|
Hi
guys.
Again it's been a
long time in coming, sorry about that, it's due to several issues. Please
enjoy.
Stefan
Akerblom The Slayer And The Witch - Stefan Akerblom - nagarek@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Brief: Buffy and Willow have both recently lost their partners, Willow is hospitalised and Buffy is almost paralysed with guilt over it, both Willow and Buffy realise how much they really mean to each other, they embark on a voyage of discovery and figuring out away to break their new relationship to their friends while keeping the minions of the hellmouth from taking over. Meanwhile solutions present themselves which can have far reaching effects on Buffy and Willow's future. Distribution: BuffyWantsWillow and MegaWitches (www.megawitches.net) get automatic rights, anyone else who likes it enough to host it, just please give me a link to where it's hosted Many thanks go to: Chapter 16 - Ashes, ashes, we all fall down Willow sat in the kitchen at the Magic Box and glared at the screen of her laptop computer, she'd already tapped away and written on it for several minutes. She turned and looked out to the war chamber. She saw everyone still deep in planning for the assault on Rack's, Xander was objecting loudly to something in one of Buffy's tactics, Anya along with him, mainly because it involved Xander. In spite of the disastrous wedding, Xander had managed to somehow convince Anya to give him a second chance, but she was still wary of anything he did and wouldn't let him out of her sight for very long, she had turned very possessive and defensive, anything that would put Xander in danger was against her philosophy right now. Willow sighed, turned back and blinked to readjust her eyes to the screen's glow and reread her writing. ========================= Journal Entry - If I have time, I must get a bigger hard drive, this one's almost full of my inane rambling, but I just can't erase them and let them go, they are the journey of my life. And this is another long boring dumping of what I'm feeling right now about this whole mess. Well here I sit and think and listen, Buffy's making war on Rack, The Scoobies are her war council with Becky andErin now honourary members. And I have to stay out of this little war, although I know Rack best of us all. I wish I could trust myself to just do what's right and not go overboard, but it's all so raw, so fresh, I don't think anyone should trust me, I don't, at least not yet. And now Erin's got my head gears whirring about what might have happened between Buffy and Spike. I just don't know if Buffy could do that, to sleep with the one thing in her life that's almost evil. True, Spike was about as helpless as a kitten for a long time, he protected Dawnie, he protected and helped us all. So in a way I could see it, in a way there's something magnetic about him, something that could compel Buffy to do something like that. God I don't want to even think about it. Where does that leave me, does she have feelings for Spike the way she still does with Angel? She's admitted often that she still has feelings for Angel. I must ask her what they did, and I must ask soon. I find myself in a weird place, on the one hand I love Tara so much and miss her very badly, to see her again and to have had her nearby was so painful it makes me want to burst into tears and hug her and kiss her and bring everything back to how it was. And I admit it, I want her back, so desperately do I want her to return to me sometimes. But I know inher heart she hasn't forgiven me for what I have done, she knows now about the spells, knows almost all the details, the things I did. She knows I did them out of love for Buffy, she always knew on some level that Buffy and I were friends beyond simple friendship, but I'm not sure she knew how deep my love reallyran. But in her mind I transgressed, I abused the realms of man, I have gone beyond what is meant for man to know about and done things that should never be done. I suppose the best I can hope for is to still be friends with her, which is almost harder than losing her, to be friends with someone you still love desperately, knowing you can never have that level of her love in return again, ever. Which brings me to Buffy, how can I still feel so strongly for Tara when I love Buffy so much? I can't explain it, I only know I love them both dearly, I love Tara with passion and compassion, she is funny and sweet and so warm and cuddly and smart and so many things, she wasn't my first, but she was the first to show me what I really am. I just can't let her out of my mind, Buffy's there like a beacon glowing blinding white in the darkness, she occupies my mind all the time, hardly a moment goes by without me thinking about her. But Tara's there too, she is an anchor in the storm of my emotions, she showed me so many things. I don't know whether she fully realised how much I loved her and relied on her. I do know now. I realise and I knowwhat I have lost, and now she's gone. But now I can love Buffy freely, I can love her with everything I have, for the time I have left. Nobody knows the price I have paid, and they never will, because I have lied to them all to protect this secret, to keep this from Buffy. It's the one thing she will never know about me, because it would kill her again if I told her. To bring her back to me and to have her here is a blessing. I know now that I tore her out of heaven, but I don't care any more, I've got to let that go. I felt so much guilt and sadness and remorse for having done it, I felt so badly because I had taken her away from her final peace. But my heart was broken, my will to fight the urge to bring her back was gone, my resolve to bring her back was unstoppable, if nobody had helped me, I would have tried anyway, knowing I would probably die trying, because I just didn't want to be without Buffy any longer. Even though I loved Tara so much, there was always a big piece of my heart that belonged to Buffy. I always did wonder if there could ever be a chance the three of us could be together, but now that's too late. Buffy is the one thing in my life that has been monumental, she brought the shy weak little girl out of herself into this that I am now, she has made me what I am and I owe her everything, including my heart. After all, I have already given my soul for her, my heart isn't thatbig a price, and it's one I would gladly pay. I know now that I could never give my heart and soul to anyone else but Buffy, to die for her, the way that Buffydied for us all; knowing she would die. I can't imagine how much courage that took. But maybe I can, in a way I've done the same, it's only a matter of time until then, but the sadness is that I don't know how long I have left before it takes me away. Until then I plan on taking every day one day at a time, to give everything I have to her, to be with her and comfort her and care for her, and cherish her every single moment we have left together. Everyone thought I was depressed whenBuffy was acting so strange after I brought her back and when Tara left. But I wasn't, or maybe I was but not for the reasons they thought. I was just sad that I had done everything I could, had succeded in bringing Buffy back, and everyone had been mad at me and even Buffy had been angry, and they had no idea what I had to do to make it happen, because I couldn't tell them, I still can't, they know most of it now but not all. It seemed like such a waste, knowing I had donewhat I did and that nobody could appreciate what I'd had to do. And then it takes a stupid car accident to make it all happen the way it should have in the first place, life is such a weird place to be. I have bad feelings about this war with Rack. I know just how nasty and powerful he is, even though I can't remember most of the things that happened at his place. I just can't recall some of the darker moments, I think I went somewhere, some other place in some other dimension. He's possibly the most powerful warlock we've ever encountered. We've had some doozies but I think Rack's going to either make or break us this time. And I can't even help. I am so afraid I'll lose Buffy again, and I can't bring her back this time. I have promised the others I wouldn't do magick. And that's my problem, I promised and even if I wanted to, I can't bring her back anyway because I have nothing left to bargain with, I have nothing left to give, the next time she dies it's for good. If she dies, I will die as well because Ihave given everything I had to have her back, and being in this world without her after that would be pointless. I'm going to stop now because this is getting depressing. But if anyone reads this stuff after I'm gone, just remember please, and forgive me for what I did. Everything I did was for love, everything I gave was for love, for my love of Buffy. I made a mess of Tara's love for which I will never forgive myself, but at least I can live for Buffy for a while, and love her with all my heart. ========================= She sighed deeply, and saved the file, and closed the notebook computer, then catching herself, she opened it back up and reopened the file. Sitting back for a moment, she thought about the dialog box on the screen in front of her. She typed in the word 'slayer' which insteadof characters, displayed little dots on the input line as she password protected the file. It wouldn't do to have anyone reading this stuff now, she had to keep this a secret. She chastised herself mentally for it, already too much had been lost because people had been keeping secrets, but this was something she had to keep to herself, it would literally tear everyone apart knowing what was to come. This little war with Rack would seem trivial and unimportant in the scheme of things if they knew who their real nemesis might be. Rack was probably a demon, was possibly even part of the major hierarchy of demons, nobody knewfor sure who he was, he was a deceiver, he was a fiend and a powerful one at that. But he was still only a lackey by comparison, she had bargained with someone who made Rack seem like a kid with a runny nose at a hotdog stand. Glory had been powerful, but she had been unstable and insane. Rack was callous and rational in his evil, but he was still a rank amateur compared to ... well he was no match for her real adversary. And one day he would come for his part in the bargain, he would claim his prize. --------------------------------------- "Hey is it just me or should this attack plan come in a big box marked ACME and with big white warning stickers 'STUPID IDEA' all over it? If this guy is so dangerous and we now have Willow back to normal, why the hell are we still going in there anyway?" Xander was sitting doodling aimlessly on a sheet of already scribble filled paper, arrows and diagrams and names covering it completely. He looked up, licked his lips nervously and stared into Buffy's eyes. "Let's just leave him there. Why goin, guns blazing and get our asses whipped? I vote we forget about him and don't go in, all those in favour raise their hand!" He raised his own looking around hopefully at the Scoobies, and saw only Anya echoing his sentiments with her hand raised and a supportive grin spread across her lips, he saw hesitant looks from Erin and Becky, resolute determination from the others. Buffy crossed her arms and leaned sideways against the table, her lips pressed together in her patented 'not impressed' look. She glanced at Becky and Erin giving them pleading looks, and they kept their hands down. She turned back. Xander andAnya put their hands down, and he sighed in resignation, shaking his head and going back to the doodling. "Xander, I need you in this, don't goweird on me now. From what you guys have been been telling me, I will need everyone's help if we're gonna beat him. Together and co-ordinated we can win this fight, if we hesitate for even a second, Rack could mince us up like ... like so much hamburger." Buffy remembered back to the Doublemeat Palace's meat grinders and inwardly shuddered. Xander swallowed and refused to meet her gaze, a thin mirthless smile on his lips. "Well sounds to me like we're gonna wind up mince chow anyway. I don't think we're thinking too clearly about all this, you're so determined to take him down I think you've lost perspective. One day we're gonna chew off just a bit more than we can swallow, and this might bethat time. Why not concentrate on finding the amulet and stopping this demon from turning Angel on us? I for one don't want to be within reach if Angelus makes another appearance, once was quite enough, that cost us plenty." He looked up with tired eyes. "Look I'm not just being my 'cowardly lion' self, althoughthat has it's merits too. I just think ... well I just think while the going is this good, we have you and Will back to normal, let's not tempt the gods, they always wind up poking us in the eyes with sharp sticks." Buffy saw the look of pleading, his eyes betraying fear not only for his own life, but for all of them. He sighed and again looked down at the page, his fingers pressing the pencil hard, almost incizing jagged dark lines deeply into the paper. She softened her demeanour and tried to think of a way to get through. She sat down in the chair beside him and stilled his doodling hand with her own, Xander looked up into her softened eyes and blinked several times. Buffy spoke calmly and softly. "Xander, this ... thing has attacked Willow, he touched her, he all but raped her and I'm not so sure he didn't actually really do that too. Is Willow the first? I doubt it, Is she the last? No I doubt that too, not unless someone does something about it. And guess what, we'rethe only ones even close to being capable of doing anything about it." She looked back to where Willow sat in the kitchen, her laptop open on the table and Willow typing up a storm. Inwardly she smiled when she saw the old hacker computernerd Willow, before the magick made her the most powerful wicca in this part of the world. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Look at her Xan ..." he turned his eyes to Willow. "... you know her better than any of us, you know her better than Ido, and she's chosen me to be with. I hardly know anything about her, I know the most important thing in the universe to me, that she loves me, and I can eventually learn the rest. But you know her on a level I never can, you have been her best bud since you were kids. I can never have that. How can you stand back and let someone get away with doing what he did to Willow when she's that important in your life?" She turned back, her gaze probed deeply into Xanders, her eyes glistening with moisture. "I can't Xander! I can't stand back and let him do that, and keep doing that to god knows how many more girls." She sniffed back her emotions, swallowed once and stood up looking down on him. "I can't forgive him for doing what he did to Willow, and whatever else happens, whether you're with me in this or not, he will pay." Xander blinked and swallowed, his nerves frayed and ragged, the fear apparent in his features, but he stuck his jaw out and clamped his teeth together. "Buffy you know me, you know what I do, and you know I'm with you all the way, I'm just trying to be your better conscience in this, seeing as nobody else seems to see that this might get really ugly. But I've stood beside you and fought with you when everything seemed hopeless, and I ... hardly ever hesitated. I'll go in, and I'll fight for you, you know that." His eyes took on a steely sheen unusual for him. "But I am just saying I have a bad feeling about this, I trust my cowardly instincts, they have never oncelet me down yet, even though I have learned to ignore them and do stupid things anyway. And right now there are alarm bells screaming loudly enough that I'm surprised you can't hear them." He looked around the room. "I'll go in, andI'll fight and ... if it comes to that I'll die beside you. But I just want you to know ..." his voice began quavering and he faltered, looked down at the paper and fell silent. "Xander, I hope to god nobody dies, but I can't guarantee it, but if it's to be anyone it'll be me ..." Dawn gasped out loud and squeaked, her hands flying to her throat. Xander slammed down the pencil and looked up at her with a manic 'You have to be kidding me' stare. "Awww man ..." Buffy nodded back, turned to Becky and continued. "Becky, you and I will go in and when we get past his guards andget to Rack, you will pull back and let me fight him alone, you don't touch himeven if it looks like I might be losing, you pull back instead then and regroup with the others." Becky blinked and nodded in understanding. "If need be, you will all then evacuate and the contingency plan will kick in. I want to take Rack out so he can't ever come back, but if the best we can do is banish him for a time then that's what we'll do. If I fall you do not try to rescue me, he'll already have killed me by that time so it's not worth the effort of trying to save me. Giles, the next thing you do is get the Council to release Faith or do something so another slayer can take over, you got that?" Giles nodded and pushed the glasses up his nose. "You have to make sure that Rack is never going to come back or hurt anyone again. You must do whatever it takes." Buffy closed hereyes and took a deep breath. "That's about all I can think of to do for now. We have a rough idea of the layout thanks to Willow, Erin and Giles know where to put the wards and spells and stuff, we can plan our actual combat tomorrow morning, before we go in. We hit him and hit him hard, hopefully he'll be at his most vulnerable, with any luck he'll not expect us to attack then." She sighed and swallowed. "One final thing, Willow is not in this fight, I want her there with us in the car but not in the combat, and she will have Dawn with her. No offense to anyone, but I don't trust magic at the best of times and I certainly don't trust warding magic to keep the Magic Box completely safe if Rack is a powerful demon. And if Angel turns I don't want Dawn and Will anywhere near here, I want them close by so we can protect them properly." She stopped and looked around the group. "You will not mention what I just said before to her, as far as we are concerned we're going in to succeed, we're going in to win this fight. She will be free from Rack for ever and so will everyone in Sunnydale. Do I make myself absolutely crystal clear on this?" There wasnods and rustling of papers from the whole group, she looked down at Xander who just sat there with a stunned look on his face. She stepped closer, gave his hand a comforting squeeze, but he never looked up so she just left him and walked toward the kitchen. With that, the rest of the group disbanded and began making their way to their respective homes. Becky and Erin said good night and left after the wards around the shop had been cleared. Xander looked up, seeing Buffy walk away. He stood up, looked around to see Giles stepping towards the research section, and he followed him among the stacks of books. Anya looked at Xander as he silently got up and walked off, shrugged her shoulders and stepped around the counter and continued some book keeping she'd left off before the group had all converged on the shop. When he was out of eyeshot of everyone, Xander detoured and walked away from Giles, and went over to a darkened corner. ---------------------------------------- The phone rang three times before being picked up, the hand clutched at the receiver as if it was a snake wanting to strike. "He-hello?" "Tara? Hi, I can't talk long but god do I need you right now." the voice whispered electronically, the cell phone sounded tinny and crackling in the chill air of the room but Tara could hear the tinge of desperation. "Xander? Hey, what do ... what's wrong? What can I d-do?" "Aw man, these people are nuts, they're gonna go up against Rack and try to kick his ass back to hell, and they expect me to just go in there without trying to talk sense to them. But they're not listening, they will go in tomorrow morning and Buffy's gonna try to kill him. And I just have the worst feeling about all this, you know I can feel things when they go down and this sucks like you wouldn't believe!" Tara remained momentarily silent and tried to comprehend what Xander's words meant. "But Xander, that's what Buffy does, she goes in and kicks the demons out and kills the vamps, th-that's her job, remember?" "Yeah but deep down I know there's something different with this guy, there's something wrong and we can't see it. And Iknow this is all gonna go bad, and I am so afraid Buffy will go down. She's gonna get herself killed again and ... and right now that'd break Will's heart. She'djust curl up and die." Xander heard the hesitation on the other side. "You have to help them, you have to lend them a hand with the mag ..." "Xander? NOO! You know I can't do that, you know I can't interfere with magick, specially if it's going to be around W-Willow, she's fighting hard enough now as she can, she can't have me messing around with spells around her." Tara heard the frustrated voice on the other side rise slightly, then lower as Xander tried to remain in control and keep his tone to a steady whisper. "They already have spell help, one ofthe nurses that treated Will is a wicca, she's gonna try casting wards and stuff, but I don't think it's gonna be enough, I'm so afraid this will all end up with someone being badly hurt or killed. Please Tara, I need you to help with this!" Tara sucked in her breath. "Willow's already using magick with another wicca? Well then y-you don't really need me." Xander could hear the bitterness and disappointment in her voice. "Huh? What?? Oh NO! God no Tara, no she's really not, she's being so good, and that's EXACTLY why I need your help, Willow refuses to do the magick, and Erin's gonna try instead, and she has already admitted she's not very powerful with the ... with the power. I need you tohelp cos you're about the most powerful witch we know apart from Will, and if you don't then I'm afraid Buffy's gonna get herself killed again. And this time there'll be no turning back. This time she'll die and we can't do anything to stop it or bring her back." Xander heard deadly silence on the other end ofthe phone line, he licked his lips and tried not to let the panic creep into his voice. "Please Tara ... I don't want Buff ..." "She should never have been brought back in the first place, that's why all this has blown up, and why W-W-Willow and I..." Xander couldn't help himself, he let out a squeak he quickly stifled, hoping nobody heard him. "TARA ... Tara, PLEASE? For the love of god, this has nothing to do with that, Buffy is here ... NOW, and she's happy and alive. And I want her to stay that way, please help me ... us, please help us, if not for my sake then do it for Buffy and Willow, do it for Willow's sake." Xander listened and heard what sounded like fingers tapping nervously on the plastic of the receiver. "Please Tara, please, if you love Will at all still, then please do this for her, do this and I will never ask you to do anything else." A deep breath came next and Tara spoke with what reservation, dignity and resignation she had left. "Xander, you know I love Willow with everything I have left, she was the single most important thing to ever happen in my life and ... now sh-she's ..." Xander didn't need to hear the words but he knew Tara felt betrayed that Buffy had taken her place in Willow's life, where she had once been Willow's complete focus. Tara stopped speaking for a few seconds. Xander felt palpable pain and sadness through the phoneline but knew he had to ignore that for now, for all their sakes. He looked around nervously expecting at any time to be disturbed in his shadowy corner. She finally spoke. "When are you going to go in, when is this happening?" "Tomorrow morning, five am, we're meeting here at three, at the Magic Box. We'll be going in all the cars, Becky and Erin don't have one, so Giles is stopping by their apartment to pick them up first thing. And we need to bring all the equipment. Wes is bringing a load of magical axes and stuff they know are real effective against demons. Erin's bringingher potions and spellbooks and stuff. And Buffy of course will go in with her fists like Tyson, hoping she can beat the snot out of anything that steps in front of her. Becky's also into martial arts but I don't think it'll be enough." Tara had a puzzled tone in her voice. "B-Becky? I thought you said her namewas E-Erin." "Becky and Erin are a couple, I think they're ... married or something. They're ... you know ... like ... like ..." Tara smiled softly as she understood why Xander's voice sounded strained and embarrassed. "Yeah I know what you mean Xander. Well when will you get home, can I think about this or something, can I call you later before I make my mind up?" "Yeah please call me, and please say yes, I have to make you say yes. This will be the most important thing I have ever asked you to do, and about the only favour I have ever asked of you, but you know I wouldn't ask you unless I thought it was real important." Tara sighed and nodded at the phone, catching herself and feeling silly. "Yeah I know Xander, but I still needto think about it, can I do that please, give me an hour or two at least? And I can't promise I'll say yes." "I know Tara, but I need you to say yes, so I'll give you a couple of hours, if you don't call me back on my cell phone, I will take that as you saying no ... but I can't have you saying no, not this time, this is too important to me." Tara could hear rustling as the receiver got covered by something. It suddenly sounded uncovered again. "Gotta go, bye."came the hurried hissed whisper, and then a click as the tone dropped out, and the line went dead. "WAIT!" but it was too late, all she heard was the steady droning hiss of background electronic noise and beeping fromthe phone. "... I don't know your new cell number." She thought for a second and came to the conclusion she should be able to get his number by calling telephone services. She tapped out the number and waited. --------------------------------------------- "You ready to go Will?" Buffy walked into the kitchen where Willow sat at the table. The red-head looked up, mouth set in a crooked line, concern on her brows as she looked at Buffy's tired eyes. "Yeah, lets go home, you look pretty beat." Willow stood up, all her awkwardness and pain seemed to have gone. Buffy smiled as she looked on, Willow would soon be back to normal, and they could begin really putting their life together. After this battle with Rack, there should be nothing in the way of them being happy, apart from the routine daily nuisances like normal vampires and demons. This battle with Rack had everyone spooked, even Giles and Wes were being really cagey and apprehensive. As far as anyone knew, Rack was nothing more than a man with a lot of magick power, but Erinhad convinced the group that he was some form of demon masquerading as a human.Well it was probably best to be cautious, Buffy had never come up against Rack, but his little house of nastiness sounded like quite a vipers nest. If everyonewas right and it was full of demons and other traps, then this was by far the most able group to go up against him. Even in their heyday, Buffy doubted the Initiative could have gone up against Rack. If everyone's fears were right,then this would prove to be one of the heaviest battles the Scoobies had ever gone into, next to the one they had fought against the goddess Glory. Buffy helped Willow put on her coat, then put on her own as Willow gathered up her computer and handbag. Dawn walked into the kitchen and silently took her own coat off the back of one of the chairs, and put it over her shoulders, then walked towards the front door of the shop. Buffy reached out and took the laptop off Willow and slung the carrier strap over her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Dawn giving her a glare of silent but utter foulness, but she wouldn't bite at it for the moment. She'd approach Dawn about it when they got home and they could discuss things more privately. Buffy understood Dawn's silence and anger with her, but she would somehow make her understand. Buffy looked back to Willow, and then held out her hand. Willow looked at her and smiled sweetly, and reached out her right hand and clasped Buffy's tightly. "Ok everyone, we're going, see you all here at 3am sharp." There was groans and grunts from various directions, which Buffy took as being affirmations. She led Willow up to the front of the shop. Dawn twisted the knob and flung open the door and stepped through, the brass bell on the jamb pealed loudly in the night air. After pulling the door shut behind them, Buffy and Willow trooped out into the chilling night and walked over to the jeep where Dawn stood with her hands in her pockets leaning against therear door, her head bowed forward so her face was covered by a curtain of hair, she remained silent. Willow looked at Buffy, who just shrugged her shoulders in dismissal and opened the doors. They all got in and Buffy took off with a roar of the engine and a squeal of tires. Soon they had driven the short distance from the shop to their home. Dawn again stepped out first, slamming the door a little too hard and stomping off up the path. She got to the front door first, unlocked it, pushed open the door and quickly taking the stairs two steps at a time,she disappeared into the darkened house. "What's up with her?" Willow looked at Buffy as she got out and stepped up beside her. Buffy looked at Willow and shrugged her shoulders, her eyebrows arching. She took hold of Willow's hand again and began walking. "Oh you know Dawn, she's probably still upset ... uh ... about Spike. Don't worry, she'll be ok." Willow nodded, but her brow remained creased in concern. They trudged up the path and stepped intothe house. Putting on the inside light, Buffy closed and latched the front door "I'm gonna make some food and stuff for tomorrow morning before I cometo bed, I'll come up in a couple of minutes." Willow nodded. "Ok Buffy, don't be too long, you gotta get some sleep." She smiled and leaned forward to give Buffy a short but full kiss on the lips, then turned and began going up the steps a bit more sedately than Dawn had. Buffy looked up the stairs at the retreating back of her lover, and licked her lips tasting Willow, feeling the butterflies in her tummy from the kiss. She sighed at the pleasant sensation it gave her and went into the kitchen to begin rifling through the cupboards for a thermos and some plastic containers. she then began preparing sandwiches and boiling water to fill the thermos with, they would be needing this in a few hours and she didn't wantto be making stuff at three in the morning. When she'd finished, she turned off the light and stepped out of the kitchen, walking up the stairs and turning right to the bedroom where by now presumably Willow lay in bed. She stopped in her tracks, and turnedto look towards Dawn's bedroom door, to see if the light was on. It wasn't andshe debated for a moment with herself whether to go and talk with her sister, maybe they could talk in the morning when she'd have had some time to calm down. Buffy understood why Dawn was so upset, she was angry at Buffy for even suggesting that she would die again. Dawn had been devastated by Buffy's death and when Willow had brought her back, Dawn had been jubilant. But as time progressed, and Buffy became more estranged to the Scoobies after the resurrection, Dawn had become more reticent because she thought Buffy didn't want to be back, in fact she'd accused Buffy of wanting to die again so she didn't have to deal withher sister. This had been a terrible slap in the face to Buffy, but she began realising how her behaviour was affecting her friends and family. After Buffy had finally stopped seeing Spike and had begun making every effort to make amends with her friends and Dawn, things had started looking up. Dawn's behaviour had improved, she was no longer shoplifting to make herself the target of attention she so craved to be, Buffy had made great strides with her relationship with her sister. And now she'd stated this very night she was willing to leave them all again, to die if the need came up, and Dawn had reacted predictably. Buffy mentally kicked herself for being so thoughtless. She knew Dawn would be badly affected by hearing something like that. She stepped up to Dawn's door and taking a deep breath, she knocked quietly and waited. Silence. She knocked again, and more silence. She thought of knocking again, when the door opened and Dawn stood there in her snoopy covered pyjamas, her face tearstreaked and her nose bright red. She looked out at Buffy and her bottom lip started trembling. She flung herself forward and hugged Buffy tightly, her face pressed into the hollow of Buffy's neck. "Please don't die again." she whimpered. ---------------------------------
The darkness remained palpable even to something as disjointed as the consciousness. But it realised something hadcome close and was nearby still. So it bided it's time and waited. Oddly enough it heard a voice, and it recognised it and would have gasped had it been capable, but it remained as unable to do more than just think as before. Whatever had happened had left it apparently paralysed and unable to even lift a finger or an eyelid. For what seemed like the thousandth time a panic crept into it's thoughts. What if this was all there was to be, a simple consciousness in silence and darkness for all eternity, the thought was galling and made the consciousness blanch mentally. It was intolerable, and ... and ... what could be done? Nothing, and then the voice came and jarred it out of it's revery. Female with a lilt and a strange accent it found difficult to place at first, but quickly it realised it knew this presence. "'Ullo my love, we meet again. Only this time it's a bit less possible to be personal. I'm sorry you're like this, I really am, but it was the only way I could get you away from that nasty. I could see it, it was like a hole and I could look right inside you, and I got lost in the light ... and that was so wrong, not at all how it should be." The voice was pouting and had a distinct English accent, country in origin ... and how did the consciousness know this? What was this 'English' that crept into it's thoughts? But it knew the voice, the voice of a mad woman, the voice of a lunatic taken at a time when she was vulnerable and so young and so precious. "I 'eard you was in trouble and I wanted to come save you from yourself. So I 'urried 'ere and brought a friend, he 'elped me find you, not that it was difficult. You always 'ad a habit of stickin' to yer old haunts." The voice swirled through the consciousness and washed around it, memories of torment and pain and fear, and they'd shared the nights, had taken the darkness and made it their own and filled it with blood and suffering. Those were the days. Sadness crept into it's thoughts, memories long lost now in time, and so sweet and so delectable, and now so far away. Where were they,what had happened, how had he known all this? "I'm workin' 'ard to find some way toset things right, to get you out of this bubble and back in your old self. The stars told me you have a part to play still and you can't be gone, and dolly saidyou had to go back to your old self, how you was before you became earthbound and became my love. That's why I keep you 'ere, I'm trying to find a way of bringin' you back. So you have to be patient, just keep yourself amused somehow while mummy makes things all better."
To be continued in: Chapter 17 - To the limit, and beyond |