Summer Confessions
by Casandra
Conclusion
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"Willow, what's wrong?!"
Oh god, I forgot that Buffy was waiting for me to get the first aid supplies. But in my own defense, I think I have a very good excuse for being preoccupied. I slowly look up at her, meeting her gaze timidly. "Buffy?" I barely more than whisper, while shakily holding the stack of papers up so she can see. She gets out of her chair and limps over to where I'm sitting on the floor and slides down next to me. I watch in rapture the way her strong muscles ripple underneath smooth tan skin. But I refuse to meet her eyes as she takes the stack of letters out of my hand and looks at them closely for the first time.
"Oh God." I look up into her face, her delicate beautiful face, and see it clenched in complete fear.
"Buffy.....what, uh, what exactly......" I trail off not really knowing how to broach the subject. I'm hoping she'll start, because I really want to know if she still feels that way about me, everything seems to have come to a standstill waiting to know if there is finally a chance for me to be with her.
"Will, where did you find these?" Uh oh, she's becoming defensive Buffy, definitely not a good sign. She always gets like this when she's afraid to face something.
"I was getting the bandages and ointment for your foot and I found them in a compartment in your bag." I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible.
"Oh."
She doesn't elaborate, all she says is 'Oh'. Which tells me absolutely nothing, except maybe for the fact that she doesn't want to talk about this. Which means that I guess I'm going to have to take the iniative.
"Buffy did you mean it?" Straight to the point. Where's my babbling when I need it? She turns her head to look at me, finally our eyes lock and for a split second I feel like I can see straight down to her soul. She hesitates before answering, but finally she sighs a bit and breaks my gaze.
"Yes."
"Do you still mean it? Do you still feel that way?" I don't remember ever being so forward and straight to the point about something this intense. But I needed to know. With every fiber of my being, I needed to know if she is still in love with me. She brings her eyes up to meet mine again, the green windows to her soul misted over with unshed tears.
"Yes."
I heave a huge sigh of relief, my shoulders sagging forward like a giant weight has just been lifted from them. My tears start coming even faster, the joy of knowing Buffy loves me completely overwhelming my senses.
"Oh god Willow, I'm so sorry. Please, just forget what you read, please! Just don't hate me ok?"
Buffy must have taken my relieved sigh as a bad signal, because the look on her face is enough to break my heart.
"Buffy, no you................"
"God, why did I even keep those? I mean I should have known that eventually you would find out. But I didn't want it to be this way! Can you ever forgive me Will?" She cut me off before I had a chance to finish telling her that everything was alright. That everything was perfect.
"Buffy..."
"I mean I probably would never have even told you in the first place. I mean Oz, hello, I definitely wasn't about to try and break you guys up by telling you." She cut me off again, babbling away, her face becoming more and more distraught with each word that passed her lips. She's apparently picked up at least one of my bad habits, who knew babbling was contagious?
"Buffy would you stop, please?" She turns her head back around to look me square in the eyes, tears marring her gorgeous features. Once I'm sure I have her undivided attention I slowly lean in and capture her silken lips with my own, reveling in the sweetness of her mouth for the second time tonight. I don't deepen the kiss, just try to convey all my love through the connection. I slowly break away and rest my forehead against hers. "I love you."
"What?" she asks me, barely whispering.
"I love you Buffy. I love you the same way you love me. I always have." I lean in again and bring our lips together for yet another sweet, wonderful kiss. Then I pull back to look into her sparkling green eyes.
"You love me?" Again she asks barely above a whisper, almost like she's too afraid to hope. And Goddess I know how that feels.
"Yes, I love you. I'm so in love with you that I can't see straight." Can't say that was my best choice of words, but it will have to do, puns aside.
"I love you too Will, so much. God, I love you so much!" The smile that lights up her face would be enough to outshine even the brightest of stars. And before I know what's happening she tackles me into the tightest embrace I could ever imagine. She's holding onto me for dear life, like she's afraid if she lets go, even a little, that I'll disappear and all of this will be a dream. And if it is a dream I'll be plenty happy to stay in Morpheus' arms with her for the rest of eternity. I honestly can't remember ever feeling so happy, so safe, so.............complete, than I do right now. It's the most incredible feeling I could describe and then some. But the spell breaks when I feel her start to pull away from me. No! Where'd my Buffy snuggles go?
"Will?" Uh oh, she has that hesitant look and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Buffy, what is it?" I reach up and tenderly stroke away a strand of blonde hair that's come undone from her ponytail. I'm a little less worried when I feel her lean into my touch.
"Well, uh, what exactly does this mean? Are we, like, you know, a couple now?" She's blushing. Buffy is actually blushing. But she does have a good point. I mean I would love for us to be a couple. Love for us to do couply type things. I mean, that would make me Buffy's girlfriend. Just the thought of that sends tingles down my spine. But the problem is, I'm already Tara's girlfriend. Not a good sitch really. But the choice is easy. If Buffy wants me, I'm hers. I care about Tara, I really do. But Buffy's my heart, she's my everything really.
"What do you want?" Yep, better to find out how she feels first before I just come right out and tell her I'm willing to break up with Tara. Because I still have this overriding fear that this isn't really happening the way I think it is. Buffy slowly brings her hand up and cups my cheek in her palm, stroking ever so gently with the pad of her thumb.
"I want you. All I've ever really wanted is you Willow."
And that's all I needed to hear. Buffy wants me, I'm hers. It's really that simple. I think I've started crying again, because her fingers suddenly feel wet against my cheek, and she seems to be rubbing a tad bit more than she was. But hey, a girl has every right to cry when her biggest dream just became the best reality she could imagine. "I want you too Buffy. You have no idea how much." I lean in and place a soft kiss on her slightly parted lips once again, reaffirming my confession. Buffy starts to giggle though and it breaks the mood somewhat. "What's so funny, baby?" That just makes her laugh harder. Ok, I'm totally lost.
"I was just thinking, you're my girlfriend now, right Will?" I nod my head in an emphatic yes, but I still don't see what's so funny. "And you just called me baby, did you notice that too?" Actually, I hadn't realized I called her that. It just sorta slipped out. Can't say I'm sorry though. I really like the way it feels to call Buffy 'baby'. It's intimate, sweet, and I never realized how much I wanted to say that to her until this very moment. How much I wanted Buffy to hold me in her arms and just gaze into her eyes and call her romantic nicknames. I think I've become a total sap. And I honestly really don't care less right now! But now that I think about it, my calling her 'baby' made her laugh. That can't be all that good can it?
"Uh, well, I mean, it just kind of slipped out. I know, it's really soon and all, I can make sure not to do it again if it bot............." She shushed me with a gentle fingertip to my rambling lips.
"Will, don't ever apologize for something like that. I wasn't laughing really, I just couldn't believe all this is really happening. And just the thought of you being my girlfriend, it's amazing, and well I think I reverted back into the little girl that was such a hopeless romantic she could've put Danielle Steele to shame." And again Buffy blushes, it's so incredibly adorable. "And I swear if you ever tell any of the gang how you managed to turn me into a big old cornball..." She trails off, trying to give me her threatening 'Slayer stare', but it doesn't really carry the effect she was hoping for, because I can see the sweetest smile underneath it. Besides, I know she'd never do anything to me, not like I really am considering sharing everything that's happened tonight with the rest of the gang. No way, nuh uh, no siree. I can't even begin to think of the visuals Xander would start getting, or how many handkerchiefs Giles would go through cleaning his glasses. Or worse yet, how many crude none too subtle comments Anya would spout out. I think I actually shuddered at that thought, because Buffy is wrapping me up in another tight hug.
"Will, what's wrong?"
"Umm, what ARE we gonna tell the gang exactly? I mean, well I've had some time to adjust to certain things that go with all of this. But you haven't. Did you not want to tell them?" As much as it would pain me to have to show restraint with Buffy when we're around our friends, I'm willing to do pretty much anything to be with her. Even if it means keeping our relationship secret. Besides, hopefully she would come around after a few weeks and there wouldn't be a problem.
"Well I figured we could just wait and let them pick up on it themselves. I mean they're used to seeing you and Tara hold hands and..............." She trailed off the moment Tara's name came out of her mouth. And I know I'm going to have to reassure her that it's just the two of us from here on out. "Will, what about Tara?"
I take her hand softly into my palm, tracing little circles along her lifeline and up through her fingertips. "Buffy, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't love Tara, because I do." She casts her eyes downward away from my gaze, and her whole hand tenses up within my own. "But I'm not in love with her. I tried, I really did, to love her like that. I just couldn't. And if I really want to admit it, I'm not sure if I ever really was totally in love with Oz either. It's always been you Buffy. Since that first day I think. You've always been in the back of my mind whenever I was with someone else. And because of that I think I never fully opened my heart up to either of them." She's looking at me now. So intensely that I feel like our gazes are sealed permanently together. "Buffy, I want to be with you. Just you. I hope you believe that." I know the next words to leave my mouth are going to be the next obstacle. "But what about you? Do you love Riley?"
"No."
Wow, I didn't expect her to be that quick and decisive about it. Not that I really thought her and Riley were that totally solid. But I thought she did have feelings for him. I mean you don't sleep with a guy that often if you don't like him all that much, do you? Yeah, jealous and bitter about that damn frat house haunting. All that trouble just because Riley and Buffy couldn't come up for air. Oh yeah, super jealous. And the whole time before they scampered off upstairs to his room I was trying to distract her away from his roving eyes. Even sliding in a little trick question knowing she was unfortunately so wrapped up in Riley that she wouldn't even notice. But I had hoped that I could get her attention away from Dudley Do No Wrong, even for a few minutes. Nope, never spilled anything on her peasant top. I was just willing to do or say anything to get her mind off of that corn fed soldier idiot. Don't get me wrong, I like, er, liked Riley. Until he started taking Buffy away from me. I know, I know, we both had parts in it. But he was the reason I was without my best friend. Maybe if he hadn't come into the picture we would have been together right from the time Oz left. There was a couple of weeks right after the big breakup with my wayward boyfriend and before Buffy and Riley started dating that one of us could have said something. At least that way I wouldn't have to hurt Tara now. But I have to believe that I was meant to find those letters. That it was meant to work the way it did tonight. Maybe the cosmic powers are finally working for us this time instead of always against.
"Ok." That's all I really needed to know. She doesn't love Riley. That's plenty good enough for me.
She smiles at me, a genuine Buffy smile that lights up the entire living room. I can't help but smile back, the warmth, the love in her grin, it's contagious. "You're amazing, do you know that Will?" And her lips are upon mine once again. But this time is a bit different. I can feel the fire in her kisses, the passion, the desire, flowing straight from her eager mouth into my own. I gently part my lips, allowing her own roving tongue access to the deep caverns of my mouth. I return her gentle oral caresses with just as much desire, eagerly sucking her hot tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss as much as possible. Buffy pulled away from me suddenly though, and for a brief moment I'm worried, until I feel her sweet lips start to trail a path of moist fiery kisses along my jaw line and down to my collarbone. Each kiss so soft yet passionate, igniting a fire within my body that I never knew could be started. It never felt like this with Oz and never with Tara. It's like my blood has turned into molten lava, racing through my veins, burning me in the best way imaginable. Every nerve ending in my body feels like it's coursing with static electricity. The feelings Buffy is causing with each sweep of her tongue on my bare skin, each soft kiss at the hollow of my throat, I've never imagined anything in my life could feel this wonderful, this perfect. I run my fingers through her hair as she ever so softly nips and sucks her way along my now bare shoulders and neck. I gently dig my fingers into her scalp a bit, bringing her head up and pulling her lips back into my own, crushing them together in 4 years of built up passion, love and desire. "I want you so much Will." Buffy huskily whispers, our lips still sealed together in a heated kiss. Her hand comes around from my hip where she had been holding our bodies in place, locked together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and lazily starts to trail it up my sides, first over my ribcage and slowly around to the front of my stomach, just barely lifting my shirt up with her fingertips to ignite the already over sensitized skin of my abdomen. Her hand ever so slowly starts creeping farther and farther up my shirt and just as she's about to send me into a total hormonal tail spin, the phone rings. The damn phone rings!
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I think Buffy actually growled, literally growled, in frustration. 4 years of waiting just to get interrupted by the phone ringing. Yep, I'm pretty sure the Hellmouth has cursed us. Because this is downright mean. Buffy turns back around to face me after glaring at the still ringing phone for a few seconds. "Should I get it?"
"I think you better." We've already been interrupted, might as well make it worthwhile, at least as much as possible. Besides, only three people have the number out here, Giles, my parents and Buffy's mom. So whoever is calling, there's probably a pretty good reason. Which means smoochies are gonna have to be put on hold. Grumble Grumble. She heaves a very disappointed sigh, snatches another quick kiss from my swollen lips and hobbles over to the kitchen counter.
"Hello?" I can't remember the last time I heard Buffy sound so cranky. If ever actually. I really pity the poor person on other end of the line if it isn't something extremely important. "Mom?" Oh this can't be good. We've been gone for six hours and Mrs. Summers is already calling us. I'm only able to hear one side of the conversation, and Buffy doesn't seemed alarmed at all, just answering with a 'we're fine',. 'not much traffic', the standard 'how was your trip' replies.
As Buffy finishes up her conversation I slowly tiptoe over to the sliding glass door again and stare out into the moonlit, star filled sky, thanking each and every one of those stars for making my greatest wish come true. Buffy and I are together, finally, at last. Something I never really thought would ever happen. And now it has. Thank whoever it was that made me look in that compartment and find those letters. And thank Joyce for finding the bag to begin with. And not for the first time in the last half hour do I wonder if Joyce knew exactly what was in that bag, and THAT'S why she was giving both of us those strange little smiles before we left. I'm gonna have to give her a great big hug when we get back, because I'm starting to really think I'm on the right track with that theory. And if I AM right, that makes this even easier, because if she knows, she apparently approves. One less rather large hurdle to worry about. I guess I'm so wrapped up in my musings that I don't even notice that Buffy's hung up the phone, that is of course until I feel her slide her arms around my waist from behind and bury her face into my neck, causing the heat of a few moments before to start raging within me once again. She nuzzles my ear with her nose and then moves lower to plant a soft delicate kiss on my neck. I turn around within the circle of her arms to bring our lips together again, anxious to pick up where we left off. But as I lean into to capture those sweet silken lips, still slightly swollen from our previous activities, Buffy pulls away a bit.
"Shhh" Buffy silences my forthcoming protest with a gentle finger to my lips as she guides me over in front of the fireplace. Which just so happens to be burning brightly. Must be one of those remote gas things, because I didn't even have a clue she had started it up. She pulls a blanket from the back of the couch and settles it in front of the hearth, pulling me down with her and settling me in front of her and spooning me from behind. I sigh in utter contentment, staring into the flames a few feet in front of me, luxuriating in the feel of being completely wrapped up in Buffy's arms.
"I think we should wait."
Ok huh? That's definitely not what I was expecting from this little romantic fire setting. I have to wonder if she's having second thoughts. "Why?" Simple question, one word, so many answers could spring forth from it.
Buffy loosens her hold a bit and turns me around in her embrace so that we're facing each other. She still has her arms wrapped securely around me, but now we're within a hair's breath of each other's lips. She reaches up with one hand and ever so tenderly strokes my cheek. "I want the first time we make love to be the most special thing in the world. For both of us Willow. And it can't be, at least not for me, until you break things off with Tara." I start to protest, to tell her that it doesn't matter, that I'm not going to change my mind, that I want to be with her and only her, for the rest of our lives. But I realize she has a point. Even though I'm lying here in Buffy's arms, I'm technically still in a relationship with Tara. If we do this, no matter that my heart has forever belonged to the woman who holds me this very second, I'd still be cheating on Tara. "Willow, if we do this before you tell her about us, our first time together will always be tainted by it. I don't want that, and I know you don't either. Trust me, I want to do this more than I can tell you." I think I have a pretty good idea just how much she does, if the hand on my back that keeps inching it's way further and further south is any indication. "But I want you to tell her first. Can you understand that?"
"I understand Buffy. I know you're right. And I want everything to be perfect too. Just not sure how long I can wait though!" Oh boy, this is gonna be such a test in patience and willpower, I can tell already.
"Well then, just more incentive to get things settled with Tara as quick as you can." I shudder a bit at that, because I know that's not one conversation I'm really looking forward to. But the faster I do it, the faster Buffy and I can move ahead with our relationship. And I won't be having as much guilt about stringing Tara along that I'm starting to feel. I think Buffy must have felt the small tremor go through me, because she looks a bit hesitant. I lean in ever so slowly and catch her delicate lips in a sweet soft caress.
"Buffy?"
"Will?"
"Can you hold me? Just hold me like this. I know you want to wait, and you're right, but I can't bear not to feel your arms around me anymore. Not now." Yes, I've become addicted to the feel of her body pressed into mine, even if it won't lead to anything more right now. Just being in her arms, it's the most perfect feeling I've ever experienced.
"Always. You never have to ask again Willow." I nuzzle my cheek into her shoulder, burying my nose into the crook of neck as I feel her arms lock strongly around me once again. It may have been a long road from those letters, but it's finally led us home. To each other.
The End