Always interested in Buffy/Willow loving. Your ideas have been great so
far, so I'm anxious for more.
thanks again
mike
----- Original Message -----
From: "Red Willow" <nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx>
To: <buffyloveswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2002 8:21 AM
Subject: ::BuffyLovesWillow:: FIC: STILL STRUGGLING (4/4?) PG-13/R
> Title: Still Struggling
> Author: Red Willow
> Email: St8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
> Disclaimer: All characters and references to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, and all them
> other folks <G> I'm just using them to make my own little fun. However
the story belongs to me
> only. You may post or distribute only with permission from and credit to
me.
> So just ask <G> And if you don't like the idea of Willow and Buffy
together then... why are you
> reading this?
> Rating: PG-R (as it might progress from one to the other)
> Pairing: Willow/Buffy
> Summary: Buffy struggles over her feelings for Willow and stumbles upon
something interesting...
> This is part 4 in a 4 part (though possibly more) series. Thoughts will
be
> expressed in < and > brackets... This covers some info from Seasons 2-4
> Hope you enjoy. Feedback? I thrive on of feedback.
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
> "Well." she starts, touching my hand with her fingers, drawing little
imaginary circles there like
> the ones she was drawing around my heart a few minutes ago. "What about
Riley?" Oh, him. <you knew
> that was coming. yesterday you wouldn't have had to explain anything> But
this is good. Assess
> the situation.
> "I don't love him if that's what you're asking."
> "Oh well. um. it's just that. I mean like, you've been. Riley, 24/7
lately, ya know?"
> "Will." I entwine my fingers with hers. "look, I'm sorry I haven't been
here for you. especially
> right after Oz left. a-and obviously you were. going through something
huge.. with uh.. I mean..
> Tara."
> She looks down between us, "I-t's.ok."
> "No! no it's not ok Will." She looks up at me surprised by my flare of
emotion. "You needed me
> and I totally wasn't here. I like.. totally baled on you." I take a deep
breath, letting the air
> out slowly. "The truth is, I haven't been around much because of. my
feelings for you. I was
> scared that. that I wouldn't hold out. that I'd be like, all comfort Buffy
a-and I'd like kiss you
> or something. I was way scared of. scaring you. of losing you. B-but I
mean, obviously, I didn't
> know how you felt. or that, you were even, into girls. like, at all"
> "I know it was a shock." She's stroking the top of my thumb with hers.
"I-it was a shock to me
> actually. I-mean, not so much that I liked girls. 'cause uh. hello. huge
in love with Buffy thing
> going on here. b-but I guess it kind of shocked me that. I would give in.
to. stuff?"
> "Give in?" Now I'm really paying attention. <is she saying what I think
she's saying?> Please
> Willow. Don't tell me you've slept with Tara.
> "She's really nice and I could can really talk to her.. we've got a lot of
things in common. I
> guess we. just kind of connected. it really wasn't anything I was looking
for."
> "Oh.. " I trail off my eyes moving very much downward. <you waited too
long.>
> I guess she realized what I was thinking because immediately she jumped at
explaining. "Oh.. No!
> No.. Buffy, I-it's nothing like that. I mean.. magick."
> "Huh?"
> "Magically. I mean.. Tara and me. me and Tara. we connected like, because
we're witches. she's
> really powerful.. a-and I guess, I mean, there's attraction there. yes. I
admit that. and she's
> really kewl to talk to. but.. I mean. it doesn't compare. I mean like. at
all."
> Still not sure. "So you've. I mean, you guys." <oh please, she has a
right. HELLO. you're boffing
> Riley every chance you get> Please say no.
> "Oh.well, no. not like. ya know, all the way or anything. but we've. ya
know.. fooled around.
> definite smoochies."
> "Ohh." I say a little bit more relieved. I can handle kissing. I think.
> "Are you upset?" Oh god, there is unmistakable concern and fear in her
voice. I look at her face
> and she's really worried. I draw my hand from under hers and bring it to
her face, stroking her
> cheek.
> "Oh Will. no, no definitely not. <liar> It's just that. the thought of
you with anyone else.
> I-t's always kind of tortured me."
> "Even Oz.?
> "Especially Oz."
> "Why?"
> "Because it wasn't me." <you don't think she feels the same way?>
> "Oh." She leans up and kisses me lightly on the lips, deliberately
breaking our no touching/no
> kissing rule. but hey, I don't really mind. Again that tingly sensation
all over my body. I am
> fully aware that I want every inch of Willow's naked body against mine.
"Well. I-I guess that's
> how I've been kinda feeling about you and Riley.. only I'm kinda like.
thoughtgirl. I have to
> think about everything, process. I just figured. well. as long as you were
happy."
> "But I'm not Will. I got off with Riley to try to get you out of my head.
but it doesn't work.
> I always think about you. even when we're. I mean. when Riley and I. are."
But I can't finish.
> <yup, freak-0>
> She doesn't say anything, just lies there mulling over my words. She puts
her hand on my
> stomach, rubbing it softly with the back of her hand.
> "Buffy. if we. I mean if you still want to. with me. are you. I mean, will
you.see Riley again?"
> My eyes shoot to her face. She really thinks I would? And yes, she does.
The concern is deeply
> rooted on her face, in her eyes. <tell her no! call that prick right now
and tell him to..> Tell
> him I'm in love with my best friend? <Or run and hide from the world and
tell him it's not him
> it's you.. you need some space. yadda yadda yadda..> Whatever. Of course
I'm not going to see him
> again.
> "No." I lean closer to her, wrapping my arm around her side. I kiss her
forehead and look into
> deep green pools of worry. "Please don't be scared Will. I want to be with
you.. I want to make
> love to you right now. and I want to be. with you. like a. relationship?
I mean. if you want to."
> She only nods, continuing to study my eyes. "I will do whatever it takes
to make you happy. Riley
> is the least of your concerns Will. I promise. He. he's a nice guy. but
he means nothing to me."
> Now I see it finally, some reassurance flooding back into those enticing
eyes. "I love you Willow,
> you mean everything in the world to me. I would never hurt you. again. or
let anyone else hurt
> you."
> "I know." she says warmly, wrapping her arm around me this time, pulling
me a little closer.
> "Now. what about Tara?"
> She scrunches up her face, worried. "I don't want to hurt anyone Buffy."
> "I know Will. but."
> "But I want to be with you. Completely. A-and if that means hurting
Tara." But she doesn't
> finish because she doesn't like the idea of hurting anyone. well anyone as
nice as Tara seems to
> be. But that's my Will, part of why I love her so much. Always thinking
of others. "I'll just
> tell her. the truth I guess. she'll understand. I think. I hope. I just
hope she still wants to
> be friends though. She really is pretty cool to hang out with.. and the
whole magic thing."
> "She seems pretty nice."
> "She really is Buff. I think you'll really like her. if.once you.ya know,
get to know her."
> "You've got a pretty good taste in people Will. I'm sure I will."
> We smile, gazing into each other's eyes for a few moments before she leans
forward and kisses me
> with more passion and emotion than I ever thought could exist.
> "So. " She gasps, wrapping her leg over my hip. We turn so that I'm on my
back and she's
> practically straddling me, kissing deeply again, her hands planted on
either side of me.
> "So." I repeat, sliding my hands up her sides. "Does this mean we're
through with talking?"
> "Uh huh." She says very sexily and I become a body of tingles. <finally!!>
>
>
> We kiss deeply for several minutes, the heat rising again between us. I
am only acutely aware
> that the room has become dimmer since we first started this afternoon. I
don't care what time it
> is though. Time has no place her with us. Right now, right here, this is
Willow time and I give
> myself to her completely.
> We break the kiss and she fully straddles me, each knee planted firmly on
the bed. She sits up,
> resting on my abdomen. She looks down at me, a few locks of her hair
hanging down oh so sexy like
> around her face. I'm looking up at her, just admiring. I place my hands
on either knee and slowly
> start their ascent up her legs. I stop briefly at her stomach, tugging at
her shirt while asking
> with my eyes if I can take it off. She just smiles and I slide my fingers
underneath the fabric.
> Hot skin greets me and it's all I can do not to just rip it off. I slide
her shirt up, my hands
> running their course on either side of her breasts. She leans forward,
arms outstretched, as I
> pull the shirt off. God she's beautiful. I kiss her fingertips, then I
run my hands up her
> stomach again, up her sides, then her breasts. The moment I touch them
she moans softly, leaning
> her head back. I slowly massage them, trailing my fingertips over her
nipples, amazed at how hard
> they are. She reaches behind her and unclasps the strap. I tug at the
white cotton material and it
> falls freely. I just toss it on the floor and continue with my exploration
of her round firm
> breasts.
> I cup each breast in my hands, rubbing her nipples with my thumbs, in
gentle, slow circles.
> She's moaning softly. She leans forward a little so that her hair falls
in her face again, and
> touches my cheek while I continue to stroke her nipples, only now,
applying a little more
> pressure. She runs her thumb along my wet lips and I lick the tip with my
tongue. She runs her
> thumb over my lower lip, pulling it a little, before returning to where my
tongue is waiting. She
> slips her thumb into my mouth and I suck on it briefly, nibbling the tip
gently.
> I move my hands away from her breasts and grab both of her arms then. Her
eyes fly open and she
> looks at me, but I just grin at her mischievously. I lean her back enough
so that she moves her
> legs out beside me, then I sit up, with her still on my lap. She wraps
one arm around my back and
> the other she puts behind my head. Her neck is eye level and that's the
first thing I go for.
> Tiny little teasing bites. I pull at her nipples intermittently while
nibbling, licking, and
> sucking her neck. Her moans grow louder as I pull and rub her nipples
more. She slides her hands
> to my chest, unbuttoning my shirt. I pull away from her just for a
second, and rip at it,
> breaking the buttons. I don't care. I want my skin to connect to hers. I
want to feel her heart
> beating her mine hers. She unclasps my bra as well and pulls it free. My
breasts fall out and I
> give her a second to take them in with her eyes before I lean into her
again, attacking her
> breasts and neck. She strokes my breasts, finding my nipples quickly and
going to work on them.
> She rolls them between her fingers and pulls at them, mostly softly, but
sometimes hard, sending
> shivers straight to my.
> "Oh god Willow.."
> I work my way back down her neck, down her chest, leaving little, warm
kisses along the way. I
> take one nipple in my mouth, running my tongue over it, licking it. I suck
gently then hard,
> following her hand movements on my own breasts, while I continue to stroke
the other with my hand.
> I go back and forth, licking and sucking one while stroking the other.
> She pulls my face up and our lips meet again, kissing hungrily, groping
each other furiously. I
> have this deep burning need to touch her, every inch of her, inside and
out. I flip us over,
> strutting my slayer strength, until she's on her back and I'm on top now,
her legs wrapped around
> me. I look down at her half unclad form and just take a moment to admire
her. I smiles widely
> and look in her eyes. She meets them and blushes.
> "Aww, I start, putting my hand on her cheek. She moves her head a bit and
kisses my hand. "Are
> you scared?" I ask her.
> She shakes her head and reaches up to my face with her hand, placing her
fingers on my lips. I
> kiss them before she trails them down my neck, and back down my chest to
my waist. "But these.
> off. would help." She finally says, grinning.
> "Yes ma'am.!" I say hopping up. I pull of my jeans, tearing off my satin
panties in the process.
> I give her no time to admire however as I snatch at her belt-buckle,
loosening the stud and
> pulling away her own pants and panties. I look down at her. She's a
little embarrassed, I know.
> I just smile and say, "I've seen you practically naked before you know."
> "You have?" she asks pulling me on top of her.
> "Well, in P.E. anyway." I say grinning widely.
> "You were checking me out!" she says accusingly, but playful.
> "Oh, like you weren't!?"
> "I don't know what you're talking about.. I'm seldom naughty."
> I just look at her with my eyebrow cocked. "Come here you."
> I bring her right leg up so that my right thigh is nestled in her crotch.
She moans, biting her
> lower lip as all thoughts of P.E. are forgotten. She mimics my movement,
nudging my crotch with
> her own leg. We lay like this for several minutes as we kiss, our tongues
once again exploring
> each other's mouths. Her hands go up and down my back, scraping tiny
fingernails over my
> shoulders, while I scrape my own down the back of her leg to her butt
cheek, where I grip it
> briefly before climbing back up. I begin to push my thigh against her in
a slow rhythm with our
> kissing and she lets out a loud moan, breaking the kiss, while digging her
nails into my back.
> She reacts my bouncing her leg up slightly where it makes contact with my
own throbbing self and I
> hang my head low, my face on her shoulder.
> "Oh.. Jesus Willow." I begin to slide my hand along her inner thigh to
that point of no return.
> I'm aware that we're both sweating now. I can feel the hair around my
neck damp with it, as I can
> feel Willow's inner thigh almost slick. She moans in anticipation,
running her hand down to my
> ass. I know she wants me to, but I feel compelled to ask anyway. "Can I.?
> "Oh.. Buffy.. I'm so wet." she whispers in my ear and that's all I need. I
plunge my fingers
> between soft, swollen lips into hot, syrupy, Willowy goodness and I'm lost
there,
> "OH MY GOOOO...mmmm" biting her lower lip again, she grabs onto my
shoulders holding me close as
> I move my fingers in small circles. Her leg moves against me and I can't
help but create my own
> rhythm against her thigh. We moan together, she reaches down and rubs my
nipple with one of her
> hands as the other stays firmly clasped onto my shoulder. I kiss her neck,
her chest, work my way
> back up to her ear. She turns her head slightly and whispers "I love
you." between moans before
> latching onto my ear and nibbling the earlobe. Her saying those words
with me between her legs
> becomes like a surge shot straight to my heart, and then to my hand. I
slide two fingers insider
> her, slowly at first, which is followed by her plea for more. I stop my
own rhythm on her thigh,
> feeling myself get close, and not wanting to before she even has a chance
to touch me. I tease
> her a bit with my thumb then thrust my fingers in deep. She bucks. Both
hands on my shoulders
> again, she arches her back and begins riding my hand as I thrust into her
deeply. I quicken my
> pace, although I'm scared to hurt her. Her moans of pleasure and
movements below me assure me
> that I'm not hurting her however and I pour my heart and emotions into
making her feel good. I
> wrap my left arm around her, sliding it between her sweaty back and the
bed, raising her up
> towards me some as I get a better position on my knees. In and out I
thrust as our breasts rub
> together and our lips brush occasionally, until a second before she
explodes she pulls my mouth to
> hers, plunging her tongue into my mouth. She holds on like that, moaning
so loudly through our
> kiss I think I will lose her but she holds on, never leaving my lips as
her hips buck against my
> hand and her own hands create tiny half-moon cuts along my shoulders.
> She finally breaks off the kiss, hanging her head back, panting. I lay her
back on the bed and
> lay on top of her, my face nuzzled against her neck.
> "That.was.oh.so.good." she manages to get out between breaths"
> "I love you Willow. I love you so much" I breath into her ear.
> "I know you do. I love you like no one I've ever loved."
> I start to nuzzle her neck but without warning she grabs the front of my
thigh, scratching her
> nails into it, though not enough to hurt. bad. I look at her surprised
and she looks back with
> nothing but lust in her eyes. "I want to touch." And who am I to argue?
I plan on moving off
> her, letting her have room, but she stops me when I lean back, getting on
my knees again, putting
> her hand on my chest. She guides me back down to her as I feel her hand
stroke the inside of my
> thigh. I hold myself up by my arms, one on either side of her. She wraps
her left arm around my
> waist as I feel her fingers slide between my.. "OH MY GOD"
<ohmygodohmygodtimes3>
> I spread my legs a bit wider, allowing her total access and am overwhelmed
by the sensations that
> flood my body. She's tender at first, exploring ever wet crease and curve.
Driving me crazy.
> "You feel so good." she tells me almost in wonder.
> "Uh..HUH." is all I can get out because she starts to begin a rhythm of
small circles <she likes
> those small circles> sending waves of pleasure and urgency down my legs
and into my stomach. I
> know it won't be long. I was already ready to burst when I was riding her
thigh. And I feel it
> build, rotating my hips to match her rhythm. Then down and away until I
feel her thrust up deep
> inside me, and it's all I can do not to scream out. I bury my face in her
chest, moaning her name,
> moving my right hand to her neck, my thumb on her cheek. I move my hips
up and down meeting her
> new thrusts until she slides her fingers out and returns to those small
circles, only this time,
> they are more heated, faster. And then the explosion. This ultimate
release of pent up lust and
> emotion that could only be tapped by Willow.
> I slump on top of her again, her hand dancing across my thigh to my back
where she wraps her
> other arm around me as well and holds me tight.
> "Willow." I nuzzle her now, holding her as tight as she is holding me.
> "Yeah." she strokes my hair with one hand, and kisses me lightly on my
forehead.
> "Can we do that again?" I ask smiling.
> She giggles and hugs me tight. "I-I'd like to..just lay here for a little
while if. if that's
> ok."
> "Ok.. as long as I'm with you. I don't care."
> "Good."
> "But Will/"
> "Yeah Buff?"
> "Can we still do that again.. later on?"
> "If you're good." she says teasingly.
>
>
> <So this is what it all means then. This is what it all comes down to.
Struggling with a
> realization, a need, a love that consumes. pain, anger, fear, passion.
want, desire. but most of
> all, pure love. True love. A connecting of minds and a touch of hearts.
I lover her completely,
> wholly. As she does me. All these years of fear, of doubt, shame and
guilt. All these unbidden
> emotions, struggling to break free. And here, finally it all sits,
bundled up into a great ball
> of passion on the verge of release. and we release it. The dream becomes
a reality. My prison
> door has swung wide open and there she stands before me, holding out her
hands, baring her heart
> and soul for me. I walk into her arms and I am free. I finally come
home.>
>
> "I love you Willow."
>
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> listen, i got some decent ideas on how to continue this little piece a
little further.. if you
> guys are interested... let me know and i'll see what i can do, though it
would be at least another
> week as im working on something else right now... anyway.. hope you
enjoyed the story...
> RW
>
>
>
> =====
> "What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
> anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
> as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
> beautiful music"
> -Soren Kierkegaard
>
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