Of Stakes And Spells
by VixenRaign
Understanding Reason
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= = = (* Understanding Reason *) = = =
Buffy sat quietly by the bed, taking in the surroundings. Starchy sheets, cold stone floors, and beeping machines with papers all reading out the daily bad news. And worst of the worst: She didn't have to be here. That may be good for her, but the sad part being it was her fault that Faith couldn't leave. She was trapped, here in this bed, for almost eight months. This fighting machine that always seemed so full of life and power and zest couldn't even open her eyes or climb out of bed.
And that was what caused the silence. The sleep the brunette couldn't wake from. They sat there, all alone, Faith's hand in the blonde's and no sounds but the gentle Beep-Beep of the heart monitor and one quiet set of feet making their way down the dead hall out-side. It was deafening, and Buffy felt like her heart were going to implode . . .
"How did you find me here?" Buffy called raspily, her voice dry and torn with the crying she had done all the way to the hospital. The soft and silent feet made their way over to the back of the chair where the blonde sat, remaining quiet for a few extra seconds.
"Magic." Came Willows whispered reply. Sighing she laid a gentle hand on the Slayer's shoulder, but the blonde made no move to acknowledge the gesture. "You gave me quite a Scare, Buffy. I went back to the dorm and waited, but you didn't show. I checked the graveyards alone - which I know you don't like me to do - but I wanted to find you . . . to apologize to you." Willow sighed, and took in the worn and withered look of the brunette in the bed next to them.
"Tara and I did a spell to find Slayers . . . when it pointed me to the hospital, I thought it was leading me to the wrong one." Willow sighed. "But I should have known I'd find you with her." It wasn't spiteful, but it made Buffy turn around to look at her.
"She was what we were yelling about, and I know you must feel bad about what you did Buff . . . that's part of who you are. You care about people, regardless of who they are or what they've done. You believe so strongly in infallible goodness in each person that . . . well, sometimes I wonder if it affects your judgment." Buffy turned her empty, tired eyes back to the girl in the bed. "She painted you into a corner, Buffy. I think a part of her wanted it . . . and I think you know that." The red head gave the shoulder beneath her hand a small squeeze, and it was shrugged off.
"I told her . . . ." Buffy said slowly, voice still rasped from emotion, "I told her we had no right to pass judgment onto others. To play God and take lives when we saw fit. That the strength and speed we were given were to save lives . . . not to end them." Buffy took in a deep shuddering breath and her voice shook. "And that's what I did. I killed her Will . . . God, I Killed A Slayer!" She sobbed suddenly, leaning her head against the hand in hers, tears running down her cheeks and onto the still fingers. Picking her head up slightly, Buffy looked sadly down at the brunette.
"She was always so full of life, you know?" She said, almost affectionately, pushing some loose hair behind the cold ears. "Constant energy and excitement. She always knew how to find the fun . . ." She said slowly, almost nostalgically. "Now look at her . . . forced to stay trapped in this cell of a body, strapped to this bed, and no one to keep her company except a nurse every twelve hours and that *Stupid* Beeping BOX!" Buffy screamed suddenly. Taking a few shaky breaths the blonde quieted slightly. "And I put her here. I did the very thing that made us shun her . . . at least when she killed someone it was an accident." She said slowly, her voice dripping with self-disgust.
"That's it." Willow said firmly. Reaching and grabbing the Slayer's shoulders suddenly, she turned her around so fast the blonde almost fell out of her chair. "Buffy. Listen to me." Willow said sternly, Resolve Face set to full strength, "You are not a killer. You are not responsible for what Faith did, she made her own choices, and she knows it." Leaning in close the redhead whispered to her, "And I think we both know . . . if you wanted some one dead, Slayer or not . . . they'd be dead." Now, that made Buffy blink. She suddenly had a look of confusion on her face, as though she couldn't understand the words coming out of the Wicca's mouth.
"What?" the blonde's were nearly silent, but Willow heard them. Taking the blonde's cheeks in her hands, Willow looked Buffy right in the eye, and saw exactly what she was looking for. Remorse, understanding, and ultimately acceptance could be seen within the hazel orbs. Smiling sadly, Willow leaned forward and kissed the Slayer's forehead just as the tears started leaking down her girlfriend's cheeks.
"Buffy." Willow said firmly in a caring whisper, "When you told me the plan of how you were going to save Angel, I was angry . . . and I was scared. I'd never seen you so intent on hurting someone, a human person, even with how much I hated Faith. She'd hurt us both so much, but all of a sudden that didn't matter because it was the morals you'd held . . . part of what I loved so much about you, they were crumbling. But when I heard the news about you two, about her jumping and the way you sacrificed yourself to Angel . . . I knew it wasn't an accident." At that Buffy quickly pulled away, looking deeply into those green eyes she was getting to know so well.
"You knew?" Buffy said gently. Willow nodded.
"Yeah, I knew." Willow said gently, running her thumbs across the smooth cheeks of her Slayer, "I remembered the way you reacted when you'd thought you'd accidentally killed Ted, you're mom's boyfriend. You were heart-broken, and not just for your mom. I saw the stab wound, and I know, Buffy . . . I know why you aimed so low." Buffy paled slightly, and an audible gulp was heard. "You never planned on killing her. But you did plan on hurting her. You knew you could never feed her to Angel, even if it meant risking death yourself. You wanted her out of the game, unable to help the Mayor, but you never wanted her here, like this." Willow nodded towards the bed. "And I know, Buff, that you blame yourself for her coma."
"But Will - "
"No, Buffy." Willow cut her off quickly, "You never asked her to jump. You can't blame her for deviating from a plan you never told her." Willow kissed her head again gently, and before she could even blink, Buffy was wrapping her up in a air-tight hug. Slowly, she felt the Slayer begin to shake and tremble, her sobs quiet yet heart-wrenching. Gently running her hands over the soft golden hair pressed against her chest. Shushing her gently, Willow let a tear run down her face. "It's okay Buffy," She whispered, "It's okay, I'm here . . . I've got you."
Neither one was sure how long they stayed like that, but neither cared. When they finally let go, two pairs of eyes fell on to the still figure in the bed. Willow glared down at the brunette's form, hating how even in near-death her mere existence caused both of them pain. With Buffy it was endless guilt over the fact that she would never wake-up, and Willow because she was not only forced to watch her love suffer but also because the details of their relationship stayed a well-hidden secret. She watched as Buffy took her hand again, letting her thumb gently caress the fingers and sighing sadly, the tears springing again, though not falling. Placing a gentle hand on the Blonde's shoulder, Buffy leaned down for one last kiss goodbye. Both knew that Buffy probably wouldn't be back, or at least not for a while.
"Goodbye, Faithy." She whispered against the brunette's forehead. Sniffling slightly, Buffy allowed herself to be embraced and led from the hospital. As both girls made their way slowly back to campus, they missed the Slayer's hand twitch on top the hospital bed, feebly trying to reach for the now long-gone hand that once held her so gently . . .
.
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( To Be Continued . . .)
~VixenRaign ~
(Author's Note: Okay . . . I know that the last chapter wasn't taken very well, that the fighting was confusing, and that the lack of smoochies was up-setting, not to mention that some people felt that it seemed rather out of left field. It was. And I wish I had thought that through a bit more, and eased into the plot a little more lightly. But I promise that the next chapter will be chock-full of smoochies and there will be an explanation later. Hope y'all like that Buffy/Willow goodness, because there's plenty to come!)