Ages Apart
by dawnm
Girl Talk & Slayage
[reviews]
Title: Ages Apart
Author's Note: Please read and review. I'd love to know what you think of the story. Also, feel free to email me with any questions or comments if you like. Email: dawnm92@yahoo.com.
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Chapter 8 - Girl Talk & Slayage
Oz made small talk on the way to the restaurant and Willow, aware that she was in the doghouse, listened attentively, hoping to ease the tension that was between them. The hacker was on her best behavior until their food was served and her mind started to wander again.
Several minutes into lunch, Willow's food was mostly untouched and the redhead was caught staring out the window.
"You haven't heard a word I said." Oz said, irritated.
"What? Oh, sorry." Willow said, pulling herself out of her thoughts. In spite of her efforts, the memory of waking up with Buffy that morning lingered.
"What's going on with you, Will?" Oz asked, his keen senses picking up the change in her breathing and the growing color in her cheeks.
"Oh nothing. I was just thinking about this project that Buffy and I are working on." She replied, nervously pushing the food around on her plate.
"It's always about Buffy, isn't it?" Oz said, pushing his plate away.
"I don't know what you mean." Willow said, trying to sound casual, but feeling unquestionably guilty.
"You spend more time with her than with me. I hardly see you anymore, Will. We make plans and you can't even remember to show up. You're always studying with Buffy, patrolling with Buffy, working on some project with Buffy."
"She's my best friend." Willow said. "And she's the slayer. You know I have to help. It's important...b-but I'm here with you now."
"Are you?"
"Is this about Xander? Are you still mad at me for...for what happened?" Willow asked, desperately trying to steer the conversation to any topic other than Buffy.
"No. What I'm talking about started before that...I don't know, maybe it's always been there." Oz admitted.
"I don't know what to say." Willow confessed, looking down at her hands in her lap.
The short drive back to the Rosenberg home seemed to take forever as the silence stretched out between them. When Oz pulled the van up to the curb in front of the house, Willow hesitated before getting out. She turned to look at Oz, but couldn't find any words except a simple "I'm sorry".
"Maybe we shouldn't see each other for awhile." Oz said flatly. "I told you when we met that I didn't want to be with you if you wanted to be with someone else. I thought we were past that, but..."
"We are, Oz. The whole thing with Xander was just a huge mistake...you know that. It was just a stupid childhood crush and I can't tell you how over it I am. I am totally over it." Willow babbled.
"This isn't about Xander." Oz said, catching Willow's gaze. And Willow, though sometimes slow on the uptake, knew then without a doubt that he was talking about her feelings for Buffy.
The hacker, thoroughly confused by her own feelings for her best friend at the moment, knew that she couldn't honestly deny the things that Oz had said. Instead, she offered, "You know I care about you."
"I know." Oz replied. "But you need to take some time, decide what you want."
"Maybe you're right." Willow agreed, much to his surprise.
"Well then, I guess I'll see you around." Oz said after another awkward silence.
"Yeah...I'll see you at school." Willow offered, getting out of the van. She watched him pull away, wondering at how things can change so much so quickly, before turning and walking toward the house.
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"Hey, you're back." Buffy said.
"Hi." Willow said weakly, collapsing on the couch looking defeated. "Where are Xena and Gabrielle?" She asked, looking around.
"They were getting a little stir-crazy, so they went out for a walk. How'd it go?"
"Ugh."
"That good, huh?" Buffy noted, offering Willow a sympathetic look.
"Oz is mad at me." Willow said. "I haven't seen him much lately and I guess he's feeling neglected. He thinks that I don't want to spend time with him." She explained, carefully leaving out the fact that Oz had accused her of preferring to spend time with Buffy instead of with him.
"Really? What did you say when he told you that?"
"I didn't know what to say." Willow confessed.
"Well...did you tell him that you would spend more time with him and make it up to him?" Buffy questioned.
"That's good...why didn't I think of that?" Willow said dejectedly, realizing that it hadn't even occurred to her to tell Oz that she would spend less time with Buffy and more with him.
"I'm sure you guys will work it out. Right?" Buffy offered, putting her arm around the redhead and giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Willow visibly tensed at the contact, suddenly hyper-aware of her body's myriad responses to Buffy's touch. "Uh...I don't know." Willow responded, quickly getting to her feet and crossing the room to put some distance between her and her best friend. The slayer, confused at Willow's abrupt retreat from her, watched wordlessly as the hacker paced the room in front of her.
"I think it might really be over this time." Willow said quietly, the realization suddenly dawning.
"Really?" Buffy asked in disbelief, feeling intensely guilty for the part of her that was suddenly hopeful that Oz might be out of Willow's life. "God, what a horrible friend I am." Buffy berated herself.
"What...what do you mean?" Willow asked, stopping mid-pace to stare at Buffy.
It was then that Buffy realized that her internal musings hadn't been so internal. Did I say that out loud? Buffy thought, standing up to start pacing herself then. "Oh, I just meant that I...I've been taking up too much of your time lately. And now Oz is mad at you because you haven't been spending time with him, when it's really my fault. I've been selfish...you know, always asking for your help with school and research and stuff..." Buffy babbled, chancing an occasional glance at the redhead to see if she was buying it. Noticing the smile forming on Willow's lips, Buffy stopped pacing, confused. "What?"
"Now who's babbling?" Willow teased.
"Funny. Very funny." Buffy said.
"But seriously, Buffy, it's not your fault. You haven't been a bad friend. You know I want to help with the slaying. Really, I mean what is more important than saving the world?" Willow asked. "And I like helping you with school and just spending time with my best friend. None of this is your fault. You don't make me do anything. I'm a big girl, you know. I make my own choices and if Oz can't deal with that then...maybe it's best if we break up." Willow added defiantly.
"Wow." Buffy replied, staring at the hacker wide-eyed. "Do you really mean that?"
"Yes, I think I do. I mean...Oz is a great guy and I care about him you know but...there's just so much going on in my life right now. I think he's right. I need some time to figure out what I want."
"If you need anything, Will, you know I'm here, right?" Buffy said, approaching her friend and tenderly brushing aside a lock of red hair, willing the hacker to make eye contact.
"Yeah, sure, Buffy. I know." Willow mumbled, nervously backing away from the slayer's touch and avoiding her gaze.
Ok, I get it. Hands off. Buffy thought as Willow pulled away. "Are you still weirded out about this morning?" She asked.
"Wha?...No, no, of course not. Everything's great. I'm fine. We're good. Nothing wrong here." Willow babbled, completely freaked that Buffy might be clueing into her profound response to the slayer's touch.
Buffy was still looking at her friend unconvinced when Xena and Gabrielle returned from their walk. Willow greeted them enthusiastically, supremely grateful for the diversion.
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"Xena can come with me on patrol if you and Gabrielle want to pick up the spell ingredients." Buffy offered later that evening.
"Sure." Willow agreed. "Then we can meet back here and do the spell whenever you guys are ready." She added, looking at Xena and Gabrielle.
"We have school tomorrow." Buffy noted. "I guess I'll have to head home after we finish tonight."
"Do you really have to?" Willow asked, suddenly feeling like everyone was abandoning her all at once.
"I can stay if you want." Buffy offered. "I'll just have to call my mom...tell her we're working late or something, so I'm just going to crash here."
"Great." Willow said, her spirits lifting.
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Willow and Gabrielle set out for The Magic Box as Buffy and Xena left for patrol. Once they were on their way, Willow turned to Gabrielle commenting, "I'm sure after what happened last night that you are looking forward to getting back home."
"You mean the vampire?" Gabrielle asked. Willow nodded. "I've been through worse." The bard said with a half-laugh. "I might not have been so helpless if I hadn't drank so much." She noted.
"You were a little tipsy." Willow agreed, smiling at the bard.
"Don't remind me." Gabrielle replied, thinking back on the things she had said to Xena the night before. "I really should avoid mind-altering substances. They always seem to get me into trouble." She said with an embarrassed smile, recalling her similarly uninhibited behavior when she had been under the influence of Henbane.
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Willow agreed, grinning. "I have enough trouble knowing what to do sometimes without adding alcohol to the mix." She added, opening the door and entering The Magic Box.
Gabrielle wandered around the shop, looking wide-eyed at the vast assortment of spell ingredients, while Willow gathered the items on her list and paid for them. Within a few minutes they were on their way back toward Willow's house.
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Buffy and Xena strolled the cemetery, both lost in their own thoughts. "About this morning," Xena said finally, "I'm sorry for getting so worked up. I shouldn't have snapped at you. Truth is, girl-talk is not one of my many skills." Xena confessed with an apologetic smile.
"I totally get that." Buffy replied. "Being a slayer or a warrior is not a nine to five job. It's kind of hard to just put down your weapons at night and then go and have a good cry. People depend on us. We are expected to be strong all the time. I struggle with it too...Duck!" Buffy ordered, seeing a vampire approaching Xena from behind.
Xena obeyed and the slayer took flight, landing a solid roundhouse kick in the vamp's face while the warrior crouched below. "My turn." Xena said, pushing Buffy into a crouching position and letting out a battle cry as she took to the air for her classic double split kick, taking down two vampires, one on either side of Buffy.
"Catch." Buffy said, tossing Xena a stake as she moved past the warrior to confront the first vamp as he made his next approach. He threw a careless punch and Buffy caught his arm mid-flight, twisting it around behind his back. "Where are your manners?" She scolded. "We are trying to have a conversation here." She added, plunging the stake into his chest.
She turned to find Xena battling the other two vamps with a wicked grin on her face. One of the vampires looked particularly frightened of the warrior princess with the wild look in her eyes. "Hey, save one for me." Buffy said with a smile. "I'll take Mr. Ugly, you take Mr. Stupid." She said, coming up beside the warrior.
"1-2-slay." Buffy instructed. Slayer and warrior both took off, planting one kick, then a second, then staking the two vampires in unison. "Cool, a new Olympic event, synchronized slaying." Buffy quipped.
"Now, what was I saying before we were so rudely interrupted..." Buffy mused. "Oh yeah...we are expected to be strong all the time. I struggle with it too, trying to be more than just some sort of coldhearted killing machine." The slayer confided, brushing the vamp dust off of her hands.
"Seems like you handle things pretty well." Xena commented, matching the slayer's stride as they continued their patrol.
"Trust me...I haven't always handled things well. When I found out that I was the slayer...in less than a year, I managed to get kicked out of school, lose all of my friends, and had almost gotten myself killed more than once. I was falling apart."
"So, what changed?" Xena asked.
"I moved to Sunnydale and met Willow. Before I met her, I guess I didn't really have anyone that I could depend on. And she just has this way of seeing into me. She's the only person who sees me as Buffy -- not just as the slayer." She said thoughtfully. "She doesn't expect me to be strong all the time. When I feel weak, she gives me strength." Buffy admitted.
"I know what you mean. Before I met Gabrielle, I was...different, very different. I had learned not to trust anyone. She had to force her way into my life because I wouldn't let her in. And it's still a constant battle between us sometimes. I was so used to being alone, to keeping things to myself. But she's mended things in me that I thought couldn't be mended." Xena said, her eyes filled with affection for the bard.
"Does Gabrielle know how you feel?" Buffy asked.
Xena shook her head a simple no, then added, "As I said...talking is not something I'm very good at."
"I'm sure she knows that you care about her. And it's obvious that she cares about you. You should talk to her though. If there's one thing I've learned as the slayer it's that you have to live in the moment. Most people put things off because they think there's always tomorrow. In my line of work, well, let's just say, that's a luxury I don't have." Buffy noted.
"I know what you mean." Xena admitted. "A few months back, Gabrielle and I ended up in the middle of a civil war. I was caring for some of the wounded and Gabrielle heard there was a young boy caught out in the middle of the fighting. She went out after him and was wounded. She stopped breathing. I really thought I'd lost her. I vowed then that if I had another chance, I would make sure she knows how much she means to me."
"You haven't told her?" Buffy asked, though she knew the answer.
"I've thought about it. I've even tried a time or two. I don't know..." The warrior trailed off, frustrated.
"Trust me, I know." Buffy said, meeting the warrior's gaze. "Relationships are soooo complicated." She added, realizing that she herself was guilty of avoiding her feelings. "We're quite a pair, you and I."
"What do you mean?" Xena asked, sensing the shift in the slayer's mood.
"We're like warriors, right? We fight the bad guys every day, face death every day. No problem. But when it comes to facing our feelings, we run screaming for the hills like total cowards." She added with a rueful laugh.
"You're right." Xena confirmed dejectedly. "It's pathetic."
---------------------------------------------------- Continued in Chapter 9