End of the Month Gutter Report

[Shadow <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO:  All Department Heads; UVE; and all other interested
parties.
FROM:  The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT:  End of the Month Gutter Report

Okay I'll keep this short and to the point since I am still in meetings
with the authorities of the small third world country, that shall remain
nameless, that is holding our beloved and quite mad Listdad hostage until
we give them our wall posters of Buffy and her naked redhead.  {Like
that is ever going to happen.}  At last report Listdad is going
well, only driving a few of his captured mad with his off key singing and
badly written love poems to our beloved List Lust Goddess Kimber. 

Item 1:
Regarding the presence of the Dark Gremlin seen lurking outside of the
big oak by the path leading to town.  Do not worry there is no call
for alarm, the Dark Gremlin was just taking the time to voice her
complaints of no updates to Family Honour and was wondering why I had the
nerve to be sleeping in board daylight.  Being a demented vampire
fruit bat and a firm believer that sunlight is evil, being the cause of
all those sickeningly careful and quite nuts 'sun worshippers' I merely
sicced our shade wearing Koala on her and went back to bed.  

Item 2:
Regarding our beloved shade wearing Koala and the recent biting of one
Riley "I'm a vamp slut" Finn... at last report our shade
wearing friend and champion spiked jungle juice drinker was doing well,
having undergone seven emergency treatments for possible rabies
contamination.  Although I think he just liked the nurses and didn't
want to leave hospital.  After a lengthy investigation it was
discovered that the shade wearing Koala was attacked by the honourless
Finn vamp slut in his shower, our beloved Koala able to keep the creature
at bay with a plunger while he shouted, "Begone you vamp slut...
begone foul creature of Iowa hayseed moron-ness".  Why the
shade wearing Koala was showering with a lamp shade on his head and the
shower curtain wrapped around him like a toga we'll never know.  But
witnesses reported hearing a strange voice that sounded remarkably like
James Earl Jones saying "Use the Force young Koala, use the
Force."  Why witnesses failed to hear Sir Alec Guinnesss' voice
is a bit of a mystery but we suspect it has something to do with the
Koala's ties to the dark side.  

Item 3:
Regarding the annual spring vampire tomato slaughter... anyone for tomato
soup?  And as usual the vampire fruit bat society has released their
usual statements of innocence and being the wronged party in the whole
assorted affair, citing thousands of years of tomato cruelty and
barbarism upon the world. 

Item 4:
Really the owner of the drunk poet in the black leathers and red silk
shirt please come and get her?  She is hanging out in the South
Gutter looking for a warrior mongoose for "research
purposes".  

That is all, we know return you to your regularly scheduled
fanfics.  :)

Shadow  -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper.
Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback.  The Big Bad and Little Comma.  Mistress of Mischief... Corrupter of the Innocent.  Tormentor of Quindolyn.  Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society.  GWBNS - Hey, it's a way of life.  Dark Mistress of Weird... be afraid, be very afraid.  Yang to Alex's Yin.  :[