Life is Short
by TheBear
Chapter 3
[reviews]
Part 3
========== BtVS ==========
Willow was halfway through her chocolate chocolate-chunk with strawberries sundae when the question that had been haunting her since she saw her first vampire finally burst out. "Why are you still here?"
Buffy was having a great time. She and Willow had talked about all kinds of stuff; slaying, how she got chosen, what her life was like before she was chosen... They had talked about how Xander and Willow met in pre-school, and Cordelia- and Willow had refused to believe that Buffy had ever been as bad as Cordelia, even thought Buffy assured her that she'd been at least as shallow and bitchy. Buffy had yet to bring up her sexuality, or her desire for Willow. She kept telling herself 'Soon. Right now I'm just enjoying...'
Then Willow blurted out that question. Buffy's eyes widened, and her smile fell dead away. "I- I thought... aren't you enjoying yourself?" she said, the hurt evident in her voice.
Willow blushed fiercely, mentally upbraiding herself, "Gosh! Could I possibly be more rude?" She instinctively reached over and grasped Buffy's hand, saying, "Oh my gosh, that came out way different that I meant it. I'm sorry Buffy..."
"I thought we were..." Buffy was still recovering from the emotional equivalent of a slap in the face.
Willow could see that Buffy was hurt by what she'd said and she felt really bad about it. It had come out way blunter than she'd meant it to, and she began to babble, "Gosh, Buffy... I must have, I mean what I meant was you could be doing anything and I'm just nerd-girl Willow and why are you wasting your time with me? You're like a superhero or something and I didn't want you to feel like you had to, you know, I mean I'm like a nobody and you could be with somebody or a somebody I mean..."
"Breathe, Willow." Buffy said. She couldn't help but smile at this girl when she babbled. She got it now- Willow wasn't unhappy to be with her so much as she thought Buffy might be unhappy or bored or something. She squeezed Willow's hand reassuringly. "Willow, are you having a good time, spending time with me?"
Willow nodded her head really fast, saying, "Oh yes! I just thought..."
Buffy interrupted before the redhead could begin babbling again. "Willow! Relax," she said, thinking "Her babbling is adorable, but I'd like to move forward here." Out loud she said, "I'm having a good time too. With you, I mean."
Willow blinked twice, rapidly, as her mind absorbed that. No one had ever said that to her before- sure Xander and Jesse hung out with her, but no one had ever told her that they enjoyed her company before.
Buffy grinned as Willow was shocked into silence and then began to smile really big, and her eyes got shiny. She quickly reviewed what exactly she had said, wanting to note for future reference exactly what made Willow smile like that. When she realized that all she had said was that she was having a good time with the girl, Buffy felt her heart wrench just a little. "God! *that* gets the big smile and almost tears?" she thought. "This poor girl has been sadly neglected..."
"I like you Willow. I like being around you..." she said, bracing herself for the big one.
Willow just sat there, stunned and smiling, for several moments.
"Willow? Say something, please?" Buffy asked, worried when Willow didn't respond after a moment.
"Wow!" Willow breathed. "I mean... I like you too! Friends is good, especially..."
"Willow!" Buffy interrupted. Here it was- crunch time. Time to see if maybe there might be some chance... "Willow, I don't just like you... I *like* like you..." she said, gazing into Willow's hazel-green eyes.
Willow frowned, and Buffy's heart skipped a beat. Willow said, "I... like you too..." she said slowly.
Buffy's heart started to beat more rapidly at that, but then she realized that Willow didn't get it- she didn't understand what Buffy was trying to tell her! "Aargh," he sighed heavily in frustration. "This is hard!" she lamented. It had been hard to say it in the first place, to put her heart on the line, and now she had to put it out again, only farther. The temptation to pull back, to just drop it was incredibly strong, but she knew she'd probably never be brave enough to try again if she didn't do it now. Hopefully, if Willow wasn't interested at all, at least she'd be willing to be friends.
"Buffy, are you ok?" Willow asked tentatively. She could see a myriad of emotions running across Buffy's countenance, and she didn't know what it meant. She still had a little voice inside her telling her she wasn't good enough to even be around this beautiful, incredible girl. She was also confused by the fact that she kept noticing how amazingly pretty Buffy was. It was evident that the girl was a knockout, but Willow didn't understand why she kept bringing it up in her mind. She acknowledged that, Cordelia- for example- was very pretty, but it wasn't like she kept telling herself about it. Whereas with Buffy, Willow couldn't get it off of her mind. Lovely, pretty, beautiful, sexy... "Oh gosh!" she thought, blushing. "Why did I think sexy?"
Willow's train of thought was disrupted as Buffy began speaking again.
"Willow, do you remember how I told you life is short, and that you should seize the moment?"
Willow nodded, "Sure, I remember."
Buffy smiled at her tone of voice- bouncy and happy. She just hoped Willow stayed that way when Buffy finished what she had to say.
"Well, I meant it. But, it can be hard to live up to that philosophy. Right now, I'm gonna seize the moment. I'm gonna tell you something... and I- I'm... scared that... you won't like me."
Willow couldn't comprehend Buffy saying anything that would make her not like her anymore. She was like floating on cloud nine already- just to be hanging out with her. She didn't know how to reassure her though, because she'd never been in this position before. All she could come up with was, "Oh, Don't be! Scared, I mean..."
Buffy couldn't help smiling, even though her gut was tied in knots. She didn't feel like she had butterflies in her stomach, she thought it was more like condors, or maybe pterodactyls... "You are too adorable!" she said.
Willow blushed furiously, compliments were very foreign to her.
Buffy thought Willow's blush at such a simple compliment was so darned endearing! It also helped bolster her confidence a bit. "Ok. Here it is." Buffy took a deep breath, closed her eyes and just said it. "Willow, I'm bisexual." She cautiously opened her eyes to see Willow's response.
Willow's eyes went wide as she thought about what Buffy said. "Oh. You mean you like both boys and girls?" her voice was quite high.
Buffy nodded, looking for signs of rejection.
Willow waited for Buffy to tell her what was so terrible that she thought it would make Willow not like her anymore. When the blond didn't add anything else, she just said, "Uh, ok?" It didn't occur to her at all that Buffy might be attracted to her that way.
Buffy had to laugh. "Ok, subtle is *so* not working here," she muttered. She had Willow's hand in hers, and she reached with her free hand and began gently stroking the skin on the back of Willow's hand, marveling at how it could be so large compared to her own, and yet so soft and delicate at the same time.
Willow looked down at where Buffy was touching her. She shivered at the increased sensation in her hand, warmth once again moving up her arm. She looked back up into Buffy's eyes, still not comprehending what was happening here.
"God! You are so beautiful!" Buffy said, enjoying once again the way Willow's skin flushed dark pink at the compliment. "A little dense," she teased, "but amazingly beautiful."
Willow could feel that something important and wonderful was happening- Buffy's compliments had her skin flushed and hot, and her breathing was quickening. There was, however, a mental barrier that kept her from understanding what was going on. Her innate insecurity had been reinforced by years of living with oblivious, neglectful, and often entirely absent parents; not to mention the sadistic criticism from the likes of Cordelia Chase constantly shredding her self-esteem. All in all, it made Willow Rosenberg incapable of believing that anyone would ever want her.
Buffy saw that she still didn't get it. "Ok..." she thought. "When a knife won't cut it, you gotta use an axe..." She waited until Willow was once again staring directly into her eyes, then she said, "I like girls Willow. Specifically, I like *a* girl. I'm attracted to this one girl. She's beautiful, and smart, and every time I look at her, I want to kiss her."
"Wow." Willow breathed. She could feel a buildup of energy inside herself. She could almost feel sweat starting to bead along her hairline as her body became warmer and warmer. But, she still didn't get it. Her body seemed to understand what was going on, but her mind couldn't make that leap, couldn't break through that barrier.
Buffy had to do it for her- "That girl... Willow... is you."
========== BtVS ==========
"Willow! Please! I'm Sorry!" Buffy yelled as she chased the redhead down the street and into a playground area at the elementary school about a block down from the ice-cream shop. She'd feared rejection when she finally got Willow to understand that she liked her in a more-than-friends kinda way. She pictured the gentle 'I-don't-feel-that-way-about-you' letdown; she even imagined that Willow might be wigged out- think she was a perv or something 'cause she liked girls... She hadn't expected that Willow would get up and run away from her.
When Willow took off, Buffy felt like she'd been gut-kicked. The pterodactyls in her stomach had landed and were using their sharp talons to rip and tear into her from the inside out. It was only her fear for the redhead's safety that forced her to get up and chase after her. She held out a slim hope that maybe, with some begging and crying, she might salvage a chance at friendship, but even that seemed unlikely, given the wailing "No! No!" she could hear from her as she ran into the grassy area and collapsed to her knees.
Buffy stopped a couple of paces from the now-sobbing girl and dropped to her knees. Her own tears were forgotten as she took in the pain Willow was in. She could barely make out words among the sobs;
"How could you? I thought you liked me! How could you?" Willow cried.
It was Buffy's turn to not get it. She had no clue what was going on here, all she could do was react to what Willow was saying. "How could I what? Willow, I *do* like you! I just told you..."
"Stop it!" Willow shouted. "Stop saying that! I get it, ok? Make fun of the nerd-girl, ha ha."
Buffy was stunned beyond words. She felt a ball of ice form in her stomach as Willow continued.
"Go on. Go tell Cordelia her little plan worked. I'm sure you'll all get a big laugh out of it," she said bitterly.
The hatred and self-loathing in Willow's voice slammed the air out of Buffy in a big woosh- like someone had parked a truck on her chest. She had to struggle for a moment just to breathe.
Willow looked up into the eyes of the girl she had actually thought was her friend, someone she had actually felt something for- emotions she'd never experienced before. The thought that it was all yet another cruel joke was too much to bear. "Why?" she asked mournfully. "What did I ever do to you to make you be so mean to me?"
The sense of betrayal she saw in Willow's eyes was more than she could stand. "I'm going to hurt her *so* bad!" she thought as the image of Cordelia's smirking face appeared in her mind. At the same time, she felt an almost overwhelming sense of relief when she realized Willow hadn't necessarily rejected her. "Oh God! that... Bitch!" she whispered. She moved closer until their knees were almost touching. "Willow! I swear to you, Cordelia Chase had nothing to do with this! This wasn't a game; I was serious. I am serious- I'm attracted to you, Willow... I want you!"
Willow still didn't believe her. She started shaking her head, whispering, "No."
Buffy was crying freely now, feeling Willow's pain like a shard of ice through her heart. She pulled the redhead into a hug.
Willow screamed and started beating on the Slayer's back as years of repressed grief came pouring out of her. "No!" she shrieked. "Stop it! You can't want me! You can't!"
Buffy ignored Willow's pounding fists as she rocked the girl in her arms, over and over saying, "I want you Willow! I do!"
Willow dropped her arms. Her voice was raw and she was still crying as she whispered, "How could you want me? You're everything! I'm nothing!"
Buffy pulled back enough to look into her eyes, puffy and red from crying- but still beautiful to her. "Don't say that Willow!" she said quietly but sternly. "You... you're not nothing. You're something to me; something special. Someone I want to be close to; someone I want to be... with."
Willow's eyes widened as Buffy's face moved closer to her own.
Buffy carefully watched for any sign of pulling away as she moved in to kiss Willow's tearstained lips. Not seeing any; she gently pressed her lips against Willow's, and began to softly, slowly move across them- not seeking to deepen the kiss, just to feel. To feel what she'd been fantasizing about all day.
Willow's eyes closed as she felt the soft sensation against her mouth. She'd never been kissed, beyond a peck on the lips from a relative when she was much younger, so she had no idea what to do. Additionally, there was the fact that her first kiss was coming from another girl, which was wrong. Willow didn't think she was gay. She didn't know what to think, but as soon as Buffy stopped, she immediately wished she would start again.
Buffy pulled back enough to focus on Willow's face again, looking for some reaction that would tell her what to do next. Willow just looked shocked, but Buffy couldn't tell if it was a 'Yay, she really does want me' shock, or a 'oh my God I just got kissed by a girl' shock.
"Uh, Willow?" she finally said. "Look, I... it's ok if you don't want me. I mean, I hope you know that I was completely serious- I want you, really, *really* want you, but you don't have to... I mean I hope we can at least still be friends..."
"You kissed me," Willow said, interrupting Buffy.
Buffy still wasn't getting a read on Willow's state of mind, so she tried to explain as neutrally as she could, "Well, you weren't listening to me, and you thought I was just telling you I liked you as some kind of cruel joke- which I would never do!- and..."
Willow raised her eyebrow as Buffy trailed off.
"...and I've been wanting to do it since I met you this morning," Buffy finished sheepishly, dropping her eyes.
"You really want me?" Willow's voice squeaked as she vocalized her question. She was filled with both wonder and trepidation. Surely Buffy wouldn't have actually kissed her if she didn't have actual feelings for her... but her insecurities were screaming at her that it was a trick, telling her not to take a risk. "I already feel awful..." she thought. "What's the worst that could happen?" She remembered what Buffy had said earlier, 'life is short.'
Buffy nodded her head, still looking down at the tearstains on her chest. "I... look, Willow, I don't know you well enough yet to say that this is more than it is... but I feel something- like a connection? Something strong, emotion and desire, and need, and... I'm sure I'm not saying this very well." She paused to try and put her thoughts together somehow. "When I got to school today, I met Xander, and I thought, "Hey, he's cute. I could date him." And then in class I met Cordelia, and- that's before I knew what a complete and utter bitch she was- I thought, "Hey, she's pretty, I wouldn't mind dating her." And then I saw you... and... it was like, Xander who? Cordelia who? I couldn't think about anyone else all day but you..."
Buffy shook her head, returning to Willow's question, "So, yeah I want you. I want you more than..." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "But, it's ok... if, if you... don't like girls," she tried to keep the pain out of her voice as she added, "or, don't like me... that way... I mean not everyone does... girls liking girls, I mean..." she stopped there, before she became any more incoherent.
Willow finally got past her own insecurities enough to see the fear in Buffy's eyes. Fear of rejection- a fear that Willow knew all to well. "Wow!" she thought.
"I've never... that was the first... my first k- kiss," Willow stuttered.
Buffy said, "First kiss with another girl..." Seeing Willow shake her head, Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. "First kiss... ever?" Buffy smiled and said, "You know... it's better if you kiss back..."
Willow felt warmth suffusing her, chasing away the last of the pain of fear and betrayal she had been feeling. She was suddenly extremely aware of Buffy's hands on her back, of their bodies pressed together. Oh God, she could feel Buffy's chest smushing against her own. She could feel her nipples suddenly get really hard, like when she got into the shower and didn't have the water turned warm enough, except the rest of her suddenly felt exactly like when she got in the shower and it was almost too hot.
Buffy saw Willow's eyes dilate and her skin blush, and suddenly her hands- which had been just hanging at her sides- started to move up Buffy's back, causing her to shiver with arousal.
Willow's voice was breathy as she asked, "So, that one didn't really even count, cause I didn't kiss back?"
Buffy only got hotter when she heard that. Now her nipples tightened and she could feel the little points of Willow's against the softer flesh of her breasts as she moved slightly. "Well, technically..." she started, her own voice somewhat airy and teasing.
Willow felt Buffy's nipples get hard and pointy and felt her whole body shiver again. She suddenly decided that her lips needed to be against Buffy's, like right now!
Buffy was surprised when Willow took the initiative and moved forward for a kiss. She could believe Willow'd never been kissed before as she didn't move beyond pressing her lips against Buffy's. She smiled and began showing Willow what to do, leading by example until they were both breathless.
When Willow got her breath back after Buffy broke off the kiss, she opened her eyes and was amazed by the depth of emotion she saw in the blonde's eyes. "Wow!" she exclaimed.
Buffy nodded in agreement and said, "I think that one definitely counts!" She felt her lips pull back into a grin to match the one on Willow's face. She noticed at last that they were still both kneeling in the grass and moved to get up, pulling Willow with her so there would be no misunderstanding that she was leaving the redhead.
Willow, in her adorable way, suddenly said, "Oh! You know what?"
Buffy, amused by the sparkle in Willow's eyes, said, "What?"
In an excited, but completely sincere voice, Willow said, "I think I must be bisexual too!"
She might have said more, but Buffy immediately leaned in and kissed her again. This time she sought to deepen the kiss, sucking on Willow's lower lip and licking her teeth as she tried to open the girl's mouth.
Willow sighed in pleasure and was surprised to feel Buffy's tongue in her mouth, lightly searching her own. She responded by pulling the shorter girl tightly against her, digging her fingers into the flesh of Buffy's back as she felt a spike of arousal shoot down between her legs.
Buffy's hands ended up twine in Willow's silky hair as she explored Willow's mouth and encouraged her to do the same.
Willow felt Buffy's hands in her hair and whimpered, causing Buffy to pull away.
"Did I hurt you?" Buffy asked, concerned.
Willow shook her head, breathing heavily as she answered. "Wow! Pretty much the exact opposite, I think!"
Buffy smiled broadly, once she figured out what Willow was saying. "Come on, we shouldn't stand out here," she said, taking Willow's hand and starting to walk.
Willow pouted, "Why? I was liking it right here pretty well!"
Buffy laughed happily. "Me too, but we don't want any nasty vamps interrupting our fun, do we?"
Willow suddenly thought walking away was a very good idea indeed. "No, thank you. Once was enough tonight." She smiled again as Buffy laced their fingers together as they walked.
========== BtVS ==========
The walk back to Willow's house had been full of happy conversation, and periodic stops for smoochies. Willow thought she'd never stop grinning, she was so happy. She practically felt like she was floating, rather than walking on the sidewalk.
She had tried to apologize for her meltdown, but Buffy had cut her off.
"I'm just so happy you're giving me a chance!" Buffy had said.
Willow couldn't even speak to that, she just shook her head in wonder. Buffy was grateful to her! Willow Rosenberg; nerd-girl of Sunnydale High School.
All too soon they reached the porch outside the door to Willow's house. Suddenly the tension was ratcheted up several notches. Willow said, "Do you, uh, wanna come in?"
Buffy noticed the lack of any lights on in the house. "Uh, where're your parents?"
"Oh, they're in Belize until the end of the month," she said like it was completely normal.
Buffy's eyes widened, "Wow. Belize?" she asked.
Willow thought a moment, and said, "Actually... I think last month was Belize, this month it's Belgrade... I don't really keep track. It's written down on the calendar somewhere," she said, gesturing toward the house.
"They're gone a lot?" she asked, thinking she had another piece in the Willow-insecurity puzzle.
"Mmhm," Willow said.
Buffy could tell from the casual response that this had been going on for a long, long time.
"Oh, uh, about going in... I'm not sure it's a good idea... if I..." Buffy began.
Willow deflated, "Oh, I..."
Buffy saw Willow's disappointment and moved to counteract it quickly and decisively.
Willow's self conscious babble was nipped in the bud as Buffy pressed her up against the door and caught her lips in a ferocious kiss.
Buffy pushed herself against the redhead, going for maximum body contact as she kissed her. When she broke off, she rested her forehead against Willow's while they caught their breath. "Never think I don't want you, Willow!"
"Wow!" Willow said, again.
"Willow," Buffy began, "I think I shouldn't go in because... I don't think I could... control myself."
"Oh..." Willow said. Then she figured out what she meant, "Oh! You mean..."
Buffy nodded her head.
"Really?" Willow asked, shocked by the idea that someone could lose control because of her. Heck she was stunned that anyone found her attractive at all.
Buffy smiled. "You are too adorable, Willow." She cupped her cheek and added, "And, yes. I mean... Really."
"Wow!" Willow exclaimed.
Buffy stepped away and said, "I- Can I come over in the morning and walk you to school?"
Willow got a huge smile on her face, happy at the thought. Ducking her head and looking up through her lashes, she said, "Okay..."
Buffy couldn't help but smile at the coy look on Willow's face. "You are *so* cute! I'll be here early, ok? I told Xander we'd go to the library and let Giles talk about vampires."
Willow nodded, so happy she couldn't talk. She unlocked the door to her house and stepped through. She turned and looked back out at Buffy who was walking backwards down the walkway, keeping an eye on Willow until she waved and closed the door.
Willow was watching through the spy hole as Buffy pumped her fist in the air, hissing "Yes!" and then danced around in a circle. She took one last look at the Rosenberg's house and then ran down the street as fast as she could, needing to get home before she burst.
Willow leaned back against the door and looked into the dark, empty house. For once, she didn't dread being here alone. She hugged herself and laughed exultantly as she skipped to her room. She just knew her dreams tonight were going to be sweet.
========== BtVS ==========