Re: [buffywantswillow] ARCHIVE FIC: You'd better watch out, you'd better be scared. . .

["Chasey" <l.vranckx@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Man, you guys are evil! Now you got me soooooooooo curious and impatient that I can forget the sleeping-thing tonight.
I can't wait to read this one!

Chasey
----- Original Message ----- 
From: ~~Kimber 
To: BuffyLovesWillow ; BuffyWantsWillow 
Sent: Monday, March 20, 2000 6:06 AM
Subject: [buffywantswillow] ARCHIVE FIC: You'd better watch out, you'd better be scared. . .


From: ~~Kimber <kacoe@xxxxxxx> 

ARCHIVE FIC: You'd better watch out, you'd better be scared. . .
Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy
Summary: Willow informs the gang that there are certain fic writers pooling their
resources for the purpose of severe and blinding torture.
Spoilers: None. This is strictly for torturous amusement purposes. It's a silly fic
with a very important message. *Wicked Evil Sly Nasty Emphatic Little Grin*
Distribution: HA!!! Trust me. You don't want this.

------------------

Willow came bounding through the door of Giles' apartment with Tara not far behind. From
the looks of the two of them, they'd run the whole way.

"Where's the fire Will?" Xander managed to pull away from Anya's kiss just long enough to
get the sentence out.

"Yeah, what's the sitch? You two look like you've been running the New York Marathon."
Buffy added from her perch on Riley's lap.

"You guys will never, ever, ever guess what we just found out!" Willow huffed out between
long breaths.

"Yeah. You'll never guess. . ." Tara said before slumping down onto the couch.

Willow followed suit and flopped down onto Tara's lap.

This drew the most interesting looks from the gang. Especially Buffy.

"Uh, Will?" She narrowed her eyes and threw a few mental stakes in Tara's direction.

"Sorry." She blushed and slid off the blond wiccan's lap. "Force of habit."

"Force of who's habit? When did you pick up that nasty little habit?" Buffy quirked her
eyebrows up.

Anya interrupted. "So does this mean your orgasm friends like Xander and I?" She
wriggled around in his lap, much to his discomfort. "And like Buffy and Riley? Isn't it
great to have orgasm friends. Since we all have a partner, why don't we mrumph." She was
silenced by Xander's hand over her mouth.

"Anya, sweetheart, please don't finish that sentence." A little color rose in his cheeks
as he gave Willow an apologetic look. "Will. . .you were saying. . ."

"Uh, yeah." She glanced at Buffy then back to Tara. "Tara and I were in my room and"

"What were you doing in our place, Will?" Buffy's eyes narrowed.

"Tara had never used a computer before so I was teaching her and. . ."

"I'll bet" Buffy mumbled.

Willow continued but the remark wasn't lost on anyone. "So we came across one of my
favorite sites to hack into."

In unison except for Riley they all said. "America on line."

She nodded emphatically. "Yeah . .so you remember that whole ghost thing I can do so I can
peek in on chat rooms without being noticed?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, if I remember correctly, that's how we caught Giles in the frisky
watchers chat room." She smiled.

Giles choked on the tea he'd been in the middle of swallowing. "Yes, well, ahem. .you,
um. . .well." He excused himself quickly.

"Anyway. . .go on Willow." Tara shot Buffy her own little stare.

"Soooo. . .we were poking around and we came into this one chat room that struck us as
very interesting." She gave a knowing smile to Tara who nodded and smiled back.

"All right. Quit it with the googaly eyes and have at it already. What the bloody hell
is so important that you had to come storming in here during telly time!" Spike had had
just about enough of it.

"Go ahead, Willow, tell them." Tara emphasized the word 'Willow' in a way that made
Buffy's jaw clench and unclench in the most interesting fashion.

"There's a conspiracy going on. And it's a big one!" She finally gushed.

"Conspiracy against what? Who? When?" Xander's interest was piqued now.

"You forgot where, why and how, Xand-man." Faith was listening to this entire exchange
with detached interest from where she was laying down with her head in Anya's lap. "This
better be good, Red." Here eyes widened and she grinned evilly. "Does in involve sex?"

Anya snorted. "Don't you wish." She turned her attention back to Willow. "Come on
Willow. Don't make us beg."

Faith grinned. "I don't have to wish. . .and don't worry. You'll be begging enough
later." She threw a knowing glace at Xander who visibly gulped.

"Well, remember the onlist thing I was telling you all about? Where there are these
writers and they make up their own stories?" They all nodded. "Well, it looks like
there's this big uprising on one of the lists. TWO actually." She looked at Buffy who
was finally catching the drift.

"No way! You don't mean?" Buffy stood to emphasize her shock. "It can't be!"

"It can be and it is." Tara rolled her eyes.

Willow ignored their silent battle. "Yup. Looks like three fic writers have decided to
get together and write the fic to end all fics. It's like a fic apocalypse or the second
coming or dooms day for all fic writers ever known or or. . .well, it's really big!"
Willow was bouncing up and down she was so excited. "Apparently a certain Listdad has
been neglecting his children so these three have decided to get together and teach him a
lesson!"

"Yet again I'm left wondering what the plural to apocalypse is." Riley commented.

"So who are they?" Oz finally chimed in from his little cage in the corner.

Angel tugged hard on the leash that was attached to Oz's neck. "Shh. I do all the
talking, remember?"

"Sorry." Oz whispered as he rubbed the offending collar on his neck.

Angel looked back at Willow. "Sorry little one. Continue." He smiled at her.

Buffy and Tara combined their evil looks into one big one and sent it in Angel's
direction. It didn't faze him.

"Well. I don't know if I want to give it away just yet. I mean they've got somewhat of a
plot. . .but nothing is firm. I do know that it might be a real life crossover though!
They might put themselves in the fics! Along with the listdad's evil doppelganger,
Rodrigus!!" Willow's eyes took on a dreamy glaze. "Hmm, that could be. . fun." She
commented.

Tara looked over at her and frowned. "Off topic, Will." She crossed her arms across her
chest.

"I'm gonna go with Wicca-girl on this one and say WAY off topic." Buffy glared.

"Sorry guys." She gave a sheepish grin. "So anyway, that's the news! Isn't it
exciting?"

"You still haven't given us their names yet, Red." Faith replied.

"It's Pat Kelly and Shadowlander and Kimber!" Tara finally blurted out.

"Pat Kelly! No way! That boy is five by five in my book. Especially with the whole
redemption thing he's got going now. . .got inside my head. Gotta give him props for that
one. Right, B?" Faith threw a kiss in Buffy's direction and she blushed. Riley growled
and tightened his grip on Buffy but wisely didn't comment.

"Shadowlander is involved? Oh my, the stars are laughing now. . .can't you see it Miss
Edith? She'll surely allow us to come out and play." Dru grinned at the doll and began
to stroke her hair.

"Maybe I'll be in for some redemption in this one. Kimber owes it to me after getting me
involved with the wacky marble missing vamp over there." Xander smirked. "And blonde
hair of all things! What the hell was she thinking when she did that?"

"Probably that old Spikey over there needed a playmate." Faith grinned.

"Ah! Stop that now! It's bad enough I still can't get the taste of the Slayer out of my
mouth. You wanna put goofy the eighth dwarf in there now too? To hell with the lot of
ya. . .I'm getting out of here." Spike pulled his trench coat over his head and ran out
the door.

Faith leaned over and whispered to Xander. "Don't worry baby. . .I still think you taste
yummy." She licked his earlobe. "Right Anya?"

She smiled. "Right."

"Yuck. Scary visual place. Bring me back, bring me back!" Buffy started to click her
boots together. "There's no place like home, there's no place like home. . ."

"All I know is that we're in for it big time. Who knows what those three are gonna come
up with." Willow leaned back and put her head on Tara's shoulder. "Be afraid. Be VERY
AFRAID."

FINIS


------------

Bwahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

Stay tooned,

~~Kimber


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