Inner Battle (7/?)

["Roman" <rrivaso@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

TITLE (Tentative): Inner Battle
AUTHOR: Roman.
E-mail: rrivaso@xxxxxxxxxxxx
PAIRING: Buffy/Willow
DISCLAIMER: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I'm just borrowing them for a little while and I'll retun them as undamaged as posible. <g>
SPOILERS: Set like 3 or 4 months after Who are you. Adam's still at large, or is he now?
SUMMARY : Let it be a surprise for now, ok?
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to place this on a website just e-mail me and I'll say yes.
FEEDBACK : Yes Please.

This part was supposed to be beta read but problems with formats and misbehaving e-mail clients were delaying the thing a bit and you all were probably plotting my demise by now, so here it goes. I just hope is not that bad.
To my beta readers thanks and I'll have work for you tomorrow <g>
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Chapter 2

When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.

And I have become
Comfortably numb.

Pink Floyd, "Comfortably numb"




Darkness can be your friend. Oblivion a safe heaven. The journey towards the light is painful and trying. Why not stay in this paradise? No need to fight, no chance to hurt. Just stay inside this invulnerable cocoon of ignorance. 

But sometimes things are not that easy.

A fleeting image was enough to desintegrate the walls of that safe heaven. She sat upright, suddenly awake, feeling disoriented and irrationaly panicked. It was dark and she tried to shake the fogginess from her eyes and brain, taking stock of her surroundings.

It was her bed, her room. She turned to the right and saw a figure lying on the bed next to hers. Her breathing eased and relief flooded over her. Every thing was right with the world for a moment. The woman lying a few feet away from her rolled over a bit and the moonlight shone over strands of golden hair flowing over the pillow.

Right turned to wrong in an instant. Reality came chrashing down on her like a flood. That fleeting glimpse of an image came back with a vengeance, this time time to stay, with colours, smells and sounds that she thought would hunt her for the rest of her existence. Tears sprang to her eyes and she was unable to contain the rush of despair and loss that overwhelmed her.

"Willow." Just a whispered word. A plea or an apology, she wasn't sure.

What is a slayer supposed to do when she fails her mission in life?. To protect the innocent. How can she protect the world from the forces of darkness if she can't even protect the ones more dear to her. Flashes of all those people she failed to protect and died because she was a second too late to stake a vampire or was to busy with a demon to have its friends taking advantage of that, passed before her mind's eyes and stirred that ever present guilt she tried so hard to push deep inside herself.

What's the point? Is it worth it still to go on and pretend she can make a difference?

The slayer flopped back down on the bed. She was so tired and her whole body felt heavy and numb. Maybe she should stay like this for a while. She turned her head a little to watch the blonde wicca sleeping in Willow's bed.

Tara.

Does she even know how lucky she is? Does she know the amazing gift that the fates granted her, at least for a while?

Envy. Such a horrible emotion, but there it was. Yes she envied Tara. She envied what she shared with Willow, what she herself had denied and refused to acknowledge for so long and Tara had been able to say and feel. To love Willow. Heart, body and soul.

She always thought they would have time. That the time would come when she could be brave enough to open up and say to her best friend the things that would change their lifes forever and turn them into bliss.

The tears that she so bravely had been trying to contain since the moment she woke up couldn't be stopped anymore. She cried in earnest, unending streams of salty water flowing across the skin of her face, her whole body trembling under the force of her sobs making their way out of her chest.

"Oh God. What am I going to do now?"

*******************

Anya entered Gile's living room and sat down on the couch. "What's with the long face? I thought you'd be happy one of the Scoobies finally bit the dust." This to the brooding figure sitting in a dark corner, bottle on scotch in his hand, not so far from her.

Spike glared at her as he finished a glass of the whiskey in a single gulp. The liquid burned his throat in a now familiar feeling and made him exhale a bit before he could speak."You insensitive brat. She was the best of all of us and you bloody know it!" He poured himself another drink and promptly gave it the same treatment as the previous one. "I should've been there, just to push in the way and have you burnt instead!"

"Hey! No need to be rash. Besides with that chip on your head you wouldn't have been able to do that. Just go back to your mellowing and be quiet, it's almost eleven and the reruns of Hercules are on." She took the remote from the coffe table and turned on the TV, completly ignoring the vampire who had bolted from the chair with murderous intent and was at the moment on the floor holding his head whriting in pain.

When the pain subsided, the vampire stood up and with a final glare to the ex-demon, returned to the corner and sat back down, lifting the bottle as he did so to take a long gulp of the strong liqour.

The front door opened to let Giles come into the house. He took off his coat and closed the door behind him. He then aproached the pair currently stationed in his living room. He directed his attention to Anya. "Anya, How's Xander?"

"He's been sleeping for almost two hours now. He was still a little sore from being thrown across a room to crash against a wall, but he's ok." The ex-demon asnwered, a little edge on her voice on the last bit.

The Watcher took of his glasses and proceeded to clean them with a handkershift. "Yeah, that was..hmm.. regrettable. Buffy was not aware of what she was doing. She just started trashing about in what I could only assume was a nightmare and Xander unfortunately got on the way. Even though she was still unconcious two hours after she past out, her strength was at full. Never understimate a slayer's strength no matter the circumstances. I'm still not comfortable with my having to sedate her though. It brought back memories I was hoping never to relive again."

"Are you sure it is a good idea to have left Tara alone with her? I mean look what happened with Xander." Anya shot a look at the door to the room that Xander was sleeping in.

"There was no other choice. I had to try and contact Willow's parents. They were in their beach house for a quiet weekend, so they took no phones with them. I found them, sort of told them what happened and now they are back home making the necessary ...hmm ... arrangements" The watcher looked at the two of them. "No offense to the two of you but Tara was the only choice. The sedative will keep Buffy from dreaming, so another ocurrance like the one we had this afternoon is not likely to happen. Besides she won't wake up for at least a couple of more hours. She will be fine and I'm sure Tara will take good care of her."

Spike's expression agreed with Giles' statement. "They do share one thing that none of us does." He look at the watcher and saw him nod in quiet acknowledgment.

Anya look from one to the other and back again. "Would anyone of you like to tell me what the hell you're talking about?"

*********************

TBC