Of Human Bonding
by HDGenscher
Desert Rose
[reviews]
TITLE: Of Human Bonding [1/5] - Desert Rose
AUTHOR: HD_Genscher
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: B/W
SPOILERS: for "Intervention"
DISCLAIMER: All characters and places belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, et al.
ARCHIVE: HD's Fan Fiction Archive, http://www.wiffy.de/hdffa/
FEEDBACK: If you liked it, I'll appreciate your feedback. And if you didn't like it, it'll help me a lot if you point out what I did wrong.
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OF HUMAN BONDING
Part 1. DESERT ROSE
Sand. Nothing but sand, withered blades of grass between rubble and some more sand, as far as the eye could see.
'What else do you expect in a desert,' Buffy scolded herself as she let her gaze wander over her surroundings.
Going out into the desert to get some answers to her questions from the first Slayer had seemed to be a good idea when Giles brought it up, but now Buffy wasn't convinced of that anymore.
**
The night before, while she was following her guide, a mountain lion, Buffy contemplated what she would ask the First Slayer once she reached her.
Who am I? That was the most fundamental question, and she felt she could answer that question easily. "I'm the Slayer," she replied to her own question aloud. The mountain lion paused for a moment, looked at her as if to reprimand her, then went on leading her to...wherever they were going.
'What am I doing here in this world?' Buffy asked herself the next question. Another easy one, she thought. "I'm the one girl in all the world, fighting the forces of darkness, yadayada..." But was that all? Was her whole life supposed to revolve around slaying? Wasn't there supposed to be something else, more than being just a killing machine? This had been bugging her for a while now. It came down to the question about the meaning of life. No, not *the* meaning of life, *her* meaning. For many people, the meaning of life was gaining as much money, or reputation, or both, as possible. Bitchy-Cordy (as opposed to Scooby-Cordy) was a prime example of that. Others were striving for immortality--through their works, for example. She didn't have an example for that category...Principal Snyder, maybe? Buffy quickly discarded that thought.
Buffy decided she didn't know anything about reputation or immortality, nor wanted to. For her, the things that mattered were giving herself away to others, caring about others, having a family and friends--in no particular order. She realized that all those were emotional, and all were opposed to the burning rage that drove her on when she was slaying. Buffy reluctantly had to agree with Faith as far as slaying was concerned. When she was in the midst of a fight, when things were getting really rough, she enjoyed it. She couldn't deny that. But when it was over, when she came down from the adrenaline-induced high, she always reminded herself of why she did all this. She didn't do it to feel that burning rage. She did it for the people around her, especially for *her* people: her friends, her family--the people she loved.
All the emotions she had named, they were all about the same thing. It all came down to compassion...and to love.
And with that she was at the heart of the matter, the essence of her grief, because there wasn't just friendly love, or family love, there was also...'love' love.
Was she able to really love at all and be happy with the one she loved ever after? She'd loved Angel, and she'd loved Riley, but both relationships had failed. Rationally, Buffy had to admit that a Slayer loving a vampire somehow had the label 'doomed' attached to it. But love wasn't about rationality, plus, she wasn't so much into the whole 'thinking it through' thing. Anyway, once she was almost over her relationship with Angel, she had thrown herself into Riley's arms, only to be painfully disappointed again. Buffy wondered if she was the one to blame. Maybe she wasn't able to love? Or some dreaded Slayer destiny prophecy thingy prevented her from loving?
In this context, her initial question maybe had to be approached differently. "I'm Buffy Summers, the one girl in the whole world looking for love with all the wrong guys..." she muttered.
When they finally reached the sacred spot with the First Slayer, she almost blurted out the most urging question that was on her mind.
"What about love?" Buffy asked.
"You're full of love. You love with all your soul," the Primitive answered. "Love. Give. Forgive. Risk the pain. It's your nature. Love will bring you to your gift..." she added.
That answer confused Buffy. "What is my gift?" the blonde wondered. "Do I get one? Or do I have a gift to give to someone else?"
But the first Slayer refused to answer her question. "Don't search for answers when you aren't ready for them. They'll find you once you are," she explained before she disappeared.
Not satisfied with what the First Slayer had told her, Buffy decided to stay in the desert for some time. Contemplating what question to ask the primal Slayer had helped her to realize a couple of things, right? Maybe the answers she was looking for were out here somewhere, and she just, well, had to wait until they found her?
**
Now Buffy was sitting cross-legged on her jacket, and had been staring out into the desert since the sun had come up a couple of hours ago.
In more than one way, this was a place of extremes, of sharp contrasts...and of solace. The night's cool was the desert's solace from the heat of the day. A storm was the desert's solace from the silence, and rain was the desert's solace from dying of thirst. Loving was her solace from the aggressiveness of slaying...
The desert's hostile environmental conditions had caused her to adjust her attire a bit. Her shoes were the first to go. Buffy had soon found out that their only use was to catch the sand. Later she had torn off the lower half of her tank top and made a makeshift headscarf from the resulting cloth. Now her jacket had to serve as a blanket. If things were going on like this, she'd soon be running through the desert naked.
The Slayer could feel the sun's rays burning on her skin. If there was life somewhere here (and she was sure there was), it knew quite well how to hide from the sun's merciless stare.
Buffy shielded her eyes and scanned her surroundings once more, taking notice of a small cobweb-like cloud in the distance. 'Nope, nothing seems to be out here,' she thought. Then she closed her eyes. Maybe there wasn't anything to be seen, maybe it was to be heard...
She listened to what would have been silence to non-Slayer ears, sorting out the different faint sounds. There was the trickling of the grains of sand, obviously moved by the light wind that had come up during the last hour, and there was the desert breeze itself.
"Huuuuiiiiillloooooooow," it made. Now that was strange! That almost sounded like her best friend's name.... Buffy shrugged. Maybe she was already hallucinating due to dehydration?
"Willow," the breeze whispered again, however.
Time seemed to stretch somehow, while Buffy listened to the soothing whisper. A sudden gust of wind dishevelled the Slayer's hair under her headscarf, causing her to open her eyes again.
The once small cloud had grown significantly since Buffy had first noticed it a while ago, and it was darker now. Buffy rose to her feet and calmly observed the unfolding spectacle of nature. There wasn't anything nearby to provide shelter from the storm; all she could do was to face the danger, like she always did. Faster and faster the cloud grew, soon covering the whole sky, and the freshened wind bore witness to the things to come.
Then, with a furious roar, the desert storm was there. The first squall hit her like a giant fist and caused her to stagger. The whirled up sand reached for her, and it was everywhere soon: in her mouth, in her nose, even in her eyes.
"Is that all you have to give?" Buffy defiantly shouted into the inferno that raged around her and pressed against it with all her strength.
"WILLOW," the desert storm thundered, and shredded the remainder of her clothes to emphasize that.
The next squall hit her with unrivaled intensity, smashing her to the ground.
Finally Buffy understood. It was the simplest thing and it had been right in front of her all the time: Willow was her gift--the faithful redhead that she immediately bonded with, the girl that was always there for her, always by her side--except this time.
Buffy tried to get up, but she was too weak and fell back into the sand. 'What irony!' she thought. Finally all her questions had been answered, and she would have to pay that knowledge with her life...
With all of her Slayer strength used up, Buffy gave in to the darkness that was rapidly approaching her.
**
Willow and Giles were waiting for the Slayer's return near the Watcher's car. The witch felt a growing uneasiness. Buffy was gone for at least six hours now and there wasn't any indication of her returning soon. Once more she listened into the desert. In the distance, the rumble of a thunderstorm could be heard from time to time, but besides that the desert was silent.
"I really should go after her. She doesn't have anything with her, not even a stake. What if there are some nasty desert vampires out there? And weren't there reports of a giant lizard...demon...living in this area? A-And what about mountain lions...or...sand worms? I bet they'd all be happy about a little Buffy snack..." she babbled while she paced back and forth nervously in front of the car.
Giles tried to calm her. "Buffy's the Slayer, Willow. She knows how to take care of herself. Besides, you'll endanger the results of this endeavour if you go after Buffy now."
"Damn it, I don't care about the results! Buffy's in danger, I can feel it!"
Resolutely, the redhead grabbed a stake and some other items from the trunk of Giles' car, then trudged into the desert.
Willow found Buffy lying unconscious near a parched tree, the lower part of her body covered by sand and her clothes ripped up.
The witch kneeled down next to the Slayer, and grabbed her by her bare, scratched shoulders, trying hard to ignore the other very naked Buffy body parts.
Buffy's eyes flickered open, gummed up with sand. With difficulty, she blinked at the redhead.
"It's okay, Buffy. I'm here," Willow whispered.
Buffy opened her mouth and tried to say something, but all she managed to get out was a croak.
Dipping her fingers into the bottle she had grabbed from the car with foresight, Willow slowly moistened Buffy's lips with her fingertips first. Pulling her into her lap so she was sitting up at least a bit, she then let her best friend drink carefully from the bottle. Buffy eagerly swallowed the refreshing liquid until the vessel was completely emptied, then closed her eyes again and let out a long sigh.
"Buffy?" the redhead panicked. Her friend seemed to drift away again, and Willow desperately tried to think of something to help her. She did the first thing that came to her mind: she kissed the blonde.
Sweet, moist lips brushed Buffy's ever so slightly. "Willow," she sighed happily, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. It hit the sandy ground, where a red rose sprouted magically, immediately directing her face to the sun.
The desert was alive at last, and Buffy had found what she came there for:
Solace. Love. Willow.
To be continued in:
Part 2, "The Tree And The River"