The Good, The Bad and The Fangy
by dawnm
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
[reviews]
Title: The Good, The Bad and The Fangy
By: dawnm
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Xena, so please don't sue me for trying to have a little fun with them.
Spoilers: Takes place around Buffy s3 ep. "Choices" and Xena s2 ep. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", but events from all episodes prior to those are fair game for mention here as well.
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: Sequel to my story "Ages Apart". What happens to Buffy and Willow when a spell goes seriously awry? With the slayer um...out of the picture...what will happen to Sunnydale? Pls Read & Review.
Pairings: Buffy/Willow, Xena/Gabrielle
Feedback: I'd love to hear what you think of the story. Please read & review. Also, feel free to email me anytime with comments or questions about a story. Email: dawnm92@yahoo.com.
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Chapter 1 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh" Joxer screamed as he appeared on the scene, running from a pack of wolves.
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhh" Gabrielle screamed, startled to see Joxer running straight at her. He knocked the bard to the ground and kept running. The wolves were right on his heels and trampled the bard as they passed by, hot on Joxer's trail.
"Get out! Get out of here!" Xena yelled, pulling her whip from Argo's saddle horn and ordering the horse away from the fray.
"Woah woah woah woah woah woah." Joxer continued to scream, scrambling partway up a nearby tree in an attempt to escape the wolves.
Buffy got up from the ground and tried to help Willow to her feet. The redhead was still weak from the spell and more than a little disoriented by the sudden rush of events. One of the wolves took a keen interest in the hacker who seemed an easy target.
Xena ran to Gabrielle, who was still lying on the ground, and swiftly pulled the bard to her feet. "Stay behind me!" She ordered, pushing Gabrielle behind her as the warrior faced off with the wolf pack.
"You don't have to tell me twice." The bard replied, hiding behind Xena with her hands resting on the warrior's hips.
Buffy pulled Willow to her feet then and the redhead leaned against a nearby tree for support. When the wolf lunged at the hacker's leg, the slayer dived in front of her, kicking the wild dog squarely in the chest and sending it sprawling into a nearby tree, yelping in pain.
"Be careful, Buffy." Xena called, cracking the whip at the wolves that were surrounding the tree that Joxer had sought refuge in. "These aren't ordinary wolves. They're Bacchae."
"You dumb mutt! You--! And, you--! Gotcha! Get outta here! Mister Mean Dog! Mister 'Nip me in the--'" Joxer taunted the wolves, now that he was safely out of their reach.
He lost his footing then and his leg slid down the tree a ways, just enough that the leader of the pack could reach him. The wolf sank his teeth into Joxer's boot, pulling with all his might. "Aaahhhh, Xena! Help! Get off of me! Ooh! Ow! Ow ow ow ow!" Joxer cried as he fought to hold onto the tree branch above him.
Xena stepped up her attack then, cracking the whip at the wolves, snapping one directly across the snout. The wolf yelped and ran away. A few more well placed shots with her whip and the warrior had effectively scattered the pack. Finally, the wolves retreated into the forest.
"Yeah! Get out of here! And...and don't come back, either! Ha Ha Ha." Joxer taunted, trying to save face after his cowardly behavior. He started to breathe heavily and stumbled a little, as if he might start hyperventilating or simply faint and fall from the tree.
"Joxer!" Gabrielle called, seeing his unsteadiness.
"Huh?" He replied.
"Are you all right? " The bard asked.
"Me? Ha-ha-ha-ha-yeah. Never better! You see...the secret to defeating a wolf pack is to wear 'em down. I had those mongrels right where I wanted 'em." He replied, trying to appear manly in front of Gabrielle as he hopped down from the tree.
"Uh-huh?" Xena said doubtfully. "So, what brings you to these parts?"
"Mission - to save the world. Package - from Orpheus to Xena." Joxer answered self-importantly.
"Orpheus?" Xena questioned, grabbing the sack that Joxer held out.
"What is it?" Gabrielle asked.
"Speaks for itself." Joxer replied, as Xena opened the sack and reached inside.
"Aaaaaaahhhh" Orpheus screamed, as the warrior pulled his head out of the sack, dangling him by his hair.
"Eeww." Gabrielle responded catching sight of the body-less head. Willow, who was still trying to get her bearings, gasped at the sight and struggled to stay upright as she felt her knees start to give way.
"Are you alright, Will?" Buffy asked, helping to steady the girl.
"Uh huh. I'll be okay." The redhead replied. "I think maybe I should sit down." Buffy led her to a nearby stump where the hacker gratefully took a seat.
"Ouuuchh! Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ouch!" Orpheus continued.
"Never pick him up by his hair." Joxer advised, taking the head from Xena and holding it on his lap as he sat down on a rock ledge.
"Orpheus, Bacchus did this to you." Xena charged.
"I thought you'd recognize his handiwork. Since we last met, I've dedicated my life to stopping Bacchus. For a long time, my music worked. But now, he's cursed me. He took my body, but left me eyes and ears to see and hear all the evil he brings to the world. For as long as Bacchus lives on Earth, I will live in agony." Orpheus replied.
"So, it was Bacchus who took those girls." Gabrielle guessed.
"Yes. Tomorrow night he'll make them full-fledged Bacchae." Orpheus confirmed.
"And you want my help." Xena noted.
"I've hated you for a long time, Xena. And you're the last person I'd ask for a favor. But you're the only person who knows Bacchus well enough to do the job." He replied.
"Do you still have your lyre?" Xena asked.
"I've kept it hidden in town with my friend, Melodus. He can play it while I sing." He explained.
"Knowing Bacchus, it won't be safe for long. Come on." Xena informed them, turning to walk away.
"Not so fast, Xena. I want to remind you that innocent lives are at stake. Maybe this time you'll be more careful." Orpheus added sarcastically.
The warrior ignored the comment, instead turning to Joxer. "Find a way to make him presentable and then we'll leave." She ordered.
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"What was that all about?" Gabrielle asked as she followed Xena over to where Buffy and Willow were sitting.
"My army fought Bacchus a long time ago. And on the final day of the battle, an innocent woman got caught between my army and Bacchus' forces. The fighting was fierce. There was no way we could protect her and she was killed. I'm sure it was Bacchus who killed her, but Orpheus always blamed us both." Xena explained.
"Who was she?" The bard asked softly.
"Orpheus' wife." Xena answered sadly before turning her attention to Willow and Buffy.
"How are you doing?" She asked, looking down at the hacker.
"I'm feeling a little better." The redhead assured her.
"Do you think you can make the walk toward town?" Xena asked.
"Uh, I think so. I'll try." Willow answered.
"Mind telling us what's up?" Buffy interjected then, feeling more than a little out of the loop.
"I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle of all this." The warrior said sincerely. "But we need to get moving. Gabrielle can fill you in on the way. Ready?"
Buffy looked to Willow, who nodded and got to her feet.
"So, you're Joxer?" Buffy asked when the warrior wanna-be came to a stop beside her.
"Yep, that's me, Joxer, The Mighty." He proclaimed. Buffy and Willow shared a look and tried to stifle their laughter.
"You're not from around here, are you?" Joxer asked, giving the two girls an odd look. He had been to a lot of places, met a lot of different people, but he'd never seen women wearing pants before.
"Nope. We're just visiting. I'm Buffy, by the way." The slayer said. "And this is Willow."
"What kind of name is Buffy? I've never heard that before." Joxer noted.
"Hey Joxer, get up here and leave our friends alone, will ya?" Xena called.
Gabrielle fell in step beside Willow and advised the slayer and hacker on everything that they knew about Bacchus and his plans, as the group walked toward town.
"So, this guy is some kind of god, like Zeus or something?" Buffy questioned. The bard nodded. "But aren't gods supposed to be good?" The slayer asked.
"Ha. Not the ones I know." Gabrielle replied.
"A-and the Bacchae are like vampires?" Willow asked.
"Kind of, yeah." The bard replied.
"Figures." Buffy retorted. "I get sucked into some time portal and dropped two thousand years in the past and I still can't get a day off." She quipped.
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Within an hour, the group was coming to the edge of town. They could hear music playing and see people dancing in the street. "A festival..." Gabrielle noted. "Looks like fun."
"Yeah, every year the villagers have a festival to scare away the Bacchae. They have a prize for best costume, too." Joxer replied. "Guess we know who's winning this year." He added, looking back at Orpheus, who looked like a scarecrow, riding atop Argo. As Xena had ordered, Joxer had made him 'presentable' by fashioning a body for him out of some old clothes stuffed with straw.
"Ha-ha! Very funny." Orpheus interjected.
"Here I thought I'd seen it all." Buffy commented. "But you guys...you lead a very strange life."
They walked into town and entered Melodus' shop. "Melodus?" Orpheus called. Getting no response, he added, "He must be in the back room."
Xena pulled back the curtain to enter the room and there they found Melodus hanging from the ceiling. He had obviously been murdered. "Melodus...no!" Orpheus cried.
Gabrielle and Willow were shocked by the sight of the man and quickly averted their eyes from the gruesome sight. His body was mutilated and caked in blood.
"The Bacchae did this." Xena said disgustedly, turning and heading toward the door to go out in search of the demons that were responsible.
"And they've taken the lyre." Orpheus added, noting that the instrument was not in its usual place.
"Xena?" Gabrielle called. The warrior paused and turned to the bard. "I'm going with you." She insisted.
"No, Gabrielle. Buffy can come with me. I need you and Willow to stay here and protect Orpheus. Without him, we don't stand a chance." Xena explained.
"Get some rest while we're gone." Buffy advised, giving Willow's hand a squeeze.
"Promise you'll be careful..." Willow said, looking concerned.
"Absolutely." Buffy assured her.
When the warrior and slayer had gone, Willow and Gabrielle went out onto the balcony to escape from Joxer and Orpheus' bickering. They leaned against the railing and gazed down at the festival going on in the street below. Hearing a scream, the bard searched the crowd for the source of the cry and saw a young girl being dragged around the corner.
"I'll be right back." Gabrielle said, heading determinedly toward the door.
"Gabrielle?" Joxer called after her.
"Stay here." She ordered as she went out the door.
The bard worked her way through the crowded streets, searching for any sign of the girl or her captors. She walked around for several minutes, but her efforts were in vain. The girl was no where to be found.
As she walked through town, throngs of people danced around her, gyrating to the rhythmic tribal music. Two women took a keen interest in the bard and began dancing in circles around her. Whether it was the music or the women themselves, something was having a profound effect on Gabrielle. She seemed to be falling into a trance of some kind. Soon, she began to sway to the music as the two women danced around her.
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"Ah, the precious golden lyre...isn't it beautiful?" The Bacchae woman said to her companion as the two made their way through the alley.
Two men approached them then. "Need some help, ladies?" The first man asked.
"Yeah, that hunk of gold is too heavy for pretty things like you." His friend added.
"You're cute. Come closer...and I'll let you have it." The Bacchae replied, laying the lyre on a nearby crate.
"That's not all you'll let me have. Come on, beautiful." The first man responded, grabbing the woman by the waist and pulling her to him suggestively. In a moment, the two women had "vamped out", transforming from seemingly normal girls into full-fledged Bacchae.
Their eyes turned from brown to yellow, outlined in red, and their mouths were suddenly sporting some seriously lethal fangs. The other defining feature of the Bacchae women, quite different from your average vampire, was the transformation of their fingernails into very long, very sharp, black claws. Within seconds, the two Bacchae attacked the men, sinking their teeth into their necks and feeding like crazed animals before finally tossing the men aside.
"Hey, girls, sorry to break up the party." Xena called, as she and Buffy approached them from behind. The Bacchae whirled around to face them and the warrior and slayer ran toward them. Xena took to the air and planted a solid kick in the first Bacchae's chest, sending her sailing back at least fifteen feet before she crashed into a wall.
The slayer took on the other Bacchae, landing a roundhouse kick in her face, followed by a series of punches. When Buffy reached out to take hold of her, the Bacchae raised her arms and took flight, flying several feet into the air and landing on a balcony overhead. "Hey? They can fly? You never told me they could fly!" The slayer commented, looking up in disbelief at the demon.
"Oh yeah, they fly alright." Xena confirmed, eyeing the first Bacchae, who had recovered from the warrior's kick and was circling in the air above her head.
"So not fair." Buffy replied as the one on the balcony swooped down toward her. When the Bacchae lunged at her, the slayer jumped to the ground, rolling out of her path. As the Bacchae prepared for another pass at her, Buffy kicked a hole in the side of a nearby crate and pulled a chunk of wood from the debris to use as a makeshift stake. When the Bacchae made its next approach, the slayer stood her ground. As the demon took hold of her, Buffy drove the stake deep into the demon's chest.
Meanwhile, the other Bacchae had landed on Xena's back and her mouth was descending toward the warrior's neck. Xena tried for several seconds to break the hold the Bacchae had on her before finally flinging the demon from her back and throwing her aside.
Much to the slayer's surprise, the Bacchae that she had staked seemed unfazed by the chunk of wood sticking out of her chest. As the demon woman again took flight, Buffy turned to Xena for an explanation.
"Where is that lyre?" Xena ground out, looking around. There was no sign of the instrument, though, and the two Bacchae had retreated into the night.
"What just happened here?" Buffy asked.
"Whaddya mean?"
"I mean...I staked that thing through the heart and it just looked at me like I was stupid or something and flew off. What's up with that?"
"There's only one thing that can kill a Bacchae." Xena explained. "And that's a dryad bone through the heart."
"Again...information I could have used earlier." The slayer replied dryly.
"Sorry."
"It's okay." Buffy said finally. "So, where can I get some of these bone thingys?"
"I know a place. We can pick some up on our way to the catacombs."
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When Gabrielle didn't return, Willow began to worry. "Hey...you think maybe we should go look for her?" The redhead asked, turning to Joxer.
"You're right! She might need me! Let me just get Orpheus ready." He answered.
A few minutes later, they were weaving their way through the streets in search of the bard, with Orpheus' head mounted on top of a tall pole.
"See anything?" Joxer asked, looking up at Orpheus, who had the best view high above the crowds.
"I don't see anything." Orpheus answered. "Wait! There she is...in the middle of the room with two women."
"Bacchae, just like I thought. Hold that." Joxer said, handing the pole to Willow. Willow sheepishly took it, feeling quite uncomfortable being the keeper of Orpheus' head.
"Don't worry Gabrielle...I'll save you." Joxer called, heading toward the bard who was by this time engaged in an intimate dance with the two Bacchae women. "Unhand her!" He cried, pulling her away from the two women.
"Joxer! What are you doing?!" She asked angrily.
"Bacchae!" He said, pointing to the women.
"But, I would know a Bacchae if I saw one." The bard insisted, looking intently at the two women.
"Come on, Orpheus is waiting." He said, pulling the bard through the crowd toward Willow and Orpheus.
From down the street, Xena spotted Orpheus' head high above the crowd. "There they are." The warrior said, heading toward them as Buffy followed.
"Xena, Buffy, I'm so glad you guys are back." Willow said as they approached.
"Here. I'll take that. Thanks." The warrior said, taking the Orpheus pole from Willow.
"Miss me?" Buffy asked, casually putting an arm around the redhead's shoulders.
Willow nodded, blushing slightly. "So, how'd it go?" The hacker inquired.
"Not great." Buffy said. "Apparently, there are a few differences between Bacchae and vampires. This new kind of slayage is gonna take some getting used to."
"Did you get the lyre?" Orpheus asked.
"No, I found the Bacchae who took it. Don't worry. We'll get it back." Xena said.
"We'll get it back? Wait a minute; let me get this straight. First, we find the lyre. Then we get someone to play it. Ah-- Orpheus sings; the Bacchae sleep. Ah-- We go in, kill Bacchus and free the girls?" Joxer asked as he and Gabrielle came to a stop in front of the group.
"Exactly." Xena replied, clearly surprised at his grasp of the plan.
"That was easy enough." Joxer said.
"Don't be a fool. Bacchus has the lyre safely in his catacombs by now. If you go in there, he'll kill you." Orpheus warned.
"It's a chance I'll have to take." Xena snapped.
"Yeah, it's my strategy from the get-go. Catch 'em off guard...run that 'he'll kill you' part by me again." Joxer whined, stopping in his tracks.
"It's all right, Joxer...you won't be coming." Xena assured him. "Come on, girls."
"Wait a minute! If they're going, I'm going, too! Hey, I assembled this team!" Joxer argued. Xena just stared at him before turning to walk away. "OK, fine. I guess you don't want someone who plays the lyre!" Joxer added. The group stopped then and turned to look at him.
"You?!" Orpheus questioned.
"I took the music lessons, OK?"
"You play the lyre?" Gabrielle asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, I play the lyre. Don't advertise it all over town. I got a reputation to maintain." Joxer complained.
"All right. Let's go." Xena said looking him squarely in the eye, before turning and walking away with Buffy and Willow following. Gabrielle started after them, only to be stopped by Joxer.
"Wait a minute!" Joxer cried, grabbing the bard by the shoulders.
"Whoa!" Gabrielle cried.
"Look! On her neck...blood! She's been bitten." Joxer whispered, pointing at the warrior.
"So, she had blood on her neck. I mean, she was in a fight. It could be anything...it could be...a scratch. You know..."
"Listen, listen, I have seen every kind of wound encountered by man or beast. And that, my friend, is a bite -- specifically, a Bacchae bite." Joxer insisted.
"Then, why hasn't she turned into one?" Gabrielle asked.
"Because these things take time! Listen, listen...any second now, Xena's gonna be sporting a new set of fangs, big ones. Wait a minute. Now I know why she didn't want me with her. Because she knows I'm the only one who could stop her." He theorized.
"You know, we could settle this right now. I'll just ask her." Gabrielle replied.
"No, don't ask her a question! Are you kidding me? Anything you say is gonna propel her into a Bacchaen frenzy!" He rambled. "Listen, you better give me this. I'll sharpen it into a point." He said, grabbing Gabrielle's staff as he pulled out his knife.
"Don't be ridiculous!" The bard cried, pulling the staff away from him.
"Listen, we gotta act nonchalant! Give it to me! Give me that!" He argued, fighting her for possession of the staff.
"Hurry up! What are you two doing back there?" Xena asked, turning around to look at them.
"Nothing!" Gabrielle replied.
"Just sharpening our weapon." Joxer added. Gabrielle finally managed to jerk the staff away from him. "OK, fine...but when she bites your head off in the middle of the night, don't come running to me." He warned. The bard shook her head in annoyance and walked away, quickly catching up with Xena, Buffy and Willow.
--------------------------------------- Continued in Chapter 2