting to do that. But she had no problem showing emotion, which might be why your bond grew in strength.

"Kendra on the other hand, controlled her emotions very carefully, as all slayers are trained to do, so the bond was never established. If she wanted you to see her feelings, and had been more emotionally driven, you probably would have built the connection. Also, she was not around very long. It might take time."

"Now that I think about it, I can just 'feel' what Faith's planning to do when we slay. It's like we're…a force."

It's like I just let go and became this force.

Yeah, I know what that's like.

I don't think you can. It's kind of…

"A Slayer Thing." Buffy whispered, remembering the conversation she had had with Willow and Xander right before she went with Faith to the vampire nest last year.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. So you think this bond has to do with us as people too? Not just cause we're slayers?"

"That would be my guess. Why the sudden interest?"

"Just something that's been on my mind. Thanks. You helped."

He helped, but he also scared her. Did that mean that she loved Faith and that the bond had grown over the past month bringing her feelings to the surface? Was it because Faith started showing her who she really was? Is that why she responded to the kiss? Faith was attractive, and there was no denying that, but why now? Why period? She knew one thing for certain. There were too many questions and not enough answers.

***

Willow returned to the dorm after she had finished spell casting with Tara. She loved being with her friend. When she was around it was like all the evil forces that surrounded her and her life, disappeared. A cloud of happiness was the only force, and it clearly dominated over all the others. She hadn't felt that way for awhile. Not since…

Something wasn't right. The door had been closed before. She lost her train of thought as she entered and scanned the room. Everything seemed normal, but it didn't 'feel' right. She walked over to the window. The blind was pulled down. Had it been down before?

She walked to the closet. Normal in there too. Except…she looked at the ceiling. The vent covering was off. How…that's where they kept the files Riley gave them.

Uh oh. She had to call Buffy. And then get Riley. Fast. She got the phone, and dialed Buffy's number. There was no answer. Where would she go? Willow tried Giles' then. It was too early for Buffy to be anywhere else. Besides, it was a Saturday.

"Giles? Hi. Is Buffy there?"

***

Faith now found herself at the docks. She had toyed with the idea of skipping town, but it quickly passed. Once Buffy said it would be too hard to be around her, and that the kiss was a mistake, then she would leave. But she was hesitant because she wanted to be sure that's what Buffy thought. She was in too deep now, and she wouldn't run from the best thing that had happened to her until her assumptions were confirmed. Right now she couldn't trust her assumptions or her instincts.

She loved Buffy. But was it really love? What if it was just her regular lust she was trying to disguise as love? What if…damn. She was questioning too much, and her head was pounding. She had to sit before she went crazy. She couldn't face Buffy yet. She sat on a bench that faced a dockside warehouse, but she was too absorbed to see the eyes watching her from inside the warehouse.

***

In the complex, Riley sat in a containment cell on the floor. Only the highest officials in the military and CIA knew the Initiative existed. That's how he knew there wouldn't be a trial. His "betrayal" would be taken care of internally and quietly. He knew after he had been dealt with the group would get back on track, and then Buffy would be next. So he had to hang on as long as possible. He saw Forrest sit against the wall beside his cell.

"So this is how you treat family?" Riley asked.

"I warned you, man. The chick was bad news. This is for the greater good."

"Leave her out of this. It has nothing to do with her. This whole operation's dirty, and you know it. We created a killer that's gathering HST's, and it's only a matter of time before he comes back."

"He'll be dealt with. We fix our own mistakes."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"You have a stay of execution. I think you need some time to get your priorities in order. Maybe, if you promise to mend your ways, we can work something out."

"Hey, Forrest?"

"What?"

"Don't let your new position go to your head. We both know that people with power usually end up dead. Don't we?"

Forrest stood up, and looked in at Riley. "One day."

Then he walked away, leaving Riley alone with his thoughts.

***

"Who told you?" Buffy asked, bursting into Forrest's dorm room and shoving him against the wall.

"That's classified."

"Okay. How about this? Where is Riley?"

"You know where he is. But you can't get to him."

"Sure about that?"

"I'd be careful who you mangle, girl. If I'm not mistaken, you have a record. Colorful one too. One false move, and bye-bye college. Your boy's safe for now, but if you have any brains at all, you'll stay away."
"I've survived things you can only dream of."

"You can't survive a gun shot. And neither can he. If any one of us suspects you might be getting any ideas about some kind of rescue, he dies."

"How do I know you aren't planning to do that anyway?"

"I guess you don't." He pushed her off, and she cautiously left the room.

She cursed her own stupidity. She should have been with Riley. She had been so wrapped up in trying to figure out the 'her and Faith' thing, and now the guilt had multiplied. She was worried for him, and she couldn't do anything.

There was only one person Buffy could think of who could know where the files had been, and only one person who would even think about ratting her out. She thought it was about time they had a little chat. It was long overdue.

***

The sun had gone down, and over by the docks, Faith still sat, thinking. That's when Spike exited the warehouse, smiling at her.

"I thought we came to understanding, Fangless." Faith said.

"Things change. I think it's time we had a go. It should be more even this time around." He shifted into game face, and she was instantly on guard, not caring how he came to be back in action.

"I'm ready. I need a distraction. You'll keep me busy for a few minutes anyway."

Spike growled angrily, and charged her.