Causatum.alt
by sailor80
Ten
[reviews]
"No, Willow," Buffy repeated. "I love you so much I can't think straight. The thought that you're hurt or that something or someone...What?"
"Can't think straight. That's good," Willow snickered.
"Willow, I'm serious. I fell in love with you so long ago I don't remember what my life was like without you. I never want to know. You're part of me." Buffy pulled Willow's hand to her lips. "The best part."
Willow looked at her. "I get that, Buffy. But you don't get to make decisions about my life without asking me."
"That's what I was trying to do. We haven't decided anything. We haven't done anything behind your back. I want to pick their brains so we," Buffy stressed, "can figure out what to do."
* * *
Inside, Aislin looked from Buffy's retreating back to Tara. "Are they always like this?"
"No." Tara picked up her water glass and took a sip.
"Which one of them is it?"
"Willow," Tara sighed.
"She isn't usually like this, I take it."
"She didn't used to be." Tara sighed again.
Aislin covered Tara's hand with her own. "It's not you," she said softly.
"I know. It's just, um, hard."
"You love them, Tara. Of course it's hard."
"Will's energy is still all over the place. She's so different."
"How?" Aislin fingers stroked Tara's.
"She's not focused." Tara stopped to think for a moment. "She had so much energy, and everything got done, even if she had to do it all herself. But when she was doing something, that was what she was doing." Tara smiled to herself, remembering moments when she had been Willow's focus. "I'm not sure she can concentrate on anything now."
"I think she just needs some time to adjust," Aislin said. "From what I've seen since I met all of you, you don't get any down time."
"Summer's usually quiet."
"Maybe they can take a vacation. Buffy and Willow, I mean, though I think all of you could benefit from a break."
"Probably."
They were quiet for a few moments.
"How long until you finish this semester?" Aislin asked.
"Three weeks, I think. Two more weeks of class, and then finals."
"Not too long."
"Not from where I'm sitting," Tara said. She sighed again.
"I'll help however I can. I give great back rubs, and I read well." Aislin winked at Tara. "I also know how to do laundry."
Tara smiled. "Thank you."
Aislin returned the smile and held Tara's gaze. The waitress arrived with their salads. "Where's the other girls?"
Tara tore her eyes from Aislin's. "They'll be back," she said.
* * *
"Oh." Willow looked at her feet. "I'm sorry."
Buffy stepped toward Willow while pulling the redhead to her. "It's okay." She hugged Willow, and Willow returned the embrace. "We good now?"
"Yeah."
"Ready for lunch?"
Willow hesitated before answering, "Yeah."
Buffy squeezed her before letting go. She found Willow's hand and held on to it. "You know I love you, right?"
"I love you, Buffy."
Buffy smiled. Every time Willow said those words she got a rush, followed by a moment of grace in which all was right in her world.
The look on absolute joy on Buffy's face calmed Willow, and she let Buffy lead her back into the diner.
Willow apologized to Tara first. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have attacked you."
"Thank you."
Willow turned to Aislin. "I apologize for my behavior."
"I accept."
They all started on their salads.
"I don't know what Amy wanted," Willow said. "She tried to get close enough to touch me." She dipped a cucumber slice in dressing.
"What did Dawn do?" Tara asked.
"Mostly stay between us. And hold my hand. And threaten to turn Amy into a rat. I think she put up some kind of shield, cause when Amy tried to rush past Dawn, she fell down."
"Yay, Dawnie!" Tara cheered.
"That's what I told her," Buffy said.
"Excuse me," Aislin said. "Who is Amy?"
Buffy sighed. "It's a long story."
"I'll tell you later," Tara told Aislin.
"The short version is she's a witch with a black magic jones. She and Willow had a thlng," Buffy said.
"We did not!" Willow squeaked indignantly. She turned to Tara. "I never cheated on you," she said earnestly.
"I know," Tara told her.
"Thank you," Willow answered. She turned to Buffy. "You think I'd date Amy?" She said the former rats name with dlsdain.
Buffy squirmed. "You were out all night. What would you think if I stayed out all night with a hottie?"
Tara raised her hand. "Um can we get back on track please?"
All eyes turned to Tara. Uncomfortable she smiled at them. "Lunch," she said and picked up her fork. She took a mouthful of salad.
"I don't think you should be alone," Buffy said to Willow.
"I agree. At least until we can find a way to shield you," Tara said. "You don't have anything left to protect yourself with."
"So you are going to take turns babysitting me," Willow said sarcastically.
"Well, yeah." Buffy sounded embarrassed.
Tara and Aislin refused to meet Willows eyes.
"Great," Willow said. "Would you like me to make a chart with my insane colored pen collection?"
"Quirky. I said quirky," Tara replied.
"Uh huh." Willow picked through her salad.
"Willow, we're concerned for your safety," Aislin said.
Willow deflated. "I know. Thank you. I'm not used to needing...to being the one protected."
Buffy rubbed her thigh. "Just for a little while."
"Ok," Willow said quietly.
They talked about anythlng else while they finished lunch. When they were ready to go Aislin and Buffy headed to the Magic Box, leaving Tara and Willow on campus.
When Tara learned they had an hour until Willow's next class she said, "Good. We need to talk."
She steered them to a shady spot where they used to study between classes.
"Willow, what's going on?" Tara asked when they were settled.
"This," Willow answered finally. "This is what's going on."
"What? I don't understand."
"I'm just tired," Willow said finally.
"This is more than you being tired," Tara said. "You told me we're friends, Will. Act like it."
"I'm tired Tara and everybody wants something. It feels," Willow lowered her voice. "It feels like there's nothing of me here. Buffy's gone." Her voice got hoarse. "But I can feel her. She's worrying about me. And Dawn's in math and she isn't getting it. Part of you is worrying and stressing and the rest is all gooey over Aislin. Xander's building shelves and it makes him really happy. Giles is on the phone with some prissy, overeducated, wanna-be watcher who's going to get chewed out big time after Giles talks with Meredith Davies. And then there's the Hellmouth making things staticky and confused. I thought I was tired before but I didn't have a clue."
"Will, breathe." Tara interrupted before Willow escalated from babble to panic. She reached for and found Willow's hand.
Willow looked down at their joined hands. "You're different," she said confusedly.
"You, too," Tara answered. She offered her other hand to Willow.
Willow looked at it then at Tara's face before accepting it. Tara squeezed gently and Willow smiled nervously at her.
"Relax. I promise it won't hurt." Tara laid their palms on the grass. She told Willow, "Close your eyes and keep them closed. Relax. Breathe in." She counted silently to five. "Exhale." Tara continued until she knew Willow was relaxed. Tara reached with her magicks looking for Willow. It took a long time to find her but Tara was patient. Willow felt different but Tara had expected that. She didn't expect the raw power Willow now had available or the immediacy of her links to those she loved. Tara sat for a few moments awed by her ex.
Willow finally relaxed. Tara was different but familiar. For the first time since coming home Willow was able to breathe outside Buffy's arms. She let Tara lead her in letting go of some of the tired and pulling energy from the earth. The exchange left Willow tingling.
Tara took advantage of their familiarity to layer protections on Willow. She let her lingering affection for Willow guide her to build Willow up in the places she was weakest.
By the time they finished Willow had missed her class. She felt good enough that she didn't mind. They sat under the tree and talked for the rest of the afternoon with each other about their new relationships.
Just before 5 they entered the Magic Box. Aislin, Giles, and Dawn sat around the table. Willow left her backpack on the table and went into the back. Tara slid into the seat next to Aislin. "Find anything?" she asked.
"Nothing specific," Giles answered.
"I have a theory," Aislin said.
"Care to share?" Giles asked.
"When everyone's here," Aislin said.