FIC: Enough of Me (4/7)

[Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxxx>]

Title: Enough of Me (4/7)
Author: Kimber (kacoe@xxxxxxx)
Disclaimer: I am a gnat in the world that is the Joss (watch out for
the fly swatter). All characters belong to him and Mutant Enemy. I'm
only borrowing them. Excerpts taken from the episode 'Wild at Heart'.
Summary: Sequel to 'Many Facets'. Someone wigs out from the encounter,
two of the most unlikely allies bond, and Christmas just doesn't seem
like Christmas. Will it all work out?
Spoilers: Everything up to and including "Hush" is fair game. All
episodes are subject to bend to my will. *Bwahhhahahahaha*
Distribution: Just drop me a line and it's yours to archive. 
Author's Notes: Feedback = Food. Thoughts are enclosed in < > and
flashbacks are enclosed in <<< >>>
------------

~~You know what to do.~~~

~~What? Who are you? Where are you?~~~

~~It's not important. What's important is this: You know what to do. 
All you have to do is listen to your heart, and you'll know~~

~~Know what? Who are you talking about?~~

~~You love her, don't you?~~

~~ But I'm scared. I'm not exactly an expert on matters of the
heart.~~~

~~But do you love her? Do you love her with everything you have to
offer, and then more besides?~~

~~Yes. Yes I do.~~

~~Then you know what to do, you know how to heal her and make her whole
again.~~

~~But I don't. I don't have the first clue about what she needs?~~

~~That's nonsense. It's all there inside of you. You both made a good
start, now you've been sidetracked. Break it down to basics. Show
her--give her--everything.~~

~~But she deserves so much more. I feel like I just can't give her
enough. Am I enough for her? Hello? Hello? Where'd you go?~~

"Wake up sleepy head." Willow was gently tugging on Buffy shirt, trying
for the past ten minutes to get her up. "God, Buffy, you sleep like the
dead. I'm glad I don't have to get you up for classes every morning."

"Mmm, wha?ugh?Will?Grrrr."

"And you said I didn't sound human in the morning. Come on, get up. 
Nana made pancakes and left them in the microwave. She and Giles went
out early this morning and left a note." The slayer wasn't budging. 
"Come on, Buffy?.I'm starving!"

"All right, all right. Take it easy there, Red. Geez, you'd think I'd
be able to sleep in on winter break at least." <You are way too chipper
in the morning, Will>

"I'm not way too chipper, and it's noon. You've slept practically the
whole day away. Now come on, or I'll eat all the pancakes myself." 
With that, Willow walked out the door.

Buffy hardly thought she was kidding. After a quick trip to the
bathroom, Buffy padded her way into the kitchen. Willow's back was to
her and she was pouring two mugs of coffee. Buffy snuck up behind her
and wrapped her arms around the redhead's waist.

"Mmm?good morning."

"Good afternoon you mean. Do you always sleep that sound? It took me
ten minutes to get any kind of sound out of you." Willow glanced behind
her. <God, she's thisclose.>

<You smell good.>"Yeah, mom swore she was gonna hire the school band to
wake me up in the morning. I told her I'd just buy earmuffs."<I'd
probably be more inclined to wake up every morning if I could wake up
next to you?>

"Buffy?."<Stop that.>

<It's true, Will. I think the last time I slept so well was about a
week ago?.>

"OK, how about some coffee?" Willow wiggled away from Buffy's grasp and
set the two mugs on the kitchen table.

"Oooh, pancakes. Even better, grandmother pancakes. If these are
anything like my grandmother's pancakes then you'd better dig in before
I finish them all."

Willow threw Buffy a questioning glance. <Now that was too easy.>

Buffy looked up and smiled. <I'm not through with you yet, Red.>

They ate breakfast in compatible silence. Except for the little scuffle
over the day's comics, things went smoothly. The note Nana left said
that she and Giles would be gone most of the day and would be back after
supper. She left some money and advised the girls to order out and then
maybe rent some movies. Buffy hadn't finished eating yet, so Willow
excused herself and went back to her room to change.

----

<This is nuts. There has to be some sort of law or something against
it. I can't stop thinking about her.> Willow was almost dressed when
she felt two hands creep up along her sides. "Buffy?.what are you
doing?" She was beginning to get nervous.

<I can't stop thinking about you either, Will.> "I've missed you."

"I was only gone for two days." She saw Buffy frown in the mirror. "I
missed you too. I'm sorry I ran out like that." <I didn't mean to hurt
you. Did I hurt you?..I mean..I didn't mean to be mean?I just needed
time to myself?I>

<You know your cute when you babble.> "I understand Will. We all need a
breather sometimes." Buffy smiled at her.

Both of her hands rested on Willow's stomach. She squeezed a little
tighter, rubbing just above her belly button with her thumbs. She saw
Willow's eyes close and felt her breathing become irregular. Lightly,
she kissed her shoulder, then the nape of her neck. Her breathing
increased also. <You feel so good.>

<So do you.> "Buffy, we can't. Neutral territory, remember?" She gave
the blond a wide-eyed look in the mirror.

"Your grandmother and Giles are out?.more than likely for the rest of
the day and half the night doing?watchery things. Technically?"

"It's still my grandmother's house. It's feels weird." <But still?>

Buffy got a hopeful look in her eyes then chuckled. "Man, talk about
thoughts and actions contradicting."

"Yeah?.score one for inner turmoil." Willow dead-panned.

Buffy turned her around so that they were facing each other. "I want to
help you Will. But I don't want to be the source of your inner
turmoil. Am I?"

Willow didn't answer and her mind didn't give anything away.

"OK, then. Let me know when you're done so I can change too." Buffy
retreated for the door and reached for the knob.

"Buffy, wait." <Don't go.>

She turned around, only to come face to face with Willow. "How did
you?.?" Buffy gave her a questioning look.

"Yeah, well?.I'm not THAT bad of a witch?" The comment was followed by
her patented Willow-smile.

"Yes, I'm sure your not a bad witch. More of a good witch, like
Glinda." Buffy began to move away, only to be trapped by two hands
placed firmly on the door. "Will, if you insist on looking at me like
that you'd better have something to back it up with. There's no
guarantee I can control myself much lonmrunph?."

Willow broke the sentence with a kiss. It was a tentative,
not-sure-what-I'm-doing kiss. Light, lingering, soft. All of a sudden,
Buffy's world consisted of kissing Willow, and becoming good at it. 
This was a great start. Buffy pulled her closer, to close the gap
between them.. Willow gasped a little and Buffy took it as an
invitation to deepen the kiss. Both of her hands went to the redhead's
face, cupping it gently. Willow's hands lingered down to Buffy's sides,
feeling her soft skin before wrapping her arms around the slayer's
waist. Before long, they found themselves on the floor, Buffy
straddling her lover, her fingers intertwined in red hair, soft, velvety
red hair. They slowed the kissing, each not wanting to stop?both
knowing they had to.

<God, I thought I'd never be able to do this again?.>
Kiss.
<Me either, I missed you so much?.>
Kiss, kiss
<Don't leave me again, Will?.I couldn't take it?.>
Kiss
<I didn't want to?> "I just had some stuff I needed to work out. 
Things got all jumbley?.and I didn't know how to handle them."

"Like?.things with Tara?" Buffy was propped up on one elbow now, her
right hand resting on Willows stomach.

"That?.and Riley." Willow looked away and found a fascinating piece of
fuzz on the carpet.

"So you heard."

"I heard." <You kissed him.>

"He kissed me, Will. There's a difference. At least I'd like to think
so."

"Do you?I mean?would you?"

"No, to both. I don't want to nor would I. I think I've finally found
what I've been looking for??here." Buffy leaned down again and planted
a light kiss on Willow's nose.

<You're so sweet>

"Hey, I aim to please." Buffy gave her a grin.

"Hmm?this mind reading thing could turn out to be a problem. Don't you
think it's a little?well?invasive." Willow posed the question.

"Yes, but we've both managed to effectively block the other out when we
really wanted to. I just think it's something that's going to take some
getting used to, that's all."

"Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the smart one?" Willow gave a
little pout.

"Yeah, well if your so smart, why did it take you so long to kiss me?"

Willow scrunched up her nose. "Buffy?I was scared?.I?.." <You don't
understand.>

"I do Will, I'm sorry if that was harsh?.I was only joking." She leaned
down and put her head on Willow's shoulder.

Silence.

<Will>

Nothing

<Come on, Will.>

"It's just that?..when Oz left it was like?.like I was split down the
center and half of me was lost?.I?..I never thought it could hurt so
much?..I don't know if I could do that to myself again?.to risk the
hurt?..to love?" <again?..like that>

<That's what I thought, too>

<Angel>

<Yeah> "I'm sorry he left you. And I'm sorry I couldn't stop it?.stop
you from hurting?.stop you from having to see them together in the
crypt, but if you're gonna feel better, then?"

"I have to let him go. I know, Buffy." Willow shifted away and sat up
to face her. "How did you do it? Get over Angel, I mean."

"Come on Will, we all remember that one. I ran. I ran until I couldn't
run anymore. I couldn't face it?..I couldn't face you guys. I felt
like I'd failed." Buffy's face was stoic, she wasn't revealing any kind
of expression. "But, I got over it. Actually, I came back to Sunnydale
and got over it. That's when it started to feel better - the emptiness
inside. It was because of you?.everyone else helped too?but it was you,
Will. You didn't leave my side. And I got through." She smiled. "Let
me in, Will. Let me help you."


They sat there facing each other. Willow decided to try something she'd
read on the internet. She put on her concentration face and focused on
reaching out to Buffy mentally. She imagined her hand going out and
tugging on the invisible string that was linking them together.

<Ouch! What was that?>

<Wow?I read about it being done but?.I touched you?mentally. That was
cool.>

<Yeah, well?it felt like I just drank a slurpee too fast?.can I try?>

Willow nodded her head in agreement. "Just concentrate on doing it and
you will. It's not that hard."

Buffy reached out, seeking to follow the link into Willow's mind. 
Images flashed in front of her and she had to close her eyes to try and
catch them all. Grave markers?.grass?it was dark out?.trees?.a large
stone building?..Willow's hand reaching out and grabbing the door?.she
had something in her hands?.down the stairs?bars?Oz and
Veruca?naked?.the bag and thermos dropped and Oz jumped up?.

<<<"Willow..." He starts putting on his pants.

" Oh, my god. Oh, my god."

" I know what you saw. It wasn't?" Finishes putting on his pants. "I
had to. I had to lock her in there with me."

"I bet." She hugs herself.

"She's like me. A wolf."

"Well, I knew you two had a lot in common, but..."Oz tries to touch
her. "Don't touch me!" She jerks back.

"She was gonna hurt somebody. I didn't have a choice."

"But you did. You could've told somebody. Your solution... Just put you
two together in a room all night?"

Having woken up, Veruca stands up bearing all. "Girl's got a point."

Oz turns to her angrily. "Leave."

Veruca puts her hands up in protest. "I'm just saying?"

Oz screams at her. "Now!" He turns back to Willow. "I'm sorry. I
know."

"I knew, you jerk. And you sat there, and you told me everything was
fine?" She was crying now. "And that's as bad as... As?."

"I know how it feels. I remember."

"Oh. So what, this is payback? I had this coming?"

"No. It's not?."

"Because I thought that was behind us. And you know, what happened with
Xander,
it doesn't compare. Not with what you and I had. Not with whatever
you've been doing with her."

"I don't know what Veruca and I have done. When I change, it's like,
it's like I'm gone and the wolf takes over."

"But before this, when you were regular Oz, you had feelings for her,
didn't you?"

"No. I could sense something, but.?."

"But you wanted her... Like in an animal way? Like...More than you
wanted me?" She runs off crying?.

"Willow!">>>

Buffy opened her eyes?.the tears streaming silently down her face. She
felt it?felt everything Willow felt when she found Oz?.the love in her
heart as she opened the crypt?the shock at seeing him there naked with
Veruca?the pain when she thought he was comparing it to Xander?..she
felt all of it.

"Will?.I didn't know?."

"Yeah?..it was pretty intense." Tears welled up in her eyes and
threatened to spill over.

"I felt?.God, I felt it all. Everything you were feeling?it's like?it's
like I was you. Like it was happening to me?."

"I see you girls have been doing some research while we were gone." 
Nana was standing in the doorway.

-- 
Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and...
skanky. (aside to Buffy, worried) And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do
with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy) uh, That's a good
point.

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