ff:Fear (Part 4 of CD series)

[CAClarke2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

Title: Fear (Part 4 of CD series)
Rating: NC=17
Disclaimer: Joss Weldon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and Sarah McLachlan it all
belongs to them
Music from Sarah McLachlan Mirror Ball
Note: I could really use some constructive feedback on this series. 

FEAR

Tara moaned as Willow entered her. Finger thrust slowly in an ancient dance
to the music playing on the stereo. Willow had not even noticed what CD she
had place in the machine. In a her haste to cover the noise lovemaking
Willow had grabbed to first in the stack and turned it up loader. Even in
Tara's moments of ecstasy she had to laugh when she noticed the song.

your love is better then ice cream
better than anything else that I've tried
and your love is better then ice cream

Willow smiled as she noticed the song. It was one Tara loved to dance to.
Willow added her tongue to the dance she was doing on Tara's body.

and it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place where we started from

Tara had bought Willow so far. Taught her so much. Willow never wanted to go
back. Not to the way she was before she met Tara. It was a long way down to
the place they had started from. Willow added another finger to her dance.

your love is better then chocolate
better than anything else that I've tried
oh love is better then chocolate

The orgasm slammed through Tara and her body shook. The blond witch couldn't
image anything as wonder as this moment. This Willow.

everyone here knows how to cry
and it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place where we started from
(ice cream)

Willow slowed her fingers to comfort her lover and leaned back to watch the
flush role across her body. Tara was beautiful in the afterglow. Willow
gentle kissed her knee and wonder why she was doing this, Wonder if this was
an act of kindness or cowardness. 

listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning
memories trapped in time

Tara pulled Willow up and wrapped her in her arms. The lovers lay in silence
listening to their own breathing and the music. 

the night is my companion and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here and not be satisfied

Willow was comfortable but she was not satisfied. She cared for Tara maybe
even loved her but since that night two weeks ago when Buffy had asked,
begged Willow to dance with her at the Wicca party she had been confused.

and I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and I'd wipe away the tears

Confused, she thought. Willow was anything but confused. All she had
thought about since that day was kissing the slayer and wiping away her
pain.

through this world I've stumbled so many times betrayed

Betrayed, she had never wanted to betray or hurt anyone in her life. But
hadn't she done exactly that. She had betrayed Cordillia with Xander. She
had betrayed Oz. She wasn't sure but some how she felt like she must have
betrayed Buffy. And she was sure she was going to betray Tara.

my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
and I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
(Possession)

And even now as she was making love to Tara all she thought about was what
it would be like to make love to Buffy. Willow ached for Buffy. She had hung
on every word the slayer had ever said to her. She had been living for Buffy
for a very long time. Willow knew she would gladly be swallowed whole by
Buffy's kiss.

you come out at night
that's when the energy comes
and the dark side's light and the vampires roam

The red haired witch lowered her head on Tara's chest and snuggled closer.
The song had changed, building a mystery. Buffy's theme song in Willow's
head. 

and a cross from a faith that died before Jesus came

The picture of Buffy in her tight white shirt, arms crossed, with the "I
don't have time for this expression" and Angel's cross around her neck.
Willow had been in love with that neck. Longed to rest against it. To gentle
kiss that neck since the day Buffy had leaned over her shoulder in the
library and said "wow net girl scores."

you're building a mystery

Buffy was a mystery and it had nothing to do with being the slayer.

you live in a church where you sleep with voodoo dolls
and you won't give up the search for the ghost in the halls,

Willow had wanted to be a mystery. Wanted to be a part of Buffy's world no
matter how small a part. So she had become a witch. She had chicken feet
under her bed. She was trying to remember if she had a voodoo doll. "I
really must do inventory on my witchcraft supplies." The redhead thought. 

oh you're so beautiful with an edge and a charm
but so careful when I'm in your arms

All her thoughts were of Buffy but here she was in Tara's arms. Being
careful? "What the hell am I doing" came screaming through her brain.

yeah you're working 
building a mystery and choosing so carefully (Building a
Mystery)

Willow was going to have to choose. No she had already made her choice,
Buffy. Now how do I tell Tara? I owe her so much.

hold on, hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell

Tara listened to Willow's breathing knowing what thoughts were running
through her love's head. When the song started the blond witch thought, "How
appropriate. "

hold on, hold on to yourself
you know that only time can tell

"Tara, I need to talk to you."

what is it in me that refuses to believe

"About Buffy?"

my love
you know you're my best friend

"Yeah, about Buffy. You know she's been my best friend since our sophomore
year in high school."

you know that I'd do anything for you
and my love 
let nothing come between us

"Your in love with her. Right"

at the crossroads I am standing
so now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray that you'll be strong tomorrow
and we will see another day

"I'm not sure, maybe. I haven't done anything. I wouldn't do that to you,
but you were there at the party, you know what she said and I can't stop
thinking about it. And it's not fair to you so I think maybe " Willow
trailed off.
"Maybe if we had some time apart you could figure it out." Tara finished as
she ran her hand through Willow's hair.

hold on, hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell (Hold
On)

Tara made no move to push away from Willow. The blond witch just silently
continued to comb through Willow's hair.

it's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up 
but you seemed so real to me

Finally Tara broke the silence. "Willow, I've known this day was coming from
the start. It's ok. I just want a favor from you."

I don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me

Willow lifted her head up to look in her lovers eyes and waited for Tara to
ask what she would of her.

don't tell me I haven't been there for you
just tell me why nothing is good enough
(good enough)

"Can I make love to you one last time. Can I make love to you now." Willow
was crushed and humbled by the request. It was the sly Tara that had held
her hand to move the coke machine against the gentlemen and not the women
Willow knew underneath as her lover that asked this of her.



adia I do believe I failed you
adia I know I let you down
don't you know I tried so hard to love you in my way
(adia)

"I would be honored." Was Willow's only reply. Tears were falling across her
soul scaring it. She had tried to love Tara but in the end she knew she had
let her down.

I gave a smile stretched from ear to ear to see you walking down the road

Tara had moved to cover Willow's body. Her kisses were tentative, gentle.
Her touch feature light. Running her fingertips the length of red head's
body.

let me be the calm you seek
oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away.

This was going to be the last time. Tara knew this, and was going to make it
count. She was going to watch the women she loved in the most beautiful act
of life.

and I forgot to tell I love you
and the night's much to long and cold without you

Tara deepened her kiss pushing in her tongue. Then she leaned back and
slowly ran her fingers over her love's body. Carefully placing pressure on
all the sensitive parts. Dancing for the last time over her clit until the
little witch let out the slightest sigh of pleasure.

I grieve in my condition 
for I cannot find the strength to say I need you
(I Love You)

speaks to me of comfort
but I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in your embrace

Still leaning back to watch her lover's expression Tara slid two fingers in
her love. Willow moaned and opened her legs up a little wider. Tara speeded
up the pace while using her thumb on the pearl that centered Willow's root
charka. Willow's eyes closed and her body bucked. Tara watch the skin of her
love flush as her mucles contracted around her fingers. Silent tears flowed
down her eyes with the knowledge that Buffy would soon be the one doing
this, seeing this, her love.

they say temptation will destroy our love
the never-ending hunger
but I fear
(Fear)

Willow let the last of orgasm flow over her as she reached down and brushed
the tears from Tara's eyes. Then she tenderly kissed her lips.

I knew you wanted to tell me
in your voice there was something wrong

"I love you Willow, I want to stop but I can't. I love you."

there's no more coming back this way
the path is overgrown and strewn with thorns

"I know, but I'm confused. I need time."

funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
seemed to make no difference at all (The
Path of Thorns)

"Don't expect me to wait for Willow."

you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do

"I don't expect you to do that. Tara I do care for you, but I care for Buffy
too. Tara I have to do this."

and I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how to let you go

"I know you have to do this, I just can't wait for you."

deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
(Do What You Have To Do)

"Tara you know you mean a lot to me. I want us to still be friends"

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me is a cold room

"Please, still be friends that's a good line. I thought you were better then
that, Willow"

are you an angel
am I already gone
I only hope that I won't disappoint you 
when I'm down here on my knees

"Sorry your right, but I really mean it. You mean a lot to me. Your
important to me."

and I don't understand
by the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall

"Willow you know we can't be friends. We were friends for about ten minutes
before we were on our way to being lovers. And you will always mean a lot to
me to. I know you didn't do this on purpose. It's kismet and we both know
fate sucks."

it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me is a cold room (Sweet
Surrender)

"Like I said Willow I knew you were already saying goodbye the day we meet.
"

all the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore

"So your going to be ok with this?"

I won't fear love
and if I feel rage
I won't deny it
(Fumbling Towards Ecstasy)

"I would say that, don't be surprised if Buffy wakes up next week with hair
all over her chest."
"As long as she doesn't get a dick and Xander's sense of humor too I can
live with that."
Tara laughed. "I would think the hair would be a bigger deal then the dick.
It at least would be interesting." Tara joked. 
"No, I have lived with Xander's idea of humor for years and after scientific
study I am convinced there is a connection between male body parts and
belching."
"I am going to miss Xander bashing with you." Tara said before kissing
Willow on the check.

I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
remember the good times we had?

"Tara if you ever need me for anything, even if it's Xander bashing I'll be
there. No matter what I do I will always cherish own time together."
"Me to."

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
standin' on the edge of something much too deep

Willow dressed and left. Kissing Tara for the last time. Tara curled up in
the window of her room to watch Willow cross the campus and listen to the
last of the CD.

I will remember you
will you remember me? (I will
remember you)

Willow made a beautiful sight as she walked along the bike path. It
strangely comforted the witch knowing the door was closing on this part of
her life. 

spend all your time waiting for that second chance

"She would be willing wait forever for Willow but Tara also knew it would be
a waste of time. The Redhead would be part of her heart until she died. But
Tara would if she loved Willow she had to let her go."

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness
oh, this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

The witch was sad at the lose but her heart was full of love. Sweet madness,
love had brought her to her knees but the view from the floor was
breathtaking.

you're in the arms of the angel
may you find comfort here. (Angel)

And if Buffy Summers ever hurt Willow, Slayer or not, Buffy would know the
true meaning of hell. No Demon would ever be as vengeful if she ever did
anything to the women she loved.




"The extreme always gets a reaction" -Heathers

"Anyone who's not having fun here, follow me." -Buffy