Making Things Perfect
by Rin
Making Sense of Things
[reviews]
A/N: The 2nd dose, and the plot thickens...dum dum dum
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As she walked into the familiar apartment, everything reminded her of Buffy. She looked over at the couch, and remembered cuddling, watching television, making love, and just talking or goofing around with the other. When she walked into the kitchen, she remembered the days that they would make a mess in the kitchen because they ended up throwing more ingredients at the other in a playful manner, than actually making dinner. Grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator, she saw the blue PowerAde that the blonde would drink when she would return from her morning jog. Deciding to just call it a night, since it had already been a trying day, and she was still jet lagged, Willow proceeded through the large apartment to her once bedroom, and started to get changed for bed, finding some of Buffy's pajamas next to hers in the drawer. Wanting to still be near her girlfriend, she put on the yummy sushi ones that she wore the first night that they slept beside the other: a year ago yesterday. The second trip to New York had been wearisome. Finding out about Lilah and Buffy broke her heart. It had happened again; only this time, they were actually officially dating, and it hurt even worse because the blonde had no reason, mistaken or otherwise to sleep with somebody else. She didn't know whether to be mad at herself, or at her girlfriend, if that's what she even was anymore. Willow wasn't sure after what she'd seen in the hotel room in Manhattan.
Brushing her teeth slowly, she just stared at her face in the mirror. It was stained with hours of sobs, even the older lady sitting next to her on the plane had tried calming her down but nothing worked. She was too heartbroken to comprehend anything but the pain. Her eyes were still puffy and bloodshot, and her expressionless face told the tale of a long, heart-wrenched day that had caused her to go numb of emotion. Willow could only believe that she was only a shell of what she once was. Her girlfriend, her lover, her Buffy...naked, in bed with that woman...that vindictive woman...knowing good and well that the blonde belonged to another. Unfortunately, that other found them in the early morning hours, naked and worn out from an apparent night of sex. The room reeked of it, and the clothes thrown in varying directions, scattered all over the room were surefire signs what had happened only hours previously. Willow had just been able to stand there, seeing the bare, spent form of her lover sharing a bed with another woman, one that the redhead trusted would keep her safe. 'Too safe...'
After washing her face, she couldn't stop staring at her lifeless face in the mirror. She was like a ghost in this place, not having slept here since they had moved all of her things to the house, and the once familiar comfort she would find in the expansive apartment was long gone, possibly forever. There were too many memories that were haunting her, and everywhere she turned, all she could think about was Buffy, and that would only make her cry more. Of all days to find your girlfriend cheating on you, it had to be your one-year anniversary; the blonde even knew she was coming, albeit earlier than planned, but the fact still remained. 'How long has this been going on? Am I blind? Has it been happening since she's been there?' Again, the warm streams flowed down her cheeks, and she left the bathroom to curl into a ball under her sheets. She didn't want to be alone, in case she did something irrational. She wouldn't kill herself, or do something of that nature but she feared that in her anger and grief, her hair and eyes would turn black, and she'd find a way to magickly destroy the world. It was too much, and she couldn't do it alone.
Turning around in the cold bed, she picked up the phone on the nightstand, and dialed a newly familiar number. It was still early evening, and she figured that the girl still had her key, so she waited for the other line to pick up, hoping that it'd be okay. When the smoky hello came from the other end, all she could do was cry, and words wouldn't leave her mouth. After a few questions of 'who is this,' and 'can I help you,' the girl on the other end only had to hear Willow cry her name, and she went into immediate concerned mode.
"Willow...where are you at?" Faith was in action, and started to feel the warmth of her friend's soothing words, only making her cry more because she knew it pained the brunette to be around her, and reminded of what she could never have.
"The apartment..." Faith sighed deeply, and reassured her that she was on her way. It only took ten minutes for the brunette to find a crumpled Willow dejected, in a pool of wet, salty pillows and sheets. Kicking her leather combat boots off, she pulled off her over shirt, and peeled off her leather pants, crawling in bed beside the obviously heartbroken girl. The brunette could tell that all Willow needed was for somebody to hold her now, and ask questions later, and she was more than willing to comply to any terms needed in their friendship. She loved the redhead, and there was nothing that she wouldn't do for her, even if she could never have that love in return.
"Shh...go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning." Willow nodded mutely, and crawled into a ball with Faith spooned behind her, holding her close, letting her know that she was there, and wouldn't let her go. Her mind was running in every direction possible, and a thousand thoughts penetrated her busy mind. She wanted to yell at Buffy. She wanted to hold her. She wanted to make love to her. She wanted to slap her across the face, and call her a jerk. She wanted to have sex with Faith to get back at her. She just wanted Faith to hold her, and comfort her, to keep her grounded. She wanted to smack Faith for loving her. She didn't think that anybody could actually, truly love her, even if it were clear. Even then, it was all a lie. 'But it isn't a lie. We love each other. We're getting married...I guess not now...' She sighed for the millionth time that day, trying to keep her sobbing at bay.
Faith felt her sigh, and she held her tighter, stroking the auburn locks in a soothing motion, willing the redhead to just sleep it off, and then they could talk in the morning. The brunette had been at a bar, shooting pool with Kennedy and some of her art friends, when her cell phone rang. Picking it up, she was angry at first that nobody was talking, thinking that it was a joke but when she heard the sobbing, she decided to wait it out...it could've been anybody. When she heard her name, and the way it was said, there was no question who it was, or what she would do. She could've been in the middle of a concert, and she would've left to be where she was at that moment. No matter how hard she tried, Faith couldn't shake her love for the small redhead. They were almost complete opposites, and the only thing they really had in common was the music industry but there was something there, and the two had even talked about it several times when they were still living in that same apartment. The redhead never treated her any differently, and they still clicked, which made it harder for Faith to be around Buffy. Part of her wanted to revert back to her evil, teenage ways, and kill the blonde but she couldn't do that. She actually did care, unlike her younger years when it all seemed like a game.
Feeling Willow's breathing calmed, Faith leant her head up a bit to check, making sure the redhead was asleep. She buried her neck into the crux of her neck, and cuddled up, holding on to her so that she could feel the safety and warmth of her arms even while in slumber. Breathing in the air, her senses could only capture Willow's essence, and her body and heart ached; not just for her unrequited love but more for the pain that the redhead was obviously in...she hurt when her friend hurt. It was just the laws of nature, and felt like the most natural thing to her. Seeing the redhead happy made her happy. When she was sad, Faith was sad...often being there for her if Will would let her. Things would never be perfect in her life, and she had long accepted that, but with this one woman, she felt that she was closer than she'd ever get to it. Finally, taking one last deep breath, she closed her own eyes, and allowed slumber to take her to dreamland, too.
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Yawning, Buffy started to wake up, and the only thing she could feel was the massive pain that seemed to be shooting from every nerve in her brain. Wincing, she started to rub her temples, and pinch the bridge of her nose to find some comfort but to no avail, so she opted to try opening her eyes. As soon as they opened, she regretted the decision. The light that was shining in her eyes was surging directly towards her, causing her head to explode even further. The hotel room's light was shining brightly, and she never even remembered coming back to the room the night before. All she remembered was the benefit that she had attended, and the excitement over getting to see Willow the next day. 'Today. Will's coming today. Ohh...I really need to fix this headache. I need to be in tip top shape for her.' She couldn't remember anything, and when she realized that she was naked, the panic started to surface rapidly.
Sitting up but wincing as she did so, she noticed her clothes scattered unceremoniously around the room but they were only hers. Deciding not to go into full panic mode just yet, she decided to fix her headache first. She just couldn't shake the pain. Moving, she realized that the sheets seemed to be damp and unkempt. Checking her body, she noticed that she wasn't sweating, so the panic mode went up another notch. Since she couldn't remember the night before, she decided to ask Lilah, hoping to see her before her girlfriend was to get to the hotel around 5 that evening. Looking at the clock, she realized that it was 9 but the sky outside was completely dark, so panic mode went up a notch again. 'Where's Will? Did her flight get delayed? Is the weather bad outside? Is it snowing? Wait, the forecast didn't call for snow...at least that's what Lilah said...maybe I should check.' Getting up, she made her way to the window but stopped before pulling aside the curtains fully, recognizing her lack of clothes. Peeking out the corner, she saw that the roads and sky were clear, and that's when she went completely panicky.
"Where is Willow?!" Her first action was picking up her cell phone, and calling her girlfriend but after several rings, nobody picked up, and she left a voice mail. She started grabbing at her clothes, tossing them into a drawer in a quick movement, not caring about tidiness, and she dragged out a pair of pajama bottoms, tank top, and undergarments, rushing to the bathroom while dressing on the way. She looked at herself in the mirror, and noticed the hickeys that were placed down her entire neck in a slightly curvy row, and she wondered for a moment if the redhead was maybe already here, and had taken care of her the previous night, and apparently the entire day. Wondering how in the world she had slept the entire day, and lost memory of everything the night before, she went back over what she did remember, hoping to get a clue. Thinking that maybe alcohol could be a factor, she went over her drink consumption, and ruled it out when she remembered only drinking one cosmopolitan. She knew that Wills wouldn't take advantage of her in a drunken situation; no, her lover would take the opportunity to make sure she was okay instead, which made it even harder to understand where the bruises, dampened sheets, nakedness, and row of hickeys on her neck (not to mention the massive headache that the pills weren't helping with yet). 'Lilah was there; maybe she'll remember something.'
After trying Willow's cell again, she left another voicemail, and tried calling the house and apartment, wondering if she could be there, and only getting the answering machines for those locations, too. Knocking on the conjoined door, Lilah appeared, wearing a pair of black slacks, and a nice white blouse that Buffy hadn't seen on her before, and she wondered where she bought it. 'Willow would like that...' Lilah just looked at her, as though she had lost her mind, and waited for a response. Buffy looked up, and noticed that she hadn't spoken yet.
"Oh, um...this is kind of strange but I need to talk to you about something." Lilah nodded, and made her way into Buffy's room, sitting on the unkempt bed as though it were her own room. Buffy just stood in front of her before finally sitting down next to her. "Okay, well...remember last night?"
"Yeah..." Lilah's face twisted into one of confusion, wondering where the blonde was going with her question.
"I don't." It was simple. She needed answers, and she knew that the brunette could at least give her some details.
"Well, I suppose you wouldn't. You've been out for two days straight. I've tried waking you in all sorts of ways but you wouldn't respond to anything. I had to move back your interviews to later dates, and now we have to stay an extra day just to make up for them. The reporters weren't too happy but I convinced them that it was in their best interest to cooperate." Buffy arched her eyebrows at the vixen like tone that Lilah had taken all of a sudden. She particularly paid attention to her expression, and the way she said the words 'all sorts of ways,' wondering exactly what she had tried.
"Two days? I've been asleep? I don't remember anything past the party, and even that's a blur." She stared off into space, trying to process the information that she'd lost two whole days, and that she'd missed her anniversary, and possibly Willow, completely. This made her bite her lower lip to hide her anguish, and sadness that she'd missed her girlfriend. 'She probably just slept next to me the whole day...now I feel even worse.' "Do you remember anything?"
"What do you want to know?" Lilah was picking at lint on her slacks, as though the conversation really didn't interest her in the least.
"Well...for starters, how did I end up back at the hotel room?"
"We came together." The sexual undertones in that sentence were oozing from the brunette, and Buffy noticed them as they were said.
"Um...well, that is...if I....we...were here...how..."
"Buffy, you were wild. I had to bring you back. Some of the other guests were complaining because you kept going around singing 'Macho Man' in an extra perky manner. I have to say...it was a truly disturbing image." Buffy groaned, wishing that things would just come back to her...it would be so much easier.
"What else did I do?" She suddenly remembered the bruises, hickeys, and other telltale signs of a night of wild sex, and things started to piece together. She looked up at Lilah, and all she saw was a vixen, a half smirk that screamed sex and predator. "Oh, god...did I? Did we...?"
"You're quite the spitfire, I must say. Somewhere between the third and fourth time, I thought the floor was going to cave in. Lucky for us, it didn't. That would've been a hell of an explanation, and costs for hotel damage." Lilah's predatory grin still hadn't left her face, and Buffy's eyes just widened in panic, the tears threatening to spill over but the need to not fall apart until she had all the answers prevalent. "Surprised me, too...when you attacked me in the elevator on the way here. I thought you were happy with the redhead but apparently, she's not filling your cup." What Lilah didn't mention was that she had slipped an extra dose of roofies into her cosmo when she ordered it, and made sure to wear an outfit that would befit the redhead, and the perfume, shampoo, and body wash that Buffy described as strictly Willow's. She was playing on her senses, and when she would moan out a name, it would always be her lover's, and not the brunette's. That didn't stop her, though. She knew what she wanted, and she would go to any length to get it, no matter the consequences for the other parties involved.
"She makes my cup overflow, and what gives you the right to...to just...argh!" Buffy jumped off the bed, angry at herself more than anything for not keeping in control. She started pacing, not saying anything for a moment, trying to get her bearings clear. "So, what you're saying is that we..." Lilah nodded. "And more than once..."
"About six times, if you don't count the elevator."
"What?!" Buffy was back to panic mode. 'How am I gonna explain this to Wills?'
"Don't worry. We were the only ones on there. You pushed the emergency stop button, and practically dry humped me against the wall. Risky stuff...didn't know you had it in you." Buffy hated that Lilah was having too much fun with this, and that she wasn't upset in the least, especially since she had taken advantage of the girl in a state of...something. She wasn't sure what happened yet.
"Was I drunk?" Buffy's tone was pleading, and Lilah wanted to chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. Sometimes, she wondered if her little conquests were worth it sometimes but the blonde had proven herself the other night. Lilah could barely catch up with her, even while under the influence twice the usual amount.
"Not unless you can't hold your liquor. You only had one cocktail that I saw you drink. Other than that..." Buffy sighed, and slumped back onto the bed, a broken and guilty woman. Even if she hadn't been aware of it, she had cheated, and that made her feel like she'd already lost Willow...something she thought would never happen, and hoped never would. In one lost night, possibly two, she had managed to completely screw up...again...and this time, it wasn't because she ran away from the relationship. She didn't know what the cause was, and if it wasn't alcohol, then there was no logical explanation, which made her feel empty inside. Knowing she'd be more than honest to Willow, she just didn't know if her girlfriend would be able to forgive her even if she believed her story. It was a lose-lose situation, and she was stuck in a place that she never wanted to be after living in heaven with the redhead: the hell that came with being without her.
"Willow..." Her sobs couldn't be held in any longer, and she completely broke down on the floor. For a brief moment, Lilah felt guilty over what she'd done to the talented young writer's relationship but the fact that she'd achieved her goal of banging the blonde overruled the entire guilt factor. She just left Buffy to sob on the floor instead of moving to comfort her; she wouldn't know what to do anyways. There was never any compassion in her that could seep through to others, especially her conquests. If it had to do with business, it was her way or the highway.
"I haven't seen her but the desk clerk mentioned a redhead asking for the key to your room, and that she threw it at the desk in a sobbing mess. One could only assume..." Buffy looked up at her, tears flowing, and eyes screaming pain and disgust with herself, and for another brief moment, Lilah felt that unfamiliar feeling of guilt surface. The blonde quickly made her way to her phone again, and dialed all the phone numbers, leaving another message on each, begging her to call, stating it was urgent. If it was Willow that had left in a hurry, then there was a possibility that she had seen something, especially if she retrieved a key to the room. 'This is worse than Spike...'
Making her way to leave the room, Lilah turned around briefly, glancing at the torn blonde that was currently tearing the covers from the bed, throwing them in a pile by the dresser for the maid. She didn't want to be reminded of what they had done...of what SHE had done. It was painful to bear, and she just wanted to close her eyes, and wake up from the nightmare. She knew it was too good to be true, and it took everything that was in her not to scream out loud at the failure at communication that was going on with her lover. Lilah shut the door, and for another brief moment, the guilt surfaced again, leaving Buffy to wallow in the pain that she had caused just two nights ago...the night before the two lovers' one-year anniversary.
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"Buffy..." The heart wrenched sob woke Faith up from her own fitful sleep, and she shook her head slightly to clear her head. Realizing that it was Willow but that she was still asleep, the brunette tightened her hold on the sleeping form, willing the obvious nightmare to disappear. However, the tighter hold only caused the redhead to stir in an uncomfortable manner for the both of them. When she felt that the redhead was fully awake, she pulled her to her side, comforting her in a soothing embrace. She still didn't know what had happened but from the tears and hiccups from the sobs coming off her friend, and the way she had said her lover's name during sleep, Faith could only imagine that Buffy was the problem. 'Somethin' must've happened.' When Willow's sobs started to dissipate, the musician just continued to stroke her hair, allowing the redhead to take calming breaths, and gather her bearings.
"Willow...it's okay. I'm here." The redhead just turned her body around into Faith, burying her face into the buxom brunette's chest, and clutching to her for dear life. She was just into too much pain to not hold on to something.
"Faith...it hurts soooo much..." The brunette just allowed the redhead to cry gently into her chest, trying not to pay attention to her own body's reaction to the placement. "Why....?" Willow's cries were so pained that even Faith's heart was breaking for her friend.
"Red...what happened?" Willow wiped her eyes, and brought her head slightly from Faith's chest, looking up with red, tear-stained orbs.
"Buffy..."
"I figured as much. Tell me..." Willow willed herself not to cry again. She'd been doing that ever since she walked out of the hotel room in New York. Looking up at Faith, she slightly nodded, and moved back from her body a little to bring them face-to-face.
"The other day...I went to New York to see her..." Faith tucked some stray auburn locks behind a crimson ear.
"I know...you told me..." Her face was one of knowing compassion, and concern for the mental and emotional state of her friend.
"I saw her..." Willow's voice was dripping with a mixture of ice and fire, not sure which should be the dominant emotion.
"Well...one would think if you went to see her..." Faith was taken aback at the tearful stain that was sent her way. Now was not the time for sarcasm. "Sorry...where did you see her? What was she doing?"
"Faith..." The brunette wrapped her arm around Willow's back when she heard the sobbing tone return, and saw the tears start to fall again. She started rubbing her back with gentle, soothing motions.
"It's okay, Red...you can tell me." Faith moved her other hand from underneath her head, and started softly wiping the falling tears from the soft skin of Willow's face.
"She slept with...Buffy...she...with...her...her manager...and I saw them..." By this point, Faith couldn't keep up with the tears that were falling, and Willow started to sob again, heart wrenched, and broken. "Faith...why...am I not enough? Am I not what she needs? Was I stupid to think that I was? That she loved me?"
"Willow..." Willow looked up at her, and smiled gently through her tears. It wasn't a full smile but it was gentle, and shy.
"You've never called me by my name before..." Faith shifted a little, trying to hide her blush, and not wanting to seem vulnerable. She hadn't realized that she hadn't used the familiar nickname, and her defenses hadn't caught up in time with her heart's voice. "It's okay...you don't need to hide from me. I liked it..." It was Willow's turn to do the soothing, and she felt needed for the first time in over a day.
"Yeah, well...it's cool. I was just sayin' that Buffy's an idiot if she doesn't think you're enough." Willow wanted to smile at the heartfelt words but the thought of not being enough for the blonde overpowered every emotion that went through her body at the moment. "But...you're more than enough for her. During the time that I've known you two, there's never been any doubt about that. If what you're saying is true, that she slept with somebody else, then I'd question it."
"What do you mean?" Willow's eyebrows scrunched in confusion once the words registered.
"Just that...well...B wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Something must've happened. Did you actually catch her in action, or in aftermath?? I remember that you were going to get there early in the morning...there's a chance that she was still asleep, which means that..."
"She wasn't awake."
"What?" Faith stopped talking when the redhead interrupted, and didn't catch what she
had said.
"Buffy...she was asleep in bed with her. Neither of them were awake."
"Then, are you sure that something happened at all?" Faith started to wonder if Willow had jumped to conclusions, when all Buffy was doing was sleeping beside another person, no sex involved.
"All the signs were there, and the room reeked of fresh sex. Their clothes were scattered all over the place, and even a lamp was broken on the floor." Faith regarded her with confusion, wondering what exactly the lamp had to do with it. Willow noticed, and explained. "Sometimes, Buffy's a little...uncoordinated when things get a little heated." Faith just smirked, giving kudos to the blonde for destroying things during sex, glad to see a wild side there. "It doesn't make sense, though. It was obvious what they'd done. What else could possibly have happened?"
"I'm just sayin'...that maybe...just maybe...this manager woman did something." Faith was careful to choose her words, not wanting to provoke any anger in the temper-laden redhead. Luckily, all Willow did was question her with her eyes. "Look, you told me you didn't like the way this woman looked at B, and that Blondie even mentioned somethin' was off with her, that she kept getting' sexual predator looks from her."
"Oh." Willow just agreed, knowing that Faith was right, until it finally registered exactly where her friend was going with the reminder. "Oh!! You mean that...that maybe..."
"Yep...just maybe this manager chick did somethin' to her...to get her in bed. You said that B told you she was ambitious, and would stop at nothin' to get what she wanted, no matter what. So, if she wanted your girlfriend, then..."
"Ohmygoddess...Buffy...she...they...with the...you think that Buffy was raped?" Willow was on the verge of panic, ready to fly back to New York that moment to retrieve her deceived lover.
"Well, from what you said, it looks like it was consensual, so maybe she was slipped somethin'...it's not impossible." Willow was in panic because if that was true, then Buffy did cheat on her but didn't. It was all too much, and she groaned in over thought. "Call her...see if she remembers anythin'. There's a chance that she thought it was you, since she was expectin' you anyways."
"Faith..." Faith just nodded, and Willow quickly turned over in bed, and grabbed her cell phone. Noticing immediately that there was five messages in her voicemail, she quickly called, grumbling that she hadn't turned it back on when she got off the plane. Listening to all five distressed messages from Buffy, her face screamed outrage, confusion, and sadness. Faith just sat up, and placed a comforting hand on the crux of her back. Hanging up, she looked over at Faith, and tears were falling again. Buffy was scared, didn't remember what had happened in the past two days, wondered why Willow wasn't there, thinking that something had happened, that she had been harmed, or worse. "She doesn't remember."
"Then, that explains it. Little miss manager did somethin'...and payback's a bitch." Faith cracked her knuckles, and Willow's eyes widened, afraid of what her impulsive friend would do. "Don't worry. I won't do anything...at least not yet."
"Faith, please don't do anything bad. That just makes things worse, and more work for me!" Faith smiled, seeing that Willow was really torn up, wanting her to beat Lilah to a bloody pulp but being more logical about the situation. "I have to call her back..." There was no question about it, and Faith just sat there, allowing the redhead to call her girlfriend on the other side of the country. She glanced over at the clock, and noticed that it was 8 in the morning, which meant that it was 11 in New York.
Waiting for her girlfriend to pick up, Willow started to pace around her sunlit bedroom, and running her extra hand through her hair in a frustrated gesture. After the fourth ring, she heard the line connect, and sat down, waiting for the voice to come. When nobody said anything for a moment, she started to wonder if maybe Buffy was waiting for her to say something, and after another few seconds of listening to her breathe heavily on the other end, she decided to do just that.
"Buffy?" She closed her eyes, waiting for a response, and feared that when it came, it would be a negative one. 'They all leave me...'
"Will?" She cleared her throat. "Willow?"
"Buffy...are you okay?" Willow could hear the dejected sigh, and knew that her girlfriend was stalling for time, and that she really wanted to tell her what happened but also feared losing her, as well. That's when the redhead knew that it wasn't because she wasn't enough for the blonde, and she decided to help Buffy out a little. "I was there...at the hotel." Listening to the sharp intake of breath from the other end, she could tell that her lover had started to cry from guilt. "Buffy...it's okay. Tell me what happened."
"Willow...I'm soooo sorry..." She was sobbing, and that caused Willow to start crying again, which made Faith move to sit next to her on the edge of the bed, and hold her hand for comfort. Squeezing gently to acknowledge her thanks, the redhead smiled at the brunette warmly, and went back to her conversation.
"Buffy, I don't know what happened but I know what I saw. You and Lilah were in bed naked, and the room smelled like sex. Your clothes were all over the place, the lamp was broken...please...please tell me that..."
"It's true. I won't lie to you." Willow was shocked at the heart-wrenched admittance. That wasn't what she was asking but it was good to have a confirmation for her hypothesis. "I don't know what happened, either, Willow, but I'm soooo sorry. I never meant for it to happen. I thought it was you...the parts that I do remember...what my senses told me...but I don't remember doing anything. I just remember your perfume, and your clothes, and being excited that you were coming the next day. I'm sooo sorry...Wills...baby?"
"It's okay. I believe you."
"You do? It sounds ridiculous, though, even to me...I'm not even sure if I believe it but I really don't remember anything after the party. The next thing I remember is waking up in bed two nights later, and Lilah telling me that we had sex. How is that possible? Not the sex part but the not remembering..." Willow took a deep breath, glanced at Faith, and squeezed her hand again for courage. It was so hard to think about her girlfriend with another woman but the thought of Buffy being tricked into the adultery angered her more.
"Faith thinks that something happened...like you were drugged or something." She could hear Buffy contemplating the idea on the other end, and realized that the thought hadn't crossed the blonde's mind until then. "We were talking, and we think that's the only logical explanation...about your not remembering but still being able to...to..."
"Yeah...that would make sense but why would anyone..." Willow could feel the tornado getting ready to hit ground from the silence on Buffy's end. It was obvious that her lover had understood completely, and was ready to jump into battle without thinking first.
"Buffy...Buffy, listen to me, baby. Don't do anything rash. We both know it'll be worse in the long run, and if..."
"No, Wills...this has got to stop." Willow panicked again, thinking that she meant their relationship had to stop. It was what she feared the most in the conversation. "Oh, oh...that's not what I meant. I can hear you panicking silently over there. I didn't mean us, baby. I meant with Lilah. She's been playing these sexual mind games with me from the start, and it ends now."
"Buffy..." She let out the deep breath that she was holding, and Faith squeezed her hand again, more for something solid to grasp than anything. "Buffy, listen to me. Don't hurt her. I've already had to calm Faith down already, and I don't want you to hurt your career. I love you, and don't want anything bad to happen to you."
"Kinda too late for that."
"Buffy, please. Yes, it's bad what happened, and believe me, I'm just as angry, if not more so, but don't make it any worse than it has to be." She could hear traffic in the background, and figured that her lover had left a building. "Where are you at?"
"I'm on my way to the hotel right now. I just finished a book signing. Where are you?" She yelled for a taxi, and Willow could hear the engines in the background swishing by slowly. 'She must be in upper Manhattan...'
"I'm at the apartment. I couldn't stay in the house...it was...I...I couldn't..."
"It's okay, Wills...I get it...and I'm soooo sorry. I wish I could go back, and have none of this happen but I'm afraid I can't, and you'll never know how sorry I am. I'll never stop apologizing, I don't think...it hurts so much...to think of you having to see that...and what you must've been going through. I remember what it was like when I thought you and Faith had..." She trailed off, not wanting to remember the horrible week. "If it's anything like that, I'll never be able to repay you...please don't leave me, Willow...I'm soooo sorry. I never meant for this to happen."
"I know, baby. That's what I'm telling you. You don't need to apologize because technically you did nothing wrong. It was Lilah."
"But I still slept with her."
"But it wasn't really you because you weren't you at the time. It was your body, sure, but you were never there."
"How can you say that? I cheated on you, Wills...it doesn't matter how or why...I cheated on you, and that makes me the worst person in the world." She was practically crying her words, and Willow just wanted to hold her, cursing the mile barrier.
"Buffy, I love you. You know that. I'm not going to leave you because in my eyes, you weren't the one cheating. Your body was, yes, but your emotions, your soul wasn't."
"You are my soul...but...how can you just forget all of this...I cheated on you." Willow wanted to hold her even more now; she wasn't getting through, so she needed another approach.
"Buffy...answer me this...if you weren't under the influence of something, if you had a choice right now, would you sleep with Lilah, or anybody for that matter? Would you cheat on me if you had a choice?"
"Never! I would never. I could never. You're all I want...from here until eternity...only you. There is nobody else, nor could there ever be." The conviction in the redhead's voice made it clear that she wanted a direct, honest answer, and she was given one that quelled her own fears. 'Now, we just have to get Buffy to see that I still love her...and none of this is her fault.'
"Okay, then. There's your answer, and a mighty good one, too." She could practically feel the warmth running through her body when she heard the distressed blonde chuckle under her breath. She had finally made her understand. "Buffy, I love you. What Lilah did was wrong...we all know that but you need to stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't control."
"I'm sorry, Wills. I never meant to..."
"Enough blaming yourself! Now, listen. I'm going to catch another flight out there, and we're going to celebrate our anniversary...even if it is two days late. No arguments, I'm coming there, okay?" She released Faith's hand, and the brunette immediately missed the warmth of Willow's hand, knowing that things were going to be okay again, and she would fall back into her unrequited love.
"I'm going to call Robin...see what he says. I'm hoping that I don't have to mess with Lilah anymore." The sounds of a car door slamming shut could be heard, and soon after, the traffic seemed to disappear.
"Are you at the hotel?"
"Yeah. I just got here. How did you..."
"I could hear the background of the city dim." She waited for Buffy's 'oh,' and continued when she got it. "That's completely understandable, and I hope that Robin can do something about it." She sighed a moment, when she heard the familiar ding of the elevator. "Buffy..."
"Yeah, Will?" She wasn't sure how to say it but she needed reassurance. She was still hurting from seeing the two together but she believed that Buffy didn't know what she was doing. However, she still couldn't shake the pain that she'd felt the past two days. She just needed to hear the one thing that always made all of her fears and insecurities subside.
"I love you, Buffy."
"I love you, too, Willow...and I promise no more cocktails. Only beer. Beer good." The two shared their first giggle together in what seemed like forever, and the whole fiasco was finally settled between them. With everything thrown at them, there was no doubt that they could make it perfect when got married in March. Things were back to normal, and both girls smiled just to hear the other one breathing calmly on the other end, on opposite ends of the country. "Will, I promise that I'm going to make you so happy. I'll be so sweet that all of your teeth will fall out in no time. I'll be so loving that hearts and flowers wouldn't begin to describe it. I'll be so caring that Hallmark will go out of business. You make me so happy that I could only hope to do the same thing for you."
"Aww...sappy Buffy. I miss you, and you do make me happy. More than you'll ever know. I love you. Now, call Robin, get it all settled, and call me right back. I'll start heading towards the airport, and you'll see me sometime in the early morning hours. I love you so much." She left the bed, and found her discarded carry on bag on the floor, adding another outfit, preparing to stay an extra day than originally planned.
"I love you. I'll talk to you in a little bit, Wills." They hung up, and Willow explained to Faith that she needed to get back to the airport. The brunette just stared at her in amusement, and she wondered what was so funny. Looking down, she noticed that she still had the yummy sushi pajamas on, and blushed crimson from the sight that she probably made. Putting the bag back on the floor, she grabbed some clothes, and headed towards the bathroom for a quick shower, while Faith dialed the airport to reserve a ticket on the next flight that just so happened to leave in two hours. 'Yep...it's already started out great today...' Moving from the bed, she put all of her clothes from the previous night on that smelled like cigarettes and beer, and she went into the other bathroom to brush her teeth and hair, preparing to take Willow to the airport.