FIC: Respects (Part 10 of the 'Who Am I?' Series)

RESPECTS (OR - GETTING TOWARDS THAT TIME)

Falling books off a shelf…

Sitting behind the desk watching her hair fall on her shoulder…

Walking beside her down the hall…

Touching her cheek…

Seeing her strength for the first time…

Touching her skin when they made love…

"Buffy…"

"He's awake." A scientist said.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" Graham asked.

"His memories are intact for the most part. How fragmented, we can't be sure."

"He's immobile, right?"

"We've taken the proper precautions. We have more control with this one. A repeat of the prototype's attack on Walsh is not a danger this time."

"But memories are. We can't have him remembering her. She might be able to convince him to go against our instructions, and that's the last thing we need."

"His brain is what gives him the ability to have some free will. Making him into a complete drone would be a mistake. If we have five hundred of these on the battlefield, for us to control them all would be -"

"We're not on a battlefield."

"I appreciate your position, however, we can't delete individual memories."

"Then suppress a group of them somehow. We can upload any knowledge he might lose."

"Buffy…" Riley's slightly deeper, and scratchier voice said again.

"Put him under again. We have some finishing connections to make to the hardware, and we're going to get it right." The scientist said to his colleagues.

***

Willow walked into Giles' house finding the downstairs empty. She was a little puzzled, but given her going nowhere, inner puzzle revolving around Tara, it was nice to shift gears. If only for a few minutes.

"Giles? Faith?" No answer.

She began to search the house. She didn't think they were in any trouble, because nothing looked wrecked, and the front door wouldn't have been unlocked if they weren't here, so they had to be somewhere. As she walked upstairs, her thoughts found their way back onto the 'Tara situation.'

They had been friends for several months now, and she really liked the shy blonde. Tara reminded Willow of herself, oh…from about four years ago. Willow had watched her gain more confidence in herself and people, and Willow liked to think she had had a hand in that. Bringing her friend out of her shell.

Just like Buffy…and…Oz had helped Willow to do.

Spending time with Tara had helped her get over Oz. And she was over him. She had wanted to be for so long, and it had been killing her inside that she wasn't able to pull herself up and get back to being "her". Oz had been her first relationship, love, and coping with him up and leaving like that was hard. And she didn't like feeling miserable. Plus, his reasons for doing that were just smoke.

'Oh I have to learn to control the wolf, Willow…I've never truly loved anybody till you…blah, blah…' She thought to herself.

Now, whenever she thought about him, she just became angry. He decided to run away from her. Did she say she couldn't handle it? They lived on a Hellmouth where nearly everything was supernatural, and there were risks. They could've worked through it together. Didn't he know that skipping town didn't fix anything? It certainly hadn't with Buffy. If he truly loved her, he would've stayed.

She could've dealt with the Veruca thing over time, but him leaving had been like a punch in the gut. It left her winded, and it had been awhile before she felt like she could breathe again. Maybe she didn't fully understand the wolf thing, but she knew what it was like to be able to do something that you couldn't really control. And if, or when, he came back, she hoped that he didn't expect her to take him back.

Wasn't going to happen. She had dealt with the pain, she had moved on. Had she? Tara really made her happy. It was a nice bonus that she was also a witch who thought she didn't have much power. Willow connected and identified immediately with her. Like OJ Simpson and a glove. All she knew was that she got a rush of happy feelings whenever Tara was around.

When they grasped hands, it was like a stream of electricity passed through them. And she couldn't ignore some of the powerful sensations and connections they felt and made during spells. But did that mean she liked Tara in "that" way? Did she want to like her in "that" way? She hadn't thought much about kissing her, but Tara thought about kissing her obviously, and that excited Willow more than she let herself realize.

No matter who it was, she was very flattered when people found her attractive enough to want to go beyond friendship. Even after all her personal hurdles, she was still surprised that anyone would think of her as girlfriend material. The possibility of being labeled "gay" was not a factor in her making a decision. Her best friend was behind her; she was in a very open college that displayed a 'Lesbian Alliance' banner in its lounge plain as day…so no, that wasn't an issue.

It was a love issue. She wanted to be sure that's what she felt. It would be unfair to Tara if she wasn't. Buffy had told her that her feelings for Faith had been buried for almost two years, and only just now had they been brought to the surface. She had only known Tara a little over a half a year and the blonde had caught her off guard. But the thought of taking that step was becoming more appealing; she had to admit that.

She just didn't know. Maybe she needed a second opinion.

Checking all over the house, she still couldn't find them. Finally, out of desperation, and because she really didn't like it when she had to panic, she checked the roof of the house. Sure enough, there they were. Giles was reading a book, and Faith was doing some sort of stretching exercise. It seemed to be improving her flexibility.

'That explains her reputation as a good lay…bad Willow! She's your friend, and that's mean. She's a nice person, and you know you like her.'

Be that as it may, Faith was involved with Buffy now, and she had to make sure Faith knew what her position was.

"Hey." Willow said, announcing her presence.

Giles looked up from his book. "Hello, Willow."

"Hey, Red." Faith said. She only used real names when she was being serious about something, Willow had figured out.

"Interesting chemical set up you have down there, Giles." Willow commented, remembering the cluttered table. "Spell?"

"No…I was testing the skin Buffy and Faith brought me. It seems as though Adam is now trying to mix breeds, which would explain the quickness of the demon they encountered last night."

"How?"

"They're usually very slow-moving."

"Oh. I knew that." Willow blushed. "You're sure it was Adam?"

"The Initiative, from what I understand, captures demons for the purposes of collecting parts, not creating hybrids. Adam must want new data."

"Fun." Faith stopped stretching and walked over. "Where's Buffy?"

"She said she had to go do something. Book man seems to know, but he isn't talkin'." Faith said, looking at Giles suspiciously. "But B promised to fill me in later, so I'm cool with it."

Now Willow looked at Giles.

"All I know is who was on the phone."

"Yeah?" Willow and Faith both asked.

"She made me promise to keep silent, and she said she would tell you both in good time."

The redhead and the brown-haired slayer both had annoyed looks on their faces as they turned around and went back into the house.

***

Buffy hardly ever visited during the day. It was surprisingly less creepy in the light. She walked along the rows of gravestones, deep into the cemetery. She had picked a somewhat isolated spot, and smiled when she saw the fresh stone the keeper of the grounds had situated into the ground. The simple writing read:

RILEY FINN

-A GOOD MAN-

1979-2000

"Hey." She said. "Okay, I know you're not actually buried here, but let's just pretend you can hear me, okay? And pray that nobody comes by and hears me talking to myself."

Buffy pulled a chain out of her pocket and sat it on the ground by the grave. "I don't know what they did with your body. The only thing I was able to get out of Graham was your dog tag. Hey, maybe they buried you in one of those military graveyards in Washington DC. You deserve it. You shouldn't have died in the first place, and…I'm sorry. You really didn't deserve that."

She sighed and sat on the ground. "I know this isn't much, but I had to do something. You lived a good life, and I loved you. And the fact that you loved me…and chose to risk…that meant a lot to me. Especially cause of who I am. That would scare most people off. I won't ever forget that. And the world should know you lived in it once.

"They didn't even have a funeral. They could have at least given one for show. I got Will to look up your records in the college mainframe right after Faith and I got back, and they were already deleted." Anger flashed across her face. "Bastards. We'll get 'em. Promise.

"I locked myself in my room for awhile. Will was really cool about it. And we're roomies. But you knew that. I called here, and had them make up the stone. They asked me if I wanted to come and pick a spot, but I knew the cemetery by heart. Sad, isn't it?"

She laughed quietly. "Anyway, I tried to pick a nice spot. One far enough away from rising new born vamps.

"I think…you should…know that Faith and I are kinda in a relationship type thing. It's scary, new, but I'm happy when she's around. Um…please don't hate me?"

Buffy ran her hands through her hair. "I'm not really good at these things, and I know I sound really pathetic, but please don't ever think I'm trying to push you out of my mind. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to. I've found out that I really hate being alone, and I do love Faith. And she loves me. But then I wonder if I should let myself feel happiness after...do I even deserve it?

"I'm doing it again. But I wish you could tell me you're okay with it. I hope you are." She got on her knees, pulled her red bandana scarf from her coat pocket, and laid it on top of the gravestone. "This belongs to you. You liked it better than I did. It was only the scarf part of me, really."

She smiled. "I loved you, Riley. Please know that. And I hope you're peaceful wherever they put you up there. I'm doing a lot of hoping, aren't I? Guess cause that's all I have, and I'm hoping, need to seriously get a bigger vocabulary, that it's enough. I'll leave you alone now."

As much as she promised herself she wasn't going to cry, and knew that she had only been talking to a stone, she couldn't stop the stray tear that rolled down her cheek as she ran her fingers over the engraved words. The description on the tombstone was very simple, but it was true. He was a good man, and even though he had been debating that, he really hadn't needed to. She knew who he was, and who he would have been capable of becoming.

"Goodbye." She said softly. Her voice choked on the word, and she could barely get it out. She got up after a minute, and began the trek out of the graveyard.

***

"Please…" A frightened teenage boy, said.

"Please what?" Spike asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

Even though it was day, he had been able to follow the kid because of the shade the trees provided. The kid had been hiking, and his body hadn't been up to running. Which was fine with Spike. He dragged him back to the cave, and tossed him on the ground. Even though it was creepy, he let Adam watch. He tried to fool himself into thinking he had a choice in the matter.

"Let me go…"

"Why would I do that?" He threw the cigarette to the ground, and crushed it with his foot. "Out of the goodness of my heart? Don't think so."

"What do you want?"

"A meal." He let his face shift. His demon knew sustenance when it saw it. "It's been too bloody long since I've fed off a human."

"Oh God…" The kid was crying now.

"I still expect him to show up when people say that, but I'm always disappointed. I promise it'll be quick. And…relatively painless."

He grabbed his victim's head, and pushed it so it was at an angle. Seeing the boy's thick neck, he growled low in his throat, bared his fangs, and began to feed. There was no screaming. He had to give the kid his respect for that, but within seconds the heart stopped, and he had drained him dry.

"An intriguing process. How do you feel?" Adam asked, coming out of the shadows.

"Sated."

"This helps you regain strength?"

"Boosts my confidence, yeah. Blood gives the muscles some strength too. We don't eat, we weaken. Human blood is the preferred brand."

"You also seem to enjoy taunting before the feed as well."

"Power gives me a rush, what can I say?"

"You feel, yet you kill and are classified as evil. I am programmed to kill, do not feel, and am evil. I don't understand."

"You're not really evil. You're not exactly good either. To be evil, you have to feel. I enjoy what I do; I feel it when they scream, the chase, the adrenaline, all things that add to the enjoyment. I only kill slayers for sport, rest is food. I'm a conservationist."

"To be truly evil you have to take pleasure in doing evil acts."

"Right."

"I do not feel pleasure when I take a life."

"That's because you're a machine. Built by someone who wanted to make you into a mindless killing bastard. You're your own, independent cyborg, but you don't have a true mind of your own."

"Is that supposed to upset me?"

"It'd upset anyone and everyone but you. You're neutral, pal. Do you know why you kill?"

"It's in my programming."

"At least you have enough free will to choose who your victims are." Spike was particularly grateful for that. "Did you learn enough? Cause I need to get drunk."

"Yes. For now."

***

Faith showered after the two of them came in, and Willow went to kill some time on the couch. When she was finished, she slipped on a bathrobe Giles had graciously though somewhat reluctantly, the man was unemployed after all, given her the money for. She entered her room, bare as it was, and shut the door behind her. She almost had a heart attack when she turned around and saw Willow sitting up against the headboard of her bed.

The redhead's face was expressionless. "So…I know."

Faith's first reaction was to laugh. Willow had an interrogation face on, and as serious as she was, it was also a little comical. But then the Wiccan crossed her arms over chest, and Faith saw her eyes. She got the feeling that this wasn't something she should joke about.

"Know what?"

"About you and Buffy."

"Oh." It was going to be one of those talks. "And?"

"I was kinda shocked."

Faith suddenly realized how much she wanted Willow's support on this. "You think I was expecting it? I thought about it, dreamed about it, and then she says it. If I wasn't laying down when she said it, I would've fallen on my ass."

Willow's eyes bugged out, and she lost her composure quickly. "Laying down?"

The slayer grinned. "Not what you think, Willow. What's going on in that head?"

"Sorry…just…you and lying down…" That stung, and it showed on Faith's face. "I'm not usually that blunt. I shouldn't -"

"I love her. Believe it or don't."

"Why should I?"

"I don't know."

"Buffy's very fragile…and if she loves you and you love her…that's…I'm happy for both of you, but I have to watch out for her. So if you don't mean it -"

"I mean it. Haven't stuck by much in my life, but if I ever hurt her again, especially cause of what we've done and where we are, I'd kill myself."

Willow heard the forcefulness in Faith's voice. "What exactly have you done?"

"A little curious are we? Wouldn't have anything to do with -"

"Stay on topic." Willow tried not to stutter.

Faith chuckled. "Okay, okay…we've kissed, but you probably know that."

"And?"

"What? You want me to give you a description? There aren't enough words, Red."

"Look me in the eyes." Willow got up and stood almost toe to toe with Faith. She searched Faith's eyes. "Oh my God…you do."

"Don't say anything I don't mean. Unless I'm lying. Which I'm not."

"I believe you, but believe me when I say, if you hurt her, I'll attempt to beat you to death with a shovel. Very hard. So promise me."

Faith was now scared. Willow swinging a shovel was dangerous at every angle she pictured it in. And with magick behind her…

"I promise. That shovel…descriptive. You read the riot act a lot?"

"You and…Riley."

They both didn't want to go down that road.

"Five by five?"

"Yeah. Faith I…you and Buffy know each other pretty well cause you're slayers and all…she gets you in a way I don't, and I'm not asking you to open up or anything…but I just want you to know that I like to see my friends happy. And if you and Buffy can do that for each other, great. You both deserve it because of your lives being so gloomy a lot.

"You're my friend too, and I didn't just grill you for Buffy's sake, but for yours too. Love is something…you have to be careful with. You get hurt sometimes…but I don't want to see that happen with you guys. I want you to have happies."

Faith was a little blown away. "I…um…thanks."

Willow smiled, and looked suddenly unsure. "And…because you're my friend, I'm gonna ask you for help now."

"You've got a knack for being able to switch gears, you know that? What's the prob?"

"Tara."

"I don't know if I should…what do you want me to do?"

"I can't figure out what I'm feeling, and I know you know."

"I assumed you were already together when I saw you cause you seemed tight. But you weren't."

"You saw something."

Faith held her hands up. "Can't do it. But there may be only one way for you to figure out what you feel."

"What?"

"Kiss her. And I'm not talkin' a peck on the cheek. Mouth to mouth but without the resuscitation. If you kiss her…and…well, you'll know one way or the other."

"Just like that?"

"Somehow I don't think she'd object."

"Faith! Giles!" Buffy yelled from downstairs.

"It's up to you. Now, I'd like to get changed so…"

"Uh…right. I'll go…Buffy…"

Willow left the room, and Faith had to crack up. The redhead was so innocent it was unbelievable. She respected her for it though. Innocence was a hard thing to hold onto. Especially in this town. Grinning, she started to get changed.

***

Buffy saw Willow come down after a minute.

"Didn't know you were here, Will." She said cautiously.

"How could you of?" Willow asked. "Faith'll be down in a sec."

There were three scenarios she could think of involving Faith and Willow. A fight, though she didn't see any bruises or gashes; a more pleasurable scenario she preferred not to consider, plus she highly doubted it; and the final one, a conversation. That looked to be the most plausible. Willow didn't seem angry, which was good, but they most likely had been discussing her.

"Good point."

"Where'd you go?"

"Cemetery. I had something I had to give to Riley."

Willow walked up to her. "I'm sure he appreciated it. Whatever you did."

"I hope so." Buffy smiled at her friend. "What'd you and Faith talk about?"

"Relax, B. We just dealt with some issues." Faith said, coming down the stairs.

"Looking good." Buffy said with a grin.

"Don't I always?"

Buffy cleared her throat. "So…the issues were 'Us' issues?"

"Among other things, yeah."

"But it's all worked out?"

"Uh huh. Totally. I think we reached an understanding or two about things." Willow reassured, and then smiled at Faith.

Buffy sighed. "Good. Where's Giles?"

"He can't hear where he is. I'll get him." Willow walked off.

"Why doesn't he just use the courtyard?"

"He's got that mini-garden up there. Plus he says it's quieter." Faith explained, shrugging. They went to the couch, and Buffy laid down. "Gonna have to make room."

Buffy sat up a little, and Faith squeezed in. When she was sure Faith was situated, Buffy laid her head on Faith's lap.

"So…where'd you go?" Faith asked after adjusting to the position they were in. Buffy didn't seem to care that Giles would be coming in, so neither did she.

"Saying goodbye."

Faith got it quickly. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just glad that he doesn't have to suffer in this hellhole anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love this town. Just don't like what's under it."

"I hear ya. Be glad he's not a vamp too. Cause then you'd have to…"

"Poof him? I am, cause I don't know if I could do it."

***

Vampires were getting their limbs torn off like toothpicks. All eight up of them were trying to find some way to escape, but they were trapped. A strong fist crushed one's skull. A skewer turned another to dust. One by one, they were all perishing. And in a hidden room, there were congratulations all around.

"Record time, and all kills were executed exactly as ordered. I think we've done it." A scientist said.

"One last test." Graham said. He switched on a microphone that protruded out of the panel he was standing over, and spoke into it. "Looks like you didn't need Buffy's help for this one."

Inside the room where the battle took place, Riley stayed quiet for a minute.

"I don't recognize that name."

"Well done." Graham said smiling. He turned to the scientist. "He goes on assignment in a few days. I want him completely ready."

"That's a little more complicated..."

"It'll give us another advantage, and we need all we can get. Get it done."

"Yes…sir."