Summer Confessions
by Casandra
Chapter 4
[reviews]
"Wow Willow, you're parents really go all out!" Buffy sounded so in awe. Me, I've gotten to the point that materialistic type things don't impress me so much anymore. Being Buffy's best friend for 4 years, seeing all the things she's accomplished, all the things she's had to learn how to deal with, that's what really impresses me. But I'm glad that I can seem to make her happy, even if it is with my parents buyoff's for never being around. And I do have to admit, the condo really is spectacular. A spacious living room, with a tan leather couch, and what had to be at least a 60 inch TV tucked away into a cabinet on the far side. A kitchen area with bar seating and the biggest refrigerator I've ever seen, well, next to the commercial one that we found Dr. Gregory in back in 10th grade that is.
Eww! Bad visuals Willow, bad bad visuals! Although I do distinctly remember sitting behind Buffy on the stairs of the library later on in the day, gently massaging her shoulders trying to calm her down and ease the tension out of her taut muscles a bit. If I really think about it now, I'd probably guess that I was already head over heels for her, even way back then. Which is actually a rather scary realization.
"Oh my god Will, you have got to see this view!" Buffy comes rushing back over to me and grabs my hand, dragging me back towards the sliding glass doors that lead out onto the deck. We continue through the doors and I involuntarily gasp, fully absorbing the view Buffy is so crazy about. She's right, it's absolutely amazing. The deck itself leads down onto the sandy beach, and about 100 feet out is the shoreline. And with the moon reflecting off the water, and the star filled sky glistening above us, I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful. Buffy pulls me into a sideways hug, wrapping her left arm around my shoulder and grasping me around my waist with her right, and finally settling her chin on my shoulder. "This is like paradise isn't it?" She looks up at me, the moonlight dancing in her excited green eyes, and I can't do anything but stare at her and nod my head in agreement.
It IS paradise. My paradise.
The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the moon and stars shining brightly overhead, and Buffy's arms wrapped around me. I can't think of a more perfect utopia.
"So, are you up for a little naughty fun?!" I blink my eyes a few times to refocus, caught up in my own Buffy centric world for more than a moment. Ok, did she just mention naughty fun? I think my hormones are definitely in control again, because a thousand different scenario's are playing out in my mind, and I'm sure they're all 10 times more naughty than what Buffy had in mind. Before I have a chance to ask her just what exactly she meant, Buffy pulls away from me and starts taking her shorts off
"Uh, what?" Oh yes, very coherent there Willow. Of course I do have extenuating circumstances. Namely a half naked Buffy in front of me, for the second time in under a week.
"Come on Willow, tell me you've never skinny dipped before?"
Oh. My. God.
She is so not doing this to me! I have plenty of self control. But if she honestly thinks that I can control myself with both of us naked and dripping wet she's completely out of her mind. Of course the fact that she has no clue how much I desperately want her probably has a tad bit to do with her driving me completely crazy.
Before I ever realize it she's completely stripped down to her bra and thong. Wait a second, since when does Buffy wear thongs? Not that it's really important, because I'm sure as soon as we get closer to the water that's gonna go the way the rest of her clothes did. And I'll be in just as much trouble either way.
"Come on Willow, you can't go skinny dipping wearing all that!" Buffy starts tugging on my shirt, trying to pull it overtop my head. That's the last straw, Buffy trying to undress me snaps me out of my naked Buffy induced haze.
"Buff, I really don't think this is such a good idea. I mean, uh, well, what if someone sees us?" Somehow while I desperately tried to reason with her she managed to get my shirt over my head and now I'm standing there in nothing more than my shorts and bra. I quickly realize what the sea breeze is doing to my exposed top half and cover myself up. Yep it was just the cool ocean air, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Buffy's gaze has turned into an even more mischievous one.
"Well too bad Will, because I've got your shirt, so you're just gonna have to come and get it!" And with that she took off sprinting towards the water, waving my shirt behind her like a war prize. She reached the shoreline and turned back around to grin at me, sticking her tongue out, challenging me to try and retrieve my stolen T-shirt. And honestly I didn't really need to, I mean I had at least 15 other tops I could have put on, 20 feet away in my suitcase. But there was something about the way Buffy was acting, the playfulness, the..................flirtation in all her actions of the past few minutes. So yet again, my hormones took control and I took off after her down the beach.
By the time I reached the shoreline she had already waded about 10 feet out into the water, still waving my shirt above her head triumphantly. "Come and get me Will!"
I tentatively dipped my foot into the water, making sure that it was warm enough. Even in the middle of July I still figured that it was best to check. How much of a wussy am I? I carefully wade out to where Buffy is standing and just as I was about to reach her I lunged, grasping for my shirt in the process. I must have caught her off guard, because before I know it I'm completely wrapped around her and we're falling backwards under the water. As we resurface I find that Buffy's arms are wrapped tightly around my waist and I've somehow managed to bring my legs up to encircle her hips. Buffy reaches up ever so slowly and brushes a few wet tendrils of hair away from my eyes. Her touch is so gentle and soft that I have to actually follow her hand to realize she's really touching me. She keeps tracing my hairline for a moment before trailing her hand down my cheek and ever so softly over my lips.
"Will........." She trails off breathlessly, inching closer with every passing second. After what seemed like an eternity to me I feel her sweet lips ever so softly brush against my own. Before I even have a real chance to fully respond to her embrace I feel her pulling away. Great. She regrets it, I just know it. Buffy raises her eyes to mine, still tracing the contour of my jaw with gentle fingertips. Wait, is that a smile? Her eyes are twinkling in the moonlight, and I swear I see them visibly darken with desire. Uh, desire? For me? Ok, yeah, I think I'm having another Buffy induced hallucination.
I give her a small tentative smile, not really knowing what exactly is going on. I guess that was all the incentive she needed, because her lips are once again upon my own. This time though she's not quite as hesitant, taking gentle control over my lips and ever so slightly running her tongue across, demanding entry into my own mouth. I grant it to her, not caring if I'm imagining things or not, if I am, I hope I never come out of the dream. Our tongues greet each other in a sweet gentle duel, neither one overpowering or seeking dominance, just sweet caresses with the other.
"Oww!" Buffy pulls away from me suddenly and I'm scared to death I've done something wrong. But the thought quickly escapes me when I see her slowly bring her foot up out of the water, cradling it gently.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Well I figured it was something with her foot, because, well, duh. But I didn't know what she could have done just standing there kissing me. Unless of course I stepped on her, but wait, no, that can't be the case, because my legs were locked around her waist the entire time.
"Something bit me I think. Ugh, stupid little critters!" I can't help it, I start to giggle. I mean it's not funny that she's hurt, but just the sight of her standing there, groaning about sea creatures is too funny. Buffy has fought 60 foot long demon snakes, and she's all upset over a crab or something just as harmless. I immediately try and stifle myself when I see the hurt glare she's shooting in my direction. "And what is so funny?"
"Nothing, nothing at all really." Uh huh, yeah, she's gonna leave me alone with that explanation.
"Riiiight" she drawls out. "So you were just one step away from hysterical laughter for no reason at all?" She has this subtly hurt expression crossing her features and I suddenly completely sober up.
"I'm sorry Buffy, it's just that I've seen you fight how many hundreds of evil disgusting demons, and you're all upset over a little crab or something." She pouted a bit, tugging at my heart strings, so I decided to push it a little. "If you really want to know, it's kinda cute." And I hope to god the darkness covers my blush. She looks up and again I see that lust filled gaze directed at me. Totally at me! She starts to lean in again, and even though every fiber of my being just wants to stand out here in the ocean with her forever, wrapped in her arms, with her lips permanently sealed with my own, I reach my hand out gently and stop her. I know she's the Slayer, but if something really did bite her, she should at least but some disinfectant on it. Plus, with the breeze and being in the water, I am getting a bit chilly. She casts me a confused gaze and I impetuously lean down and take a quick sip from her sweet lips. "You need to put something on your foot. Besides, I'm getting kinda cold out here." She smiles a bit and then pulls my soaking wet T-shirt from behind her back and dashes towards the shore. Of course I managed to catch up with her fairly quickly, considering the fact that she had a pretty noticeable limp. I came up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist, guiding her right arm around my shoulders, helping her hobble into the house. I sat her down on one of the leather reclining chairs, neither one of us really caring if we were getting the upholstery wet or not.
"Did you bring any first aid stuff, or should I run up and see if the bathroom has anything?" I called to her from the foyer as I dug through my suitcase for a dry top.
"Yeah, I put some antibiotic ointment and some bandages in my duffel bag."
I grabbed a new shirt, slipping it on as I headed back into the living room to grab her duffel bag that she had thrown onto the couch. I waded through all her vamp supplies, which I had insisted we bring just in case there were surfer dudes that just happened to have no tans and only caught the waves at night. She had reluctantly agreed with my idea that we could never be too careful. But she must have really thought to appease me, because the bag is jam packed with all the essentials, stakes, holy water, garlic, even 4 of her wooden crosses that she keeps in her bedroom. In fact, there's so much stuff that I can't seem to find the first aid supplies. Just as I'm about to ask her if she's sure she actually did pack the kit I see a small compartment in the bag closed with a zipper. That has to be where she put them. I slide it open, but there's nothing at all in there except for a few sheets of what looks to be writing paper. My curiosity getting the best of me I turn my back to Buffy just a little bit more and gently slide the folded notes out of the bag and glance over them. But the first line I read catches me more than a little off guard and I'm momentarily stopped in my tracks.
'Dear Willow,'
"What the......."
~~~~~~~~~~
God! What was I thinking?! I mean here we are, alone, together for the first time in what seems like forever, and I have to go and jeopardize it all by putting the moves on her. I mean I chalked the near kiss we almost shared back in my bedroom last week to a fluke. Something reminiscent of Willow and Xander's fluking back in high school. Of course my mother's dinner call interrupting us really was for the best, at least I thought so at the time. But all week long it's all I've been thinking about.
The way Willow's eyes kept trailing along my body while I was wearing that bikini. The way they seemed to glaze over when we were standing mere inches apart, just within a hair's breath of jumping over a huge precipice into a place so much more complicated. It's been driving me nuts since, wondering, hoping if she wanted it just as much as I did. As much as I still do. And the fact that I do have a boyfriend couldn't mean less to me at the moment. Because all I want is her. I've finally realized it, after all this time. After all the near misses, moments in time where I had almost told her, only to shrivel up and hide. Locking away my feelings, my desire for her, in a place that I never thought I would find again. And yet here we are, both involved with other people, and I can feel that lock in my heart slowly being turned every time she smiles at me. And I wonder just when exactly she stuck the key in to begin with.
I don't love Riley, I don't. If there's anything I'm completely certain of, it's that. Sure I like him, sure I care about him, but I don't love him. And maybe that's making it easier for me. I used Riley as a distraction, as someone to take my mind and heart off of my best friend. But only now do I realize it. For the longest time this past year I couldn't figure out why I had chosen to cut Willow so far out of my life and let Riley so far in. Not that he'll ever understand me the way she does, I don't think anyone could know me and understand just exactly what it's like to be the Slayer except for her. And it's suddenly striking me as the most absurd thing in the world. Staying away from someone because you love them so much, so much that it actually makes you ache inside. Because that's exactly what I did, I completely know that now.
And yet here I am, chastising myself for actually showing her. But the problem is, I may not love Riley, but I'm pretty sure Willow DOES love Tara. And that's my sticking point. Because even though I want her, love her with every cell in my body, I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. I don't want to put her relationship with Tara in jeopardy on the off chance that she wants me just as much as I do her. I'm willing to let Tara have her, because I couldn't stand the thought of me being the cause of any unhappiness Willow has. And I'm scared to death that telling her would cause just that. Things would be awkward and strange between us, and I would hate it. I'd lose my best friend just because I couldn't settle for having her as nothing more than that.
And yet..............
When we were out there in the ocean, just the two of us, our bodies wrapped together like we were two perfect matching pieces to some intricate puzzle, I wondered if maybe I wasn't the only one feeling it. Sure I was the one that leaned in and kissed her, but she certainly didn't stop me, in fact she responded with just as much fervor. She kept her legs wrapped tightly around my waist and kissed me back like there was no tomorrow. And if I hadn't been such a baby and pulled away because some stupid little ocean critter decided to turn my toe into a snack, I honestly don't know how far we would have gone. But the fact that she kissed me on her own without me initiating it sparks so much hope in me that I know I have to be dreaming.
I turn around to look at her, wondering what's taking so long for her to find the first aid supplies in my bag. I know it's a bit of a mess in there, but it's her fault that stuff is packed anyway. But a jolt of fear and anxiety shoots through my body when I see her slowly sliding down onto the floor, fresh tears glistening in her emerald eyes, a small stack of papers in her hands.
"Willow, what's wrong?!" I start sitting up to go to her, wondering just what exactly she's reading that's making her so upset. She glances up at me, her beautiful face smudged with salty tears, wearing wet tracks down her porcelain cheeks.
"Buffy?" She holds up the stack of letters to me, but I'm too far away to see what's written on them. I get up and hobble across the living room floor and slide down next to her, slowly taking the papers out of her hands, her eyes watching my every movement, yet she won't meet my gaze.
I look at the first words written across the top of the paper.
'Dear Willow'
"Oh god..................."
TBC........