FIC: "Madness Used To Be Mine" (6/12)

Buffy tried the cemetery and the park nearby the hospital then she stopped on a bench and tried to think.

She couldn't get the others? reactions out of her mind; Riley's, Willow's, as well as her own reaction.

Yes; she'd been quick to give up on Adam for Faith, and yes she had somehow shut Riley and Willow off regarding this but she knew? She knew that they couldn't understand.

Faith was a slayer like her. Even if things had been complicated last year with Angel in the mix, Buffy knew that Faith had been closer to her than anyone else will ever figure out.

There was an imperceptible bond between them and if anyone had to do anything to/about Faith; it would be her, and no one else.

She closed her eyes and focused, trying to erase everything else from her mind but Faith. Images of last year going on, from the first time she?d seen the brunette and got that certainty her life would never be simple again, to the moment Faith jumped off the roof and the knowledge she would never feel complete again.

Buffy opened her eyes suddenly; she almost felt like she knew where to find Faith. She got up and started running.

Buffy swallowed when she arrived at what was left of Sunnydale High School. Too many memories. Her biggest fight and somehow she wasn't referring to the one against the Mayor.

So many things were lost on that fight. So many people went away with the building.

She walked inside slowly, the fake silence was creepy. Pieces of ceiling kept falling on Buffy's path now and then.

But then she heard a noise that didn't sound like the rest.

She took a stake out of her pocket and squeezed it. She had to be ready for the worse.

But when she saw Faith, Buffy would have preferred the kind of worse she'd imagined. The image she had in front of her gave her shivers and a feeling she'd never felt, and knew she didn't want ever feel again.

Faith was curled up in a corner and crying, crying with despair.

The brunette hadn't even heard Buffy coming.

The school had been her first and only stop.

Buffy dropped her stake at that sight and Faith lifted her head but didn't seem to really react. At least she didn't seem to want to fight.

Faith looked so lost.

Buffy stared at her and yes, it really was despair she could see in the brunette?s eyes. As well as confusion.

Buffy moved closer and slowly knelt in front of the younger girl. Faith's head was already down in between her hands again, hiding herself, still crying.

"Faith?"

Faith looked up at her, "What happened to me, Buffy?" She choke and Buffy instinctively took her in her arms in which Faith cried some more.

Buffy had never seen her like that.

She hadn't expected that reaction at all. She knew she'd hoped that Faith wouldn't be looking for a fight, but that reaction?. Seeing Faith like that put Buffy in a high emotional state and she started crying too. She couldn?t understand why and how it could affect her so much. It was more than Buffy could think about. But right now she felt so protective of the once so fierce slayer and now so desperate and somewhat helpless.

Faith was obviously very confused. And she looked also very pale.

"It's ok. It's fine, Faith.?

She kept rocking the younger slayer. She got up then, dragging Faith with her. She took the brunette?s face in between her hands, "It's gonna be fine now, Faith. You just need to get out of here. Come with me. You'll be fine ok."

"I don't? I don't understand any of this, Buffy. What did I do? What did you do? What happened to us?"

Buffy squeezed her face tighter and whispered very close to her, "I promise it's all gonna be fine now, Faith. I promise. Just come with me."

Faith nodded. She wasn't in the state to argue or even think whether or not she agreed. She just followed.

Buffy walked slowly to her house, holding Faith by the waist. The slayer seemed to be very weak.

Buffy avoided crowed streets and she paid attention not to run into policemen.

She walked into her house.

?Oh my God Buffy it?s-? Joyce stopped, it seemed fairly needless to point out it was Faith entering the house since Buffy was holding her; she probably knew it already.

?I?m gonna put her up in my room. She?s feeling sick.?

?I?ll bring you some medicines for her. And clean sheets if you want. I?ll bring clean towels too if she needs to take a shower or something.?

?Thanks mom.?

Joyce looked worriedly at her daughter walking the stairs, holding tightly the slayer she?d only been told was a dangerous enemy now from one day to the next. She?d never learnt what had happened except there was a fight and Buffy put her in a coma. Buffy had never talked about it. But seeing her daughter helping the brunette at that moment, Joyce guessed it couldn?t be so simple than everyone had implied it. People don?t switch sides with a blink of the eye.

Joyce had always felt bad when she?d been told Faith had changed sides because she liked the younger slayer. Faith was very different than Buffy, more extrovert and somewhat blunter, but she?d always been respectful with the older Summers. It was obvious Faith hadn?t had positives, or at least long lasting, adult influence in her life. She wasn?t very comfortable amongst adult, but Joyce was sure that Faith had liked her.

But then all that had gone to trash because of that harsh life they were faced to. To Joyce, it was this slayer life that had led to this waste since she hadn?t had any other explanations. But then she hadn?t thought about it at all anymore.

They?d barely reached Buffy?s room that the blonde girl felt Faith?s nails dug into her shoulders. She looked at Faith who looked paler as ever.

?Bathroom.? Faith barely breathed out.

Buffy immediately took her to the bathroom. Faith let herself fall in front of the toilet, she very fast lifted the lid and threw up.

Buffy put her hand on her mouth. She couldn?t believe the state Faith was in. She didn?t know if she should call a doctor or if it was just her actions that were coming back to Faith. Buffy knew she would be sick as hell if she?d killed people in cold blood. She didn?t want to call a doctor because she had to figure out her next move regarding the cops.

That was going to be a problem to deal with, but for now, all that mattered was Faith and her. They had to deal with it together first.

Buffy headed to the bathtub and opened the hot water to start filling in the tube, then she took a small towel that she ran under the water.

She turned to look at Faith who was still holding onto the toilet.

Buffy headed to her, she pulled Faith?s hair backwards and wiped her face with the warm towel. Faith closed her eyes.

Buffy then put her arm around Faith?s stomach from behind and she pulled her up to her feet. Buffy flushed the toilet.

The brunette was covered with sweats. Buffy sat her on a chair and started unbuttoning the red jacket Faith had stolen from some girl at the hospital.

Buffy couldn?t imagine the state of panic or confusion Faith must have felt when she woke up.

The jacket fell to the floor and Buffy started removing the shirt. Faith, without saying anything, took charge of the rest and Buffy let her do.

The smaller girl couldn?t help swallowing as the brunette slowly found herself topless.

Buffy tried hard not to focus on her pretty chest but instead on the weight Faith had lost. If she?d been overweight before, that wouldn?t have been a problem but she wasn?t. And now, she really needed to gain some more weight.

Not that the sight wasn?t still enticing. Buffy couldn?t help thinking of her mother?s constant reproach that she was never coming to see her gallery. If it was filled with ?objects? like Faith?s body, damn she would be a gallery addict.

The older slayer shook these thoughts out of her head as she helped Faith find her balance when she got up to remove her pants.

And there she was, naked in the room. Faith was too much into her deep inner confusion and sickness to notice Buffy?s gaze on her.

The brunette simply headed to the filled tube. Buffy went to turn off the water.

Faith was already in it. Buffy couldn?t help holding her by the waist as the brunette sat in it, in case she would slip. Faith then lied as much as she could and closed her eyes.

?I?ll be back in a minute, ok??

Faith didn?t move nor did she nod.

Buffy got out, her mother was walking towards the bathroom at that moment.

?Buffy, what?s going on? The police called here.?

?You didn?t tell them, right??

?No, I said that I hadn?t seen you or Faith. But you need to tell me what is going on now.?

?I don?t know, she just woke up. She?s just... She?s sorry, mom. I...I don?t know; I just can?t let them take her away. They don?t know what happened. They can?t... Police can?t deal with that. It wouldn?t be fair. I will find a way but for now she needs...? Buffy hesitated.

?Do you have sleeping pills mom? Kinda strong ones.?

Joyce nodded, ?Are you sure??

?Yes, she needs to rest correctly. She?s just a mess right now. And that?ll give me time to figure out the next move until she can think straight with me, right now she really can?t...?

?Alright. I?ll go downstairs. I?ll make her some herb tea and I?ll bring you everything to the room.?

In the meantime on the campus.

Willow had quit the research?s team. She felt too pissed off by Buffy?s attitude. She?d been to Tara?s of course.

The blonde witch seemed to be the only one able to appease her lately. And give the redhead her smile back as well.

She?d explained Tara everything.

?I think maybe you b-both overreacted. I mean, don?t get me w-wrong. I understand your reluctance towards Faith. I would feel the s-same too. But I don?t really know B-Buffy, or what it is to be a slayer, but th-they do. I mean, it wasn?t you only, she let R-Riley out of this too. Buffy almost k-killed her. I wasn?t there but I th-think Faith has p-pushed Buffy further she?s ever been before. It?s a personal issue for Buffy I think.?

?I don?t care.?

Tara smiled, ?Of course you do.?

?No seriously. You?re right; Faith is an issue, it?s Buffy?s issue and I don?t care now. If she doesn?t want to listen then that?s her problem. She wants to make it personal, fine. But if Faith stabs her, I won?t feel sorry for her.?

Tara couldn?t help brushing a strand of hair from Willow?s face.

Willow smiled at her, the _expression_ on the younger witch?s face lightened almost immediately. She propped herself on her elbow, ?Enough talk about Buffy. I?m tired of that.?

?You know I?m here t-to listen to you, Willow. I don?t mind.?

Willow smiled sensually at the blonde witch, ?Well, I kind of want to listen to you.?

?Me??

?You never told me, how did you know??

?How did I know? Oh, you mean??

?When did you know you preferred girls??

?Well, I guess pretty early. At the age all my girl friends started t-talking about boys over and over, well, I was just staying silent cause all I could th-think about was said girl friends.?

?How many girlfriends did you have??

?2. The f-first one I was almost 15. But we fooled around only, little things, y-you know.?

Willow nodded, ?What about the second??

?I was 17 and a half. It was more serious, she was my f-first... you know. We stayed together almost a year.?

?Why did you break up??

?I guess life. I th-think she was interested in someone else. I?ve met her shortly after my mother p-passed away. I was kind of troubled at that time. And th-things with my family were tense. I guess it wasn?t the best of time to know me p-probably.?

?I understand. You haven?t been with anyone ever since.?

Willow smiled as Tara glanced aside with an embarrassed grin.

?Come on, you can tell me. After what I did with Buffy the other time, you?ve got nothing to be ashamed of.?

?Yes I have. It was the same night T-tina broke up with me. I went to this gay club downtown and h-hook up with the first girl that h-hit on me. I wasn?t very proud the next morning but like I said... not the best years of my life. Otherwise, well, earlier that year. Start of college, I thought I was f-finally free. I went to a gay party and got drunk. I woke up in a s-stranger?s bed and I didn?t even know her name, or I didn?t remember it. I remembered nothing actually. There again, I wasn?t very p-proud. But it was a good lesson. I started focusing more after that; classes, magic...

And I felt b-better, and then I met you.?

Willow caressed the side of her face and Tara looked shyly on the side then back at her, ?See, I?m far from perfect.?

?Oh yes you are.? Willow kept caressing her face, ?You?re just perfect for me.?

Willow moved closer and kissed her. Tara couldn?t help respond to the kiss.

Willow moved forward until Tara?s back was completely on the mattress.

?Willow?? Tara questioned when they broke the kiss.

?Shh, I know what I?m doing. This is you I want Tara. Don?t worry. I want to make love with you.?

She kissed her once again and Tara?s hands slid under the redhead?s top.

Willow moved on top of Tara and they started rubbing their crotches on each other?s thighs over their clothes.

Willow felt Tara?s hand at the hem of her pants, unzipping it. She spread her legs as much as she could while sliding her hand under Tara?s top and massaging the older witch?s generous breasts.

Tara moaned, quickly followed by a low moan from Willow when Tara?s fingers reached her sensitive mound.

They kissed again and Tara switched positions, taking charge.