Never Again
by TutorGurl
[reviews]
Disclaimer: Joss is God. We are all his mere play things.
~~~~BtVS~~~~
I will never forget the look on her face. I will never forget the sorrow and pain in her eyes. I will never forget the loving words that came from her mouth. I will never forget her. Her words, her laugh, her attitude, her face, her spirit, her body, her mind, her soul, or her heart. They are forever stained in my soul for all eternity. I will never know someone with her ability to make me smile. I will never know someone with her fiery spirit. I will never know someone that I will love more than her. I don't want to. I never want to replace what she was to me. I can't. There is nobody I could ever love more than her. I have had my share of pain and heartache. She was there, helping. Now, in my greatest pain and heartache, she's not here. She will never be here. Because of me. My best friend, my confidante, my comfort, my heart and my soul. My world. She died in my arms. And it was my fault. And because of that, I will never forgive myself. I'll never forgive myself for not being fast enough. Not being strong enough. My mistakes came with a price. It was my friends that cost me what I cherish most. It's really because of them that she's dead. But it doesn't matter. It never matters. I surrounded her with them. I brought them into my life. Her life. So, it was my fault. It's always my fault. My friends, for what they did to me, for what they cost me, for that I will never forgive them. They are no longer of any importance to me. The only feeling I have for them is intense hatred and rage. If the day comes and I see one of them again, I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself. Stop myself from killing, maiming and destroying. That vision. The vision of the one I love most in so much pain. It will forever remain in my mind's eye. One week ago. One week ago my whole world crumbled. Just a couple of weeks till Graduation. She would have been Valedictorian. She was the smartest person at Sunnydale High. Now, someone else will get it. Someone undeserving. The funeral was today. They came. They all came. Pretending that they didn't kill her. My mother held me through the whole service. I couldn't stand on my own. It was the first time I had left the house since she died. It will be the last. For a while. My mother asks me what happened. Why I'm not with my friends in this time of pain. I don't think it's a good idea to tell her. But I tell her. I need to tell someone. She's all I have left. But I don't know how long that will last. All that made me whole was taken away form me a week ago. By my friends. Never to be seen again. Never again.
~~~~BtVS~~~~
"How could you le this... How did this happen?" I ask, looking to Giles for answers. Willow, Angel and I had gone to the Mayor's office to steal the Box of Gavrok. Willow didn't come back. Faith has her and she'll kill her. There's no doubt in my mind.
"We thought she stayed with you," answered Giles, taking off his glasses and rubbing them in between the material of his tweed jacket.
"They must have grabbed her when she hit the ground. Buffy, I'm sorry," put in Angel. I don't have time for guilt. I already know who's fault it is. Mine. As always.
"Look, it's nobody's fault, okay? We just need to focus and deal," I say. I turn to Oz. "Oz, I swear I won't let them hurt her," I promise him. Speaking more to myself than to him.
"We go back. Full on assault," was Xander's suggestion, It wasn't the best plan, but it was the only on at the moment.
"They'll kill her," stated Giles, stopping that plan before it even started.
"We assume they haven't already?" questioned Wes. No, they couldn't. I will not let her be dead. I would do anything to stop that from happening.
"No. They know what she means to me. She too valuable as long as we have... the Box," I say, a plan forming in my head. "We trade."
"No, we can't," argued Wes. Oh, yes we can!
"It's the safest plan. It's the only way right?" I ask hoping everyone will back me up. They were all being very quite.
"It might well be, but Wesley is right, We cannot trade," answered Giles, trying to hide his head from me. He did not just say that.
"You have got to be kidding me!" I yell at Giles.
"Buff, calm down. Giles is just saying what we all already know," said Xander from behind me. What was happening? Everyone is against me.
"What?" Angel stepped towards me. I knew I could count on him.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. They're right. We can't give up the chance to save the world just for Willow," Angel said calmly. He put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but I shake it off violently. I take a step back in shock.
"Just for Willow? JUST for Willow!!!???" I scream. He tried to comfort me again, but this time I push him away. "Willow is not a 'just'. I can't believer you people are saying this. You want me to just let Willow die? No. That is not even an option," I finish. Then I see Oz. Oz. He loves Willow. He'll want to save her. "Oz?"
"I see what you mean, Buffy. I love Willow too, we all do, but she's just not worth the whole world," he says, cool as ever. I go over the deep end and punch him.
"How dare you. How dare you say those things!" I scream at him. Punching him wasn't enough. I wanted to kill him, all of them. They were against me. "What's wrong with you people?"
"Nothing is wrong. The only thing that would be wrong is if we traded the Box for Willow. We must destroy the Box," answered Giles, motioning for Xander to bring him the Box. "We will begin."
"No. No, you can't," I say as I go towards Giles. Angel tries to stop me. "Let go of me!" Oz and Xander run to us and help him. O try to get free. I struggle so hard that I fall to the ground. Angel them pins my arms behind my back and puts a knee to my lower back. "Stop!" I yell to Giles, but her ignores me and continues to destroy the Box. "Nooooo!!!"
~~~~BtVS~~~~
That night still haunts me. I don't remember exactly what happened next. I know I finally got free and ran. They tried to stop me of course. I hurt them. Then I ran to City Hall. They had gotten a call from Faith, asking for a trade. Giles told her that they had already destroyed the Box. She said she was going to kill Willow. When I got there all hell broke lose.
~~~~BtVS~~~~
"Willow!" I scream in terror, as I see Faith with a knife at Willow's back. I run towards them, ready to kill. She tightens her grip on Willow's neck and I stop my movements.
"One more step and she's dead. Got it, B?" Faith warns me. I looks into Willow's eyes and what I see makes me start to cry. The pain and fear in them is more than there ever should be.
"Please, let her go," I beg.
"You got the Box?" she asks. I regretfully shake my head. "Well, then. You killed the spiders, I kill Red." I ran faster than I have ever ran in my entire life, but it was too late. Faith jams the knife into Willow's back and she falls to the ground. I want to go after Faith, but I couldn't leave Willow alone. I catch her before she hits the ground and I cradle her body in my lap.
"Oh, God, Will?" I ask, tears running down my face. "I'm so sorry, Willow." She reaches up and cups my cheek.
"It's not your fault, Buff," she coughs. She puts a finger to my lips. "Never forget that I love you. And never forget me. Never stop remembering me."
"Never," I whisper. "I love you, Will. Never forget that." I lean down and kiss her forehead. I know that she gone. "I'm so sorry."
~~~~BtVS~~~~
I retell my story to my mother and she cries. She walks over to me and holds me as I cry. We stay like this for a little while. Wrapped in my mother's embrace, pretending I'm in Willow's arms. But I'm not. I never will be again. I'll never hear her babble sprees, I'll never see her smile, I'll never hold her hand, I'll never look into her eyes, I'll never talk to her again. I'll never see my beautiful redhead best friend again. And it fills me with grief every time I think about it. I untangle myself from my mother's arms, kiss her goodnight and go to my room. I cried myself to sleep, as I did every night since Willow death. I dreamt of Willow. I always did. Dreams of never again.
~~~~BtVS~~~~
That's it. Review please. Thanks.