The Times In Between
by Bob Head
Chapter 2
[reviews]
Author: Bob Head
Disclaimer: None of the characters below belong to me. All the BtVS people belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox. I'm just trying to have fun.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow, of course.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including the Series Finale is possible
Rating: NC-17, mostly for language, but who knows what might happen.
Feedback: Well, Yeah! frank_8281@yahoo.com
The Times In Between
May 24th, 2003 7:53 am
Willow woke to what Oz would have called a bass line thumping in her head, which felt at least three times its normal size. It felt so bad that for long minutes she was unaware that she wasn't alone in the bed. 'Oh god, this is why I don't drink very often.' She thought
Gingerly Willow opened her eyes and saw that she was in a hotel room 'Faith and Kennedy must have brought me to the hotel after... damn.' As she became more aware of her surroundings the witch noticed the warm body pressed against her own and turned her head expecting to see Kennedy, only to look into the hazel eyes of her best friend.
"Buffy?"
"Hi. How do you feel?" she said.
"Like someone left a cement mixer running in my head." Willow moaned as she tried to sit up.
The sudden movement was too much and she staggered toward the bathroom. Buffy gave her a few minutes and then followed, as she entered, Willow was still retching. The Slayer wordlessly dipped a washcloth into the ice bucket, which now contained mostly ice water, wrung it out and gently placed it against Willow's forehead with one hand while gathering her long red hair at the back of her neck with the other.
A long time later, Willow sat on the bathroom floor while Buffy knelt next to her gently washing her pale face with the last clean washcloth. Willow's aching head welcomed the coolness. Not a word had passed between them, but now bloodshot green eyes were searching hazel ones seeking an answer to the question that Buffy knew was coming.
"Why?" asked Will, in a flat tone of voice.
Buffy fidgeted, "Well, you looked after me in the hospital, so I figured it was my..."
"No," Willow interrupted, " you know what I mean. Tell me why you were just going to let yourself die."
Buffy looked down at the floor.
"LOOK at me dammit! Answer me! Don't you WANT to stay with Dawn? Don't you want to stay... with me?"
"It... it wasn't about leaving you or Dawn or the others. I was just... so damn tired! The First was beaten, the Slayers had been activated and the Hellmouth was closed. It just seemed like my job was done. It was... I don't know... easier I guess, to just let go. I wasn't really thinking straight." Buffy shook her head as she finished.
"Easier? God Buffy, easier for WHO? What do you think the rest of us would have felt like? To actually win against the worst thing we'd ever faced only to lose you! What do you think Dawn would feel like to lose the only real family she has? Did you even think at all?"
Buffy said, "I just said I ..."
"Stop!" she said putting her finger to Buffy's lips. "You don't get to do that this time! No more hiding, behind puns and quips and... and stupid jokes! When you died stopping Glory, it was like a part of me died with you. That whole summer I was like a crazy person. Researching during the day, patrolling at night, keeping the Buffybot patched up. Then spending any spare minute I could find visiting your... your grave."
Buffy began, "Willow I..."
"Wait please, I-I have to get this out. If I stop I don't know if I can start again. So just listen, okay?"
Buffy nodded and sat back on her heels to wait.
"I schemed and connived to get the things I needed to bring you back. I lied to Tara and hid things from Giles and Dawn. I kept telling the others that it was because you had to be in Hell and we had to rescue you, but I think I knew even before you told us, somewhere deep inside I knew." Tears started rolling down her cheeks.
"Tara knew the real reason why I was so obsessed with bringing you back, even before I admitted it to myself. I didn't think she did but I found her journal hidden in some of our things when I moved back into your house. There were entries from that summer... about you... and about me and how she knew how I really felt." Willow paused and took a deep breath. "Buffy, I've never said it out loud before but... I brought you back because... I couldn't stand to live without you. Then, when it was done, you were so distant and cold! I knew why, even though I wouldn't admit it. That's when I started turning to magic more and more. I was... I think, unconsciously, I was looking for a way fix what I'd done. And then Tara left after my memory spell fiasco, and I got Dawn hurt... and I found out about you and Spike..."
"Wills, Spike was just... convenient. I can't say I never cared about him, but it was nothing like how I feel about you."
"Buffy, do you even know how you feel? How I feel? Do you know why I stopped that day on Kingman's Bluff?"
"Xander's yellow crayon speech?"
Willow laughed bitterly, "Let's just say, if that story was all the world had going for it that day... well, it would have been bad."
They both sat in silence for a few moments then Willow continued, "I could see you, did you know that? In my head."
"No, I-I didn't know that." Buffy said.
"Xander was making his pitch about that stupid yellow crayon and I couldn't even see him. All I could see was you, down in that hole, fighting those things I had sent after you and Dawn. You wouldn't give up, no matter how many more appeared, you just kept cutting them down."
"I had to get to you, to save you." Buffy whispered.
"And you did Buffy. Xander thinks it was him, but what Giles had done by tricking me into taking the coven's power allowed me to see into the hearts and minds of all humanity. But there was just one heart that I wanted to see into, and past all that pain and the loneliness of being the Slayer I saw your love for me. Even after everything I did... Warren and Rack, trying to hurt Dawnie and... pulling you out of heaven, you still loved me. And I... I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill you. Then, after everything that's happened this year... for you to try and commit suicide! I-I... just don't know what to do."
Buffy was terrified that she knew where this talk was going but she couldn't stop it.
"Wills, you know that I love you right? I don't mean just best friends love; I mean I'm in love with you! Please god, tell me you know that!" A touch of panic crept into her voice as Buffy blurted it all out and started to pull Willow to her in an embrace.
"I can't see into your heart anymore Buffy," Willow said, "and at least for right now, I don't think I can be around you."
Buffy felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. After finally admitting to herself and to Willow how she felt, now THIS?
"Oh," Buffy said, letting go of her. "What... What are you going to do?"
"I think I have to go away for awhile... to work things out."
"Go away? Now? Right now, when I've finally started figuring this thing out?" she asked.
"Buffy I think we both need some time..."
"Time? How much time have we already LOST Will?" Her eyes filled with tears.
"Buffy," the redhead began.
"No Will! I listened to you, now it's my turn." She rose and moved to stare out the window in the other room. Willow followed and sat on the bed.
The blonde Slayer took a deep breath. "I don't remember a whole lot about my time there. Everyday the memory fades a little bit more. I guess it's one of those things we're not supposed to know, but one of the things I do remember is WHY I was happy there. It was because of you Wills. It was because somehow I KNEW that you were alive and safe and that because of that, I could rest. Then I came back. You remember how I came back don't you Willow? You remember where don't you?"
Willow tried to speak, but Buffy cut her off. "I was in a coffin Will. Buried six feet underground. I had gone from being warm and safe and loved to a cold, dark box at the bottom of a hole. And the stench in my...my coffin! Do you know what a dead body smells like after three months underground Willow? I do. Your spell restored my body, fixed everything that had... decayed. But it didn't take away the smell."
Again the witch tried to speak, but couldn't seem to find the words as a ball of lead seemed to materialize out of nowhere into the pit of her stomach.
"I was confused and scared. God Will I was so scared. I thought that I had done something to cause me to be thrown out. Of course then I didn't know what had really happened. That came later. The only thing I knew then was that I had to get out. So I clawed and tore my way through the silk and wood above me and the dirt beyond that, until I finally dug my way out of my own grave. I wasn't exactly... sane when I finally got out, but I had one thought running through my head, 'Find Willow'."
Willow stepped up behind Buffy and tentatively placed her hands on her shoulders. "I thought you could fix it Will. Then when I found out you caused it, that you had pulled me away from that peace... God! I was so ANGRY with you! And yeah, I did things that I shouldn't have, things that hurt you. Maybe I even did them BECAUSE they would hurt you. I just don't know any more Will, and now with you activating all the Slayers...Well, like Faith said I just have to live like a person, except I don't know how!" Almost unconsciously she leaned back against the redhead, who folded her arms around Buffy. "The only thing I DO know is that now more than ever, I need my Willow."
Remembering the last time the Slayer had spoken those words; the young witch replied as she had that day, "You don't have to be afraid."
"But, you're still going, aren't you?" Buffy whispered.
Willow sighed, "I have to. For a long time now Buffy, I've been Willow Rosenberg, Oz's girlfriend or Tara's girlfriend... or Kennedy's girlfriend. Buffy, I have to figure out who the hell Willow Rosenberg is WITHOUT the qualifiers, before I can be your girlfriend. Can you understand that?"
"I only understand that you're doing the same thing you accused me of."
"Buffy..."
She turned to face her, "Dammit Will! You get pissed at me cause you think that what I did in a moment of... of stupidity means that I don't want you. Then, when I tell you that I do, you tell me that you can't be around me! How are we supposed to fix this if we can't be together?"
"Do you?" the redhead asked.
"What?"
"Want me."
Shaking her head in confusion, Buffy said, "God Willow, isn't that what this is all about? I want you, you want me but for some reason our twains never seem to meet?" Placing her hands on her hips she continued, "And did that sentence make ANY fucking sense?"
"Not really, but I know what you meant." After a moment she asked, "You know I still have to go don't you?"
"I know, but I don't have to like it." Buffy replied sadly.
Then her mouth hardened into a determined line, "One year."
"Huh?" Willow was confused.
"One year, that's all the time you get to figure out what you need to. I'll do some figuring of my own.
"What if it's..."
"Not enough?" Buffy took the redhead in her arms and kissed her. Startled, Willow tensed for a moment and then melted, opening her lips slightly in invitation. One that was not ignored. Then the Slayer stepped away and said, "It'll have to be Will. Because if you're not back by then... I'm coming to get you."
With that she walked out of the room leaving a confused (and not a little frustrated) Willow staring at the closed door.
May 1st, 2004, 4:30 am
Buffy wandered down a darkened hallway, stake in hand. She wasn't sure of where she was, or what she was doing there, just a sense of urgency telling her to hurry. The hallway was lined with doors at irregular intervals, a few of which Buffy had tried, only to find them all locked.
Suddenly a shadow moved across the hallway, Buffy broke into a run trying to catch up. Again she caught sight of the shadow, only this time, she saw a flash of red hair as it passed near one of the few lights.
"Willow? Willow wait!" Buffy cried and ran faster.
She ran until her chest felt as if it would burst; yet she could never seem to catch up to Willow. Finally she was forced to stop and noticed a door that was open a bit. There was light and music in the room beyond, it sounded like someone was having a party. Very slowly Buffy eased the door open and stepped through to find herself in the Bronze.
Confused, she began moving through the crowd looking for Willow. Most of the people here seemed... familiar. As if she had seen them before somewhere. Then it hit her. These people werent people, they were vampires! Vampires she had slain!
'Oh this is sooo not good!' Buffy thought as she tightened her grip on her stake.
As she neared the table that the Scoobies had always claimed for themselves, she saw that it was already occupied. Her mouth tightened into a thin hard line when she saw by whom. The Master, Angelus, the Mayor, Adam, Glory, and the First Evil wearing Buffy's face and form. Every Big Bad she had ever faced, except for one.
The Master looked in her direction and with a smile on his face called, "Slayer! Come! Sit with us; you're just in time! The entertainment will begin soon."
"What entertainment? And aren't you dead?" Buffy asked.
"Sure he is," Angelus replied, "We're all dead. Most of us anyway."
"I'm not," said the First in Buffy's voice, "I'm just resting till next time."
Buffy glared at her image, "Didn't I tell you to stay out of my face?"
The First pouted, "But I like this face, it's... comfy." She said.
"Now girls," the mayor chimed in, "Please don't bicker! This is supposed to be a happy occasion."
"Yeah, Slay-runt, play nice or you might not get to see the show." Glory said with a smile.
"Again, what show?" Buffy asked.
Adam gestured to the stage, "The curtain is just rising now."
She turned to face the stage, eyes widening in horror as she saw a panicked looking Willow bound to a stake on top of a pile of kindling. "Oh my god." She said hoarsely.
Buffy tried to run to the stage only to find herself grabbed from all directions and immobilized. "Let me go to her!" she screamed.
"Hmm, let me think," the First rose from the table and moved to face Buffy, "No. You see we've figured out why you beat us all. It was her. Every vampire you staked, every demon you destroyed, every apocalypse you averted, all for her. So this is just our way of saying 'Thank you'."
The Master whispered in her ear as she struggled to reach Willow. "Did you know that when they used to burn witches at the stake that they always mixed green wood in with the kindling? Makes it last longer you see... oh wait, you flunked history didn't you?"
Angelus chuckled as he called out, "Oh Dru!"
Buffy looked up to see Drusilla moving out of the wings with a torch in her hands, "Yes Daddy?"
She fought harder to no avail as Angelus told Drusilla, "Light that candle for me will you?"
Buffy could see Willow's eyes pleading for her to save her as the torch touched the wood... and she woke up.
She sat bolt upright in her bed, clamping her own hand over her mouth trying to stifle the sobs so she wouldn't wake Dawn.
'Oh god,' Buffy thought, as she tried to slow her heartbeat, 'That's the third time this week.'
She got out of bed and stared out the window of the condo she shared with Dawn in Los Angeles. The initial plan had been to set up shop in Cleveland, then just after Willow left they'd learned that the collapse of the Sunnydale Hellmouth had set off a domino effect of some kind that had caused all the Hellmouths to collapse. That had caused Giles and the others to decide to change the focus of their mission slightly. With no Hellmouth to unleash Armageddon to worry about, they could concentrate more on thinning the vampire population and finding the rest of the new Slayers.
Buffy had left most of that to Faith, Giles and the rest of the newbies. She had stayed with them for a month after Willow left; then she had taken Dawn and enrolled her in her old school in L.A. It had actually been pretty funny to see the looks on some of her old teachers faces when they realized that Dawn was her sister. One had asked the younger Summers if she ever played with fire.
The condo, which was really nice, had belonged to the Council. Giles, being the only surviving member, was legally empowered to dispose of their assets as he saw fit. So he had given the condo to Buffy and seen to it that she received a generous stipend every month. There was also a trust fund set up for Dawn's education.
When Buffy had protested the lavishness of all of it; Giles had said, "Nonsense, you've earned every bit of this and more. Now go on, enjoy the fact that you're the first Slayer in history to retire."
Not that she had really retired. She still patrolled most nights, sometimes with one of the new Slayer teams, more often than not alone. Some habits are just too ingrained to break. She had dreamt of Willow often since she last saw her. Most of the dreams were... nice. (Some were downright erotic!) But every so often this one or one very similar would crop up, the bad ones always ended the same though, with Buffy being unable to save Willow from a fiery death.
Buffy sighed as she thought, 'What was that old Watcher saying that Giles told me? Oh yeah. Once is a bad dream, twice is a nightmare, and thrice is a Slayer dream. Shit. I hope a saying is ALL it is.' She looked at the clock and saw that it was almost six o'clock.
'Damn,' She thought 'I've got to get Dawn up and moving or she's going to miss her flight!'
Dawn's class was taking a trip to Europe for two weeks as part of some cultural exchange thing. She had claimed she didn't want to go but Buffy knew better and had ponied up the rather exorbitant fee. I wasn't as if they couldn't afford it. But Dawn still wasn't used to her sister not being 'penny pincher Buffy' all the time. Remembering the last time she had been involved in a 'cultural exchange' the eldest Summers was just happy she didn't have to take a kid in Dawn's place.
8:30 am
After a brief argument over what length of skirt was acceptable, Buffy had taken Dawn to the airport and left her in the care of a pair of harried looking chaperones. One look at the two teachers trying to keep track of thirty overexcited teenagers made the Slayer thankful that vampires and demons were the worst things SHE had to deal with.
On the drive back from the airport, during which more than a few people blew their horns in exasperation at Buffy's somewhat... distracted driving style, she thought back to that day again. The day Willow left, Kennedy hadn't taken it well.
'Understate much, Summers?' she thought. 'Trashing every stick of furniture in not one but TWO hotel rooms is just a tad more than not taking it well. Not to mention our little... conversation in the lobby.'
Buffy and Giles had been coming out of the hotel restaurant when Kennedy confronted them. "What the fuck did you say to her!" she shouted.
"Kennedy, that's between..."
"Don't give me that shit! Do you know she's leaving? That she won't tell me where?"
Buffy gritted her teeth as she tried not to lose her temper. "She doesn't want me to know either Kennedy."
"And you're not even going to try to stop her?" the younger Slayer asked.
"No," She felt her control slipping inch by inch, "I'm trying to respect her wishes and so should you."
"Respect... from you?" Kennedy laughed bitterly, "That's rich coming from you. Don't you know that one word from you and she'd stay?"
Buffy's voice was low and dangerous as she responded, "You're not giving Will enough credit."
A crowd had started to gather around the two Slayers. Vi entered the lobby, took one look and bounded back upstairs to get Faith.
"You've had her wrapped around your little finger for years, and you don't even care that she's..." Thud!
Buffy wasn't even aware of moving till she felt her fist connect with Kennedy's jaw, knocking her across the lobby. The younger Slayer struggled to shake the cobwebs off as an enraged Buffy advanced on her shouting, "You keep saying that I don't care, Kennedy! Well, what the FUCK would you know about it, Miss Slayer come lately!" She pulled her off the floor with one hand while drawing back to hit her again with the other.
Kennedy planted both feet in Buffy's midsection and used her body weight to throw the older Slayer off balance and flip her into a nearby wall. Both were back on their feet almost instantly, which is when Giles tried to get between them. He was never sure which one hit him and neither would admit to it later after he came to.
Then Faith, Vi and Rona tried to separate the two combatants. In a moment of unconscious teamwork Buffy threw Faith through a plate-glass window into the street, while Kennedy introduced Vi and Rona to the term noggin knocker. They both spun and faced each other breathing hard.
"You could have said something to her years ago." Kennedy gasped.
"Yeah? What was I supposed to do? Take a page out of your book and throw myself at her like a bitch in heat!"
"You fucking..."
That was when a very upset Willow stepped off the elevator, "Before you finish that sentence Kennedy, you'd better think about just how PISSED OFF you want me to be."
May 1st, 2004 10:17 am
Buffy was so deep in thought that she almost drove past the non-descript little office park that the new Council had converted into a training center and housing for the Slayers. She slammed on the brakes and threw the little red convertible into a scary-looking skid to make the turn into the parking lot. Barely bringing the car to a halt, inches from the wooden gate attached to the guard shack.
The guard raised the gate to allow Buffy through. (He had learned on her first visit to the campus that any comment he might make would be hazardous to his health.) She drove through, somewhat more sedately, to park in front of a sign that read 'reserved for Buffy Summers'. It was supposed to make her feel important, but lately, all it made her feel was old.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and thought to herself, 'How sad is my life, twenty-three and already I feel old.' Buffy sighed, 'Shake it off Summers! You're here on business, remember? Something's going on with... Willow.'
The thought of the redhead was enough to cause Buffy to slip back into the memory of the last confrontation she'd had with Kennedy. Willow had just stepped off the elevator and was glaring at both of them.
"What the HELL is wrong with you two?" When they'd tried to answer simultaneously she'd said "No," shaking her head, "Upstairs, right now! Both of you!"
Just then Faith came limping through the front door, "Red, you got this? The cops are on their way."
Willow sighed in exasperation, "Go. I'll send Xander down to deal with them."
"Thanks Red." Faith took off through the back. The last thing she wanted was to be tangled up with the police. Still being a wanted fugitive and all.
It had only taken a few minutes to rouse Xander out of bed and send him downstairs with instructions to tell the police whatever was necessary to get rid of them. Buffy had told him to check on Giles while he was at it. For almost five minutes Willow paced back and forth across the hotel room. Later Buffy would swear that she saw smoke billowing from her ears.
"Well." She said, "Which one of you wants to tell me what caused that... that disaster in the lobby?"
"Will, I..." Buffy began.
"Wait, let me tell you." Willow interrupted, "You," pointing to Kennedy, "were upset that we broke up. So you went to confront Buffy about it and then ran your mouth until," she pointed at Buffy, "you lost your temper and knocked her on her ass! How close am I?"
Kennedy said, "It wasn't... exactly like that."
"Really?" the Wiccan asked sarcastically, " Then how WAS it, Kennedy? This I've GOT to hear!"
"Well, I... and then... and she... Okay, it was like that." She said, hanging her head in defeat.
"Typical Slayer reaction," Willow shook her head in disgust, "You get stressed out emotionally, and you go out to find someone or something to pummel!" She took a deep breath. Both Slayers looked guiltily at anything but each other. Managing to look (and feel) like misbehaving children.
"Kennedy," Willow said, "I don't expect you to understand these things yet. Hell you've only BEEN a Slayer for a few days, but YOU," she pointed at Buffy, " I thought you'd know better. What? Did you think I'd be impressed by the sight of you two fighting over me like... like two dogs over a particularly tasty bone?"
"No," Buffy said, " but you're right, I should have known better, and I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you need to apologize to Buffy."
Buffy mouthed the words, 'Do I have to?' earning another glare from Willow.
"Fine," she muttered, "I'm sorry Kennedy, I shouldn't have hit you."
"So that's it?" Kennedy sounded bitter, "You gripe me out like I was a little kid, she says she's sorry and that's supposed to make it all better? Tell me Willow, did Tara know?"
Willow said quietly, "Did Tara know what?"
"That she was just a stand-in for your one true love."
All the blood drained from Willow's face as Buffy shouted "Kennedy! What the hell is WRONG with you?"
"No, Buffy." The blonde Slayer snapped her head around to look at Willow.
"Will, let me..." Buffy began.
"No." She moved across the room until she was right in Kennedy's face, "I understand that you're hurt, and I understand that I'm the reason for that, but if you EVER use Tara's memory like that again... it will be bad for you."
Kennedy tried to backpedal, "Willow, I-I'm sorry I don't..."
Willow shook her head, "It's too late for that, get away from me Kennedy. I don't want to see you anymore."
The younger Slayer's eyes filled with tears as she ran from the room. Buffy stared after her, torn between the need to comfort Will and to kick Kennedy's ass for what she'd said. Then Willow began to cry, and Buffy spun to face her.
"Oh God Buffy, what if she's right? What if was I just using Tara as a... a substitute for you?" Willow sobbed.
"Oh Will no! That's just not true." Buffy led Willow to the bed and sat down drawing the redhead into her lap and rocking back and forth. "It's not true Will, I was there, remember? I saw how you were with Tara. You loved her with everything you had and to be honest, if you ever love me half as much I'll feel very lucky."
"Buffy, you okay?" Buffy looked up to find Rona standing next to the car. "You've been sitting here for a while and I was wondering..."
"I'm fine. Is Giles here?" she asked.
"Seven A.M. every morning." Rona nodded, "I don't know how he does it, he's here most nights till past midnight. Then right back every morning."
"He's Giles, that's what he does." Buffy got out of the car and walked with Rona to the front entrance of the building, only catching about half of what her companion was saying. It was mostly shoptalk anyway. The latest kill counts, which newby showed the most promise, who was hooking up or breaking up. The last comment caught the blonde Slayers attention.
"Wait, say that again." She said.
Rona, a little confused said, "Uh, Vi made her team run the obstacle course five times in a row?"
"No, after that." Sounding a little irritated.
"Oh," Rona said finally getting it. "Principal Wood took that job in New York and he and Faith broke up."
"Shit." Buffy sighed, "Where is she?"
Rona shrugged, "I don't know, she left."
"Left the campus?"
"Left town."
"Goddammit!" she said, turning on her heel and going straight to Giles' office, which typically, was just next to the library. Buffy walked in and found the office empty.
"Giles?" she called, "Where are you?"
"In here." Buffy heard his voice coming from a door behind Giles' desk. She crossed to it and stepped through into the past.
For long moments all she could do was stare. It seemed like an exact replica of the old Sunnydale High library. To her left she saw the entrance. To the right, the table they had done all their research on, the raised area with the book stacks and Giles with his nose in a book as usual.
"Oh. My. God." She finally got out. "What the..."
"Oh, Buffy, that's right. You uh, haven't been here since Xander finished the library have you?"
"No, not since... Giles we need to talk, but not in here. This is... really creepy." She fled to the outer office.
Giles followed, sitting behind his desk and watching this young woman he looked on as a daughter pace back and forth across his office.
"Buffy, what's wrong?"
"I need to know where Willow is." She said without facing him.
Giles sighed, "Buffy, we've discussed this before. Willow specifically asked me not..."
Buffy whirled, reaching Giles' desk in a single stride, "I know what she asked you Giles! I'm having Slayer dreams about her and I think she's in trouble! So either you help me, or I'll find somebody who will. Because I am going to find her Giles! Times up!"
TBC...