Slave To Love 1: Bound
by Chazzman
STL 2: The Thin Line
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Slave to Love
Chapter 2: The Thin Line
She hates me.
It has been almost six weeks since Giles did his spell and brought her mind back from where it had retreated.
She pretends to be OK. Tells me I have nothing to be sorry for. That I'm still her best friend. That all of it seems like a blur and that she should be apologizing to me.
But I know that she is lying.
She can't stand to be around me anymore.
I didn't realize it at first, but now I can look back and see her early attempts to get away from me.
The first week she was back she asked me if I wouldn't prefer to room with someone else since 'I' might feel uncomfortable being around her after what she had done. I pooh-poohed that idea and told her not to be silly. Idiot me was so dense, I didn't see this was a plea for me to leave. But now I can see that she is staying away from the room as much as possible. Leaves earlier for patrol and doesn't come back till much later.
Then there are her nightmares. I woke up one night to hear her begging me to stop whatever torture or torment I was inflicting on her in her dream. Since then, I have frequently heard her crying in her sleep, saying 'Willow stop' and 'Please don't.'
Oh God. Of course she hates me. How can she not?
I hate myself.
Because, the truth is, I enjoyed it.
I enjoyed what Buffy did to me. Even though I never asked her to do anything. Never ordered her to...wait on me hand and foot...bath me...pleasure me.
Lick me.
Fuck me.
Even now, when I look at her, I can feel a wave of lust and desire sweep through me. Then I started having the dreams about her. Hot, erotic dreams, where I was wearing my double's leather clothing and Buffy was in a genie outfit. Bowing to me and asking what were her mistress's desires. And I tell her.
I am so sick. Intellectually, I want things to be as they were, but bad Willow has had a taste and wants more.
Id-girl is loose.
No. That's not it. I want more than a quick fling. I can admit to myself how good it felt to snuggle with her. There was nothing about that that I feel guilty about. It was pure, innocent, caring comfort for this incredible woman whom I...
Love.
There. I've admitted it. The thing I have been afraid to admit ever since evil-vamp me first came to our world and showed everyone things about myself that I didn't want to see. Things like my being attracted to other girls. Or at least one girl. No. Not a girl. A woman.
One very special, extraordinary, beautiful woman.
Who was for one very terrible and yet wonderful month, my slave. But, I couldn't keep her that way. However much Id-girl wanted it. It would have been wrong. It was not by her choice that she was my slave, but rather by force. And I cared too much for her to keep her bound to me by force. So, I stifled the pain in my heart, and I let her go.
Because, I loved her, but I will never be able to cross that line and admit it to her.
Not that it matters.
Because, she hates me, and that line might as well be the abyss into which I cast my heart when I let Giles unbind her from me.
*****
"You stupid, fucking Bitch!" I heard Spike shout as I came around the corner. Buffy was crumpled on the ground and, for one heart stopping moment, I think she was dead. "Goddamn it! If you don't pull it together, I'm not doing this anymore. I don't give a rat's ass if you get killed on your own time, but I'm not going to get dusted because you can't watch my back while I'm watching yours."
With relief, I see Buffy starting to struggle to get up, but Spike does nothing to help. Rage courses through me at his insensitivity towards her pain. I run up, and Spike spins towards me, ready for an attack until he sees it is me.
"Oh great, the Slayer's little-" whatever snide little insult he was about to say is forever lost as I hit him in his face with a punch that has all the frustration and rage I have inside of me. It doesn't knock him down or anything, but it does momentarily stun him into silence.
"Don't. You. Ever. Talk to her that way again," I growl at him though tightly clenched teeth. Perhaps for the first time in my life I am so angry that I am actually experiencing what people mean when they say 'seeing red'. I am glaring at Spike through a haze of red mist, my pulse in pounding so hard that my whole body feels like it's throbbing, and I can hear a ringing in my ears. Spike stares at me for a minute. He looks like he is about to say something to me, but then he stops, turns and stalks off. **Not completely 'brain dead-boy' after all,** I think, using one of Xander's nicknames for Spike for the first time. Ever.
I move to go help Buffy who is staring at me. When I reach out to her, I see, to my complete surprise, that I'm holding a stake in my hand. I wonder if I would have used it if Spike had said something. Looking into Buffy's eyes and seeing the pain there, I know with a certainty that I would have. Buffy looks shocked as she comes to the same realization
I pocket the stake and again reach out to help her up. Her left ankle is sprained. I place her arm around my shoulders. She doesn't flinch from me as I put my arms around her waist.
In silence we head back to the dorm. She is limping and leans on me for support.
I open the door to our room and help her over to her bed.
She starts to tell me she doesn't need my help to change her clothes and fix her wounds. I look at her directly in the eye and tell her, "Be quite. I am going to take care of you, and you are going to accept my help, and that is that." Resolve face has never been more so.
"OK," she murmurs softly. Giving in without a fight.
I first help her with her jacket, and then move to carefully remove her shoes. Her left ankle is starting to swell and turn an ugly color. Looking up into her face I tell her, "I think the sooner we get this iced and wrapped the better. Let's get you in the shower, get you cleaned up as fast as possible, then we'll sit you down with a nice ice pack."
A brief hesitation and then she nods in agreement. I move to help her take her pants off, then her shirt and I freeze in horror at what I see. Dozens of welts and bruises mar the beauty of her back.
"Buffy," I gasp in shock, "what the hell happened to you?" But she only lowers her head and starts to cry softly. A nasty thought surfaces in my mind. **It looks as if she's been beaten and whipped.**
I kneel in front of her and reach out to tilt her face to look at me. "Buffy," I say very seriously, "Are those marks what I think they are?"
She nods her head and I hear a mumbled, "Yes."
Rage does not adequately describe this feeling boiling inside of me at this moment. "Oh, Buffy! Who did this to you?"
"I-I-I-" her whole body is starting to shake, she is so upset. In my mind, I am planing the painful demise of the bastard who has hurt her. I am remembering some of the tales about Angelus that I read in Giles' collection.
"I did," she finally gasps out before she starts to sob again.
"What?" my train of thought has just derailed...
"I had somebody whip me," she whispers.
...and the liquid nitrogen tanker car has spilled its load. **Oh my God!** My mind has frozen in shock.
"Oh Buffy! Why?" I am starting to cry.
Buffy looks at me for a longer time before she finally blurts out, "Because I love you."
"What?" Frozen brain has apparently been shattered as I am now hallucinating.
"I love you. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. That spell Giles cast released my mind but not my heart. And I know you are, like, so disgusted by me. I didn't want to drive you away. It's been getting harder and harder being with you and not doing...stuff. I just...I have this need inside of me, and I needed to, like, purge it."
"By getting whipped?" I ask incredulously.
"Well, uhm you see, there's this place, I remembered about, that has these shows, see, where they do the whole S&M and B&D scene. I thought that, well uhm, maybe I needed to talk to someone who was, like, an expert who could maybe explain to me why I wanted this. One thing led to another and I thought that, maybe, it might just be something that...because *She* whipped me to make me...you know...that...maybe if I got someone else to...then I could get rid of this need...and I wouldn't lose you. But it didn't help...because...it...it wasn't you, and now you know and I'm such a mess, oh god, Willow I'm so sorry, I know you must be so disgusted with me, and I don't want you to leave me. But I...I understand if you don't want to be around me. Anymore."
"Buffy..." I am stunned. Here I was so wrapped up with my own guilt that I completely missed what was going on with her.
**She loves me.**
All this time.
"Willow, I-," and for the second time that night, I physically interrupt someone while they are speaking. Only this time, it is with my mouth covering hers. I feel her freeze in surprise. **Good.** I press forward and she doesn't pull away. **Very Good.** Our mouths open slightly and we begin to dual with our tongues. **Wonderful.** She raises her hands to gently clasp my head. **Fantastic.** We are now into a deep French kiss, breathing loudly through our noses because we don't want to separate our mouths. **Ecstasy!**
Finally, with great reluctance, we break off and pull back to stare into each other's eyes. Heavy panting is all we can do for several seconds.
"Wow."
Buffy nods in response. Her eyes are wide and she is trembling slightly. "Is this a dream," she asks in wonder.
"If it is, I don't want to wake up," I answer back with a smirk. I lean back and look at her. The Id in me is clamoring to grab her and start making out on the bed and is so close to doing just that. But, as I look her over for the first time in a long while, I realize she does not look at all well. "Buffy," my serious voice is in effect, "You haven't been eating lately, have you?"
Guilt is back on her face. "I think I had some yogurt the other day," she tells me.
**Damn**
"OK. This is what we are going to do. First, I am going to call for a pizza. Second, we are going over to the shower where I am going to help you clean up. Third, when we get back here, you are going to eat. Finally, if you are very good and don't give me any more trouble, I am going to show you just how much I really, truly, deeply love you, Buffy Anne Summers," I say with a smile as I reach out to touch her face.
The smile that brightens her face has my heart pounding with joy. It is a good feeling that I have been missing for too long.
"Oh Buffy," I move to put my arms around her, then hesitate, not wanting to hurt her back. "Is it...does it hurt?"
"Not when you touch me," she sighs before moving in for another kiss.
****
The shower is surprisingly easy. Despite the fact that we are both naked and I am rubbing her body down with my bare hands and a bar of soap and my head is packed with naughty slayer thoughts, I stay cool and get her cleaned with a minimal of play. Buffy is disappointed but accepts my promise of 'More later'. Five minutes after we are back in the room with an icepack on Buffy's foot, the pizza arrives. I pay the delivery boy and hand the extra-large combo pizza off to Buffy with a command, "Eat."
Buffy gives me a soft, "Yes, Mistress."
I whip my head about and give her a sharp look, but Buffy simply smiles and picks up a piece of pizza. Returning my stare, she slowly extends her tongue, and sensuously licks the tip of the pizza slice before slowly taking a large bite. I try to look firm and manage for all of five seconds before I start to smile back at her. **God she's incredible. All the crap she went through and she can still joke about it.** I go through her medical supply bag to get an Ace bandage then I go through my own spell components and start mixing up a poultice for her ankle. When I'm done, I sit on the floor in front of her, remove the ice, and begin to wrap her ankle with the poultice.
Her legs feel so incredible as I handle them; smooth, warm, firm. When I'm finished with the bandage, I can't help but begin to massage the calf of her left leg. I look up at her and find she has finished eating. She is leaning back, watching me, and breathing heavily. Her robe has opened up, she has spread her legs slightly.
Naughty Buffy thoughts will no longer be ignored.
"Buffy," I say as I move my hands up her calf to her thigh.
"Yes, Will," she replies, her eyes watching my hands moving along her thigh. Moving her thighs further apart.
"For tonight, I want you to just lay back," I move forward to place a kiss on the side off her left knee. I hear a sharp intake of breath. "...and let me take care of everything," I move to kiss the side of her right knee before brushing my tongue lightly along her inner thigh. I move up her body until I am face to face with her and looking in her eyes again. She opens her mouth to say something, but I place a finger on her lips and shush her. "No objections. Just acceptance." Slowly she nods her agreement. I look in joy at her beautiful face.
"I thought you hated me," I whispered before kissing her. I nudge her face to the side as I proceed to kiss along her jaw, working my way up to her ear. "I thought you were avoiding me." I use my tongue to trace the delicate curve of her ear. "I thought I had lost my best friend forever." I pull the lobe of her ear into my mouth and gently suck on it. She is trembling beneath me. And I move to the side so I can caress her body. "You're so beautiful."
I begin with her right breast. With the tip of my finger, I lightly circle her areola until her nipple begins to stiffen. I then switch my finger's attentions to her left breast. I lean down to lick the tip of her right nipple before I begin to suckle on it. After several minutes, my hand starts to move further down across her stomach towards the soft hair covering her mons.
"Oh!" I hear her start to moan as I slide my fingers through the hair before lifting all except my index finger from her body. Carefully I begin to direct my finger down and around the outer lips of her vagina. As I start to slid my finger up and down the outside of her pussy, Buffy starts to whimper and spread her thighs wider. As her outer lips begin to part with the widening of her thighs, I slide my finger between them and feel how incredibly moist and hot she is. I hold off thrusting my fingers inside her, instead I simply continue my teasing caress of her soft womanhood. Finally, I move my finger up slightly to uncover the hard throbbing nubbin of her clit.
"Aah!" Buffy gasps as I circle her clit and begin to stroke it with my finger. "Uh huh, oh yeah! Oh Will, please, please..." she starts to cry out but she keeps her hands away, allowing me to continue my explorations unhindered. I slide along her body, bringing my face down near to her pussy so I can get a better view. I start to use two fingers on her.
I can smell her excitement. A thick, rich womanly smell. Intoxicating. Delicious. I want to start eating her immediately, but again I hold back and take it slow. Buffy is lifting her hips in need as my fingers continue to stroke, caress and tease. I start to thrust them between her lips but only to the first knuckle.
"Willoooow. Pleeeeease!" she starts to groan. I relent and thrust all the way inside eliciting a shriek of joy from her. I move in close with my tongue and begin working her clit over as I thrust in and out of her with first two fingers then three. Buffy is whining and panting, moaning and groaning with need. My tongue moves lower and I withdraw my fingers from her dripping pussy. No longer trying to tease, I open my mouth as wide as possible and thrust my tongue as deep inside of her as I can. I am thrilled by the shriek of delight she lets out before she can control herself. I am ravenous with the taste of her and I begin to repeatedly thrust my tongue into her as fast as I can. As I continue my assault, I start to hear muffled shrieks coming from her, and I peer up to see her clutching a pillow to her face in order to muffle her screams of delight. A shiver of pleasure courses through me as I realize I have just brought her to orgasm with my tongue for the first time. However, tonight is not about my pleasure, but about hers, and I set about building her up for her next one.
I continue to work her over with my fingers and tongue for the next hour or so. I want to do more. I want to make her cum all night, but I restrain myself. I can wait. She is exhausted, but I think I've made my point. Now, she needs to sleep. Her injuries will be gone come morning. And then come tomorrow evening, she will be in much better condition for more fun.
I wrap my arms about her from behind and pull her close to me. Kissing the back of her neck, I whisper, "Sweet dreams, Buffy. I love you."
"Love you too, Wills," I hear her murmur back in a drowsy, contented voice.
****
The following morning, Buffy is almost late for her 8 AM class she is so comfortable laying in my arms. Buffy's last class is over at 1:30 PM. My classes don't start till 10 AM, but then they run continuously, until 3 in the afternoon.
I go through the entire day in a state of bliss. My thoughts are scattered as I reflect on the irony of Buffy and my situation for the past month and a half. Both of us thinking the other hated one another when the truth was the exact opposite. Our shame over what we were, preventing us from being happy. But now the truth is out, and to hell with the world if it doesn't like it. I'm going to embrace my love for Buffy and be proud of it. *She*, of all people, deserves happiness, and I am damn well going to make certain that she gets it.
There is a note from her when I returned to our dorm room in the afternoon. Asking me to meet her at the mansion. Alone.
I have not been back there since the 'Incident', and, as I walk over, I ponder why she would ever wish to return there. The only thing I can think of was that she must want to have some sort of sense of closure of that incident before we continue any further in our own relationship.
I open the door and call out, "Buffy?"
Her voice comes to me from the rear of the house, "In the back, Will."
I move towards the back bedroom and open the door.
There are candles everywhere.
On a table stands a champagne flute next to an ice bucket in which a bottle of champagne sits. A bowl of large strawberries is next to it.
The bed is made with dark green silk sheets.
And there, in the middle of the room, is Buffy.
Naked.
Kneeling.
Head bowed.
Next to a chair.
With a cat-o-nine-tails draped over its back.
"Mistress. I wish to apologize for my actions of the past six weeks which have caused you anxiety, and I await my punishment."
**Oh. Fu--**
*****
End