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TO: All Department Heads; United Vegetable Empire; and all other interested parties. FROM: Director of Public Safety SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and Woods Outback Report – May 2002
It has come to may attention that several Gutter Dwellers and Woods Outback Residents out there are wondering where the End of the Month Report for May is. Well its simple really if one thinks about it – I have not had the time to compose it… and there is always the wait for the call from Interpol about a rampaging Koala on the autobahn and complaints from the Amazons about stray ‘tourists’ that keep showing up inthe bathing hut. Also one must take into account that it IS World Cup time. For those of you who aren’t familiar with World Cup Football – I feel for you, you don’t know the beauty you’re missing – or the fact that I happen to be a die-hard football nut, here’s your warning.
I, Shadow the batty one {to certain members of the Gutter and Woods Outback}, just love proper Football– and I’m not talking about that American crap – I’m talking the beautiful game that every other nation in the world calls football. To you crazy Americanson the list – you know it as ‘soccer’ for some bizarre ass reason I never understood. Face it, what Americans call football isn’t played with the feet – so why call it football at all? So anyway, since Korea is hosting the Cup this year – I have to record the games and watch themat a sane hour – because I refuse to stay up all night to catch the live coverage – my insomnia isn’t acting up this week and I’m not giving it any ideas.
What does all this mean you ask? Simple for this year and the following two you guys are going to have to deal with late Gutter and Woods Outback reports… the Women’s World Cup is next year and we justcan’t forget the Olympics that year after – we just can’t. :: grins wickedly ::
Now with that said and the non-football masses have been suitable freaked out by the hyper little beast wearing the Celtic Football Club t-shirt, lets get down to business shall we?
Item 1: US versus Portugal – 3 to 2 victory for the US National Men’s team – talk about making history or breaking curses whatever your view point, for those of you who have missed it shame on you. You missed a truly beautiful game the US making 3 goals for the first time since 1930 in WorldCup competition. Ireland versus Germany – 1 to 1 – while as a transplanted Deutschlander I was naturally rooting for my homeland – until they started the ‘theatrics’. For all you non-Footballers, the German National Team was taking dives, trying to get the penalty kicks and such. That annoys me, especially in World Cup play – you are suppose to be the best of the best and you’re out there falling down and faking injuries because you can’t get the ball any closer tothe goal. Granted taking dives in the box with the referee catching you is a yellow card… the mere thought that suchpractices happen is annoying and is a disgrace to the game. So after the German team started the theatrics I started rooting for Ireland – hey I’m allowed, I got a bit of Irish in me too… I’m your basic vampire flaying fox ‘mutt’ of a fruit bat over here. :-D
Item 2: In regards to theunnamed Gutter Dwellers and/or Woods Outback Residents that signed me up for “Football Addicts” – not funny guys. :: Gives certain nickering Gutter and Woods Outback Dwellers a hard look. :: I will remember this the next time you guys run up bills on Rod’s credit cards and want me to sign off on them.
Item 3: Regarding the penguins in Quin’s office, yes they are live… real penguins… exactly what they are doing in the Gutter Security Chief’s office is a bit unknown. Although the office thermostat has been set to like freezing, which would explain why the mailroom staff have pulled out their heavy winter parkas, we’re still unsure why Quin is hording penguins in his office.
Item 4: Will the person or forest creature responsible for turning the Gutter Office Lunch Room into a skating rink {gives a certain shade wearing Koala with the ice skates a meaningful look} please unfreeze the floor already! And quit hiding the hot sauce – I don’t care what the label says I doubt it is hot enough to actually melt your beloved ice rink.
Item 4 add-on: And no – I’m not buying the reasoning that the makeshift ice rink is for the penguins in Quin’s office.
Item 5: Okay who is hiding the little grey fox? The gremlinwants her beta reader back – or in the very least an emergency replacement until the fox can be found and deprogrammed if necessary if the evil adults have gotten to her.
Item 6: Regarding naked bard pouncing… please be aware of the tall, broody and quite homicidal bard-warmer that also answers to: “Warrior Princess”, “Destroyer of Nations”, and “The Goddess that is Xena” – is not known for playing well with others. She is quite possessive and very prone to killing first and not bothering to ask questions later when it comes to people; looking, touching or even thinking of looking and touching HER bard. However if you feel you absolutely must pounce on the naked bard, please leave copies of dental records, fingerprints, and preferences for burial – if we should be able to find enough remains to actually bury – at the Office of Gutter Security before you actually pounce.
That is all we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics – and I must go finish watching my recorded football games now. :: big grin ::
Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn. Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}
"I donot brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002
AIM screenname: WolfFalke Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow} ICQ Number: 120681217 Web Page: http://shadowlander.topcities.com/
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