Back to the Middle
by Sailorgirl
Chapter 4
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What's the etiquette for ending an uncomfortable silence? Should the person that initiated it be the one the start the uncomfortable conversation? And in this case would I be the initiator for being caught ease-dropping or would she for...hmmm...I guess I answered my own question.
Ok, so...I should say something, but right now it's kind of hard to find words fitting for this situation when Buffy won't even look at me. She must be freaking out thinking that I'm freaked out because, after Faith stormed off, something on the floor became very interesting to her. Well, I am...freaking out that is, but not in a bad way, more in the 'Oh my god my best friend, who I've had feelings for since forever, is in love with me!' kind of way. There are just things that I never thought I'd hear, Buffy saying she's in love with me is one of them. I'm just going to say the first thing that comes to mind and get the ball rolling before my brain stops working altogether.
"So...you're in love with me?" Real smooth Rosenberg. I think my brain just went out to lunch. But in all truthfulness she didn't say my name when she made her declaration. She could have been talking about anyone and I'm just jumping to conclusions.
"Yeah." So that takes care of any chance that I'm an idiot. Now I just wish that she didn't sound like she's expecting the worst from me. Like I'd reject her or something.
"You want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Would it help if I said that I'm in love with you too?"
"Huh?" She must be having an upper brain function meltdown too.
"Buffy..." I took her hand to get her attention. "Look at me." I need her to look at me. I want her to look in my eye's and see all the love I have for her, without guarding my emotions to hide my true feelings. "Buffy I'm in love with you. I was gonna steal all those nifty one liners and metaphor people use at times like this but I couldn't think of anything that direct and to the point and I think direct and to the point is kind of necessary right now." Gotta take a deep breath after that one. " I love you Buffy. I've always loved you I can't remember a time when I didn't and I don't want to try to either." She starts doing that thing with her eyebrows when she thinking really hard about something. I'm not really sure how hard she needs to think about what I said; I thought I was pretty direct. Whatever she was rolling around in her head must of pleased her because she's got this silly grin starting to form on her face.
"Really?" I had to shake my head at her response but couldn't help the smile forming on my face.
"You can be so dense sometimes." She starts laughing. Is she laughing at me? "What's so funny?"
"I was just thinking the same thing...about me being dense. I think I might have a few extra layers up here." She says while knocking on her head. "I'm sorry I'm so 'duh'. This all just seems to be coming out of left field. I'm just a little shocked and a lot of nervous. I never thought that you felt that way about me."
"I totally understand that. Remember me laid out on the ground and the 15-minute of silence that followed? That was me shocked and nervous." I'm starting to feel better now. We're talking...to each other, and not just asking for the salt shaker. This is something we haven't done in months.
"Yeah I remember." She says with a smile. "You sure you're in love with me?" I give her one of the looks they say I have. "Ok...just making sure..."
After sitting for a few moments taking in our surroundings I felt my hand being squeezed. When I looked over at my best friend she was looking at me with that big beautiful Buffy smile.
"I love you Will." I know I just heard her say it when I was spying but it's nice hearing her tell me herself. It's nice to hear my name in that sentance. It's like the words weren't true till just now. Does that sound silly?...and who do I expect to answer that question?
"So were does this leave us now?" She asked, pulling me out of yet another tangent, while she leans back to get a better look at the stars. "You're in love with me...I'm in love with you, but there are other things we need to work out. We can't just jump into the thick of it and hope for the best." She's right. I know she's right but I don't want to think about that stuff just yet.
"That's true...but can't we just sit and enjoy each other for a little while longer before we get into all that." I gave her my best imitation of her pout that I could muster on such short notice.
"We could...but what's the use of putting off the inevitable?" Why does she always pick times like these to be 'responsible Buffy'? "I just want things to be right again with us so we can start doing a lot of the things my crazy imagination has been thinking up over the last few months." The smirk she was sporting left no doubt in my mind about the type of things my best friend has been putting together in that pretty little head of hers. I felt myself start to flush as my mind started making its trip to the gutter.
"Things like what?" I asked, fishing for info.
"You know...things." When did she learn how to smirk...she must of picked that up from Faith.
"Come on Buffy. Don't make me beg." The look she gave me made my body start doing things it hasn't done since Tara. Maybe it's the fact that Buffy is having naughty thoughts about me or that I've never seen this side of her before but I was tingling all over.
"Well...I was thinking we could go sky diving or deep sea-fishing and I've been meaning to learn how to cook."
"Buffy!" She got me. Little vixen. There will be payback for this one.
"What? Did I say something wrong?" She was trying to look innocent but after seeing that smirk I knew better.
"Haha...funny." No one ever said comebacks were my thing. I think a subject change is on the horizon. "So..."
"So...?"
"Do you sit out here this late every night trying to avoid me?" I asked. It might not be the best transition in the world but its something I want to know.
"I don't sit out here to avoid you."
"Buffy..."
"Ok...not at first, but recently yeah..." She paused to gather her thoughts before continuing. "At first I would sit here to relax a bit and reflect on my day before going to bed. Then I started thinking about my life and how different it turned out from the way I imagined when I was a little girl..."
"Is this different good or bad?" I asked her.
"An hour ago I would of said that I'm not sure. But now I know better." She says softly before she ducked in for a kiss. It was nice and soft and ended way too soon. "I love you." She says smiling as she warps her arms around me. "Now that can say it, I'm going to tell you I love you as often as I can... without getting too creepy on you." She's so sweet.
"I think a girl could get use to this." I said playfully as I snuggled deeper into her arms.
"Ditto.", she says taking a deep relaxing breath. "You think we should move inside? It's getting a little nippy out here."
"Sure" I say while I stand and offer her my hand. "We can continue this inside."
"We could finish tomorrow. It's getting late...or early depending on how you look at it." she says as I lead her inside and up to my bedroom.
"Ok, but one condition? I get a Super Buffy blanket."
"Deal. Just let me change real quick." She was going to leave the room but I guess she changed her mind because she came over and pulled me into a hug. "I love you Will."
This is becoming a habit that I can get use to, Buffy saying something sweet then kissing me while I'm off guard, definitely a good habit. This time though she's going for a toe curler. Her tongue didn't even bother to knock, which is fine with me, and her hands are taking a journey to some very pleasant places. Now that my surprise has worn off I throw a hand or two into the mix myself. I've always been amazed at how soft Buffy's skin is, the way it's so smooth but you can feel the muscles right below the surface. The fact that underneath this beautiful soft skin is the power to destroy any evil the hellmouth can think to throw at her gets me pretty hot. Then out of nowhere the lips, hands and all the beautiful things they were doing were gone. Leaving me panting and wanting more Buffy lovin'.
"Buff...what..."
"Will, we can't. We still need to talk and stuff. I don't want things getting all mixed up because we jumped into the hot and crazy wild-lesbian-monkey-sex...there is wild-lesbian-monkey-sex right, cause if there isn't we're gonna have to wing it." Before I could respond she continues on with her rant. "Right...so yeah, I don't want to mess things up by not getting all the grow-up stuff out of the way first." She punctuates all that with a peck on the tip of my nose. "Be right back."
It's going to be a long night.
tbc...
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AN : I wanted to say thanks for the FB and I hope this one flows a bit better.
Per usual drop me a line and let me know what you think.
Stewie