No Matter What
by Kevin
Part four
[reviews]
TITLE: No Matter What
AUTHOR: Kevin
DISCLAIMER: All original characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I own Joy and Anne.
SUMMARY: Buffy didn't return to Sunnydale after running away to LA.
DISTRIBUTION: I Kind of Love You.
Part 4
Buffy shuffled around in the chair till she felt comfortable and loosening Joy's arms from her neck, shifted her onto her lap. The little girl had calmed down a bit now that the shouting had stopped but still kept her head buried in her Mom's shoulder, just taking a peek at the people sitting round the table. 'So where to begin'. Thought Buffy. The speech she had spent time planning in her head just didn't seem to cut it any more. Looking up at everyone Buffy started to explain the last 4 years.
"I'm gonna get this bit out of the way first. I'm not going to apologise for my actions 4 years ago. I felt I had good reasons then and I still feel that they hold good today. Willow, when I left the hospital you were still unconscious but I'm assuming you came round and performed the spell to restore Angel's soul. It worked, although it came to late to stop me from killing Angel to prevent Acathla from ending the world."
This statement caused a gasp to escape from all of those sat round the table who had known what was going to happen that morning. Buffy noticed that Willow looked very angrily at Xander who had dropped his eyes to look at the floor. 'Must ask her about that later' thought Buffy. "After that I went back home, packed a bag and left. I stopped by the school and saw you all out front. It hurt me to see you all looking round waiting to see if I was going to join you. It hurt me to see Will in that chair. It hurt to see the results of what Angelus did to Giles, but I couldn't stay in Sunnydale any more, especially as I no longer had anywhere to live." At this point Buffy looked over again at her mom who suddenly found something interesting elsewhere in the room to look at. "I spent the next three weeks in LA. Found myself a job just to get some money saved so I could move on again as I knew you guys would be looking for me. After cutting and dyeing my hair to change my appearance as much as possible I also managed to get some false ID. so that I wouldn't have to use my real name. I also stayed away from slaying while I was there as I was certain that would be a give away. From then on I just moved around, never staying in one place more than a couple of weeks. I stayed away from the larger cities as I knew they would have a vamp population that would probably notice if someone like me suddenly started to cut into their numbers. So mostly just small towns, nearly all of which were smaller than Sunnydale. Kept the slaying down to one or two a week, not that there was much activity in the places I stayed in. I suppose it was about three months later, I didn't really keep any track of time, I just felt totally lost so I went out one night and got drunk. I know, stupid, but it was how I felt at the time. Anyway, one month later and I knew I had a problem. I don't know how or where it happened cause I didn't remember anything of that night except I woke up cold and damp in an alley with a headache which I never want to have again, so I assumed that I must have got completely out of my head and some asshole took advantage of that cause I hadn't seen anybody since leaving. I spent the next couple of months trying to sort out the mess in my mind, work out if I should keep the baby or not, should I come home or not. What did surprise me was the fact that I wasn't as freaked out as thought I should have been. But at the end of all the thinking I figured, I've been gone this long, may as well just carry on the way I'm going. I felt a bit bad about the decision, I knew I'd messed up but I figured that if I came home now everybody would think I just came back cause I was in trouble. During this time I'd worked as much as possible cause I knew I'd need all the money I could get if I was going to last without working after the baby was born. After that though I had to change the sort of work I could do. I'd been doing the sort of work where nobody asked questions, totally legal of course, and getting well paid. Now had to find something a bit easier to do."
At this point Buffy paused just to look round trying to gauge the reactions of her family and old friends. Joyce and Dawn looked as if they were trying very hard not to cry or say anything. Willow still just glared at her but it had softened slightly. Xander just looked blank as if he was still catching up with what she'd said. Giles, who wasn't looking at Buffy or anywhere really, just sat there staring at nothing. Buffy didn't bother to look at Anya as she didn't know her, though she did take a quick glance at Faith who's eyes and expression just said 'I know what you were feeling'.
"Anyway I started to feel the places I stopped at and if it looked as though the vamp activity might be more than I could handle in my condition I just moved on. In the last couple of weeks though I managed to find a small town with no activity at all. I found a small house that was letting a couple of rooms that I could afford if I wasn't too fussy. I should have known it was too easy, finding this town, finding this house. After a couple of days it kinda felt like I had been drawn there. I was just sitting on the second evening when a knock came at the door. Standing on the other side was the old, no not old, middle aged woman who had rented me the rooms holding what seemed like the most delicious food I had smelt in a long time. I didn't sense anything dangerous about her so I let her in. After she'd placed the food on the table she turned to me and said "I know who you are." I think she knew that I was shocked cause I just stood there. Carrying on she said "You're going to need my help for a little while I think. Now come and eat, you need to build your strength up." I couldn't seem to move of my own will, I just sat down and started eating. While I ate she told me her name was Anne and explained that she had felt what I was when I came to her door and felt that I needed help. It turned out she was some sort of wicca or witch, I don't think she had a name for what she was. The name thing kinda threw me, coincidence or what. Over the next couple of weeks she fed me all sorts of stuff and I gotta admit that I felt stronger than I had for a long time. I even asked her one time if there was anything in the food but she said no. One night Anne came to me late and said that it would be tonight and that she was going to stay with me. Funny thing was I didn't feel scared or anything and she was right, about seven the next morning she started preparing for Joy's birth. Mind you, at the time I had no idea if it was a boy or girl. I tell you though, I'd rather fight all the demons in the world than do that again, cause believe me, it hurt. It felt like I was in labour for days, turned out to be about 3 hours and then I was holding this little bundle in my arms."
Buffy paused again to give Joy a gentle hug. Turning to Giles she asked "Any chance of a drink here, kinda thirsty." Giles shook himself and replied "Of course, would any one else like something." Yes please answered everyone in the shop. While he prepared drinks for everyone Xander went to speak "Buff...". Buffy just held her hand up and said "Not yet, please. You'll all get a chance later." After all the drinks had been handed round Buffy settled herself to continue.
"After cleaning us both up she left and returned about two hours later loaded with clothes and food for the baby. I told her that there was no way I could pay for all that but she just smiled and said it could be sorted out later. From then on instead of just coming by in the evening with a meal for me Anne turned up everyday, sometimes just sitting watching me, or telling me about herself. About two weeks after Joy was born she started getting serious, telling me that I'd need someway to protect Joy while I was out. She started to teach me what I'm assuming was some kind of magic or something, but when I asked what it meant all she'd say was that it would protect us. She wasn't kidding either. I tried it one day, just went outside the room and repeated what I'd been taught. Nothing seemed to happen so I went to go back inside and found I could even touch the door, let alone open it. Okay I'll admit, here I freaked. I couldn't get back inside, what if I'd got it wrong and something happened. She must have felt that I was panicking because before I knew it she was standing next to me just calming me down and telling me to remember what she'd taught me. Once I'd done this and repeated my lesson I found that whatever had stopped me touching the door had gone. I was just relieved that I hadn't done any damage like dumping myself in another dimension or something. Once I'd made sure that Joy was okay she explained to me that it was a kinda of protection spell that would work anywhere I happened to be, even if I was inside the room. It would also keep out anything animate, dead or alive, human or demon, even animal. Well I knew it worked on humans, just wasn't sure how I was going to prove the rest. After this scare life was fairly quiet, just days filled with watching Joy grow, talking to Anne or just sitting doing nothing. About nine months after Joy was born I suddenly felt that my time there was up and that I should move on. I still had enough money to travel somewhere and find a place to stay. Here's where the weird started again cause when I went to look for Anne to say goodbye she was nowhere to be found. I waited a couple of days but she just never returned. I knew it wasn't demon or vamp related because I'd been keeping an eye on the town since Joy's birth and never sensed anything bad. It was almost like she knew I was going to go and didn't want to say goodbye. I went back about eighteen months later and asked around but no one had seen her though I did get a couple of strange looks, as if to say why I you looking for her." Buffy stopped again to settle Joy down a bit as she'd fallen asleep. "After leaving there I went back to the way it was before Joy was was born only with a lot more care this time. Always taking time to found out what I was up against and making a plan to defeat it. I found out the spell thingy worked on demons by accident. I got chased into a crypt one night by a Polgara demon and just chanted what Anne had taught me. It stopped the demon dead, and I do mean dead, at the door. I've never tried to find out just how effective it really is in case one time it doesn't work and I can't deal with whatever I'm trying to stop. I guess what I'm saying here is I don't rely on it to help me. Next big bad was founding out how hard it is to get work with a baby in tow. I ended up mainly working in the small family diner type places where they usually had a trailer out back I could stay in. I swear these places must have their own grapevine or something cause I found as time went on I was able to get work in any one of them that I stopped at and they seemed to know that I would get rid of whatever nasty was around the area. I didn't want to live like this though mainly for Joy's sake. She needed a bit of stability in her life. I did think of staying when I went back to look for Anne but knew I needed to keep up with stopping the evil." Buffy stopped here, she really didn't want to admit the next part of her thoughts. "I guess by this time I thought you might have stopped looking for me, maybe thinking I was dead cause I'd been gone for so long. So I decided to head for somewhere bigger than where I had been staying in the hope that I could settle for a while, spend time with Joy, work and slay at night. It kinda worked but I still felt the need to keep moving so every two or three months I'd move on to somewhere else. That was until five days ago. I'd found what I thought was just three or four vamps in one of the cemeteries. No problem, not much. Three or four turned out to be about twenty. Seems they'd found a way to shield themselves. I took out six before being injured, that's when I decided to run. I managed to get home without them catching me. After making sure Joy was okay and fixing myself up I decided I just couldn't do it alone any more. So here I am." Buffy turned to look at the clock on the wall. 'God, I've been talking for three hours.' "So on that note I'm gonna take Joy and get something to eat. I know you all have a gazillion and one questions for me but right now Joy and I need food. It'll give you all time to think because I don't want to answer the same question half a dozen times."
With that Buffy got up and not looking back headed out of the door.
"B. wait up." called Faith as she followed her out. Buffy stopped but didn't turn round. "Mind if I tag along, kinda overslept and missed breakfast." Buffy just nodded to Faith and continued walking.
TBC