Down Twisted
by drkdreamer
Chapter 8
[reviews]
Chapter Eight
Buffy Summers awoke to the dizzying affect of the early morning sunlight shining directly down into her face from the bedroom window. She found herself, momentarily, confused by being in a strange bed but it quickly passed. The Slayer then realized that Will had already left the room and that fact truly puzzled the tousled haired blonde. Normally, she was up hours before her brainy, best friend so what had happened?
Perhaps, her brain snickered, it's a damn Good thing you didn't wake up entangled in Willow's embrace!
The Slayer had to agree with that statement because last night had been akin to some serious torture for her. Having Wills so close had very nearly been the total undoing of Buffy's strong resolve.
God, she couldn't help thinking, it would've been so easy to reach out and take Willow last night, so damnably easy.
The other girl was a natural born snuggler and the girl with the hazel eyes was quite certain that Wills had no clue the extent of what her innocent touches where doing to her own best friend.
I gotta be strong, thought Buffy Summers, strong enough for the both of us.
Meanwhile, out in the kitchen, Alex and Willow where just sitting down to breakfast. The dark woman took one look at the silent teenager sitting to her left and wanted to curse long, hard and fluently. That girl looked completely gone from reality, lost somewhere between aching dreams and the harsh light of the dawning day.
Damnit all to hell Buffy, Alex savagely thought to herself, don't you know what would happen to Will if Skyton where to find her this way??
It was at that precise moment, that the yawing Slayer walked into the far too quiet kitchen. The teenager frowned, because Alexandra Roberts looked coldly furious and Wills didn't even seem to register her presence.
"Morning...Willow, Alex."
The self deprecating tone in Buffy Summer's voice broke the young Witch from the thoughts crowding around in her brain. Willow couldn't seem to stop herself from drinking in the beauty of her best friend and she was wholly unsuccessful in trying Not to recall just how wonderful it had felt to have the Slayer's taunt body pressed so very close to her own last night. The green eyed girl, wisely, blanked the desire she knew would be showing in her own gaze before looking up into the waiting blonde's face.
"Good morning, Buffy, why dont'cha take a seat over her by me?"
Once the Slayer sat down, conversation came to an abrupt halt as they began feasting upon the turkey bacon, toast and scrambled eggs spread out before them.
The dark Southerner paid close attention to the body language going on between teens and she utterly loathed what she read there. The spark of desire that glowed so brightly between Buffy and Willow was rapidly reaching its breaking point and Alexandra Roberts knew the blonde would reject her friend when things would come to a head. The older woman wasn't entirely sure that Willow could handle such rejection, no matter that Buffy would do it thinking that she was, somehow, helping her friend.
That's it, her fertile brain began shouting, This charade ends today!!
Alex had the presence of mind to school her features into a perfectly blank mask as she began washing the breakfast dishes. The slender red head and compact blonde, naturally, dried and it wasn't too long before all parties involved knew it was time for Skyton hunting. The 3 figures made it to the front door before the Southerner could locate her voice.
"Willow, why don't you go on ahead. I need to discuss something with Buffy for a minutes then, she'll catch up with ya."
The startled Wiccan agreed and, just like that, Buffy was alone with the pensive older woman.
"What's the deal, Alex?"
There was no reply to those words because the dark woman simply turned and walked into the living room. After a minute, a confused Buffy Summers began to follow Alex's lead. The dark Southerner was standing in front of the window, facing away from the girl perched so gingerly upon the couch. Alex took a deep breath as she tried to figure out a way to broach such a weighty subject. In the end, she went for the direct approach.
"Do you have any concept of just what your about to let slip blindly through your fingers, Buffy Summers?"
That, of course, simply threw the girl.
"What?"
With a clench to her jaw, Alex turned to stare directly into the puzzled, hazel eyes of the Slayer.
"Why do you insist upon pushing aside any thoughts about you and Willow in an adult relationship?"
Buffy was horrified how easily Alex could read her like an open book, Ohmigod, did That mean Willow also knew?!? The younger girl's face was filled with such conflicted emotions that Alex took pity upon her.
"If I where to hazard a guess, I'd say it's because your afraid to press beyond the bounds of friendship because you've convinced yourself that you'll, somehow, end up losing Willow anyway. Is that right, Buffy?"
Those calmly spoken words perfectly summed up the Slayer's feelings. She was terrified of losing Will, that would be her worst nightmare come true.
"Yes," she replied. "God, Alex, I can't afford to lose Will over something as trivial as sex. She's the single, most important person to me and, if I lost her, I wouldn't survive."
The sound of those particular words caused the older woman's dark gray eyes to slam shut. When they slowly opened, Buffy was literally stunned by the sheer amount pain reflecting back out from Alex's burning gaze.
"Sweet Jesus, Buffy, we're more alike than I ever thought possible! Once, a long time ago, I thought the exact same thing. It was, in all honesty, the worst mistake of my entire existence. Sit back and get comfortable, Slayer, and let me tell you a little story."
Perplexed, the blonde did as she was asked while Alex took a breath before continuing on with her life story.
"I'm sure you and Willow have seen my photo in the bedroom, yes? That was Bretten Shea Matthew, my greatest love and best friend. We grew up together because Brett's folks owned the property next to mine. We started out as casual friend's but then...something happened to change all that. I would prefer not to discuss those details, 'kay Slayer?"
The expressive eyes of Alexandra Robert's had gone all stormy and dark at the mere thought of her particular early years but Buffy would accept nothing but the whole truth from the older woman.
"Since you requested this conversation, tell me everything, Alex, or we can just turn and walk away like nothing has happened."
One dark eyebrow cocked impudently upwards as the dark woman gave serious consideration to that cocky demand.
"Are you sure you want the truth, Buffy Summers? I figure you've been exposed to A lot of things since you became the slayer but I'd like to think that there are still some things you'd rather not know."
The hazel eyed girl could clearly hear the stark warning in those few sentences, not to mention the way Alex stood there with both arms crossed over her chest and that faintly mocking smile playing around the corner of her still lips. Buffy was never one to back away from something terrible, it was an ingrain part of her personality.
"I'm sure," said the confident Slayer, "after all, what can be worse than what you've already told me?"
Oh Buffy, thought the dark woman, you have no idea the can of worms your asking me to open.
"All right, kiddo, if this is what it takes for you to open your damn eyes and realize that nobility isn't all that it's cracked up to be, then I'll share my sordid tale with you. I ask only that you keep this information to yourself, it's not common knowledge if ya catch my meaning.
"From the day I was born, until my 4th birthday, I had a perfectly ordinary life. I was a typical child, open, trusting and wholly innocent. My Mom has told me, that back then, I genuinely liked each and every person I came into contact with but I find that hard to correlate within myself. Suppose it'd be easier, if I could recall that time period but, alas, I don't. My memory begins at four, specifically, the few days just after my birthday, That, Buffy Summers, is when my hell began.
"One of my Dad's closest friend's, whom shall remain nameless, began to sexually molest me. I, of course, didn't quite realize just what was happening to me but I knew it was--somehow--wrong. Only problem was, since I couldn't seem to figure out precisely why it was wrong, it became something like and albatross around my neck. The utter confusion I was living in soon turned into total anger and yes, it certainly left its mark upon me. I never knew I had such a violent temper at least, not until I'd wake up terrified at night from the completely horrifying images that would continuous play within my dreams. Add to that, no one, not my family, other friends or even Brett knew what I was going through. Why?!? Because, even though I was drowning under a sea of hurt, confusion and anger, I still strove to appear as a "normal" child. You would not have liked to meet me then, I wasn't the same person I am today. I'm sad to add, the abuse continued on for an indefinite amount of time.
"Thank any God of your choosing, Brett was always there whenever I happened to need him. He was my one bright spot from the ages of 4 to six, I simply adored that boy. He was a rare individual whom was never afraid to show his affection to everybody. When we where both ten, Brett became my only safe refuge and I was finally able to tell him the full truth about myself. It stunned me, Buffy, when he refused to be swayed by the horror of my formative years, and I loved him down to the depths of my being. Our friendship, as I'm sure you can understand, deepened and he became my only confidant. It wasn't, however, until our sophomore of high school that I became aware that Brett's feelings for me had changed. The first time I looked into his beautiful eyes and saw the love and desire shining there, Buffy, I was floored beyond belief! But what did I do with that knowledge, you might be asking yourself? I chose to convince myself that, while Brett might love me, I totally refused to believe that want would a part of that equation. It worked for a bit but then things came to a head one day after lunch. My bud cornered me out by one of the lunch tables and professed all the love that resided in his heart. Do you know what I did then, Buffy?"
While the teenager could only gape at her in stunned disbelief, Alexandra Robert's never even hesitated. She did, however, take a deep breath before continuing her narrative.
"I flat out told him the only thing that could exist between us was friendship that, while I did love him, that would be the total of my feelings towards him. It also happened to be a complete and total lie, Buffy, because I did, in fact, want him. My God, how could I not want that beautiful, caring boy?!?!? Can you understand why I did such a stupid thing? It was because I truly thought I was doing a noble thing, can ya believe that? Of course you can because your about to do the same idiotic thing to Willow."
The diversion in Alex's voice cut Buffy to core. She held her tongue because, while it might hurt, that woman was also telling the truth. She had been thinking of doing just that but, now, the mighty Slayer was beginning to think differently.
"Told myself that Brett deserved a girl who would love him with her entire heart and soul. I didn't believe I could ever be that person so I was doing the right thing by letting him go. I'm not a stupid person, though, and could clear clearly see just how my well meaning decision was affecting my best friend. Do you have any idea what being noble cost me, Buffy Summers?"
Alex's tortured voice was quieted and Buffy could only hold her breath because she was sure any wrong move on her part would break the dark woman's composure. A bitterly, ironic grin over took the Southerner's face as she began to speak again.
"My idiotic nobility cost me the two years I should have loved Brett. Thank the gods I finally came to my senses by our senior year. Actually, we became a full-fledged couple by the middle of our 18th spring. Being with Brett far surpassed my own expectations, Buffy. Having him love me, truly love me, was, indeed, a beautiful thing. I never doubted how much I meant to Brett because it was there in all those looks and in every single touch. It was a heady time for me, suppose I should've been looking for the bottom to drop out but it never occurred to me to think along those lines. Those magnificent, short, five months are the happiest time of my entire experience."
"Jesus, Alex, how come you only had that amount of time together?" There was a tone of horrified disbelief in Buffy Summer's voice, the dark Southerner's jaw pulsed as she attempted to form a coherent answer. Simply recalling the end, was far worse for Alexandra Robert's than even the shock of discovering Scott's tortured corpse. the older woman was taking so long to talk that the Slayer suspected that Alex finished with words.
"It was like a proverbial slap in the face, having my happiness jerked out from beneath me again. On the day of our graduation, Brett slipped from my bed to run a few errands for his Dad. He whispered that he'd see me in the auditorium of our school by 12:30 p.m., at the very latest. The last words I ever heard come from his mouth where, 'Love you Babe.' We'd had a late night, I fell back into my dreams and woke back up at 10:45. Took a quick shower, ate a little breakfast and went back to get dressed.
"Made it to school by 10:50 p.m. My classmates milled around me, laughing and talking, awaiting 1:00 because that was when graduation would officially begin. I was standing off in the corner, with a big, goofy smile on my face, thinking about being free of high school and the many plans Brett and I had made in the preceding months. When I glanced at my wristwatch and saw it read 12:20, I wasn't too concerned. My sweet love had one bad habit, he was notoriously late for everything. I pretty much figured he'd roll in by 12:45 'cos Brett happened to be the valedictorian for our class, it never happened that way. By 43 after the hour and still no sign of Bretten Shea Matthews, I was starting to get really worried. When 12:46 rolled around, I was literally bouncing from wall to wall. My classmates looked at me, then themselves, perhaps sensing the sheer unease permeating my entire being. At precisely 12:50, the principal came over the p.a. system and announced that I was needed down at her office. I remained perfectly still because I knew something bad had happened. It was one of mine and Brett's friend's who grasped my limp hand and drew me down to where I could see, not only my folk's but also Mr. and Mrs. Matthew's awaiting my arrival.
"That moment is indelibly ingrained into my consciousness; I can't erase it no matter how many times I've tried to do just that! I clearly remember looking into their concerned, stunned faces and hearing my inner voice shouting NO, NO, NO! My parent's did their level best not to catch my eyes as they ushered me into Principal Dean's office. It was Mrs. Matthew's who forced herself to tell me that her only son had died that day, in a senseless car accident. Brett had run his errands, just as he'd told me, but had decided to stop at one of our local florist shops before heading home. The police had told her that it appeared to take Brett 15 minutes before he could pick up his order because the shop was extraordinarily busy that day. My love had purchased a dozen, pale, peach roses... they used to be my very favorite flower. Today I can't stand to look, let alone smell, those roses without the knife twisting up my heart all over again.
"He'd gotten back into his Maxima, you see, to take the expressway back to the Matthew's abode. It was while pulling off the on ramp that Brett had been hit head on by a 16 year old drunk driver. That bastard's car was going well beyond the 65 mile an hour speed limit, my beloved Brett never even had a chance. It was days later, that David Mathews had told me that his boy's car ended up being a chunk of burned, twisted metal. The only good thing, and I use that term in the loosest of ways, was that Brett had been killed instantly. The flowers had been setting in the passenger seat which had the window rolled down, Alicia Matthews was weeping as she informed me that rose petals where the only recognizable thing from the crash. By that time, I was numb and refused to believe that Brett could really be gone. Told myself that I must be having a whopper of a nightmare. It wasn't supposed to end this way, damnit, someone had to be playing the world's cruelest joke! Intellectually, of course, I knew there would have to be some way for me to accept this news. It took me a few days, Buffy. To know that I would never again be sheltered within his strong arms, never experience the flavor of his full lips and to never be able to lose myself within Brett's gorgeous eyes, came bloody close to destroying me. We buried my beautiful love 3 days later and it is, without any doubt, the single worst experience of my entire misbegotten days. Do you know, Slayer, that the biggest portion of my heart resides right along with Brett in the cherry wood casket me and his folk's had picked out. I have never once, regretted that decison. In these preceding years, I've had ample time to to reexamine mine and Brett's relationship. Do you have any concept of just what I would give up to have those 720 wasted days back, Buffy Summers?"
The blonde girl, with the tear stained hazel eyes, made no reply. Any words refused to come as she stared at the utterly tortured woman standing before her. When those murky gray eyes locked back upon her, Buffy tried to steel herself for what was sure to be yet another bomb shell.
"I would give anything, my life, my sanity, anything to have to 2 lost years back. I would say you from such unnecessary pain, if only you'll heed the warnings in my words. Willow literally burns with her love for you and, I damn well know, you're so hot over heels in love with her that you can't sleep straight at night. You have the chance to make everything right between you two and I envy you that, Buffy Summers. "
The Southerner could see the tears falling from the girl's eyes and Alex groaned at that sight.
"Don't ...don't cry for me, Buffy, I don't want your well meaning pity. Despite our far too brief time together, I had everything I could ever want with Brett. I've never beat myself up over loving Bretten Shea Mathews, the end notwithstanding. You, too, can have it with Willow. Maybe I'm overstepping my bounds; all I'm asking you to do is reconsider your position. Can you do that, Buffy? Now, it's high time we get you back to joining your best friend, 'sides, I'm all talked out."
Forestalling any answer on the Slayer's part, Alex hustled the girl out the front door. As the older woman slid into her car seat, Buffy leaned into the driver's side window.
"I wish I could thank you for telling me everything, Alex but you've given me a lot to consider. I'm truly sorry about Brett, by the way."
The sardonic tone in the blonde's voice caused the remnants of a smile to flicker over the dark woman's face. She'd known that she ran the real risk of alienating the Slayer and could only hope that it hadn't come to That.
"And I'd tell you your welcome but I won't. Let's go get Tom Skyton."
With those words, the woman and teenager went their separate ways down Sunnydale's streets. The Slayer walked double time to catch up with what she was sure was an impatiently waiting Willow Rosenberg.