To Thine Own Self Be True
by mike
Acceptance
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Chapter 9
Acceptance
I went to get out of my dust encrusted clothes, vamp dust and holy water made for a combination that was slowly eating them away. I was out of them just as we heard mom coming in the door down stairs.
"You go take a shower and I'll let your mom know we're here and find out what's going on." Willow told me as she gave my hand a squeeze, not wanting to come in contact with my clothes. I was so anxious to get out of my clothes before they disintegrated that I had just ripped them off in front of Willow. She was doing her best not to stare, but failing miserably. I knew if our positions had been reversed that I would have been all over her. "See anything you like." I asked her coquettishly.
"Oh yes, but please go before I do something that your mom kills us for." She pleaded.
I grinned at her and darted into the bathroom waggling my bare bottom before mom could come up stairs to see what we were doing.
[Do you mind letting me eavesdrop?] I asked her as I was stepping into the shower.
[Not at all, but I'm beginning to think you're a bit of a voyeur.] She thought back teasingly.
[Only with you love, only with you.] I assured her.
["Hello Willow, I'm glad you're home, where's Buffy?"]
["She's upstairs taking a shower."]
["What have you been up to that Buffy needs a shower?"] Mom was instantly suspicious.
["I think Buffy wants to tell you. She should be down in a couple of minutes."] Willow tried heading her off.
["OK, but I'm going to want full details. In the meantime, would you like to help me get dinner ready?"]
[Quick thinking Will.] I told her as I was washing encrusted dust from my hair. [But how much do you think we should fill her in on?]
[Lets tell her everything, especially how we carefully planned everything and how well it all worked out.]
[We also need to be very clear about what these vamps would have done if we hadn't stopped them. That should help convince her. ]
I arrived down stairs in time to help Willow finish setting the table. Mom asked us how school was and told us about her day at the gallery, keeping things light until we finished eating. After cleaning up, everything washed and put away it was time.
"Let's take this into the living room girls." Mom said before we could escape upstairs.
"Sure mom." I replied with resignation.
Willow and I sat on the couch and Willow grasped my hand for comfort. Mom noticed and couldn't suppress a tiny smile.
"So tell me what you've been up to with your extracurricular activities, and don't leave anything out." She said and leaned back into the arm chair across from us with a look of expectation.
We took turns informing her of our discovering about the harvest, we let her know about Giles being a Watcher and his help in uncovering what the harvest was, going into explicit detail what the vamps would have done had we not stopped them. Then we told her in detail how we planned the ambush and how we executed it perfectly.
"There's something missing here." She said leaning forward.
"Uh, what do you mean, what's missing?" I asked her in confusion.
"For this ambush to work, you had to be able to know where, how many and when these vampires would be arriving. You failed to say how you were able to do this Buffy. I asked you to not leave anything out. If you want my trust and cooperation, you had better tell me all." She was looking from one of us to the other, carefully gauging the looks on our faces. When she saw us nod at each other and turn back towards her, she knew she was about to get her way.
I started off explaining about the limited demon sense I had as a slayer. Then I elaborated with a truthful but edited account of Merrick's instructions of finding one with power to increase my abilities. Willow helped me explain how we figured out that it was her that would help me and we explained the process of the power sharing, leaving out the kissing and sensual attributes of the power, and how we had expanded the sense to the demon scape that we were both able to share.
When we finished, mom just sat there for several minutes. We could tell she was processing and we were getting more nervous every second.
[I wish she would say something.] I could feel Willow's nervousness like a rough blanket.
[Me too, but trust me. This is better. When she takes time to think, it means she doesn't want to say the wrong thing. She understands this is important. ] I tried to reassure her.
"If you're able to mentally share this image of the area around you up to a mile away, what else are you able to share?" It was scary how her mind worked.
[Gotta tell her.] I let Willow know.
[I know, I just hope she doesn't faint again.]
"Willow and I are able to communicate mentally, like telepathy. We are also able to share what we are hearing and seeing with each other when we want." I explained.
"So you've been carrying on silent conversations between yourselves while we've been having these little talks? Is that correct?" She asked us intensely.
"Yes mom." I replied meekly.
"I thought I was going crazy, you two were just way too coordinated. I couldn't understand it. But now it makes sense. It also tells me that you two don't have some adolescent puppy love going on here, this is serious between you two, which makes it all the more important for you to take things slowly and not rush the physical aspect of a relationship before you develop your friendship and the emotional bonds you'll need to help you get through life together." Mom had gone into full lecture mode and we had no choice but to sit back and listen.
"I am tempted to not let you sleep in the same bed together from here on out, but I'm not going to do that." She said noticing the panic start to spread across our faces.
She allowed relief to replace our panic and then proceeded.
"I'm not going to do that because you've trusted me and I am going to trust you. If you break this trust and escalate your physical relationship before you're ready, you're not going to like my solution. Understand?" Her face was total determination.
"Yes, we understand." We both replied in unison.
"Good, because you both look so cute cuddled up together, I would hate to break you two apart. So don't do anything to make me do so." She stated with finality.
Then mom gave us both a big smile and stood up with out stretched arms and we got up and hugged her together. Her arms wrapped around both of us. She kissed each of us on the cheek.
"Now off with you both, but tomorrow we'll talk some more about the conditions I want in place for you to continue with slaying. Until then I expect you to inform me if anything comes up that requires you to slay before then." She didn't even ask if we understood. Trying to say we misunderstood her later wouldn't work and just make things worse. We had to play with mom's rules or not play at all.
We went up to my room and closed the door. I had an idea that I wanted to work on, and it's not that, though that would be nice, but we were under mom orders, and there would be none of that physical stuff, but she didn't say anything about the mystical. Now my idea does have to do with the mystical, just not the kind we did last night. No my idea had to do with the probability that Willow's mystical abilities were broader than mine, just like my physical abilities were greater than hers. So my theory was that like I could focus in on demons, Willow might be able to focus on people, like Giles, and possibly do some eavesdropping. I had opened myself to Willow as I began this thought process and she paid rapt attention as I did my own version of Willow babble. I could see the light in her eyes brighten at the possibilities I was suggesting.
"That sounds incredible, let's try it." She said with a little bounce.
"This is going to be big mojo, I think we need to build up some real energy before we try it, don't you think?" I grinned at her with a gleam in my eye.
"Absolutely, and we better start right away." She threw here arms around my neck and captured my lips with hers. In moments we were playing with the ebbing forces moving about us. [Follow them to the source while I draw them out.] I told her.
While I continued to draw and manipulate the energy between us, part of me was following her along powerful waves of gold and blue light. They seemed to be coming from a giant fountain in the middle of a great space with swirling lights all around, like fireflies. Willow dipped her thoughts delicately into the fountain, like testing the water with a toe. I felt such a rush of energy course through her and us. Willow let the energy fill us and then withdrew from the well returning to me. Once she was back, the energy took on a different quality. It was richer, warmer and even more vibrant than before. I felt her offer me little morsels like candy and I tasted them with my mind. As we both fed on the tasty power, Willow focused on Giles and I felt our perceptions seeking him out. In a few moments, we were in a dark room lit only by a desk lamp. Below us was Giles sitting at the desk, writing in long hand into a journal. We approached closer to see what he was writing.
But what is most extraordinary is the relationship of these two remarkable young women. After my experiences with them the last couple of days, I won't allow myself to ever think of them as just girls. I am still sensitive to majiks from my early rebellious days when I delved too deeply into the dark powers. I expected to sense the power from Buffy, after all, the slayer is imbued with great mystical roots, but I did not expect to feel power emanating from young Willow, a power that was clean and pure. And then I sensed their powers enter twining, being shared. I only wish I knew if it was conscious. In any case, these two are a remarkable force against evil. And after Buffy's question about serving the fight against evil or the orders of the council, I am loathe to share my observations with the Council. I have prepared a concise description of the facts leading up to and stopping the harvest, leaving out all details of Willow's involvement and my actual assistance in the ambush. This censored version is what I am sending as my report to the Council. Buffy and Willow both seem convinced that fighting evil and serving the Council are mutually exclusive. I will take her advice and research the Council and without their knowledge. I remember rumors from my days in training, but I thought that they were just stories meant to spook the young chaps. I get the feeling that the reason for the existence of the Council may not be what we are told. I will need to call on some very old acquaintances to discover the true reason's that brought about the Council of Watcher's. And if the supposed reason is to battle evil, why is so much energy devoted to watching adolescent girls with the goal of keeping them on a tight leash. I remember very clearly, "A Watcher assigned a slayer, must make certain that the slayer conform to all Council directives. Failure by the Watcher will be cause for the Watcher's immediate dismissal. Failure by the slayer due to willful behavior can result in the slayers replacement." There's only one way to replace a slayer, and I'll be damned if they try and do that to probably the bravest, most remarkable young woman I have ever known.
We all of a sudden heard my mother's voice, "Buffy, Willow. What's wrong? Please answer me." We could hear the fear in her voice and immediately returned to our physical location, and slowly parted with a sigh. We then turned to my mom.
"What's up mom. You sound frightened." I asked staring at her startled expression.
"Buffy, you and Willow were embracing, kissing and when I called to you and it was if you were in a trance. That's what frightened me. I thought something had happened to the two of you."
I could see her face changing from fear to exasperation and I knew instantly that I had to head her off before anger showed up.
"Mom, its ok. It's just the most efficient way for Willow and I to build the energy between us when we go exploring the mystical countryside. We are perfectly safe." I tried to assure her.
"And you failed to mention this little detail why?" She was moving into attack mode.
"Joyce, we just felt some of the details were a little personal and private. We really didn't think you wanted details about our smoochies, which by the way are very personal with us, and we would like to keep at least something for ourselves." Willow was trying to divide my mom's focus and I was hoping it would work.
I could see my mom hesitate. She took a breath and started thinking. [You got her thinking Willow; we might just survive this yet.]
We stood quietly waiting as if she were a jury about to announce their verdict.
"You're right Willow. But do you understand why I was frightened. Other people don't go into trances when they kiss. I may have spoken hastily, but will you please let me know when you're going to do something that might cause me to panic, just so I'll know not to? Can you do that for me Buffy, Willow?" She reached out and gave each of our shoulders a little squeeze.
"Yes mom, advance warning before going on any magical mystery tour." I gave her my best smile and Willow practically knocked her out with the brightness of her smile. I could almost see her eyes glaze over as she looked back at Willow with a silly grin.
"By the way, what did you want us for?" I asked her.
"Oh, I made hot cocoa. It's waiting downstairs with miniature marshmallows." She exclaimed.
"Woopee!" As we dashed around my mom, I took the lead at the top of the stairs and I felt Willow jump on my back and wrap her legs around my waist and her arms around my shoulders. "You're not losing me slayer." She giggled in my ear as I adjusted for her weight and sped for the kitchen.
Mom joined us in the kitchen to see us with happy chocolate mustache faces, sighing contentedly, with giggles accompanying sly looks at each other.
"Do you think I'm being cruel by not letting you, uhhh consummate your relationship?" Mom's face showed real concern. Maybe she was having second thoughts.
[Do you think she's being cruel?] I asked Willow quietly.
[No, she's not being cruel. She's just being a mother which I really miss. I do think a lot about touching you and being touched by you and can't see anything wrong with us doing so. It's not like we're going to be a one night stand or anything. I hope I'm not jumping to conclusion's here, but this just feels like forever, doesn't it? ] she finished with just a touch of insecurity.
[It's ok will, I feel the same way. As far as I'm concerned, you're stuck with me for life 'cause I am completely, absolutely forever in love with you. ] I looked her right in the eye and smiled, wanting really to kiss her.
We looked at mom and saw that she was watching our faces as we were having our semiprivate conversation.
"The unanimous answer to your question is no, we don't think your being cruel." I kept the smile on my face.
"You're just being a mom, which I kinda miss a lot." Willow added with a shy smile of her own.
"But," We both said simultaneously and giggled.
I continued by myself, "We connect in so many ways, ways that other couples never connect in that it's not something that's driving us crazy to do, and it would just be nice to be able to be fully intimate. It's pretty obvious to us at least that we're soul mates, and not just in a cutsey way. We wouldn't be able to join mystically and mentally the way we do if we weren't. There is no one else in the entire world that could complete each of us the way we do for each other. We're going to be together for the rest of our lives, and possibly even into the next ones as well. We can be patient if it makes you feel better mom." Willow and I both reached across the table top and squeezed mom's hands reassuringly.
She started shaking her head "Amazing. I was imposing restraint because I didn't believe that you two were mature enough to comprehend the responsibility of a completely intimate relationship. I apologize. You not only comprehend it, you accept it better than anyone ever could." She paused for a moment and to take a breath. "OK, I rescind my previous request. All I ask is that you continue to be discrete, at least until you're both eighteen. And I would appreciate personally not seeing or hearing anything potentially embarrassing." She squeezed our hands back and smiled affectionately at each of us.
"And Willow, I have a request for you. It occurred to me that even though you may never legally be so, you are in fact my daughter in law. So, it wouldn't bother me in the least if you just happen to call me mom too." Mom's eyes were misting up something fierce and a tear was beginning to form in the corner of one eye.
All of a sudden a huge sob broke from Willow and she began to cry. My mother got up and came around the table and wrapped her arms around Willow, gently cooing and stroking her soft red hair. I watched this wonderful scene and felt myself start to cry as Willow buried her head in mom's chest and just continued to let out all her grief and longing until she finally stilled and with a few sniffles, pulled her head back and said "Thanks mom, I would like that very much."
Mom kissed her cheek. "All right, finish up your cocoa and off to bed with the two of you. It is a school night after all."
We finished our cocoas with happy faces all around and with hugs and kisses we went off to our bed, Willow holding my hand tightly.
We did not "consummate our relationship" that night. It had been an exhausting and long day after all, but after undressing to get into our night clothes, somehow we never quite made it into said night clothes, requiring lots of snuggling for warmth, and much warmth was had, oh yeah.