REPOST fic; Those Left Behind(NC17) (B/W/X)

["goolecaptain" <goolecaptain@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Summary; A comeback to all suicide fics! This is a happy sequal to a 
fic I read recently called `Dream Floating' or something similar 
where vamped re-souled Buffy kills vamped Giles then kills herself as 
she cannot live with the pain (I'd be grateful if someone could name 
it for me). I hate Buff suicide fics and they're so damned common. 
Like a disease. So here's the cure.
Spoilers; season 7
Rating; NC-17. Character death, sex, bloodplay etc
Pairing; Buff/Xander/Willow
Disclaimer; these characters belong solely to Mutant Enemy 
Productions and not me and this is purely a non-profit fic. 
Distribution; take what you like
Feedback; goolecaptain@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Those Left Behind


They stood unable to move as she stepped into the sunlight and burst 
into flames.
It hurt a lot. Not as much as her heart did but it hurt a lot. But it 
would be all over soon. She could hear them shrieking behind her, 
beginning to move towards her, the beginnings of a chant on Willow's 
lips. But they wouldn't be quick enough. This would only take 
seconds. She'd be with him soon.
And there he was. Large as life as he stood in front of her, raising 
his arms to embrace her. They would be together soon, together 
forever. He was saying something, something she couldn't hear over 
the screaming, some of which was hers but it didn't matter. What 
mattered was that she would be in his arms.
She couldn't comprehend it when he pushed her backwards into the 
shadows.
"JESUS!" Xander exclaimed leaping on her, smothering out the flames 
with his body. She struggled, she cried, she yelled but to no avail. 
When the blackness descended on her she thought she had succeeded but 
she could still hear their voices. She felt the weight on her face 
and realised it was actually Spike's coat that was covering her. 
She curled up into a ball and welcomed the unconsciousness that 
followed.
*

"I'm here Buff" Willow placed her hand on Buffy's brow, wiping away 
the sweat. "So strange that vampires sweat" she thought. Buffy was 
still icy cold but it had to be some sort of lingering human response 
they retained, like coughing. And dreaming. 
Buffy flopped back onto the Xander's chest and Willow once again 
rested her head on her breast. Her hands explored Buffy's skin again, 
finding a few remaining burnt areas. She looked her in the eye. 
"You need to heal more"
"I'm fine" Buffy replied without enthusiasm. 
"Angel will be here with the Mohra demon blood tomorrow" Xander 
pointed out, "You have to be healed up by then, before we turn you 
human"
"Slayer healing will take care of that"
"We don't know that" Willow stated firmly. "You've got to feed"
"Leave me alone" Buffy turned over and buried her head in Xander's 
chest. She would run away but she couldn't bear to sleep by herself 
anymore. To share Xander and Willow's warmth, to feel their hearts 
beating and enjoy the illusion that it was her own was the only thing 
that got her through the night.
Xander and Willow traded a look. Silently he took Buffy by the arms 
and sat her up. She didn't resist. Willow stripped off her slip and 
unbuttoned Buffy's pyjama's.
Buffy couldn't resist becoming aroused, the sight of Willow's body, 
the sensations of Willow stripping off her clothing, especially as 
her fingers lingered at her nipples and carressed them into a pert 
hardness. Behind her she felt Xander's firm muscled body, the fact 
that she could break his grip at any time didn't make his 
constraining her arms any less sexy.
  Willow leaned forward and kissed her before resting her head on 
Buffy's shoulder, placing her neck firmly against Buffy's lips.
"Unfair" Buffy protested.
"Bite me!" Same joke, every time!
"I'm hurting you" It was feeble but it was all she had.
"I've eaten half the iron pills in Sunnydale and Xander had the other 
half. We don't mind"  
She couldn't resist. She could sense the blood pulsing in Willow's 
neck, warm and rich. How did Angel deny it to himself? She wanted it 
desperately, could never get enough, felt the aching hunger well up 
within her, her mouth salivating at the prospect. She vamped out and 
gave Willow an almost playful nip with her fangs, resting them on her 
flesh without breaking the skin. She relished this moment of 
anticipation.
"Do it, do it" Willow begged.
Buffy bit down hard and sucked. 
*
She finally broke away from Xander's shoulder, licking the final 
traces of blood from the slight wound she had inflicted. He was 
getting very musclely these days, probably through work. She leaned 
back and looked at them closely. They both looked pale, tired. By 
contrast she felt endlessly invigorated by their blood. She wondered 
if Xander was up for another round? Maybe if she offered him anal sex 
again. He'd only allow Willow to go down on him anymore, the thought 
of Buffy's fangs around his penis rather killed the mood. He liked 
anal, almost as much Willow adored being buggered. But there he 
preferred Buffy, her vampire healing powers meaning she was endlessly 
tight no matter how often they did it. She was glad she'd lost her 
virginity before she'd been sired, having her maidenhead continuously 
ruptured and healed was not something she liked the idea of. Once was 
enough.  
They tasted so different. Perhaps Willow was kosher? She far 
preferred Dawn's blood over either of them, perhaps because it was so 
similar to her own, perhaps the Key energy gave it that extra kick. 
She didn't like to think of Spike's suggestion that it was because 
Dawn was still a virgin. Besides, since Dawn had fainted in gym class 
she'd forbidden herself to take any more.  
"Tell us about you dream?" Xander asked.
She told them. It was obvious they hadn't seen Giles' ghost, only she 
had had the vision. When she was finished they just looked at 
her. "What do you think it means?" Willow asked at last.
Buffy swallowed. Her voice was brittle. "It means I must be a very 
evil, worthless person if he didn't want me in heaven with him" Her 
eyes filled with tears.
"YOU BITCH!" Willow screamed at her. She slapped her again and again, 
raining blows down upon her. Buffy didn't even think to fight, going 
into the foetal position as Xander pulled Willow away with all his 
strength. But he couldn't stop her talking.
"YOU BITCH! YOU EVIL SELFISH BITCH! You wanted to throw away your 
life! Don't you think Jesse wanted to live? Don't you think Larry and 
Harmony and Jenny all wanted to live?"
"I just couldn't go on without him" Buffy whimpered. "I just couldn't 
take all the pain"
Willow's voice softened but her words were just as wounding. "What 
about our pain? We loved him too and now we were going to lose you as 
well? How could we have gone on? What about all the people you save?"
"Are they worth saving?" Buffy questioned miserably. 
"If only one is, then they all are, they're all worth it" For a man 
who failed every English exam Xander had a hell of a way with words. 
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry Buffy" Xander let Willow go and she grabbed Buffy 
around the shoulders. "Be happy. Live for us. Live for them" Her 
hands cradled Buffy's head, cupping her cold dead flesh. "Live for 
yourself. We love you. Be worthy of our love!"
She couldn't answer. 
*
And there he was. Large as life as he stood in front of her, raising 
his arms to embrace her. They would be together soon, together 
forever. He was saying something, something she couldn't hear over 
the screaming some of which was hers but it didn't matter. What 
mattered was that she would be in his arms.   
She felt his arms touch her, sensation only, no pressure, no 
substance, no power there. She heard his voice in her ears, heard it 
over the flames and the screaming and the crackle as her own flesh 
burned.
"Live for me"
She stepped back into the shadows.
"Jesus!" Xander exclaimed, leaping onto her, smothering out the 
flames with his own body. 
*
Buffy awakened. Xander and Willow lay either side of her, naked, 
sleeping fitfully. Downstairs she could hear Ethan Rayne listening to 
the BBC World Service, doubtless reading through Giles' volumes, 
struggling to assume the role of his old friend whose duty he had 
bequeathed him.
 She could sense the sun straining at the curtains but it held no 
fear for her anymore. She longed to bathe her skin in it's warm 
embrace once more, longed to feel her heart beat once more, to have 
her own blood rush through her veins, to look in the mirror and see 
her imperceptibly older reflection peer back at her.
She would live for him. She would live for her friends and her 
family. And she would live for the countless faceless strangers she 
saved, good or bad, all deserved to live their lives and find their 
own way in the vivid, painful, glorious world.
As did she.     
She hugged Xander and Willow closer. "Hurry up with that Mohra blood 
Angel" she thought, "I've got a lot of living to do" 








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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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