FF: Razor's Edge 4/9 - W/Fitz - PG13

["Hunter Ash" <carrkjar@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Razor's Edge
Part 4

Author: Frau Hunter Ash 
Copyright © 2002 by Hunter Ash. All Rights Reserved.
Email: carrkjar@xxxxxxxxx Feedback welcome!!
Homepage Addy: http://www.hunterash.com/ 

Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, 
Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline, 
however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be 
sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made 
for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright 
notices.

F/F romance: the story assumes a loving and sexual relationship 
between people of the same gender and may even include 3 at the same 
time <G>. If this offends or is illegal for you, then please leave.  
Come back when you are older, have an open mind, moved, or changed 
your laws. 

Spoilers: up to season 5. Oz never returned

Summary: After fighting with Willow, Fitz sinks into a suicidal 
depression and plans on leaving Sunnydale if the gang can't find a 
way to send her back to her own realm. Buffy has plans on getting 
the two women talking again but Spike has a surprise for the Slayers 
and Scooby Gang. Willow has a major surprise of her own to announce 
as well.

Rating: PG-13 

Author's Note: Pairing: AU: Fitz/Willow, B/A



Fitz sat in her wheelchair on the back porch late the next night, 
watching the moonlight.  

Buffy moved through the yard with the grace of a cat and vaulted over 
the railing to land in front of Fitz easily.

"What up, girlfriend?" Buffy quipped.

"Not me," Fitz shrugged, taking a long drink of whiskey.

"Call her already!" Buffy urged, frowning at the bottle. "Should you 
be doing that with those pain meds?"

"One, she won't talk to me. Two, the combination helps ease the 
mental as well as the physical pain then. Three, I'm Irish, whiskey 
isn't gonna kill me, Buff," Fitz answered somewhat sarcastically.

"Have you told her that you love her?" Buffy asked, sitting down on 
the railing.

"No, I told her I wasn't in love with her," Fitz said softly.

"Why the hell would you tell her that? You are so hung up on her it's 
getting pathetic!" Buffy declared.

"Aye, and I wasn't about to say that to her! She's confusing pity and 
friendship for love," Fitz countered. "I wasn't going to add to that 
confusion. I don't belong here! I'm not right for her. I had my shot 
with a Willow and I lost it!"

"Fitz," Buffy began softly but Fitz waved her off.

"I'm having Giles arrange me a transfer to England," Fitz said firmly.

"You're running away," Buffy accused.

"Aye, it's either that or this!" Fitz growled and held out her hand, 
revealing a razor blade in the palm of her hand.

Buffy's eyes widened and she slowly stood up and took the razor blade 
from her fellow Slayer, carefully watching the dark Slayer's blue 
eyes. Buffy was alarmed by the bright, almost manic look in Fitz' 
eyes.

"That's never an answer," Buffy whispered, her own eyes blazing with 
emotions: fear, anger, confusion and hurt.

"What would you do, Buffy?" Fitz demanded, tears filling her 
eyes. "I don't belong in this world and I don't belong in mine now. 
I've fallen in love with this Willow and I'm not a Slayer in either 
world. I knew being the Slayer wasn't fair but this is a little 
beyond even what a saint could take and I'm not a saint!"

"Promise me you won't try this!" Buffy demanded, holding up the razor 
blade.

"Alright then," Fitz nodded. "I'll be leaving then."

Buffy frowned for several moments. "Don't move!" she ordered.

"Like and where would I be going?" Fitz snapped.

Buffy ignored her and went inside the house for several minutes 
before coming back out. The blonde Slayer sat down on the railing 
again but didn't say anything to Fitz and the Irishwoman let the 
silence lay between them.

Fitz blinked in confusion when Anya and Xander walked into Buffy's 
back yard.

"Do they always come visiting at midnight?" Fitz growled.

"Only when a Slayer is in trouble," Xander countered.

"Buffy?" Fitz questioned.

"I'm fine," Buffy growled. "You, on the other hand, are a mess and 
this is not an option!" 

Buffy held up the razor blade for Anya and Xander to see. Fitz 
turned bright red at the sudden glares she was getting from the young 
couple.

"What?" Fitz demanded. "You wouldn't care if I did! I don't belong 
here, right?"

Xander blushed, realizing he had been overheard.

"Okay, maybe I said that last night but that doesn't mean I want you 
dead!" he growled. "I just don't want Will hurt."

"Me either. What are they doing here?" Fitz demanded from Buffy.

"Xander has a pickup, we're going to pack you into the back and take 
a ride," Buffy declared. "Since you can't beat me, you don't have a 
choice."

"Lay off!" Fitz snapped and attempted to wheel herself around the 
Slayer but Buffy easily held the chair in place. Fitz' face became 
panicked. "Please, whatever you've got planned, let it go. I'm gone 
next week, she'll never see me again."

"Is that what you think will make her happy?" Buffy demanded. "I've 
never seen her like this! This is worse than when Oz left! You two 
got to each other somehow during all this mess. Maybe the spell was 
the right one that brought you here! Ever think of that?"

"You mean she might really be Willow's soul mate?" Xander demanded 
with a snarl, echoing Fitz' questioning thoughts.

"Odds are really good that she is," Anya said calmly. "Spells like 
that are usually very specific and the demons who do the fetching are 
very good at what they do."

"Willow's gotten over Oz, she was attracted to Tara and has fallen 
for Fitz, that doesn't sound like Oz was her soul mate to me," Buffy 
added as Fitz frowned.

The dark Slayer squeaked as Buffy grabbed the handles of the 
wheelchair and Xander reached down for the bottom as they carried her 
down the stairs to the sidewalk.

"Please don't do this, she's better off without me!" Fitz begged.

"Get over it," Buffy growled. "I may be a miserable friend at times 
and ignore my friends but not this time!"

Somehow the three active young adults got the injured Slayer into the 
back of Xander's pickup on a sleeping bag without too much hassle 
once Fitz gave in and quit fighting and arguing. Buffy settled in 
next to her fellow Slayer and wrapped her arm around Fitz' shoulders.

"She's going to kill you guys," Fitz predicted.

"Not if you keep her occupied with lots of kisses," Buffy suggested 
and grinned as Fitz blushed.

Fitz decided that talking wasn't helping either and kept quiet on the 
ride over to the dorms. "We can't get in, no key," Fitz growled.

"I still live with Will, technically," Buffy countered, holding up 
her keys. She jumped over the side of the truck easily when Xander 
parked. Together they got the wheelchair and Slayer out and headed 
towards the dorm.

"Maybe she's doing magic stuff with Tara," Fitz suggested. "We'd 
miss her."

"Then we'll put you in my bed and take the wheelchair, you two will 
have to talk when she gets home," Buffy countered and Xander 
smirked.  

"You know, this Cupid thing is kinda fun," he smiled as Anya giggled.

"Lay off!" Fitz growled.

Buffy opened the door with her key and held it open while Xander 
wheeled the dark Slayer inside.  

"Hey, Buff, aren't there supposed to be lights?" Xander asked as 
Buffy turned and shoved him aside, drawing out her stake and Fitz 
reached for the absent dagger in her boot.

The lights snapped on and Buffy turned to shove Anya out the door 
when something slammed into her from behind, sending her to the floor.

"Buffy!" Xander yelled as he turned and saw two vampires standing 
just inside the door, one holding Anya, a knife at her throat.

Buffy looked around as Xander pulled Fitz back against a side wall.

The common area of the dorm was filled with students and vampires.  
Three students were already dead, their throats and pale skin 
revealing how they had died. The other students were clinging to 
each other as vampires threatened them with guns and knives and their 
vampire 'game faces.'

In the center of the room was Druscilla with an unconscious Willow at 
her feet.

"No!" Fitz screamed, trying to climb out of the chair as Xander held 
her back and Buffy jumped in front of them.

"One move and my friends will start cutting down on the college 
campus' population," a voice smirked.  

Buffy's eyes widened as Spike stepped out from behind several 
students and walked over to wrap an arm around Druscilla's shoulders.

"I thought you said he was tame!" Fitz snapped.

"He's supposed to be," Buffy complained.

"Oh I still can't do a bloody thing with this sodding chip but Dru 
can," Spike growled.  

"Yes, Miss Edith tells me that flame here is the one that brought 
Angel back and took Daddy away from us," Dru said in her child-like 
voice. "She must be punished for that."

"No!" Fitz screamed.

"Drop the stake, Buffy," Spike demanded, pulling the unconscious 
Willow up into his arms. "I'll let Dru kill her."

"Spike, how can you do this after we took you in and protected you?" 
Buffy demanded.

"Hello! I'm evil! Remember!" Spike shouted. "Just because I got a 
stupid chip in my head doesn't change the basics!"

"Let everyone go, you've got me," Buffy demanded.

"Nah, I kinda promised the crew a free meal," Spike smirked.  

Willow shook her head and opened her eyes slowly. Fitz' heart 
skipped several beats when the witch squeaked and struggled in 
Druscilla's arms. The insane vampire laughed and held Willow close, 
her fangs hovering at the girl's neck.

"No!" Fitz screamed and fell out of her wheelchair, struggling to get 
to the witch and vampire.

Spike laughed as Buffy moved to squat next to Fitz, stake still in 
hand.

Fitz pounded on the floor at the look of fear in Willow's eyes as 
they silently begged the two Slayers for help.

Several of the students were crying loudly and some of the males 
began shouting at their vampire captors. Buffy looked around quickly 
as Spike turned his attention to yell at the students and the 
vampires attempting to control them.  

Buffy spotted the typical fire extinguisher, fire alarm and the fire 
axe behind the sealed emergency glass on the wall near Xander. The 
Slayer looked back at Willow and moved her eyes back to the axe.  
Buffy saw comprehension in Willow's eyes and the witch calmed and 
stopped fighting Druscilla as she concentrated. 

Xander, alternating his concentration between the Slayers, Willow and 
the vampire holding his fiancée, saw the lock on the fire axe glass 
snap open and pretended to stumble, moving closer to the axe.

Fitz, laying next to the sofa, was also glancing around for anything 
to get them out of the situation and saw a typical college sofa, 
complete with a worn-out underside with cloth hanging down to the 
floor.

Fitz grinned and moved her hand under the sofa.

"Tell me something, Buffy," Fitz said calmly. "Did you get thrown 
out of Hemrick in this realm too?"

"Yeah," Buffy said absently, watching for any opening. "I, uh, the 
gym was destroyed."

Fitz clicked her fingers under the sofa and waited a moment.

"How?" Fitz asked, her voice sounding innocent.

"Well, it kinda burned down," Buffy said slowly and glanced over at 
the dark Slayer.

"Kinda like this sofa?" Fitz asked, rolling away from the furniture 
in question.

"FIRE!" Buffy screamed as smoke began flowing out from under the sofa.

The reaction was immediate from everyone. Students sitting on the 
sofa screamed and dived off, stumbling into other students and 
vampires. Students near the doors turned to run, adding their 
screams to the confusion. Several vampires, fearing fire as much as 
sunlight, joined the rushing students. Spike was shouting, Druscilla 
was laughing and Buffy was moving.  

Fitz turned over and saw Xander grabbing the fire axe as Anya stomped 
on the foot of the vampire holding her. As the vampire howled in 
rage, Xander swung the axe when Anya ducked.  

Buffy dived forward, tackling Druscilla and Willow to the floor as 
the vampires gave up trying to control the students and decided to 
follow the students out the door.

Spike howled in rage and smacked Buffy across the jaw and fell to the 
floor, holding his head in pain. Buffy and Willow grabbed Fitz' arms 
and pulled the Slayer away from the burning sofa. Xander dropped the 
axe, grabbed the fire extinguisher and set the fire alarm off.

"Get out of here, Spike!" Buffy shouted. "Take Druscilla and get out 
of town! If I see either of you again, chip or not, I'll stake both 
of you!"

"Sod off, Slayer!" Spike grumbled as Dru helped him to his feet and 
dragged him to the door.

Willow and Buffy helped Fitz back into the wheelchair as Xander 
finished putting out the fire. Sirens filled the distant air.

"Are you okay?" both Fitz and Willow demanded at the same time.

"My leg hurts a little but not as much as seeing you in Dru's arms," 
Fitz admitted as Willow knelt beside the wheelchair. "You alright 
then?"

"Yeah, just a knot on the back of my head," Willow smiled, reaching 
out to hold Fitz' hand.

Buffy, noticing the interaction, nodded at Xander and Anya.

"Willow, since Fitz doesn't have an ID or anything, why don't you 
take her up to our room and we'll handle the Fire Department and 
cops," Buffy suggested.

Willow seemed to remember that she was upset with Fitz and hesitated.

"What are you guys doing here so late?" Willow asked.

"Dragging Fitz' sorry ass over to talk with you," Xander 
growled. "Now get it over with and get out of here."

"Please, Will," Fitz asked softly. "I really need to talk after 
seeing you like that, almost dead and all."

Willow continued to frown but moved behind the wheelchair.

"Fine," she snapped and moved the chair towards the elevator as 
Xander and Anya dashed outside to guide the firemen in to check the 
sofa and take their reports.

* * *

Fitz and Willow were both quiet on the short ride to the second 
floor.  

"Are you alright?" Willow repeated as she opened the door to the room 
she shared with Buffy.  

"The leg is hurting a bit from diving out of the chair but I think 
I'm okay," Fitz replied.  

Willow shut the door and sat down on what was obviously her bed, 
facing Fitz.

The Slayer shifted uneasily in her chair, unsure what to say or how 
to say it.

"Buffy said we needed to talk," Willow ventured, her face and eyes 
hard, not giving an inch.

"Aye, they dragged me over in the back of Xander's pickup," Fitz 
nodded, turning her wedding ring around and around nervously. "I&I 
guess they're worried about me."

It was hard to admit any weakness but Fitz felt numb all over. She 
was still stunned from the sight of Willow almost being killed by a 
vampire. The images of her own Willow dying that same way kept 
flooding Fitz' mind as her hands shook.

"Fitz?" Willow asked softly, noticing the shaking hands and paleness 
of the dark Slayer.  

The Slayer didn't seem to hear the witch as Fitz wrapped her arms 
around herself, beginning to tremble all over, her eyes dark blue 
with pain.

Willow moved off the bed and pulled Fitz out of the chair and swung 
her around onto the bed with surprising strength. The dark Slayer 
tried to curl up in a ball as her breathing became ragged and she 
tried to hold back sobs.  

Willow lay down next to Fitz and took the young woman into her arms 
as Fitz broke down completely, sobs racking her body.

"I can't lose you and her both!" Fitz cried. "I couldn't save either 
of you."

"Fitz! Jess, I'm right here," Willow said firmly. "I wasn't hurt."

"I can't be doing this anymore, Will," the Slayer whispered, 
sniffling. "I'm leaving next week if you'll not see me."

"Leaving?" Willow whispered back.

"Aye, to England to work with the Watcher Council," Fitz nodded, 
keeping her arms and hands close to her body, not daring to reach out 
to the red head holding her.

Willow frowned as Fitz turned over, out of her arms, struggling with 
the leg cast to move away from Willow.

"It hurts, girl," Fitz admitted, her back to Willow.  

"How can we even be friends, Fitz?" Willow complained. "How can I 
trust that you're not reaching out to me because I look and sound 
like your Willow?"

"I don't know the answers to anything anymore," Fitz complained, 
still keeping her back to Willow. "I thought I could kill my 
feelings, that I could drown my grieving and what I'm feeling for 
you."

"What do you mean?" Willow asked, moving down further on the bed and 
curling up behind Fitz. She felt the Slayer stiffen when she reached 
an arm over the Slayer's ribs and moved against the Slayer's back.

"I lied when I said I wasn't in love with you," Fitz admitted after a 
minute. "I wasn't trusting if it was avoiding my grief for my wife 
or if it's real between us."

"How did your Willow die?" Willow asked softly.  

"My leg was shattered, broken in several places and Buffy was 
fighting three rock demons and a vampire. Will got up and took on 
the sorcerer. The vampires broke away from Buffy, one grabbed my 
hammer and smashed my knee and the other went for my Willow. I 
blacked out for a minute and when I came round the vampire had Will," 
Fitz said softly, letting Willow hold her from behind.  

"He killed her?" Willow asked in a soft and small voice.

"Right in front of me, I saw her eyes losing their life, begging me 
to save her, forgiving me for not saving her," Fitz whispered. "I 
screamed for Buffy and she spun, throwing a stake perfectly but it 
was too late. The vampire snapped&Will's&I knew she was dead before 
she hit the floor."

"Oh God," Willow muttered.

"When I saw that bitch with her fangs tonight&I thought I had lost 
you too," Fitz muttered.

"Fitz?" Willow called softly and noted the steady rhythm of the 
Slayer's breathing and relaxed muscles under her arm. "Jess?"

A soft knock on the door brought Willow up off the bed with a small 
curse. She wasn't surprised to find Buffy outside the door.

"Everything okay, Will?"

"No, but she's sleeping peaceful for now," Willow muttered and moved 
into the hallway. She pulled her robe around her and rubbed her eyes 
wearily.

"What happened tonight?" Buffy asked.

"I heard screams downstairs and tried to call for help but the phones 
were dead," Willow explained, leaning against the wall. "I went down 
with cross and stake and they were waiting for me, Spike and 
Druscilla. I got tossed around a bit and then you guys showed up."

"Did you and Fitz talk any?" Buffy asked.

"Not much, she was pretty shaken by the vampire attack," Willow 
admitted. "She told me how her Willow died the same way. It freaked 
her out tonight."

"I can understand that," Buffy nodded. "She's figured out she's in 
love with you and almost lost you tonight. It almost killed me to 
see you so close, I can imagine what it did to her."

"Buffy, I know you want things okay between Fitz and me but I don't 
know if I can do this," Willow said slowly. "It's not the girl-girl 
thing, I think I'm okay with that. I mean, I've kissed Tara and Fitz 
and it felt more than okay so I don't think it's that. I was stupid 
and fell for Fitz, knowing that she's in love with the other Willow. 
How can I trust that it's me she wants and not using me as a 
substitute?"

"Wow! This earned a full babble," Buffy smiled, teasing her friend 
into a slight smile. "Look, I give up trying to figure out love, I 
can't seem to get it right but I do know how to recognize it in 
others. I pulled these off of Fitz tonight, Will."

Buffy held out her hand, showing Willow a small and almost empty 
bottle of Irish whiskey and a razor blade.

"A razor? What?" Willow asked, her eyes widening.

"Fitz doesn't think she can kill herself fast enough with pain pills 
and alcohol so she was considering the razor," Buffy said slowly.

"But she's Catholic, that's like a total lost soul thing!" Willow 
protested.

"I know," Buffy nodded. "One of the few things I know about 
Catholics, suicide is up there with the list of unforgivable sins. I 
think she's feeling so lost that losing her soul to hell seems like 
just a continuation of the pain she's already in."

"Fitz said she was going to England next week if I wouldn't see her," 
Willow said softly.

"Yeah, the Council can get their hands on a Slayer again, even if it 
is one that can't slay anymore," Buffy complained. "Even with our 
friendship, it's not enough to get her through this. She needs you, 
Will."

"No, she needs her Willow, not me," Willow protested, shaking her 
head.

"Will, you spent almost a month non-stop with her," Buffy 
countered. "Fitz even admitted that she realizes that you're not her 
Willow and she's still in love with you."

"Buffy, I got some serious stuff going on right now and I can't risk 
being hurt again," Willow said firmly. "I thought I could protect 
myself when I was taking care of Fitz but I couldn't. I fell in love 
with her, now I have to give myself some distance."

"Why? She loves you, you love her, what's the problem?" Buffy 
demanded.

"We're trying to send her back!" Willow snapped. "I'm supposed to go 
back in there and begin a relationship while we're trying to figure 
out how to get rid of her? Isn't that asking a little much?"

"You're right," Buffy nodded. "And I don't think we should be 
looking for an answer on sending her back anymore. Fitz is here, 
she's our friend and her world has moved on, probably thinking she 
died in that circle with the sorcerer."

"Giles won't agree to give up looking," Willow muttered.

"He will if we ask him," Buffy countered. "The Council wants her 
here for research. I want her here because I like her and it's nice 
to have someone around who understands what it's like. I also want 
her here because you're in love with her."

"What about Xander?" Willow asked, frowning.

"To hell with Xander if he can't get over it," Buffy growled. "He'll 
adapt, he's already coming around and likes Fitz even though he's 
trying hard not to."

"Buffy," Willow hesitated. "I&I&I really need to talk."

"Okay, with Fitz asleep in your bed and you in your robe, how about 
the roof?"

"Perfect, let me leave a note in case Jess wakes up," Willow said and 
Buffy smiled. No one else called Fitz by her first name and Buffy 
had the feeling that was the other world Willow's name for Fitz.

It was cool on the roof and Buffy wrapped her jacket around Willow's 
shoulders as they moved around to the other side of the small door 
enclosure, out of the wind.

"What's up, Will? Something more is going on besides Fitz, isn't 
there?"

"Yeah, I'm scared Buffy, I am really so scared that I can't see 
straight any more," Willow admitted as they sat with their backs to 
the wall, Buffy's arm wrapped around Willow's shoulders. "You know 
it's been two, almost three months since Oz left, right?"

"Yeah, you spent the first month crying yourself silly and the second 
month taking care of Fitz. The last two weeks I haven't seen much of 
you," Buffy nodded.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, brooding, crying, and visiting 
the doctor," Willow confided.

"Doctor? What's wrong?"

Willow laughed a bitter laugh. "Nothing that six more months won't 
cure."

"Six months," Buffy said slowly, noticing Willow's hands hovering 
around her stomach level. "Plus three equals nine months. Oh God, 
Will, how long have you known?"

"I was in denial the first month and thought it was just stress 
throwing my cycle off the second month," Willow said slowly. "I 
finally broke down and bought one of those kits last week and saw the 
doctor the next day when there were two lines instead of just one.  
It's confirmed, I'm going to have a werewolf's baby."

Buffy tightened both arms around her friend as Willow's calm exterior 
broke down and she began crying gently in the Slayer's arms.

"Willow, I love you," Buffy said gently. "Whatever you decide, I 
will stand with you, protect you and be your best friend for life."

"Thanks, I don't know what I'm going to do!" Willow whimpered. "We 
were careful. I was on the pill and he used protection and we only 
did it twice!"

"So, either the condom broke, he didn't use it right, or werewolf 
sperm is really potent," Buffy quipped and smiled when Willow smacked 
her leg with a snort of amusement.  

"Good thing I love you, Summers," Willow sniffled. "That was really 
tacky."

"Well, I did take some lessons from Cordelia," Buffy joked.  

"I have a couple of options, none of which wins the lottery," Willow 
said slowly after a few moments. "I can have an abortion, have the 
child and give it up for adoption, or keep the child and be a single 
parent."

Buffy frowned. "We need to do some research about babies born of a 
werewolf and human."

"I know," Willow nodded. "That kinda lets out option number two.  
How could I give up a child for adoption knowing they might turn into 
a werewolf when they become a teenager and accidentally kill their 
family?"

"That leaves abortion or keeping the child," Buffy commented. "Does 
Oz know?"

"No, I didn't tell him when he called for me to send his stuff," 
Willow said calmly. "I couldn't tell him I was pregnant while he was 
telling me he wasn't coming back. That's the last way I want to bring 
my boyfriend back. I suspected I was pregnant but didn't know for 
sure when he called."

"Shouldn't he have a decision whether you keep the child or not?" 
Buffy asked.

"No, he gave up that right when he left," Willow growled. "He 
couldn't handle the responsibility of a relationship, how the hell 
could he handle the responsibility of deciding on ending the life of 
a child or if I should keep it?"

"I know, it just seems unfair," Buffy frowned.

"It is unfair, the whole situation is unfair," Willow 
complained. "That's why I can't risk getting involved in a 
relationship with Fitz if she's going back to her world, that'd be 
worse than Oz leaving."

"Damn, if Oz has been gone almost three months, you don't have a lot 
of time for decisions, do you?"

"No, about four days before they refuse an abortion," Willow answered.

"Do we tell Giles and ask for his help researching werewolf 
pregnancies or have you decided?" Buffy asked.

"No, I haven't yet and I know I'm running out of time," Willow 
muttered. "Fitz is right, I almost died tonight. Me and my child 
could have died tonight."

The red-haired witch stood up and wandered to the edge of the 
building, looking at the stars and the surroundings. Buffy got up 
and stood beside her.

"I love you, Will," Buffy said simply. "I'm here for you."

"We lost Jesse just after you got here, Principal Fluete, how many 
students over the years? Miss Calendar, Faith, Kendra, Amy, Angel.  
How many deaths, Buff?"

"I don't know," Buffy admitted. "If I think about it&it hurts too 
much."

"How can I kill a child growing inside of me?" Willow asked, her 
voice almost a whisper.

"Only you can make that ultimate decision, Will," Buffy said 
gently. "I understand the decision either way. You've got your 
future ahead of you, major universities want you in their graduate 
programs, computer companies have been sending you interest letters 
and the government will probably be knocking on our door for your 
computer skills soon."

"You been reading my mail, Summers?" Willow teased.

"Maybe," Buffy grinned. "Single motherhood might put a crimp in 
those plans. Raising a child who might turn into a werewolf is a 
downside. On the other hand, it is a new life in this hell we call 
Sunnydale and it's yours."

"I don't think I can have an abortion, Buffy," Willow said finally, 
leaning against Buffy's shoulder.

"Good, that means I'm going to be an aunt!" Buffy smiled, noticing 
Willow's sigh of relief. "And Xander will go crazy playing Uncle.  
Oh God, my mother is going to go bananas doing the grandmother bit!"

Willow smiled for a moment and then began frowning. "My parents are 
going to be so unhappy."

Buffy wiped at the tears on her friends' cheeks gently.  

"They'll be okay."

"No," Willow shook her head. "Major disappointment time. Single as 
in unmarried and pregnant. Pregnant by a musician who isn't even 
Jewish and not around. Good thing they don't know about the werewolf 
thing!"

"What about Fitz?" Buffy asked after a few moments of silence.

"What about Fitz?" Willow countered. "I can't tell her this and I 
can't see her. I have to think about my future, Buffy. If she's 
going back to her realm then I can't get any more attached, 
especially with a child coming. I can't ask her to get into a 
relationship with me being pregnant either."

"Fitz loves you, give her a chance to love your child," Buffy 
urged. "Heck, you've got one of the major hurdles a lesbian couple 
faces beat!"

"Buffy," Willow's voice warned that she wasn't seeing the humor.  

"Alright, I want you to go back and get some sleep," Buffy 
suggested. "I'll be back in a little bit. Giles called earlier and 
wanted a Scooby meeting tomorrow. I'm going to roust him out of bed 
and find out what the 411 is."

"Why not wait until the meeting?" Willow asked.

"Because it might have to do with that damned spell and Fitz, and I 
want the answers before you two wake up in the morning," Buffy 
explained. "You've made the decision to keep the baby, now we need 
to find you answers for making the decision for your heart."

"Buffy, just let it go," Willow urged. "Fitz will leave next week 
and we can move on with our lives."

"Just think about this until I get back and what it takes to reach 
out for this thing," Buffy said and held out the razor blade. "Even 
after I killed Angel and sent him to hell, I didn't reach that 
point. I thought about it a lot of times but kept going. Spike 
taunts me that Slayers have a death wish but I don't think so.  
Slayers fight to the last breath to live and fight. Think about what 
it takes to seriously consider taking your own life because you love 
someone."

Buffy was gone through the door before Willow could respond. The 
witch looked down at the razor blade in her hand with a frown.

* * *

"Giles!" Buffy yelled as she opened the door to the Englishman's 
condo. All the Scooby Gang had keys to each other's houses, 
apartments and dorm rooms in case of emergencies. Buffy doubted 
Giles would see this as an emergency right away but she also knew 
that she could be stubborn and she wanted to be.

"Giles! It's Buffy!" she yelled, not wanting to go roaming up into 
his bedroom, she knew he kept weapons very close to hand, even in his 
own home. Much like she did.

A few moments later Giles appeared down the stairs, belting his robe 
together and running a hand through his unruly night time hair.

"Buffy, what is it? What's happened?" he demanded.

"Everyone is alive and okay," Buffy said quickly. "But major life 
decisions are being made tonight and I need some information before 
mistakes are made."

Giles frowned. "I'll put on coffee and tea," he muttered. "It is 
rather late, want to fill me in?"

Buffy followed him to the kitchen and explained Fitz' depression and 
the trip to the dorms, explaining the confrontation with Spike and 
Dru and ending with Fitz in Willow's room. Then Buffy talked about 
Willow's confusion over her feelings for the dark Slayer.

The blonde Slayer left out Willow's pregnancy for the moment.

"What is the meeting today?" Buffy finished with the question.

"Well, I was going to tell everyone I found the spell that sorcerer 
used to bring Fitz into this realm," Giles said calmly, pouring 
coffee for his Slayer and tea for himself. "The problem is that 
there was a time limit on the spell. To reverse it, we needed to 
contact the same demon that fetched Fitz here before the next full 
moon ended."

"Fitz can't go back?" Buffy asked, drinking slowly.

"No, she's stranded here," Giles nodded. "I feel terrible, she has 
to be feeling so lost and confused. The best thing is to let Fitz 
decide if she wants to stay in Sunnydale or go to England."

"I want her here," Buffy commented.  

"Because the feelings between Willow and Fitz are confused right 
now?" 

"No, not just that," Buffy said slowly. "I like Fitz and it's nice 
to have someone who understands exactly what being a Slayer is. I 
know that you guys try and you come the closest, being my teacher and 
all but no one can know what it's really like except another Slayer."

"I do understand that," Giles nodded. "I like the young woman. 
Despite that rough outer shield she puts out there, she's very 
intelligent, caring, and vulnerable. So what are the major decisions 
being made tonight?"

"I can't talk about some of it just yet," Buffy frowned and rubbed 
her eyes. A glance at Giles' clock didn't surprise her, it was 4am 
in the morning. A night of slaying, talking with Fitz, driving Fitz 
to the dorm, fighting vampires, talking with firemen and police and 
then with Will had filled up the night.

"I found Fitz drinking again tonight," Buffy started slowly. "I've 
found several empty bottles since she got out of the hospital. I was 
hoping it would slow down but it hasn't. She also had a razor blade 
and admitted thinking about it."

"Oh God," Giles muttered. "It takes a lot to make a Slayer suicidal."

"Yeah, I know," Buffy acknowledged. "Like I told Will, I didn't even 
get that far after sending Angel to Hell."

"Is it because of her Willow or our Willow?" Giles asked, coming 
right to the point.

"Both. I think she's grieved for her Willow and recognizes that our 
Will isn't her wife," Buffy said thoughtfully. "I also think she's 
fallen for our Will."

"I'm not surprised, they spent so much time together and the 
attraction was bound to be there for Fitz," Giles commented. "I'm 
sure our Willow has a lot of the same characteristics and traits that 
drew Fitz to her own Willow. What about our Willow, does she feel the 
same?"

"Yeah but she doesn't trust that Fitz isn't rebounding and doesn't 
want to take the chance on being hurt again," Buffy explained.

"She's already fallen in love with Fitz, how would exploring a 
relationship hurt any worse?" Giles asked.

"There's a difference in cutting off a relationship early and diving 
in and having it falling apart later," Buffy pointed out. "Will 
thinks if she can cut it off now and Fitz goes to England that 
they'll be able to move on."

"Well, there is something that they both seem to have forgotten," 
Giles pondered aloud. "That spell was meant to bring Willow's soul 
mate to her. What if it worked and Fitz leaves?"

"What would that do?"

"They'd both be somewhat empty for the rest of their lives," Giles 
said frankly. "They could build good lives, even find love but it 
wouldn't be the relationship they were meant to have in this life."

Buffy frowned. "Fitz won't last long in England," she commented 
after several minutes.

"I don't think so either," Giles agreed. "The Council assures me 
that they'll treat her as a respected and retired Slayer, she's 
earned that no matter what realm she fought in, but I don't like her 
in their hands."

"What if she stays here with us?"

"The Council is making noises that they might want all of us back," 
Giles explained. "They would have major conditions, which we would 
reject, of course. Negotiations, arguments, threats, promises, lies 
and possibly a new partnership."

"Hmmmm," Buffy muttered and then yawned. "I swear I'm going to sleep 
all day when I finally get to bed."

"What are you waiting for and did you get the answers you needed for 
these major life decisions?" Giles questioned.

"I think so," Buffy nodded. "I'm waiting for dawn so I don't have to 
slay any late night vampires on the way back to the dorm. Fitz is in 
Willow's bed and I want to talk to both of them before they decide 
anything major."

"What's going on, Buffy?"

"Major life stuff but it's not me for once," Buffy smiled. "Hell, 
I'm going over there now. Go back to bed and call all of us around 
2pm for a meeting. Hopefully, we'll fill you in then."

"Alright, just be careful," Giles urged as his Slayer stood up. He 
tried to appear calm and not worried but he knew all of his kids had 
come very close to being killed and it always unnerved him.

The ex-Watcher knew he wasn't going to get any more sleep and so 
curled up on his sofa with his guitar.

* * *