Fic: All's Fair 1/4 Vampire Stories B/W/X NC17

[Crys Loch <pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I know this has Xander in the mix.  I know I was trying to figure out 
when I should stop posting this here, if it would be welcome anyway as 
it progresses and all that.  But so much time has passed between the 
stories, I thought I better just get it out.  And most of this, indeed 
the center of the whole series, is about and between Buffy and Willow.  
The show centered on them both and this twisted after the show series 
does the same.  And yes, there are and will be supporting characters, 
most notably, Xander.  If, when, whatever, I should stop, please let me 
know.
Crys

Title:  All's Fair

Series: Vampire Stories, story 2

Author:  C.L.

Email:  pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:pagansoul@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>

Feedback:  Yes, please.

Distribution:  I have no site, but any of my stories can be found on 
MysticMuse.net  If you also have my other works, feel free.  If any one 
else wants, ask and I'll probably say yes.

Spoilers:  Takes place just past 'Chosen'.  All things canon and implied 
are fair game.

Rating:  NC-17 (overall I guess.  The erotic isn't the solo: it's the beat.)

Pairing:  B/W/X

Disclaimer:  I did not create, nor do I own the characters or their 
premise.  Joss Whedon did and does.  This is for fan fun and no profit.

Summery:  Xander wakes and they're on the run.  In the passing nights, 
they try to figure out what it means now, what to do next and maybe even 
where to settle down.   

One Last Thing:  Forgive, please, the long wait and the long 
windedness.  Explanation and setup is mostly what you'll find here.  If 
it might invite more patience, (if anyone's still with me at all) Giles, 
Jenny and Cordelia will be coming around soon.  New place, old and new 
friends and foes, but not the same 'ol, same 'ol.  Their lives are over, 
only remembered; their unlives have just begun.    





All's Fair

By C.L.



"Escape is beyond boring."  Buffy complained as she slouched in the 
seat, resting her head against the window.  Many exit signs had passed 
since the last time anyone said anything.  The songs on the radio all 
long ago started sounding the same; each a favorite easily forgotten in 
the dull miles of nothingness.  They've been driving for hours; on the 
one road, in the one direction.



"I thought I'd be more excited.  I think there's just been too much time 
to think."  Willow glanced toward Buffy, trying to gauge how much 
thinking her friend has been doing herself.



"Finally sinking in?"  Buffy had enough of tuning out the radio and even 
this topic was better than their silence.



"Sinking fast.  And you know what's the lead weight?"  Willow was 
grateful to hear their voices instead of the radio, however the topic 
was received.



"What?"  Buffy was honestly curious now.



"I keep thinking about everything I've done since last night.  And I 
remember, I've done some pretty mixed up things before.  But before, 
even with a reason or a good intention, there was some doubt and later 
guilt.  So now I look on last night and tonight; and that part that tugs 
and pulls and pokes, it's just not there.  I guess... I guess what 
happened really happened."  Willow confessed and waited.



"Isn't that a good thing?"  Buffy pointed out, shrugging when Willow 
glanced at her.  "The lack of guilt.  I mean we are evil now, right?"



"We're not evil, Buffy."  Willow stared ahead at the dimly lit road and 
the darkness that surrounded it, trying to sort through what she meant.  
"I've been evil.  And, and I've had it inside me."  Willow paused again, 
searching, but not finding.  "This just feels different."



Buffy watched Willow for a moment, considering what she was trying to 
say.  "Well, it's not good.  Feels kinda good, but..."  Buffy started to 
lightly knock her head against the side window.  "I feel like I should 
be out there, hunting."



"You're hungry?"  Willow felt her own need for a kill, and quickly her 
mind locked it down.



"If that's what you want to call it."  Buffy smiled a little to 
herself.  "It's not exactly the stomach that growls.  I'm restless and 
bored."



"Well, I'm thinking we should just go till we get enough distance 
between us and Sunnydale to stop and settle down.  Start making a new 
life somewhere."  Willow knew they couldn't keep running for long, night 
after night trapped in a car, without killing each other.



"Sun will come up before then."  Buffy pointed out, noticing that Willow 
was ignoring the turn in the topic before.



"We'll stop when we have to.  It'll only take a couple of days I 
think."  Willow had found solace in thinking of their future when 
thoughts of her past were too overwhelming.



Buffy didn't let the change in topic continue.  "Willow, don't you feel 
it?  The night?"



"Of course I do."  Willow whispered the admission.



"But you're fighting it."  Buffy pressed.



"I'm controlling it."  Willow corrected, glancing toward Buffy then back 
to the road.  "Aren't you?"



"Well at the moment I'm stuck in a car.  Long term future plans?  I 
don't see where it matters."  Buffy adjusted sideways in her seat so she 
could lean against the door and watch Willow.



Willow closed her eyes for just a brief moment at the words.  "It does 
matter.  We still have free will.  We can define ourselves."



"I've always been defined.  No choice."  Buffy leaned her head back and 
closed her eyes.



"That's not true and you know it!"  Willow erupted.



Buffy's eyes snapped open, the force and anger of Willow's words 
surprising her.  "Willow, you said it yourself, we don't have a soul.  
And we don't have to save the world anymore.  This whole question of 
right or wrong, it doesn't matter."



"I would think you wouldn't want to be a puppet of the Powers anymore, 
on either side."  Willow challenged.  "We don't have to be evil."



"I now hunt to feed.  Not exactly non-evil."  Buffy remembered the 
warmth and passion in the blood of that first kill, and closed her eyes.



"Well, the wolf isn't evil."  Willow countered.



Buffy laughed shortly.  "Remember when we thought any thing that killed 
a human was evil?  If we're not, what is?"  Buffy looked back at Xander.



"How is he?"  Having no real answer, Willow hoped the topic would drop.



"Still dead to the world."  Buffy settled back in her seat and sighed at 
the continuing road.  "I just feel so empty inside.  It's like I'm not 
connected to anything anymore."  She stared at the dark nothing that 
lined this stretch of road, moving her hand over her chest to feel her 
heart not beating and listen to the silence of her breath.



"I know."  Willow moved her hand to rest on Buffy's thigh, gently 
reminding her she wasn't really alone.



Buffy smiled in surprised relief at the contact.  Covering Willow's hand 
with her own, she tried to quiet her mind.  There escape continued in 
silence and the unheard static of the radio.



The few remaining hours of the night passed without any notice until the 
press of the imminent sunrise was felt.  "There's a town coming up and 
the sun will rise soon.  We should stop and figure out where to spend 
the day."  Willow suggested.  She was tired.



"Okay."  Buffy was quick to agree, careless of where they were and only 
wanting to stop.



"Um, Buffy, where are we going to stay?"  Willow moved to the right lane 
as the signs suggested any one of the next four exits.



Buffy thought a moment and making a face, removed one possibility from 
the list.  "Not another motel.  First off, I'm tired of them.  Second, 
they're a little too public.  I mean what do we say?  Hi, we want to 
check in now and check out at midnight?  Plus, if I'm not mistaken, we 
have no money.  We'd have to kill everyone in there just for a good 
day's sleep."



"True, what cash we could find we've spent on gas.  No plastic, no 
tracing seemed like a good idea at first."  Willow couldn't think of 
another option though.



Buffy's mind had continued on with the puzzle.  "There's staying in an 
abandoned building or breaking into a warehouse or something.  But when 
sleepy head does wake up he's gonna be very hungry.  So, we'll need 
someone.  That leaves us borrowing that someone's house."



"Buffy!"  Willow was a little shocked though she accepted Buffy's 
points.  "We can't.  Besides, who's gonna just invite us in at this hour?"



"We can."  Buffy corrected.  "Or if you prefer, we have to.  I saw a 
sign for a community college.  Head for some apartment complex around 
there and we'll see who's still up."  Buffy knew this was the safest 
plan and crossing her arms, turned to Willow with her 'this is the plan' 
face.



Willow knew the look and more than that, knew Buffy was right.  
Reminding herself of the past two nights and that this hesitation was 
only in her mind, she conceded to the plan.  "Okay."



Redding sat quietly on both sides of the I-5, sprawled seemingly in one 
layer on the bare patch of northern California between the mountains 
into Oregon and the more fertile Napa Valley.  It felt like a suburb 
without a city, and unlike Sunnydale, without a beach or even a mall.  
Denny's was the only thing they saw open as Willow exited the freeway 
and followed the signs toward the community college.



They wove their way slowly through the parking areas in a collection of 
apartments near the college: five buildings, two stories each, and 
looking exactly the same.  Passing the third building, their search for 
an awake tenant was almost ending in vain.  Just like the ordinary chain 
stores that defined the town's center, the apartments were closed in 
sleep.  As they headed toward the last two buildings, Buffy noticed a 
car pulling into the lot from another entrance.  Pointing, she directed 
Willow to follow the car.  Two men got out and made their way to a dimly 
lit apartment on the first floor.  They stumbled over to the door, 
holding each other up and telling each other in loud slurred whispers to 
be quiet.  Buffy smiled as Willow pulled into a nearby parking spot, 
watching as the men knocked on the door and waited.  College boys would 
be easy.



"Okay, here's the plan."  Buffy started as Willow shut off the car.  
"I'll go up, smile and ask if I can use their phone or something.  
They'll let me in.  Once the renter's dead..."



"Buffy."  Willow started but stopped, her thoughts tangled and tripping 
over the impulse for safety and her hunger.



"Willow, all this thinking you're doing, it's going to get you hurt."  
Buffy opened the door and got out before a debate could start.  Leaning 
inside she instructed, "Just be ready with Xander when I open the door 
to let you in."  She shut the door and walked up to the apartment.



Buffy smoothed her shirt, pulling it tight and cloaked her face in a 
smile.  As the door opened to her knock, she recognized the man as the 
same one who let the others in.  "Hi.  Um, I saw your light on and I'm a 
little lost and I was hoping I could come in and borrow your phone to 
call my friend."



The man looked in question at Buffy, holding the door slightly open and 
keeping the view into his apartment blocked behind him.  "Well, I can 
just give you directions if you tell me where you're trying to go."



Buffy was a little surprised that this wasn't all it took for the door 
to swing wide and with a lecherous smile, invited in.  Thinking fast, 
she continued her story.  "But, I don't know where I'm going.  I thought 
she lived in these apartments.  Please, it'll just be a moment."



The man checked inside quickly, then turning back, looked at Buffy, 
considering.  Opening the door, he relented.  "Okay, come in."  As Buffy 
smiled and brushed closely past him into the apartment, he shut the door 
and started to lead her to the kitchen area.  "The phone's here."



Buffy glanced around the apartment, noting the main room with the two 
men from before seated on the sofa; lost in animated conversation with 
each other, laughing, and not paying any attention to her or what was 
happening.  The kitchen area opened to the room and a small hallway lead 
to the right of the two main living spaces.  Veering off to the side, 
she started down the hallway.



"Hey!"  The man followed after her.  "Where are you going?"



"Sorry, looking for a bathroom first."  Buffy passed the open door to 
the bathroom, choosing instead the only other door in the hallway.  
Opening it, she stepped into the bedroom and got a sense as to why her 
first request hadn't magically opened the door for her.  Arching an 
eyebrow, she took in the provocative photos of men that decorated the walls.



He entered the room just behind her.  Rushing past Buffy, he moved in 
front of her to stop her progress into the room.  "The bathroom's back 
there."



"You live here alone?"  Buffy asked him while continuing to look around 
the room.



"Yeah.  Listen, I think you have the wrong idea or something.  Maybe you 
should just go."  He tried to guide her out the door.



Reaching behind her, Buffy shut the door.  "I know.  It doesn't matter 
now anyway."  Buffy grabbed the man by the shoulders and pulled him to 
her.  Before he could protest, she let her demon to her face and sank 
her fangs into his neck.  He didn't struggle, only gasped at the pain, 
quickly weakening and sinking into her arms.  She felt it again, the 
rush, passion and life in the blood as it filled her.  Slowly, her body 
warmed and her senses roared.  She pulled it from him, emptying him into 
herself.  Closing her eyes as it ended, she let herself feel the heat 
and hum of life, like feeling the sun as everything woke in spring.  She 
paused only the moment and remembering that Willow was waiting for her, 
she picked up the body and laid him on the bed.



Buffy exited the room and crossed the hall to the bathroom.  Turning on 
the light, she started the water to wash any traces of blood from her 
face before entering the main room.  She raised her head and looked to 
the mirror out of habit.  Buffy stared at the mirror a long moment; 
seeing only the reflection of the wall behind her, a chill crawled 
through her body and she closed her eyes.  Focusing on the rest of the 
night and what still needed to be done, she splashed the warm water over 
her face and dried herself clean with a towel, being careful not to 
glance at the mirror again.



Returning to the main room, Buffy was heading to the door when she 
stopped, staring at the sofa.  The two men she had followed into the 
apartment were kissing each other, oblivious to what had just happened 
and the danger they were in.  "Um, guys, sorry to interrupt, but I'm 
just gonna let some friends of mine in."  Buffy continued to the door.



The men jumped apart.  "You're still here?  I thought you were going to 
just use the phone.  Where's Jack?"  One of the men asked, rising from 
the sofa.



"Oh, I never really needed the phone."  Buffy remarked offhandedly, 
keeping the two drunk men confused and stalled.  She opened the door 
just as she heard one of them wonder aloud, "What?"



She smiled reassuringly to Willow as she opened the door wide.  Standing 
in front of her on the threshold, Willow was holding Xander in her arms, 
cradling him to herself.  Buffy laughed at the improbable sight, the 
unease of not seeing herself in the mirror replaced with a more humorous 
affirmation of their current circumstance.   "Wow, it's SuperWillow," 
Buffy commented with a smirk and making a sweeping gesture towards the 
room, invited Willow inside.



Willow rolled her eyes, adjusted Xander a little in her arms and walked 
into the apartment.  She paused to orient herself, hearing Buffy shut 
and lock the door behind her.  As Buffy walked past her into the main 
room towards the two men, Willow followed.  She made her way straight to 
the sofa and laid Xander down as both men stumbled out of her way.



"What's wrong with him?"  One of the men asked. 



"He's cute," the other noticed, swaying and smiling.



Buffy walked slowly up to him.  "You think so?"  She smiled.  "Then 
you're for him."  She informed him just before she spun his head with a 
punch, knocking him out cold.



"Hey!"  The other man tried to rush to his friend and Willow reacted; 
grabbing his arms, she held him firmly in front of her.  Terror finally 
registered on his face as he struggled uselessly in her grasp.  Willow 
watched the realization that he was going to die fill his eyes and 
closing her own, she let her face change as she bent forward to his 
neck, felt her fangs extend into his flesh and her mouth fill with his 
blood.  She pulled quickly at his life, holding him to her as he died.  
When it was done, she relaxed back into human form and looked back 
towards Buffy.



Buffy had never simply witnessed Willow feeding yet, and felt a heated 
flush wash over her at the softly brutal and beautiful sight.  A 
contented smile graced Willow's face as she fed and remained even now as 
Willow looked at her, holding the limp man upright in her arms.  It 
reminded Buffy again of the sun.



Willow was a little surprised to find Buffy intently watching her and 
was unsure how to read her smile.  It seemed to subtly move from 
predatory to sexual, then settle into friendly.  In any case, Buffy was 
smiling at her and combined with the heat that now filled her, all 
seemed right in her world.  "Where should I put him?"  Willow quietly 
asked, trying not to break the ease of the moment.



Buffy shrugged.  "Let's put him in the bedroom with his friend I guess.  
We'll stay here in the main rooms for the day."



Willow picked up the body and motioned Buffy to lead the way.



"Oh, right, it's at the end of the hall."  Buffy started down the small 
hallway with Willow following and opened the bedroom door, letting them 
both inside.  She watched as Willow laid him on the bed next to his 
friend.  She nearly laughed when Willow looked around the room, eyebrows 
raised as she took in the pictures on the walls.  She held it in though 
when Willow's troubled face returned to her own.  "What's wrong?  I mean 
I know the police are going to jump to all sorts of stupid conclusions 
now, but..."



Willow interrupted her, her thoughts straining her voice slightly.  
"It's just I don't think I should be killing my own kind, Buffy."



Buffy did laugh then, short and edgy.  Smirking, she thought of who she 
had become even before the turning.  Her mind quickly tallied her 
decisions leading to her final apocalypse and the human cost of that 
victory; then the choices of the questioning woman in front of her 
following a simple twist of fate that lead them to this now.  She 
wondered if Willow smiled as gently when she turned her.  "You're 
drawing squiggly lines in funny places, Will." 



Willow opened her mouth to protest, then shut it and shrugged when she 
couldn't find a winning point.  Instead, she looked again at the two men 
on the bed, trying to sort her tangled and conflicting thoughts, as 
Buffy closed the bedroom window blinds and curtains.  Willow honestly 
acknowledged there was no guilt, only the faintly echoing memory of 
passion.  She smiled, her troubled thoughts forgotten, when she felt 
Buffy's hands on her shoulders, gently massaging any tension away.  
"There should be lines, though, Buffy.  Okay, maybe not that one."  
Willow conceded Buffy's earlier point as she leaned back into the 
bracing presence of her friend.  "But some lines.  You know how hard I 
worked to not be evil?  I don't just want to go blindly into the dark, 
again."



"Well, the Powers obviously don't draw any lines."  Buffy spoke softly, 
running her fingers down Willow's back and smiling when she shuddered.  
"This will happen, that won't."



"Mmm.  I'm still pissed about that."  Willow tilted her head back as 
Buffy's hands resumed their gentle massage on her shoulders.



"So I say we make our own rules."  Buffy continued to coax Willow.  "I 
did everything they asked of me, and then even more.  And you gave up 
everything for them, even yourself.  We know, I guess better than 
others, that life isn't fair.  And I've spent enough time in the dark to 
know that the dark isn't all evil.  We'll find our own lines.  We'll 
make our own way."  Buffy echoed Willow's reasoning back, still unsure 
herself how much of it she truly believed.



"I know."  Willow turned to face Buffy, wrapping her arms around her 
waist.  "I just keep trying to puzzle it out.  I just want to make it 
alright."



Buffy laughed.  "The more things change..." she teased her friend.  
"Will, you're thinking too hard.  There's too many thoughts.  Come on, 
we better get all the windows covered before the sun comes up."  Buffy 
gently broke from the embrace. 



They quickly moved through the small apartment, closing shades and 
putting up towels where needed.  Buffy rummaged through drawers until 
she found some duct tape.  She placed the still unconscious man in a 
kitchen chair and firmly secured him to it, a small piece over his mouth 
in case he woke up.  They wandered around the apartment, double checking 
for any possible sunlight entry and familiarizing themselves with their 
temporary home.  They eventually both settled on the loveseat in the 
main room.



"Buffy..."  Willow scooted to the end of the loveseat; bending a leg and 
tucking it under herself so she could sit sideways, facing Buffy.  "I 
want to know what you've been thinking.  I, I need to know if you're mad 
at me."



Buffy ran her hand through her hair and glanced at Xander.  She moved 
her focus to a James Dean poster framed on the wall across from her, 
considering how to answer Willow.  She could feel Willow's intent focus 
on her as the silence extended, daring her for an honest reply.  "I'm 
not mad at you," Buffy softly admitted.  "I'm not thinking yet.  I'm not 
letting myself think.  Every time I start, I shut it off."



"Why?" Willow gently asked, letting her eyes drop to her lap.



Buffy closed her eyes at the question; steeling herself, committing 
herself to the conversation, she opened her eyes, her absent gaze 
focused again on the framed icon of a lost boy rebel.  "Because I feel 
betrayed."



"By me."  Willow jumped to the admission, as she forced herself to 
glance up, expecting to see Buffy's eyes accusing her, but Buffy was 
still looking away.



"No."  Buffy smiled slightly, shaking her head a little, she continued.  
"No, Willow, not by you.  What you did, then what I did, it's what we've 
always done.  No matter how bad things got, no matter what we did or 
where we've gone, any one of us just isn't able to let any of the others 
go.  We pull each other back, we take each other back."  Buffy chuckled 
a little to herself and smiled.  "I guess the betrayal would have been 
if we didn't do this."



"Then what?"  Willow eyed her friend, warily curious.



"We were all betrayed by the Powers, by whatever gods the good side 
has.  Whatever happened, we would always be in it together.  I finally 
realized that at the end.  And this, this shouldn't have happened.  When 
I start to think, I remember.  I remember I was in heaven once.  I 
remember what that felt like.  And fine, it wasn't my time.  I mean it 
was, but then maybe it really wasn't.  Maybe I had to be here.  Long 
since doesn't matter.  When the end threatened, the real evil end, I did 
what I had to do.  I became almost everything I hated about the Slayer.  
The Watchers would have been proud.  So many died.  And I kept leading 
them back for more."



When Buffy closed her eyes, Willow jumped in before she could go on.  
"Buffy you saved everything.  It wasn't just about people having to 
fight demons on earth again.  This was evil taking everyone.  People 
becoming like demons, earth becoming hell.  I know.  Remember, I could 
taste it."  Willow wished Buffy would look at her.  "Buffy, you figured 
it out, how to save it all.  And you, we, defeated it.  What happened 
next, I don't think the Powers did that."



"They didn't stop it."  Buffy whispered.  "And now, I know I'll never 
see heaven again.  So I'm not thinking about it."



Willow let silence pause the conversation as she tried to reason out a 
response.  "I don't know if they could have stopped it, Buffy."  She 
adjusted herself a little closer to Buffy on the loveseat.  Placing her 
hand on Buffy's thigh, she pulled her friend's attention to herself.  "I 
mean yeah, I feel angry too.  But I'm not sure who I can be mad at.  
Take it from someone who thinks too much and has for years.  These 
Powers, I don't think they're all powerful.  There's no-one playing 
chess in the sky."



Buffy frowned at the image, then smirked.  "Gods as geeks."  She 
wondered if she could just end the conversation here on that note; lay 
back, fall asleep, and return to the not thinking she promised herself.  
Looking into Willow's eyes, she realized she couldn't do that.  She 
could see that Willow had something she wanted to say.  She could tell 
that her friend wanted to start making all of this alright.  Willow's 
hand on her thigh was a distracting comfort as it traced nonsense 
patterns over her skin.  She felt the impulse to respond to the touch 
and gave in, laying her arm across the back of the loveseat and brushing 
her fingers through Willow's hair.  Relaxing into the warmth of the 
connection, she settled into the continuing conversation.  "Willow, we 
both know there's something out there.  Chosen superhero chick, seven 
years running right here.  There's someone writing the comic book."



Willow smiled at the altered analogy.  This was Buffy.  So much of her 
friend remained, even after being turned.  She could feel her, connect 
to her still; even if, she realized, she had to be touching her.  
However disconnected they were now to whatever connected them before, it 
could be bridged with a touch.  She knew just as certainly by looking 
into Buffy's eyes that nothing was the same, either.  Willow wondered, 
just as she always secretly had, where the human stopped and the Slayer 
began, and now somehow in it all, there was a demon as well.  Too many 
questions always running through her mind, so she refocused on the 
current discussion.  "What we know is that there's more things on this 
earth than humans.  What we sense is that this is true beyond this world 
and dimension.  We've given names to what we believe.  But just because 
we name something doesn't mean we understand it, or even that it exists."



Buffy groaned and shook her head.  "Willow, there's gods.  Remember, I 
had to fight two of them."



"Exactly my point."  Willow cut in with an even larger smile.  "They 
weren't all powerful.  We're not all powerful and we beat them.  Are 
there things other than humans?  Sure.  But I don't think there are any 
'Powers that Be'.  Even the creation of the Slayer was by humans.  And 
we even altered that.  I'd say the beings of this earth have more power 
here than anything coming from somewhere else, or anything influencing 
from far away."



Buffy's brow wrinkled in thought as she tried to put the argument 
together.  "But the Powers for good, or 'others' as you say, whatever.  
You know, the side we were fighting on.  Don't they have a say in what 
happens here?"



Willow's smile faded and she shrugged.  "Oh, they try.  Here, there, 
push, shove, pretty trinkets.  They drop plot devices into our world.  
But their only power is if we choose to use the props and maybe do it 
their way.  And maybe we shouldn't."  Willow paused, collecting the sum 
of thoughts and observations.  "I'm not that sure we should bend our 
wills or our knees.  Maybe if we focused on what our society needs 
rather than what some thing who isn't here wants to see, things here 
would be better."



"Maybe."  Buffy lay her head against the back of the loveseat, letting 
it drop to the side so she could still look at Willow.  She let Willow's 
argument filter through her mind, seeing if any jagged points got stuck 
before accepting it for the moment and letting the anger ease away.  She 
watched her fingers trace around Willow's ear and lightly trail down to 
stroke her shoulder, marveling at the sparks of connection the touch 
created.  "But doesn't this mean that none of it mattered?"



"Of course it mattered."  Willow countered, squeezing Buffy's thigh in 
reassurance.  "We were a part of humanity and used what power we had to 
protect it and sometimes, when we could, save it.  We were certainly 
fighting for our greater good."



"Past tense."  Buffy pointed out and looked away, again absently 
noticing the poster on the wall.



"Hey," Willow pulled her friend's attention back, leaning closer and 
running her other hand through Buffy's hair.  "Okay, yeah, we're outcast 
now from humanity.  I feel it too.  But we're not trying to destroy it.  
We'll find a place in this world to live.  After everything, we at least 
get that."



"You have been doing the thinking thing."  Buffy smiled, letting 
Willow's words and touch comfort her for the moment.



Willow smiled back.  "Well, it started long before this most recent 
twist.  Coming back from already going off the edge into total 
destruction mode will do that to a person."  Willow's smile faded as she 
voiced her next thought.  "What hurts so much now isn't this question of 
good and evil, cause I know we're not evil, I feel the difference.  But 
I also feel the hole that remains from something being ripped out of 
me.  I don't feel connected anymore to the cycle of life and death.  I'm 
a witch, and now the sun will destroy me and when I try to tap into the 
energy of the earth, it burns me."



Buffy's smile faded as well.  "Does this mean you can't do magic?"



Willow shook her head.  "I can still do magic.  There's much more to 
magic than just the earth, and there's much more to Wicca than the sun's 
cycle.  It's just I'm used to feeling connected to all those things.  
And now, the only time I don't feel empty is when I'm feeding or when 
I'm touching you."  Willow looked away from Buffy's eyes and let her 
gaze trail over her friend's body, smiling as desire that felt closer to 
hunger rumbled through her.  Removing her hand from Buffy's thigh; she 
started to trace her neck and down to her chest, lightly skimming over 
breasts and taunt stomach, back and forth, easily feeling the muscles 
jump at her touch through the thin material of Buffy's shirt, gently 
caressing her breasts and smiling as Buffy arched into her touch.



Buffy closed her eyes at the sudden overtly sexual contact.  She open 
her mouth slightly, moaning as desire raced through her as steadily as 
any pulse before.  Opening her eyes, she watched Willow watching her own 
hand and smiling as it danced lightly over her body.  Stroking Willow's 
hair, she brought her friend's attention back to her.  "Okay, of all the 
things that have happened recently, this is the strangest."



Willow laughed.  "For you maybe, but not for me.  I'm used to touching 
women."



"I get that."  Buffy acknowledged, arching again as Willow's thumb 
grazed across her nipple.  "But I don't... from a woman... from you..."  
Buffy thoughts stuttered.



Willow smiled knowingly.  "You mean to tell me you never thought about it?"



Buffy tried to bluff, but when Willow's hand squeezed her breast gently 
and again a thumb ran across her nipple, she smiled.  "I wouldn't say that."



"Touch me, Buffy."  Willow instructed; her smile easing to slightly 
parted lips, she closed her eyes as Buffy's hand began to tentatively 
explore her breasts and stomach.



Buffy watched her hand touch another woman's breast, travel down her 
stomach to just reach the waistband of her shorts and move up to caress 
the other breast.  Becoming more bold as she recognized the look on 
Willow's face, she cupped the breast, feeling the texture of it.  "You 
have that smile again.  The one you get when you feed."



Willow opened her eyes.  "I don't smile when I feed."



Buffy arched her eyebrows at the denial and smiled evilly.  She pinched 
Willow's nipple, boldly teasing her.  "Yes, you do."



Willow's eyes widened and staring directly into Buffy's eyes, she 
returned the gesture, pinching Buffy's nipple then trailing her nails 
down over her breast and stomach, satisfied when Buffy's eyes fluttered 
shut.  "I do not."  When Buffy opened her eyes and smirked, challenging 
the denial, Willow confessed.  "I don't really know what I do.  I tune 
it out when I feed."



Buffy was startled at the revelation.  She started stroking Willow's 
hair, her earlier teasing switching to comfort.  Her other hand released 
Willow's breast and started softly caressing her again.  "You tune it 
out?  You don't remember it at all?"



Willow looked into Buffy's eyes, grateful the teasing had stopped.  
"No.  All I remember is that I feel warm."  She let her hand rest on top 
of Buffy's thigh.  "You... you remember what it feels like when you feed?"



Buffy noticed that Willow stopped caressing her, but she continued more 
aggressively.  Moving her hand behind Willow's head, she started to 
stroke the back of her neck, easing her forward.  She cupped Willow's 
breast, her fingers playing over the nipple.  She let her voice drop to 
a seductive tone as she answered the question.  "Maybe it's the hunter 
in me, but I experience everything.  I can feel their pulse lapping 
against my tongue like a kiss.  I embrace their struggle as they try to 
hold onto the life I'm pulling from them.  I know when their breaths 
stop, when their heart stops.  I feel buzzed by their passion as it 
fills me, and that fire, that life, it's like I can feel the sun 
again."  Buffy paused and smiled knowingly at Willow.  "Are you saying 
you don't even remember feeding from me?"



Willow smiled and licked her lips.  Reaching up, she traced the scar she 
added to Buffy's neck, wondering if some things just always stayed with 
you.  "I remember that," she whispered.  "I remember you held me tightly 
to you, melting and giving into it.  I remember there was a fire, a 
strength in your blood; it burned and I thought it was going to kill 
me.  I remember you tilted your head, relenting and even encouraging 
me."  Willow leaned forward to lick and kiss the scar on Buffy's neck, 
smiling as Buffy tilted her head, giving her better access.  Rising 
slightly, she whispered in Buffy's ear.  "I remember you."



"It was only because it was you, Will."  Buffy whispered back. 



Feeling Buffy's hand at the back of her neck pushing her forward again, 
Willow pushed back and brought her lips to Buffy's, parting them quickly 
with her tongue.  The kiss was possessive and consuming, and she felt 
Buffy relax back against the loveseat, giving in.  Willow felt Buffy's 
fingers kneading the back of her neck and shoulders as the other reached 
behind her and pulled her closer.  She was pulled halfway across Buffy, 
her knee braced against the seat between Buffy's legs, her hand covering 
Buffy's breast roughly, pulling and kneading.  Breaking the kiss, 
Willow's smile was predatory.  "You're mine."



Buffy smirked, a challenge filling her eyes.  Grabbing Willow's 
shoulders suddenly, she flipped Willow over onto her back and braced 
herself over her friend.  "Don't even start with that Sire crap," she 
playfully warned.



Willow laughed at the fire in Buffy's eyes.  Feeling herself pinned to 
the loveseat, she pushed back against Buffy, testing.  "You remind me of 
Tara right now."



Buffy startled.  "I remind you of Tara?"



"Aggressive Tara."  Willow amended.  "You probably never saw her.  But 
we would play back and forth like this.  Or there would be a bet, and 
the loser would submit to the winner for the night."



"Bedroom games?"  Buffy leaned closer over Willow.  "Sounds like me and 
Spike."



At those words, a fire ignited in Willow's eyes and her smile faded.  
With sudden strength, she pushed against Buffy, rolling them off the 
loveseat and onto the floor.  Straddling Buffy's hips, she pinned 
Buffy's arms over her head.  Looking down and seeing Buffy's smile, her 
own smile returned.  "It was nothing like you and Spike.  We didn't 
leave bruises on each other."



"Then what'd you do?"  Buffy challenged, pushing up against Willow and 
rocking her hips beneath her.  "Did you spank her?  Did she spank you, 
Will?"  When Willow smiled in response, Buffy knew she guessed it 
right.  Rocking her hips again, she continued.  "Did she tie you up, 
Willow?  Did she have you on your knees?"



Willow dropped her head and rocked back against Buffy's thrusts, 
enjoying the tease of friction.  She refused to directly answer.  "It 
went both ways.  Back and forth.  She said it was a way to get my mind 
off the Hellmouth.  I think now she was just trying to distract me for a 
time from magic."



Buffy let Willow set a rhythm as they rocked and thrust into each 
other.  She bent her knees for better leverage, not getting the friction 
she needed, but knowing that Willow was feeling it.  Testing Willow's 
strength, she tried to pull her arms free but they were pinned firmly to 
the floor.  "Sounds just like Spike and I.  The back and forth.  
Distraction.  Feels just like it, too."



Willow wanted to shut Buffy up.  She was back in the here and now, 
feeling Buffy move under her; feeling Buffy almost helpless beneath her; 
knowing even with her strength, Buffy could break away.  She lowered 
herself completely onto Buffy, kissing away any further conversation.



The kiss broke when they both heard a moan from the kitchen.  "Our 
captive is coming to," Buffy observed.  She glanced over to Xander's 
sleeping form on the sofa.



Willow noticed the look, then smirked at the position they were in.  
"He's gonna like this new world."



Buffy laughed.  "He liked you in the old one, too."  When they heard 
another moan from the kitchen, Buffy nudged Willow off her and got up.  
"I'll go knock out our friend again." 



Returning from the kitchen, Buffy paused and leaned against the edge of 
the short wall separating half the rooms.  She smiled as she watched 
Willow kneeling beside Xander, stroking his hair.  "So, is he gonna live?"



Willow turned towards Buffy.  "Very funny.  You sure he drank from you?  
He's sure taking his sweet time."



"He drank."  Buffy assured.  "He nearly ripped it from me.  He was 
angry, fighting the whole way."



"Angry?"  Willow turned her attention back to Xander, stroking his hair 
she noticed the gentle still features of her friend's face.  Even the 
deepest sleep left evidence of dreams and thoughts.  Xander showed 
nothing.  The blank stillness refused to suggest he died in anger or 
would ever wake. 



"Yeah.  And more than the usual, 'I'm gonna die' kinda way."  Buffy 
admitted.  She watched curiously as Willow kissed Xander's forehead, 
then stood up, stretched and turned back towards her.  Willow's eyes 
traveled slowly over her leaning form, seductively caressing her across 
the distance.  She smiled helplessly in response and shook her head at 
her own reaction.  "Strange."



Willow arched her eyebrows.  "What is?"



"How it feels when you look at me."  Buffy smiled shyly.  "How I feel 
when I look at you."



Willow walked over to Buffy, her smile lighting her eyes with a hint of 
seductive victory.  "As much as I'd like to think it was my own powers 
of seduction that have brought this about, it's more likely that 
whatever connection of friendship we used to just feel between us has to 
be expressed physically now."  Willow's smile softened with the 
admission, her forehead creasing slightly as her thoughts continued.  
"It's interesting the parts that seem to be wholly connected with the soul."



"And she's off to figure it all out again."  Buffy softly chided.



"Hey."  Willow slapped Buffy's shoulder in mock self defense.  "I just 
want to understand it is all."  Her smile returned, seductively.  
"Besides, you can't say this new way to connect isn't fun."



Buffy reached out to run her fingers through Willow's hair.  "True.  And 
I'm sure I'll get used to the strangeness of it, soon."



"Oh god."  Willow let her head fall against Buffy's shoulder.



"What?"  Buffy asked alarmed, wrapping her arms around Willow.



"I just realized... it's just... Xander's been my friend since forever.  
I mean we always just felt connected.  And now... to feel that...  Hence 
the 'oh god'."  Willow buried herself in Buffy's embrace.



Buffy laughed softly, the vibrations gently shaking Willow as well.  She 
started to stroke Willow's back, comforting her.  "Now you know how I feel."



"Yeah, I guess now I do."  Willow smiled and relaxed, looking up into 
Buffy's eyes.  "Or will.  Whatever it takes I guess.  We can't go on 
without each other.  That's how this whole thing started."



"Whatever it takes."  Buffy agreed.  "We'll just have to make a place 
and a way for ourselves to belong."



"Oh, speaking of which, there's something I better get started on."  
Willow pulled away from Buffy, immediately regretting it as Buffy's arms 
released her.



"What?"  Buffy, feeling the loss as well, was curious what would make 
Willow pull away.



Willow shyly closed her eyes when she noticed Buffy's obvious 
disappointment.  She realized and admitted this turn in their 
relationship was overwhelming to her as well.  Steadying herself, she 
opened her eyes and with gathering excitement, explained her plan.  "I 
had an idea.  With a little combination of magic and the computer I saw 
in the bedroom, I'm thinking I can end our money worries.  I mean 
permanently end our money worries."



"How?"  Buffy made the continue motion with her hand.



"Oh!"  Willow smiled in certain triumph.  "I can download some hacker 
software and augmented with magic, pick through the security codes that 
protect bundle transfers..."



Buffy held her hand up to stop the over explanation.  "In more English 
than tech, please."



"Sorry."  Willow smirked and chose to repeat the plan in it's simplest 
form.  "I'm going to steal us a fortune."



Buffy's eyebrows rose in surprise.  "You can do that?  Won't they trace 
it or something?"



"Not if I choose the right bundles."  Willow thought of another way to 
explain.  "I'm gonna hit the bank transfers that are already illegal and 
hidden.  And I'll have the help of magic to hide how it was done.  
Besides, stealing from terrorists, the CIA, and drug dealers is pretty 
darn close to doing something for the greater good.  Not really that 
evil, you know."  Willow smiled, then it faded in thought.  "Why, you 
don't think I can do it?"



Buffy laughed.  "Oh, I have no doubt you can do this.  You had mad 
hacker skills before the magic."



"Thanks."  Willow accepted.  "It's gonna take some time though.  And I 
want to be done before we go, so I kinda gotta start now."  She said by 
way of explanation as she started down the hall to the bedroom.



Buffy watched as Willow disappeared into the bedroom.  She shook her 
head at what Willow was about to do and ran her hand through her hair.  
Turning, she watched Xander laying absolutely motionless on the sofa.  
Buffy just stared at her lifeless friend, wondering curiously to herself 
that she was the one to do that.  She killed him.  She turned him.  Or 
at least the demon did.  Or maybe the Slayer.  Shaking the thoughts from 
her head, she walked over to the sofa and sat down on the floor beside 
him.  She stroked his hair for a moment caught up in the lack of 
reaction, the lack of anything.  She let her hand rest on his chest. 



"Xander, wakey, wakey," Buffy sing-songed.  "It's a brave new world, 
here."  She started to lightly trace her fingers over his chest and 
stomach, absently trying to coax, if not breath, then movement.  "I 
don't know if you can hear me, but I hope you won't be too angry with 
us.  It would have been worse, you know, if you had to, well, live with 
the fact that we're vampires.  It's better this way."  She paused, 
letting what she just said echo through her mind.  "But it's starting to 
get to me, to really sink in.  What it's gonna be like now, I mean.  
See, I have all my memories of everything that's happened and I 
remember, faintly, the feeling of purpose, and destiny.  But my 
connection to that calling is gone.  I can't feel the reasons anymore.  
I think Willow still has something.  I mean she can still do some magic 
and she's always had that struggle in her of how to use her power, so 
it's kinda the same as before, you know?  I don't know what I'm gonna do 
now.  But I think she's right, we've at least earned the right to go on."



Buffy started to stroke Xander's chest more firmly, purposely caressing 
him.  "Can you feel this?"  Buffy waited for a response, watching for 
any hint of connection though she didn't feel one herself.  "Funny side 
effect I think you might like.  You're not even gonna believe what it's 
like or what it's turned into."  Buffy thought a moment to herself, 
watching her hand travel across her friend's chest, searching still for 
a connection.  She smiled when she realized she had never seriously 
thought of touching him this way before.  "Willow and I, well, we...  
Oh, just wake up and see for yourself.  But it's good, I think.  It 
feels...  It takes the edge off." 



Buffy silently stayed beside Xander, caressing his chest, his cheeks, 
stroking his hair.  She remembered his rage as he died, and hoped, with 
her touch, that he could be calmed, comforted and reassured.  She wasn't 
sure how much time had passed when she sighed and still lacking any 
response from Xander, gave up for the moment.  She stood up and reached 
out with her senses, trying to gage where the sun was in the sky.  She 
could faintly feel its presence; low, dimming, but still a couple hours 
from dusk.  Frowning when she remembered that was as much of the sun as 
she'll ever feel again, she wandered back down the hall and into the 
bedroom to check on Willow.



"Hey."  Buffy announced her presence as she stopped behind Willow and 
peered over her shoulder at the computer screen.  "What'cha doing?"



"Hey."  Willow answered, turning her head to look up at Buffy then back 
to the computer screen.  "I'm looking for names."



"Names?"  Buffy looked again at the screen.  A translation web page was 
up, set at English to French, and showing the inquiry 'flame' to 
'flamme'.  "I don't get it.  Names for what?"



Willow turned her desk chair to face Buffy.  "For us!" She answered with 
some excitement.  "I realized our new deep pockets bank accounts will 
need some names attached to them, and if we don't want to be found, 
we'll need new identities."



"Okay, with ya so far, but..."  Buffy finished the sentence by nodding 
questionably toward the computer screen.



Willow glanced back confused.  After a moment, she realized what Buffy 
was asking.  Turning back around, she relayed the history of her name 
search.  "Oh, well, at first I tried to just think up some names.  But 
then I thought, this is our new life, they should mean something.  So I 
started to search mythology, history, heroes, that sort of thing.  
Especially for Xander.  I wanted to give him a hero's name.  He's earned 
it."  When Buffy smiled indulgently at her, Willow shrugged and 
continued.  "Anyway, it was getting a little over the top, you know.  I 
mean you end up with something like Alexander Hercules.  So I switched 
gears, thought symbolic.  I started to look up words that kinda define 
us, translating them into something that could be used as a last name.  
For instance, look at this."  Willow turned the chair back to the 
computer, quickly typing the word 'heart' into the search box, setting 
the translator at English to Spanish and clicking the translate button.  
'Corazon' appeared on the screen.



Willow spun the chair around towards Buffy again, a smile reaching even 
her eyes.  "That's for Xander.  What do you think?  Alexander Corazon."



Buffy's smile matched Willow's.  "I like it.  That's great Will."



"Good."  Willow sounded relieved.  "Cause he was almost the 'Dread 
Pirate Roberts."



Buffy laughed.  "From the movie?  He would have killed you."  Buffy 
confirmed.  "Heart.  It fits him.  Plus, it kinda sounds exotic in Spanish."



"Exactly."  Willow rushed on.  "I'm having a hard time with mine.  With 
mythology, all I could think of that really fit me was Pandora."








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Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                     'Choices'

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