TOGETHERNESS
Christmas in California. A time when the streets are filled with decorations, lights, and pounds of fake snow. In Sunnydale, it was basically the same, only the holiday meant something a little more to the slayers. Vampires didn't come out much for that week leading up to it, and especially not on the day. It was because of this, that the slayers could go solo, each patrolling a different night. For an all-important reason.
Christmas shopping.
Buffy was out shopping tonight, Cordelia assisting her. She had gone with Willow one night, and Xander another. She was trying to patch up her friends' relationships. She had spoken to Oz, but he was dealing in his own way. Willow had been trying to catch him, but Buffy knew that if he was given time, Oz would come around. Xander and Cordelia were a whole different story. He had to grovel, and she had to get Cordelia to listen to him.
She and the brunette were now walking along the sidewalk, and the blonde
already had several bags in her hands.
"Why should I?"
"Because he loves you, Cordy." Buffy said.
"I told you I wanted to find out if it was real between him and me.
Well, I found out. It wasn't."
"It was a clothes fluke."
"That was their excuse?" Cordelia asked with a laugh of disbelief.
That was the best they could do?
"Uh…yeah…but they're not together. They don't want that."
They were silent for awhile after that, going in different stores. Buffy knew Xander would never, ever get back together with Cordelia if she returned to the popular circle, and that was the one thing Buffy hadn't asked her about yet. She had been wondering what the ex-May Queen was going to do for the past few weeks.
"You're not…gonna…go back, are you?"
Cordelia sighed. "I've been gone too long. Harmony took my place! Can you believe that? Plus, once they heard that we were friends…"
"Oh." Maybe she shouldn't have asked. "Hey…if…"
"No! I don't want to." She was quick to shake her head. "I've been watching them. It's different looking in from the outside. They're morons. They were never were my friends." She shrugged. "You are."
Buffy smiled, and then cleared her throat. "Willow could be too, you know. If you just gave her a chance."
As they walked, they started passing by a restaurant and saw a bench out in front of it. Cordelia sat to rest her feet, and Buffy followed.
"She's not someone I want to be real friendly with right now. And especially not him. I've never been cheated on before, you know? Dealing with it...I'm not sure how."
"I get that, but I also remember you telling me you loved Xander. Are you just gonna throw that away without giving him a chance to…fix things?"
"I don't know, Buffy. Can we please not?"
"Okay." Buffy sighed.
"Why are you getting gifts for Willow anyway? She's Jewish, isn't she?" Cordelia asked bitterly, looking at the bags.
"Christmas, Chanukah…it's still the holidays. The time of forgiveness and good will towards your fellow man…stuff like that." She stared at Cordelia. "And everybody gets gifts."
"Including me?" Faith asked, walking up to them. Buffy quickly squeezed the bags to her chest. "I'll take that as a yes. Lemme see."
"No. We promised each other we wouldn't snoop or follow each other while one of us is shopping." Buffy reminded her.
"I wasn't following you. I finished my sweep early, and spotted ya."
"Well go away! There must be vampires somewhere."
"It's dead out there, B. Literally. All the corpses are stayin' six feet under."
"Fine. But you still can't see. I have to wrap."
"I've been done with the buying for days now."
"Aren't you special?" Buffy rose from the bench, leaving the bags by Cordelia.
"I like to think so." Faith answered, cockily.
"Do you?" Buffy grinned.
Faith nodded, and Cordelia watched as the slayers shared a kiss. She remembered when she and Xander used to do the same thing. Playfully bicker, fling retorts back and forth, and then end it on a very pleasurable note. She missed that, and as much as she didn't like to, she had to admit that to herself. Faith stopped the contact after a few seconds, and then tried to rush by Buffy to get at the bags. Cordelia gathered them up into her hands.
"You're acting like you're five." Cordelia said to Faith.
The brunette slayer stuck her tongue out.
Buffy shook her head. "Let's go. Next thing you know, she'll start drooling and want a bib."
"If I drool, it's just because you're so damn hot, B." Faith retorted.
"Talk like that -"
"Please spare me?" Buffy stopped. "Thank you." Cordelia said with a smile, walking ahead of them.
None of the three girls saw Angel across the street. He seemed to be shaken up, and was staring off into space. After a second, he ran off the streets, desperate to get back to the mansion.
***
"You're evil." Faith said to Buffy as the blonde got off the phone.
"I hope you know that."
"Take that back." Buffy said with a grin, as she kissed her girlfriend.
"It'll result in goodness when it's all over. I hope."
It was the night after Buffy and Cordelia had gone on the final present-getting
trip, and Faith had done the final patrol until after Christmas. She had
gotten Cordelia to come to her house to watch a night of Christmas TV.
It had taken some prodding, but since her parents were out of town at some
bigwig, rich people party, she had agreed. Unbeknownst to her, other people
had agreed as well. One way or another.
"You have another dream last night?" Faith asked.
"The flashback to Angel's past, kind?" Buffy asked. "Yeah. I told Giles.
I didn't know what else to do. Angel won't talk to me when I go over there."
She sighed.
"How about you? Still having the same one?"
"It's weird. I get here, and you're not. Willow and Xander have joined
the fang forces…some bald vamp…and I end up working for a redheaded guy
with cleanliness issues."
Buffy's brow furrowed. "Huh. That *is* weird."
"Hey! The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is on in fifteen minutes!"
Cordelia called from the living room.
"Coming!"
"Oh…uh…your mom said to eat the cookies in the fridge. She baked."
Faith said. She said the next part a little quieter. "And so did I."
The blonde went to the fridge and pulled out a large plate of chocolate
chip cookies.
"You made these?"
"She wanted help." Faith shrugged.
"Hey Cordelia! Guess what Faith did! She made cook -" Buffy ran from
the kitchen with the brunette on her heels. She plopped on the couch, and
Faith was giving her a warning look. "Cookies." She gave Faith an innocent
smile. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it? Guess you won't be telling stories
anymore."
"I don't know about that."
"Faith bakes?" Cordelia was on the floor, and she knelt up to grab
a cookie off the plate. "I'm trying to picture a chef's hat…"
"Shut it, Cor." Faith hissed.
"You don't scare me, Slayer."
"Oh yeah?" She shook her finger in the cheerleader's direction, menacingly.
Buffy laughed. "She's a little testy. If it's any consolation, these
are really good." She coughed. "Martha."
"That's it!"
As Faith exclaimed that, she jumped up and was planning to stomp for
a few minutes, but the doorbell rang.
"Could you get the door, sweetie?" Buffy asked politely, trying very
hard not to laugh.
Her partner wordlessly went to get it. Cordelia shook her head at Buffy's
boldness.
"She's pissed at you, and you don't seem to care."
"No she's not." Buffy smiled.
"Were you somewhere else just now?"
Faith came back in, Willow walking behind her. Cordelia and the redhead then eyed Buffy.
"You set me up." They said together.
"I did no such thing." Buffy defended herself.
"You expect us to believe that?" Willow asked.
"No…but hey! You already agree on something."
Cordelia huffed. "I feel so…manipulated."
"So what if I did?" Buffy looked at Willow first. "You wanted to watch
the Grinch and Snoopy, because you can't watch it at home," She looked
at Cordelia next, "and you, what were you going to do? Sit home alone?"
They had no response.
"And the scary thing is," Faith said as she curled up next to Buffy
and the blonde began to stroke her hair, "she's just gettin' started."
"Told you." Buffy said to Cordelia.
It was quiet until the Grinch finally appeared on screen, and then
all their attention was focused on the television.
***
Giles was at home cooking himself a late dinner. It was the holiday
season, and even though he didn't go out of his way to decorate or make
a big fuss about it, he still felt just a little more cheerful than usual.
And that was something he didn't mind, considering where he had to live.
As he tasted his homemade spaghetti sauce, he hoped Buffy's plan to reconcile
her friends with their partners was going well.
She had been very psyched about getting them all together, and having
them work out their problems. If anyone could do it, well, she could.
Buffy had come to him earlier in the day, and told him about how she was viewing scenes from Angel's past in her dreams. Only they didn't feel like hers. They felt like Angel's, she had said. Frankly, since it didn't seem life threatening to Buffy's health, it was a puzzle that he was in no hurry to try and solve. Angel wasn't a top priority for him. For obvious reasons.
There was a knock on his door, and he quickly took the pot of sauce off the stove.
"Just a minute!" He hurried to open the door, to find Angel standing outside. He looked at the vampire with surprise and contempt. "Hello."
"Um...I'm sorry to bother you." Angel somewhat nervously responded.
Giles laughed at him. "Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny. 'Sorry to bother me.'"
"I need your help." The vampire said softly.
He couldn't believe it. "And the funny keeps on coming."
"I understand I have no right to ask for it." He said, knowing full well what he did to the man standing before him. "But there's no one else."
"All right." Giles agreed after a moment.
Angel watched as he disappeared into the hall of his home.
"I...I can't come in unless you invite me."
Giles came back with a crossbow, which he aimed at his visitor's chest.
"I'm aware of that." Angel was surprised, but didn't blame him at all. "Come in."
Angel was having second thoughts, but eventually did enter, slowly and cautiously, not meeting Giles' eyes. They were both quiet for awhile.
"For what it's worth…I'm sorry."
Giles studied Angel's face. "I'm sure you are, but frankly, an apology
from you isn't worth much to me at the moment."
"Words aren't enough, I know -"
"You couldn't possibly know." Giles said sharply, which caused the
vampire to flinch. He closed his eyes, and rubbed his temples. "But words
are a start."
"How is she?" He asked, trying another area.
Giles sat on the arm of his sofa, and set the crossbow down behind him, no longer believing he was in any danger of harm.
"Wonderful, as far as I can tell. Your recent indiscretion almost jeopardized that for her, however."
"It was a mistake. She was the only thing I thought about there. The only memory I had to hang onto. Then I'm returned…and it's not the same. A part of me had…" He sighed. "It doesn't matter now."
"Certainly you couldn't have expected it to be. She was devastated for a very long time, Angel, and she's finally found contentment with someone. I hope you'll let her have it."
"If she's happy, that's…something she deserves. Of course I won't stand in the way. Maybe if things were different…" He trailed off, sadly.
"She still cares about you, you must know that. Even though it's not in the exact same way. I'd consider yourself lucky, in that respect. In fact," Giles cleared his throat, "she approached me with concerns about dreams she's been experiencing. Of your earlier days."
Angel's eyes went wide. "I've been seeing...I've...I've had dreams lately about the past. It's...it's like I'm living it again. It's…it's so vivid, I...I need to know." There was a pleading edge to his voice. "I need to know why I'm here."
"Here? Back on Earth?"
"I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture."
"I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that." Giles said, coldly.
"But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why."
"Knowing why you were back would give you peace of mind?"
"It might." Angel answered with a slight nod.
He started to look over Giles shoulder at something. Almost in fear.
The watcher didn't notice.
"You think that's something you ought to have?" Angel was beginning
to shake.
"Because, ah, to be blunt, the last time you became complacent about
your existence, it turned out rather badly." He saw Angel's far-away, frightened
look.
"What?"
"Don't you see her?" Angel asked, his voice wavering.
"Who?" He looked around, seeing nothing.
"I can't!"
The vampire ran out, leaving Giles completely stunned.
***
By the time Dr. Seuss' Christmas offering was over, the entire gang
was in Buffy's house. Xander and Oz were both suckered into coming there
by the blonde, and now that the program was over, the tension was increasing.
Buffy hit record on the remote, and stared at her friends, who were all
on the floor.
"How about those Whos, huh?" Xander asked.
"What about them?" Cordelia asked sharply.
"Well…just that even though he did some things he shouldn't have, they
still forgave him."
"The Whos trusted him too much at the end. The Grinch is a jerk. I
bet if they made a sequel, he'd just try to ruin it and take all the presents
again."
Buffy shook her head, and turned off the TV.
"Snoopy's coming on!" Willow exclaimed.
"Relax, Red. It's being taped." Faith assured her, nodding toward the
VCR.
"Now," Buffy spoke, "while you were all absorbed, Faith went around
and locked all the doors and windows. From the inside. We have the only
keys, escape is impossible, and that means no one can leave until they
at least try to talk. You can go to different rooms if you want, and when
everyone's finished, we'll all watch Snoopy." She stated clearly, in a
tone that wouldn't accept argument.
"Couple off, pick a place, and discuss. We'll be here." Faith said.
"What'll you two be doing?" Xander asked.
Cordelia saw the smiles on the slayers' faces. "You really need to
ask that?"
Willow turned to Oz. "Do you wanna…?"
"Yeah."
The hacker and werewolf went upstairs. Buffy stared at Cordelia and Xander.
"What could it hurt, Cordy?" She asked.
"Fine." Cordelia gave in. "Come on, Xander."
Xander followed his girlfriend, they hadn't *officially* broken up
yet, up the stairs. Buffy looked at Faith, already exhausted. She slid
down further on the couch, and laid her head on the brunette's lap. After
a few minutes, they both heard an engine. Faith glanced back, seeing headlights
shining in the window.
"Your mom's home. Sure you wanna do this now?"
Buffy took a deep breath. "Let's hope she's got the Christmas Spirit."
Joyce turned the knob on the front door from the outside, it
opened, and she came in carrying groceries. Buffy sat up as her mother
poked her head into the living room.
"Hi girls." The older Summers greeted.
"Hi mom."
"Hey, Mrs. S."
"Is it working?" Joyce asked.
"We'll see." Buffy said with a shrug. "Need help storing?"
"I wouldn't mind."
Faith and Buffy followed Joyce into the kitchen, but first, the younger slayer gently shut the door.
"Think they'll figure out they're not really locked in?"
"They'll be too wrapped up." Buffy grinned. "Besides, I was pretty damn
convincing, if I do say so myself."
They made their way to the kitchen.
"You think you can act, huh?"
The blonde nodded. "One of those hour-long dramas would be perfect
for me."
Faith smirked. "Like anybody would sit and watch you for an hour."
"Hey, it could happen!" Buffy insisted, unpacking a bag.
***
Willow and Oz sat on Buffy's bed for several minutes. She looked around the room and didn't see blankets on the floor, or a sleeping bag for Faith. She knew the brunette was sleeping in the room, so what did that mean? She flushed then. Oh. They were…bed…together…back to her boyfriend. Yeah, that was a good idea.
She didn't know what to say to him. She had already apologized, but
beyond that, she didn't know what else to say. He hadn't said much of anything
then. It was Oz.
She couldn't tell if he was happy, sad…so when he started speaking,
revealing his thoughts and feelings to her as he was doing now, she was
shocked.
"Okay. The thing is...seeing you with Xander, it was...well, I never
felt that way before...when it wasn't a full moon...but I know you guys
have a history."
"But it's a history that's in the past." She assured him. "Well, I…I guess most history is in the past. But it's over."
"Well, I don't know. I don't know that it...ever will be between you two." He said softly.
She was desperate. This was the most they had talked in weeks.
"Oz, please believe me."
"This is what I do know:" He reached for her hand, and put it in his. "I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So, I think I'd be willing to...give it a shot."
She beamed. "Really?"
He gave her a half-smile. "Yeah."
"Do you want us to...to hug now?" She started opening her arms for an embrace.
"Yeah, I'm good for that."
***
Faith put the last of the groceries in the cabinet, and then she and
Buffy looked at Joyce. She looked right back at them, and got a little
suspicious.
"Is there something you want to talk about?"
"Talk about?" Buffy asked nervously. "Uh…no. No." She moved to leave
the kitchen.
Faith reached out and grabbed her arm. "This was your idea."
"But -" Buffy sighed, and then nodded. Faith freed her arm, and she
leaned over the counter, looking at her nails. "Mom…"
"Yes?" Joyce raised her eyebrows.
"We're…involved." She said, moving her finger in between her and Faith.
Joyce looked at her daughter for a second, and then at Faith, for confirmation
of the fact.
"Uh huh." The other slayer said softly.
"How involved?"
Faith coughed, and Buffy's eyes bugged out.
"We haven't…not yet." Her daughter answered.
Joyce sighed. "I was wondering when you were going to tell me. I was
beginning to doubt myself."
"You knew?" The slayers asked simultaneously.
"How often do you remember to set your alarm?" She asked Buffy.
"Almost never…" Buffy told her mother.
"Yet it always manages to wake you up in the morning." Joyce said.
"Strange."
Buffy and Faith exchanged a "DUH" look. Joyce must have been coming
into the room in the middle of the night, and setting the alarm so her
daughter wouldn't be late for school. And of course, she must have seen
them sleeping next to each other, in the same bed, close and cuddly. Closer
than friends normally were, or should probably be.
The elder blonde was leaving the kitchen, and they didn't even realize
it at first.
"Wait." Buffy said, and Joyce stopped. "Does this mean your okay…with
us?"
"I've known, haven't I?"
When she left, the girls burst into a fit of giggles.
***
"Why'd you have to pick the bathroom?" Xander asked Cordelia, as she
had chosen the spot for their talk.
He felt closed in, cramped, cold, basically…
"Because I knew it would make you uncomfortable." She answered him.
"You don't think that I know guys can't stand it in bathrooms for more
than five minutes?"
"Hey, we just do our business, and skidaddle."
"Gross." Cordelia said in disgust.
Xander made sure the toilet lid was in the down position, and took
a seat.
"So what do you want me to do, Cordy? You know I'm sorry already. I
think I got that across with the four-hundred messages I left on your machine."
"Say it again. Say, 'I apologize, Cordelia. For everything I put you
through. The pain, the hurt…I beg you to forgive me.'" His _expression_ was
one of disbelief, and she simply tapped her foot on the tile. "Anytime
now."
He took a deep breath, and said what she asked. Every single word,
and she could tell he meant it.
"Do you love me?" She asked him next.
"What?" He asked. That had never ever been brought up between them.
Ever. "Do you love me?"
"I asked first. Buffy and Faith, Willow and Oz…I can see it with them.
But not with us. Maybe it's because I'm too close, or maybe I'm looking
for something that isn't there. Either way, I want to hear it from you.
So Xander Harris, do you love me?"
He thought a second. "Cordy, why do you think when we were first going
out, I always brought up telling our friends in the middle of making out?
I interrupted some very high quality kissing, you know. Or said that I
wanted to go out together in public? It's because, as much fun as broom
closet sessions were, I wanted more."
"And you're saying…what?"
"I'm saying, I wanted to get past hormones and do date stuff, because
I wanted you to give me a chance to love you. To show you that I wasn't
such an idiot, and could be the boyfriend-type. So, yeah, I do."
Cordelia cleared her throat to try and get rid of the lump that had
just formed there.
"I gave you that chance. You blew it." She said coldly. "Why?"
"Been trying to figure that out." He shrugged. "I don't know. One minute
she was just Willow, and the next, she was *Willow*. Then it happened.
But it doesn't happen anymore. We've been friends for so long, and we know
that's what we're best at. We just got…sidetracked."
"Sidetracked?" The brunette asked incredulously.
He sighed. "It sounds bad putting it that way, but…we did it, it's over, and it didn't mean anything." Xander was struggling to explain. "Did you ever know somebody your whole life, then something changes, and…it just…feels like your eyes just opened?"
Cordelia let out a dry laugh. "It happened to me when we were in the basement hiding from that Bug guy, and I looked at you. But it didn't go both ways, huh? I guess Willow's the only one who can open your eyes *that* way."
She made a move for the door, and Xander jumped up and got in front of her, blocking her exit.
"I wasn't talking about Willow." He said softly.
"What…?" She trailed off, confused.
"Haven't you been listening to me? Yeah, okay, when I looked at Willow then, it was like I was seeing her on a whole new level."
"This isn't helping you, Xander." She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Let me finish, will ya? But in the basement, right before *we* kissed," He was referring to himself and the girl standing before him, "I felt the same thing you did."
"Did you? How do you know what I felt? All I see is a guy whose hormones get the better of him, and someone who likes kissing girls he's known for a long time. And that's sick."
He shook his head. "It wasn't the same thing. With Willow, it was hormones. It was different with you because…I loved you. I still love you. In a girlfriend way."
"And Willow?"
"In a friend way." He paused. "So…did you feel the same way? Do you love me too?"
She looked him in the eyes. "Yes."
They stared at each other for a couple seconds, and then Cordelia walked
out of the bathroom, leaving him there. He didn't know what to think.
***
Giles had asked the gang, the following morning, to come to the library.
There was some research he needed help with, and they all grudgingly agreed.
Vacation had begun, but they were going back to school. Well, it wasn't
like they had anything better to do. The previous night had ended abruptly,
and on a sour note, anyhow.
Cordelia had come downstairs and then left the house without a word.
After that, Willow and Oz, who had reconciled, decided it was better to
go. And Xander was too confused to do anything else but think of what went
wrong, so he left as well. Snoopy was never viewed.
Willow, Xander, Buffy, and Faith came to the library to help Giles.
Oz was practicing, because Dingoes was playing at the Bronze's party on
Christmas, which happened to be tomorrow. Cordelia hadn't come either,
and everyone knew it was because of Xander.
Buffy was depressed that her planned night hadn't gone the way she had wanted.
"One outta two isn't bad, B." Faith said as they sat at the table.
"Yes it is. That's fifty percent. That's failing. I failed." Buffy muttered. "So…Giles, why are we here?"
The librarian and watcher walked over to the table.
"Angel came to see me last night." Giles said. "He appeared to be very frightened, and somewhat unstable."
"What did he come to you for?" Xander asked.
"He wanted to know why he was back."
"Can we find that out?" Willow asked.
"Wait." Buffy said, cutting off Giles before he could answer. "You want to help him?"
Giles pushed his glasses tighter onto his nose. "As long as Angel is 'alive' and has his soul, he owes the world," He was thinking 'me', "for all the carnage his demon-half caused. Whether it's destroying evil, or whatever fate asks of him, he won't be able to do anything in his current state. I want to find the cause of what's troubling him, because -"
"You're not letting him off the hook." The blonde said softly, understanding.
"What if he does have a few screws loose? Permanently?" Faith asked.
Buffy closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then looked her watcher in the eye.
"Then I kill him."
Xander clapped his hands together, and grabbed a book out of the pile that was on the table. He loved distractions. They let him forget his problems.
"Let's get crackin'."
***
Hours and hours passed as they researched. Pizza was ordered, eaten, and ordered again. The gang was dispersed throughout the library, and only Willow and Buffy were still at the table. They sat with books, searching pages that had references to beets and enchanted carrots, but nothing that appeared useful to Angel.
"Bugs Bunny may get a kick out of this, but it isn't gonna help us." Buffy stated, slamming the book shut.
"Did you ever see the one where he ate those super carrots and it was this whole Superman -" Buffy started giggling. "What?"
Buffy shook her head. "I just…found that funny."
"I segued right, didn't I? I mean, you mentioned Bugs, and I remembered one of his cartoons and -" Willow was close to hyperventilating.
The blonde put her hand on her friend's back. "Breathe. Your segueing was perfect. I needed to laugh, and you made me. Feel good."
"Oh. Okay. I will." Willow said with a smile of relief. "I'm just extra nervous today. Oz and I are gonna watch videos tonight. Just the two of us."
"Don't be nervous. Be you. That's what he loves. He already forgave you, so you don't have to worry about that hurdle."
"We just have to rebuild." The redhead told herself, trying to sound confident that they could do it.
"You'll be fine." Buffy reassured her friend. "Are we okay?" She asked cautiously then.
"With -? Oh. Telling Faith about…and not me." Willow sighed. "I won't lie, cause you'd know. I was…hurt, but you had your reasons."
"It had nothing to do with not trusting, or…you're my best friend. I just told -"
"Don't explain. I didn't tell anybody about Xander and I for a long time too."
"But you did tell me. And I feel bad. I should grovel or…something."
"If you have to do something, you could…give me a hug?" Willow asked hesitantly. Buffy stood up, as did Willow, and they embraced. "Consider us officially okay now."
Faith walked over to the two friends, open book in her hands.
"Hey, B, Giles and I -" She cut herself off when she felt herself being hugged by Willow. "Uh…thanks?"
"She's not out of hugging mode yet." Buffy said with a grin.
"All done." Willow said, backing away. Faith had a disbelieving, half-smile on her face. "You were going to say something?"
"Uh, yeah." The brunette laid the book she had been holding on the table. She pointed to an illustration. "Look familiar?"
Buffy looked at the picture, which depicted eyeless priests.
"They're the guys from my dream."
"I knew it. Ha! Told ya, Giles." She pointed her finger at him as he
came down the steps.
"Care to explain?" Buffy asked.
"Right." Giles said. "Uh, those gentlemen are High Priests of the First."
"First?"
"Evil." Xander chipped in as he walked over to join the group.
"Thank you, Xander." Giles said with a sigh. "The First Evil is not
a physical being. It is absolute evil, and older than anything on this
earth."
"But here's the kicker." Faith said. "The priests can make people see
things. Spirits and stuff. Drive 'em insane."
"So they're the reason Angel…" Willow trailed off.
"Most likely." Giles said, nodding.
"We find them, right?" Xander asked.
"Where?" Willow inquired.
"Faith," Buffy pointed to the picture of the priests, "what's the caption
under that say?"
"For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall grow above or
below them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor…" Faith looked up
with questioning eyes.
"Nothing grow above or below…" Buffy repeated to herself as she went
to the library counter and snatched the phone. She dialed and waited, tapping
her fingers.
"Mom, hey. Where'd we get the tree? I forget…oh yeah…no, I'll be home
soon…thanks."
"Buff?" Xander asked.
"Xand, we're going to take out these priest guys. Faith, can you and
Will go get Angel? If he is on the brink -"
"Got it covered, B. I love it when you have a plan." Buffy grinned.
Faith turned to Willow. "You and me, Red?"
"Oh…uh…I have to…Oz." Willow remembered, though she really wanted to
help Angel.
"It's all right, Will. Just remember to be yourself." Buffy said, smiling.
"Giles?"
He looked at the brunette slayer, and she grinned at him.
"Time's a wastin', G."
She led Giles out the library doors. Buffy stared after them, wondering
what she had done to her poor watcher.
"Where we going?" Xander asked.
"Tell you on the way." They started walking out. "Hey, do you know
where to get shovels?"
***
Buffy kicked in the gate that gave her and Xander access to the Christmas
Tree lot. They were each carrying shovels as they walked through the trees,
heading for the spot where Buffy said they were going to dig. The two friends
were discussing Xander's relationship woes, which Buffy was glad for, because
that was why she had asked him along.
"Walk me through what happened." Buffy told him.
"I let her to humiliate me," He began.
She looked around at the trees as she spoke.
"Good start. Next."
"I told her I loved her,"
"Also a good thing."
"Explained the whole Willow and me thing,"
Buffy stopped, and looked him in the eye. "You said it didn't mean
anything. Didn't you?" He nodded, and she sighed deeply. "What else?"
"Asked her if she loved me, then she said yes. There was silence, then
she walked out."
They started walking again as Buffy thought quietly. Humiliation, the
'I love you', explained the fluke, which ended with an affirmative return
of the 'I love you'…yet, she left. It was a puzzle.
"Wait!" She exclaimed after a few seconds. "You said there was a period
of silence right before."
"So?"
"So?" She asked back, hitting his arm. "That was your window!"
"My…window?" He said dumbly, rubbing his arm.
"Your kissing window! Always end long talks with your girlfriend with
a kiss. Especially the 'just saved the relationship' talk. It seals everything!"
"It was a really small window." Xander insisted.
"Cordelia's not patient, you know that. Now she's doubting. She told
you she loved you back, and you did nothing!"
"Oh man." He breathed.
"You better fix it." About ten steps later, Buffy halted and drove
her shovel into the ground. "This is it."
"I still don't get it."
"Look around. What do you see?"
"Green Christmas Trees."
"And what about where we're standing?"
He studied them closely. They didn't look very green. Or very alive.
"Trees with dead leaves and bare branch - oh."
"Dig, you window miss-er, you." She instructed with a glare.
***
Faith and Giles were coming up on the mansion.
"How do you want to handle this?" She asked him.
"I'm leaving that entirely up to you."
"Why me?"
"Because you are a slayer."
"And you just watch? I know you have personal issues with him, and
I'm tryin' to give you a say, so don't pull out the handbook on me, okay?
I know what it says."
"You do?" Giles asked, somewhat surprised.
"It wasn't something I *wanted* to do. My watcher made me." She said
quietly.
"'Sides, I don't follow the rules anyway."
"Maybe it was a wise decision on my part to not make Buffy read it,
after all. I doubt she would follow the rules either."
"This is why you're cool. You don't force anything. And you can hold
your own in a fight. If mine had…"
She trailed off, deciding that exploring the 'what ifs' of her past
wasn't a good idea.
"Faith? Are you all right?" He stopped, wondering if he should approach
her.
This was a rare moment. He had never seen her as open as she appeared
to be right now. That was something he assumed she shared only with Buffy.
'I really don't want another watcher.' She thought.
"Fine. Just zoned for a sec. Thanks. My imagination gets out of control sometimes." She flashed him a grin.
And apparently, it was going to stay that way for now. That was fine to him, as long as she had someone to talk with. He couldn't think of anyone better than Buffy. Hopefully, at some point, she would feel comfortable enough with him to realize he would listen if she needed it, though.
Generally, she certainly kept him on his toes. A sudden rush of images involving two slayers flashed through his mind at her last remark, proving that fact beyond question. It took some getting used to, but it was that playfulness that he found to be a very good quality. It was something that was very unique to slayers and Faith had it perfected.
Some might call it a defense mechanism, and that might have been true, but it was really just a part of her personality. And it was that playfulness that had brought light back into Buffy's eyes. Loosened her up some and Giles didn't see that as a bad thing. They had the weight of the world on their shoulders. It was good to be able to have fun, and to remember that they were still teenagers.
It reminded him that he didn't have to be serious every second, too. Faith started moving, and he had to hurry to catch up.
"So…you got any ideas or what?"
"Not really." He admitted.
"Let's think."
"In all likelihood, he's suicidal. The mental stress he's enduring would be powerful enough."
"Couldn't he be snapping? Like wacko?"
"His soul is in control, and I know that side of him as well as his darker half. If Angel's the kind of man I believe he is, he'd destroy himself before it came to that."
"Okay. We talk him out of it."
"I suppose -"
"But we're not shrinks, and I sure as hell don't know what to say."
"That's a problem." He agreed.
"Ah, screw it. We got nothing." She shrugged. "Who cares? I'm a play it by ear type of girl, anyway."
"Somehow I knew that." Giles said with a smile as they entered the mansion.
***
Buffy dropped into the hole they had created, Xander right behind her. He held his shovel so tightly, his knuckles turned white. He wasn't fond of dark, cramped areas. Especially dark, cramped areas that had guys who worked for the evilest thing on the planet. They walked slowly, deeper into the cave. Sure enough, there were three chanting priests sitting around a table littered with candles and ancient artifacts.
"All right," She addressed them, "ten more minutes of chanting and then
you guys have to go to bed."
Buffy and Xander began to engage the now angry, eyeless men.
"Ya know, Buff, as slayerisms go, that was pretty -"
"Can we realize how lame my words were later?"
She swung her shovel into one's stomach, and he went down. Xander hit another one, who doubled over, and then he elbowed the priest to the ground. The third one quickly ran away.
"Yeah! Run! You're not that tough!" He called after the retreating priest.
Buffy then used her shovel to smash all the artifacts on the table. Feeling pretty good about themselves, they almost didn't see Jenny Calendar there in the cave with them. Their breaths caught in their throats.
"Hmm. I'm impressed." Jenny said to them.
"You seein' what I'm seein'?" Xander asked Buffy quietly.
"Yeah." She answered. "But it's not really her."
"Pretty damn good make up job then."
"You won't get Angel." She said, speaking to the form of her deceased teacher and friend.
"You think you can fight me?" The First Evil challenged. "I'm not a
demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The First
Evil. Beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll
never see me, but I am everywhere.
Every being, every thought, every drop of hate."
Xander started making snoring noises, and Buffy was losing her patience.
"All right, we get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?"
"Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas...will be his wake."
"No."
"You have no idea what you're dealing with."
"Ooh! I know!" Xander said, waving his hand in the air. "Evil, right?"
"Don't leave us hanging," Buffy said sarcastically, "are we dealing with evil or not?"
Jenny's image disappeared, and a large, red-eyed, horned-looking creature, was in her place. It appeared to lunge at them and roar, but it was gone within the blink of an eye. The First Evil's final words rang through the cave, however.
"Dead by sunrise!"
"Mansion?" Xander asked after a moment.
"Mansion." Buffy confirmed.
***
Unable to find Angel inside the mansion, Faith and Giles went to the
only other place he could be. Outside behind the building. And that wasn't
a good thing, because the sun was going to be up in about ten minutes.
They climbed the slight hill, and found the vampire staring down at the
town below.
"Let me be." Angel said immediately, without turning around. The two
people behind him were at a loss for words. "I bet half the kids down there
are already awake. Lying in their beds...sneaking downstairs...waiting
for day."
"Probably a good bet." Faith said. "Speaking of day, you know, the
sun's comin' up."
"I can smell it."
"I…knew that." Faith said slowly.
"You don't care, do you?" Giles asked.
"I deserve to die, Giles. I know you don't disagree."
"Your vampire half does, yes. But the person standing here, does not."
"There's no difference. All those people I killed…nothing I could ever
do, would be enough. I'm a vampire, always will be. My soul just lets me
pretend that I'm not."
"You're a man trapped in demon's body, Angel. That's your curse. But
you do have the power to overcome it, and do real good."
"And that thing working the mojo on you is being taken care of." Faith
added. "B and Xander are on it."
"It doesn't matter. It showed me what I am. And I don't know if I can
keep control anymore. I'm not going to take the risk."
"You're a real piece of work, ya know that?" Faith said, approaching
him. "You survive, what? Hundreds of years in Hell, fight to get back here,
and then when some big evil dredges up some ghosts of Christmas Past, you
get all scared and weak. What the hell is your deal?"
"I only held on to…"
She stepped up right behind him. She knew where he was going. "Hey,
I'm not going to apologize for being with her. Or for pounding on you."
He turned around to face her. "I'm not asking you to. If I was in your
position, I would have done the same thing." Angel said.
"Damn right you would have."
"She loves you, I can see it in her eyes. And I can see you love her
back."
"I do."
"I'm not saying -"
"What are you saying?"
"That she was the reason I fought there. I wanted to help her, but
I know what brought me back now, and it wants me to do things I *won't*
do again."
"You must be pretty important for it to spend so much time on you.
Pushing you to its side and all. Sounds like it's scared of you. So fight
it. Cause even if you combust, it still wins."
"Good needs all the fighters it can get, Angel." Giles interjected.
"And because Buffy and Faith are on the front lines, so to speak, they
could use your help too. What if, because you're not there, Buffy were
to die in battle?"
"That's low." The vampire said.
"Yeah, it is. But you don't get how much your needed. We need help.
I'll admit it." Faith said. "Funny. I had you figured as bein' smarter
than this. But right now, all I see is a pathetic, thickheaded, guy. Not
a vampire, a guy."
"The world wants me gone."
"You are thick, aren't ya?" Faith shook her head. "That major, huge
First Evil thing wants you gone. Most of the world doesn't even know you
exist. But we do. We want you here."
"Buffy asked you to come here. That's the only reason why -"
"She did, yeah. But she's not the boss of me. Or Giles. If we didn't
wanna be doing this, we wouldn't be here." She stared into his eyes.
"You can't even imagine the horror I've caused."
Faith threw up her hands, and started walking away. "You know what?
Burn. I give up. You just don't get it."
"I can. I can imagine it all too well." Giles spoke, entering back into it.
He walked up to Angel, glared, and punched him in the face.
"Now you listen to me. The only way I'll ever stop having nightmares," He saw the vampire grimace, "and the only way I could ever even think about forgiving you for what you've done, is if you start saving lives instead of taking them and trying to redeem yourself. I know you feel that you don't deserve forgiveness, but you want it. Don't you?"
"Yes." Angel admitted, his eyes to the ground.
"If you die now, I'll hate you until my last breath. I promise you
that."
"Why?" He looked at Giles again.
"I'd take no comfort in your death because you took the easy way out. You chose not to fight, chose the peace of oblivion, over the pain of living. Something you don't deserve right now. You have to earn peace, Angel. It may take several lifetimes, but it will be the more rewarding, as well as the harder, path. But it'll also gain you respect.
"Jenny wanted you to find those things."
"I know. I remember."
"Then will you honor her last wish?"
Angel took a deep breath. Faith, shocked, waited along with Giles.
Time was running out. The brooding, exhausted vampire started to take a
step towards the mansion, and then the strangest thing happened. It began
to snow. The three of them looked up into the sky, amazed. Angel had a
smile on his face and then caught sight of Buffy, who had made her way
up the hill. She smiled at him.
It didn't snow in California. Somebody was trying to tell him that
it wasn't his time to die, and he was finally getting the message.
***
Buffy, Faith, Xander, Giles, and Angel all made their way back to Buffy's
house, even though they had to walk through snow. On the way, Xander had
wanted to make a detour, and they ended up bringing Cordelia along as well.
The five of them found Oz and Willow on the porch, watching the snow flakes
fall.
"What are you two doing here?" Buffy asked.
"Well, we were watching videos, and then I remembered that we still
haven't watched A Charlie Brown Christmas. And I need to see the
Snoopy Dance." Willow said.
"The beagle's definitely got some moves." Oz said.
Joyce opened the door from the inside.
"Oh, good! You're all here. I made hot chocolate." She said. "Now get
inside before you all catch colds. You know, I never thought I'd say that."
They all scrambled in. Buffy and Faith, and Xander and Cordelia took
the couch; Angel and Giles took chairs, and Willow and Oz sat on the floor.
Joyce passed out mugs of hot chocolate, which were gratefully accepted
by all in the room.
Angel sat, getting used to the heat from the drink, and mulled over
the past few days. He was lucky he had so many people who cared that he
continued to remain "living". He hadn't realized it before. It was time
he started to move forward, to get himself together. Start patrolling the
streets again. After Christmas, of course.
"Thank you." He said, directing it to everyone in the room, but mainly
to the watcher sitting in the chair next to him, and to the Bostonian on
the couch.
He didn't expect replies, but he got one, anyway.
"Good luck." Giles said, and meant it.
On the couch, Xander looked over at his girlfriend.
"Thanks for coming with." He said.
"Didn't have anything else to do." She shrugged. "Thanks for thinking
of me."
Xander smiled. "Listen, I didn't know about the window."
Cordelia grinned at Buffy, and then returned her gaze to her boyfriend.
"How could you not know about the window?"
"I'm slow." He said. "If I did, believe me, I would have done this in
the bathroom yesterday." He leaned forward, and kissed her. "Are we -?"
"Shut up." Cordelia said, smiling. She returned his kiss.
"Yes." Buffy whispered, watching them and feeling victorious. "Gotta
love Christmas."
"And Chanukah." Willow called, from her sitting position in Oz's arms.
"And Chanukah." The blonde added.
"I know I do." Faith said, following the couple on the other end of the couch's example, and kissing her partner. "Love ya, B." She breathed into the blonde's mouth.
"Love you too, F." She smiled.
"The tape's in." Joyce said, coming to squeeze in.
"Thanks." Her daughter said, clearing her throat, then grabbing the
remote from the coffee table and hitting play. "You're really okay with
us, huh?"
"Are you happy?"
Buffy smiled at Faith. "Very much."
"Then that's all that matters to me."
As the show began, the slayer had nothing but happy feelings flowing
through her. She was with people she loved, on a perfect, white Christmas
day. What more could she ask for?
"Merry Christmas," Buffy said, "and happy, belated Chanukah, guys."
They all looked at her, and smiled. That said it all. They didn't need to use any words.
"When do we get presents?" Xander asked after a minute.
"After this is over." Willow hissed. "Now ssh!"
No one else spoke until the final credit rolled off screen.
--
"I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute."
(Homer J. Simpson)
"You think you know? What's to come? What you are? You haven't even
begun."
(Tara to Buffy, BTVS)
"Since when is there a cowboy in 'Death of a Salesman' anyway?" (Willow,
BTVS)