Encounter
by Norwalker
Part 2
[reviews]
Encounter
By Norwalker
Part 2 of
Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.
Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, suggested stuff.
Category: It's Willow and Buffy... you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.
Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children... if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!
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Elizabeth Price, aka Buffy Summers, noticed her the second she walked into the café.
She was with a large group of people, but she stood out like a beacon to Buffy. Buffy felt her heart hammering in her chest; was it fear, or excitement? She didn't know which, she just knew that someone she never expected to see again in this life just walked in the door.
Willow Rosenberg.
Buffy turned away, hoping against hope that Willow hadn't looked in her direction. What is she doing here? Oh, god if she sees me there's gonna be hell to pay! Buffy, feeling more than a little panic, started doing her best to keep out of the main dining area... until at least Willow and her group left. But that could take forever! I can't hang in the kitchen that long. I'll get fired... and I just got this job. I NEED this job. Buffy already was in a little hot water for being late today. Her second day on the job. But it couldn't be helped. Joy had been cranky and hard to wake this morning, and getting her off to school had been hard. She'd come right to work, not stopping for breakfast, but still she was 10 minutes late. God, Mr. Gavreaux nearly had a cow. You woulda thought I robbed the till or something. But she stood and took his temper, because she really needed this job.
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It'd been tough finding work when she'd come to New Orleans. But that was true anytime she was new in a city. No friends, no references, all she could do was go on job interviews, hoping that she could win the interviewer over. Sometimes it worked, mostly it didn't. But she kept plugging at it, and eventually she'd find a job... some job. Usually it was like this job; waitressing. But with the tips , and being careful about money, she managed to keep a roof over hers and Joy's head, and food in their stomachs. Not much money for other things, but at least they got by. Until she had to move again. And again. And again.
The last ten years had been tough... too tough, sometimes. She could never settle in one place. She had to keep going, keep moving. Just as things were settling in, just as Joy was getting used to a school, or making friends, or getting used to a place, they had to move again. Along with the stress of moving, the worry about where the money was going to come from, caring for a young child, trying to scrimp and save every penny so they'd have money in case of emergency, she could top that with a heavy dose of guilt. Guilt because her daughter, her beautiful Joy, never got to have friends. Having to constantly remind Joy that they had to keep secrets, that certain things couldn't be talked about. About uprooting the poor child just as she was getting to call a place home. She had few clothes, and fewer toys. She'd been in more free clinics and charity wards than she could count, to battle the sicknesses of childhood, because her mommy couldn't afford a real doctor. Yet, she never complained. She just rolled with life's little knock-out blows. When Buffy had to tell Joy they were moving again, she'd just smile and try to help get packed. But Buffy could see the disappointment in her eyes, and it ate at her.
Too many nights, in too many towns, she'd lain awake, consumed with guilt, and worry, and anger. Uppermost in her mind was how lousy a mother she was to Joy. This isn't right, this just isn't right. She should have a home, a real home. Someplace to go every day, without worrying if she'd be living there next week, or even tomorrow. A child needs a place of security, permanence. And what've I given her? Nothing. Moving all the time, never letting her get used to a place, the people, never having any friends... or much of anything. God, what is wrong with me? I should've done what I was going to do 9 years ago. I should've given her up for adoption at birth. I... never would've seen her again, but at least she'd have a nice stable home, parents who could love her, and take care of her properly. Friends, real friends. A happy life. That's what I should've done. She never would've known me, she would've been happy. Why didn't I do it? Why? Cuz I'm a selfish, greedy, thoughtless bitch. That's why. Once I held her, once she was placed in my arms, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do what was best for her. Cuz I couldn't give her up. Not to strangers, not to anyone. I loved her from the second I saw her. I knew right then, despite all my 'noble' intentions, I couldn't live without her. So, instead of doing the right thing for her, I did the selfish thing... for me. I kept her. Damn me to hell, I ruined her life because I was too selfish to let her go. Now it's too late; she's too 'old' to adopt. She's stuck in this miserable life, because I was too selfish, too self centered to do what was best for her. She got up, because sleep was impossible... again. But she knew somehow she had to sleep, get some rest. She couldn't afford to let her guard down, ever. If only I could take it back. If only I could do that one moment over, it'd all be different... so different....
But it wasn't different. She'd killed two men. 10 years ago. She's been running ever since. It was self defense. Either I killed them, or he killed me... and my unborn child. I couldn't let that happen. I had to kill them. But did she? Did she really? In that one moment, when she had helpless, she could've just called the police, and have them arrested. they'd tried to kill her, but that didn't mean she had to kill them. But she had. The anger she felt, the pure rage at what they'd done, consumed her, took her over. She killed them, shot them. In her mind, a thousand thousand times , she'd gone over that moment, and saw she didn't have to kill them. But she had, and her life was hell because of it.
And Joy's life. I've ruined Joy's life because of it.
They'd come to New Orleans nearly a year ago. Buffy had a succession of jobs, but there was something different here. Her pursuers seemed to have lost her. For nearly 11 months she'd been able to stay in one place. Not one sign, not one whisper, that her pursuers knew where she was. She was still alert, still wary. But she was beginning to hope. Just a small hope. That finally, she found a safe haven. Somewhere she could raise Joy, be at peace.
But with that tiny hope of security, came an emptiness. Something she hadn't allowed herself to think of all these years... at least, not in the light of day, not while she had to protect herself and Joy from danger. But now that she felt the tiniest bit safe, the tiniest bit secure, the loneliness, the isolation came to the fore. She missed her family, her friends. Xander, Giles, Dawn, and Willow. She missed them so much, it ached. So many times over the years she'd wanted to call them, let them know she was alive, ok... but she didn't. She couldn't. Not without risking Joy's safety, and possibly their safety. It was too risky. If she gave in, and any of them had been hurt, or killed... she didn't want to think about it. It was too late now, anyway. Way too late. They probably thought she was dead. Maybe that's for the best. Better I'm dead, than having to tell them I'm a killer. Having to face them after all this time, and see the disappointment, and...disgust in their eyes. Who am I to 'come back' now, and disrupt their lives. No, I've been dead to the world all these years... better for them if I just remain dead. But doing what she thought was right didn't make it any easier to live with. She missed them all, especially Dawn and Willow.
She'd so wanted to see Dawn grow up, finish college, become successful. She'd wanted to see her happy. Bet she's married now, has a passel of kids. God, a whole family that neither Joy nor I know. Won't ever know, I can't just bust into her life now. Something else I've stolen from my daughter. Shit! She longed to just hug Dawnie again, let her know how much she's missed her and loves her. But that won't be happening. Ever.
Then there was Willow. Buffy probably missed her the most. She'd been her best friend... god, forever. They'd gone through so much together, shared so much together. More than a best friend, she was my 'other' sister. The non-annoying sister Buffy chuckles. We could tell each other anything... well, almost anything, and we just clicked. I know over the years, we knew each other better than anyone else knew us... God, I miss that so much. Someone I can talk to, without worrying I'll hurt them, or they'll misunderstand. Buffy could only hope that Willow had found happiness. She knew after Tara's death she was never quite the same again. Something had died with Tara; Will's innocence. Her belief that no matter how bad things got, they'll get better. She'd lost her mind, went postal and killed a man, and nearly destroyed the world, in her grief and rage. You just don't come back from that. Not as you were.
Will had a brief affair with Kennedy, right around the time they were battling the First Evil. But that didn't last long. Once the threat was over, what had brought them together kind of dissolved. They parted friends, but I think both were relieved it ended. I know I was. I mean, ok, Will's a free woman, has a right to choose whoever she wants for a lover... but that spoiled, snotty nosed brat? Buffy shudders. I just hope she's found someone else. Someone more like Tara. That's what Will needs most of all... someone to love who adores her back. Someone like....
But Buffy wouldn't complete that thought. Because she wouldn't allow herself to. It was pointless, stupid, and too painful. Even thinking about it hurt too much. Because she knew Will didn't return the feelings. She knew it. Even if she had, it was too late now, anyway. Like with the rest of them, that avenue was closed to Buffy. Forever.
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Now here Buffy was, trying to hide in plain sight. Because Willow had walked into this restaurant, on this day. This can't be just coincidence. It means something, I know it does. But Buffy was more afraid than anything else. She was afraid of what Will would think, would say, if she saw her. If she recognized her. With the black hair and blue contacts, at least she had some kind of disguise. But she knew in her heart it wouldn't be enough to fool Willow. Not if she got too close.
The hell of it was? Willow's party sat at one of her tables. There was no way she could get through the entire brunch without Willow being at least suspicious... and it was never a good idea to raise Willow's suspicions. Cuz once she got hold of an idea, she didn't let it go without a fight. She had to think fast, and she managed to convince Sarah, the other server next to her station, to cover the table. She came up with a partially true story about one of the women being in her past, but that they'd parted on ugly terms, and if she waited on her, it would just lead to an ugly scene, and probably get her, Buffy, fired. Plus, they were tourists, and probably good tippers. That kicker worked. Sarah took the table, and Buffy covered one of her tables.
But it seemed that The Powers that Be just weren't in the mood to let it pass. Buffy was getting a tray of drinks from the bar for one of her tables, and turned too quickly, without looking and ran into a customer.
Willow.
Oh...crap!
Buffy, thinking fast, put on a heavy southern drawl, and started fussing around Willow, keeping herself turned away while trying to smooth over the situation. Hopefully, before Willow could get a real good look at her. She apologized, and offered to pay for cleaning her dress, or replacing it... anything so she wouldn't complain to management( and maybe recognizing her, or even worse, losing Buffy her job). But Willow was just Willow, and was laughing it off. Buffy almost...almost pulled it off. But then Willow got a good look at her
"... I mean, it's not like you ran me over or .... " Willow stopped, and got her first real good look at the woman
" Buffy?" Willow said, looking puzzled.
Oh shit oh shit OH SHIT
Buffy thought fast on her feet, and just glossed it over quickly, trying to turn away from the Willow as fast as she could.
" No, ma'am. I don't know who you mean. My name is Elizabeth. Ma'am, if you'll just give me your hotel and room number, I promise I'll send you money for a new dress" Buffy said, laying on the drawl really thick.
She'd somehow managed to convince Willow that she wasn't who she really was, and almost escaped...when Mr. Gavreaux walked up and butted in. probably just looking for an excuse to fire me, Buffy sighed. But Willow came to her rescue, and convince Gavreaux that not wasn't it Buffy's fault, but she insisted on paying for the lost drinks(which meant it wouldn't come out of Buffy/Elizabeth's check), and left a hefty tip( my god, she paid with a hundred dollar bill). But the most important thing was, she'd managed to escape without Willow realizing who she was. Whew!
She noted that soon after, Willow and her party left, and she was convinced she'd gotten away with it. Strangely, she didn't feel relief... she felt... disappointed. It bothered her for the rest of her shift. She kept digging the piece of paper with Willow's hotel and room number, looking at it, puzzling over it, trying to make up her mind about something. Something she wasn't even consciously aware of. She dismissed it from her thoughts, but it kept creeping back in.
Even after work, as she was driving her latest incarnation of a rust bucket of a car to pick up Joy from school, it nagged at her. It was as if two parts of her mind were having a fight with her. One part saying No, no, no don't do it! Just let it go, let her be. It'll be better that way while the other part of her mind argued I gotta see her. She couldn't have been here just by chance. I couldn't have run into her just by chance. It's a sign. I gotta do this! Back and forth, her mind pushing her this way, then that way, until she just didn't know what to do. But all thoughts of Willow temporarily left her mind when she saw her daughter.
"Mom! Hey, mommy!" Joy cried out, waving her arms and smiling to beat the band.
Buffy just looked at her, and her heart turned into one giant marshmallow, like it always did where Joy was concerned. I dunno how I got so lucky, God, but thank you...even if I'm a selfish bitch, thank you for giving her to me! Buffy ran to her daughter, and scooped her up, twirling her around and hugging her. Joy giggled good naturedly, as she always did when Buffy did that. She set Joy down, and took her hand, and walked her to the car.
" So, punkin-belly, did you have a good day?" Buffy asked, looking down at her favorite strawberry blonde.
"Mom, please! Don't call me that anymore!" Joy said, half perturbed, " I'm not a baby anymore!"
" Oh, so sorry, Ms. Joy" Buffy smiled.
"Anyway, I had a test today. Never a good day with a test" Joy grumbles. "dumb ole school"
"Aw, I bet you aced it. You always do" Buffy smiled, "Don't know where you get the brains. Certainly not from me!"
"That's for sure!" Joy says, teasingly.
" Hmmm. You callin' you're mom dumb?" Buffy growls playfully.
" Only when SHE does" Joy parries, joyfully.
Damn. Raising a too smart a kid. Grrr.
"So, Baby-NOT, how 'bout we go home and fill that punkin-belly with food, huh?" Buffy grins, "or are you too 'old and sophisticated' to eat with dear old ma, huh?"
" You're weird" Joy pronounces, seriously.
" I'm a mom...what do you expect?" Buffy counters.
They get in the car, Buffy buckles Joy up, and they take off for home.
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"Thanks again for coming on such short notice, Mrs. Katz" Buffy said to the older woman , " I really appreciate this".
"Don't you worry none about it, Elizabeth, " Mrs. Katz, Buffy's neighbor, replied, " I enjoy watching after Joy. She's a sweetie... unlike some of the children in this neighborhood, let me tell you".
" I dunno. She can be pretty cranky when she wants to be" Buffy said, knowingly, "Fortunately, most of the time she doesn't want to be."
"Well, she's never been cranky with me, " Mrs. Katz replied, " So, honey, what's up? Got a date?" Mrs. Katz asks, a small smile gracing her lips.
" I wish" Buffy laughed, " Nothing so exciting. It's just... well... I kinda messed up at work today, spilled a tray of drinks on one of the guests. She was nice about it, but I ruined her dress, " Buffy said, ruefully, " Need to make it up, pay for it or something. Right thing to do".
Mrs. Katz looked a bit annoyed, " I'm sure those fancy rich folk can well pay for their own dresses, Elizabeth," Mrs. Katz replied, her tone indicating her disapproval, " After all, I'm sure you could find better uses for it!"
" I know, Mrs. K, " Buffy said, " but she was so nice about it. I mean, it was my fault, I ran into her. But she just laughed it off, and then, when Mr. Gavreaux came over, looking to make trouble, she took all the blame. And paid for the drinks I spilled... with a hundred, insisting I take the rest as a tip! My god, that was a 75 dollar tip!"
Mrs. Katz eyes widened, " I'm surprised, Elizabeth. Most of the rich people I've worked for as a housekeeper have been...well, rather cheap. "
"Believe me, I know that one" Buffy agreed, " that's why I think it's only right I offer to pay again, and ...well, apologize again."
" Are you going to be late, Elizabeth?" Mrs. Katz inquired.
" God, I hope not. But I should wait 'til she returns to her room. In case, I made up the extra bed for you, Mrs. K" Buffy said. "Stuff in the fridge if you want a snack." She threw on her coat, and turned back " Thanks again for doing this, Mrs. K".
"Its no problem, Elizabeth, " Mrs. Katz replied, " I just wish you'd do it more often."
"Not following you, Mrs. K" Buffy says, puzzled.
" Date once in awhile, girl" Mrs. Katz says, " It's not healthy for a young girl like you to stay home all the time."
"I'm hardly a ' young girl' anymore, Mrs. K" Buffy says, smiling, " anyway, there are reasons".
" I know, I know. You miss Joy's daddy. Still, Elizabeth, you should...." Mrs. Katz starts, but Buffy cuts her off.
" You're sweet, Mrs. K... you sound just like my mom" Buffy smiled, then changes the subject, " I'll try to be home early".
" Don't you worry none. Everything'll be right as rain here" Mrs. Katz said
Before Mrs. Katz can get started again, Buffy slips out the door.
Sweet lady, love her dearly. But boy, can she dig. Buffy sighed, Wouldn't have even asked her, but she's the only one I trust around here. Buffy walks to her car, all the time thinking, Don't even know why I'm doing this. God, it's gonna be a mistake, I know it. But... I just got to. I gotta see Will again. She pulls out of the driveway, and heads towards the French Quarter. She flips on the radio, and listens to some music, letting her mind wander. This is just great, Buffy. What're you gonna say to her? " Hi, Will, sorry I've been missing for 10 years... miss me?" Oh, yeah. And after she kills you? Then what? God, you know that she's not gonna be happy, Buffy. And, you're putting her at risk, going there. Sure, you've been lucky here, and haven't seen those creeps lately. But that don't mean they're not around. Bad enough what you've done. Now you're gonna put her at risk, too? Does your selfishness ever stop?
But Buffy doesn't turn around. She doesn't go back home, send Mrs. Katz home, and forget about it. She felt compelled to see Willow, one last time. Even if she doesn't tell her who she is. Something brought her here, now, at this time. Something bigger than her and me. I gotta know why... or at least try to find out why. That doesn't make it easier for her, though, nor better. She knows that ... it's going to be difficult at best...and could be disastrous. She doesn't want to think about that.
As she drew closer to the Sheraton on St. Croix, her stomach started to churn. She parked a few blocks away. Paranoia, or precaution makes her suspicious. She approached the hotel, keeping away from the lights, always looking around. She can't shake the feeling of being followed, even now... after nearly a year of not seeing her pursuers.
It's nearly 10:30 pm when she entered the lobby of the Sheraton. She walked to the front desk to inquire if Willow had returned. She found she's still out, so Buffy went to one of the lobby chairs, and settled down to wait. It's been a long day for her, and despite her best efforts, she nodded off. She doesn't awaken until someone is poking her. Startled, she jumped up, surprising the clerk who was trying to awaken her.
" Miss? I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to sleep in the lobby, " The clerk says, kindly. He looked over her clothing and realizes she's probably not a guest of the hotel.
" Damn...I fell asleep. Did a Ms. Rosenberg return yet?" Buffy asked, looking at her watch. She groaned to herself. God, it's nearly midnight!
" Yes, Ms. Rosenberg did return... about half an hour ago" The clerk replied, " did you want me to ring her?"
"No... no, she's expecting me... I'll just make my way to her room. I've got the number, thanks" Buffy said, heading towards the elevator. She turned back to the clerk. " Did she seem... alright? I mean, was she in a good mood?" Buffy inquires. If she's upset, might be best not to go up!
" She seemed ok, Miss" The clerk replied, " are you sure you don't want me to ring her?"
" No, that won't be necessary, thank you" Buffy said, turning back towards the elevator. She entered, and the doors closed behind her.
She's been standing in front of Willow's door for 5 minutes, working up the courage to knock. Do it Buffy, just do it! It's now or never, girl.
She hesitates for a few more seconds, then turns to leave. I just can't. It's wrong on so many levels. Best to leave the past in the past. She starts to walk away... and stops. A look of determination comes over her. Never ran from a fight before, Buffy. Not starting now. Just do it!
Buffy marches back to the door, raises her hand, and knocks.
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Continued in Part 3