What I Am
by sailor80
Ten
[reviews]
They entered the Summers house through the back door. The kitchen light was on, and as soon as she opened the door, Buffy called, "Mom?"
Joyce appeared in the kitchen as Willow was closing the door. "Buffy! This is a surprise."
Buffy met Joyce halfway through the kitchen. She was glad for the comfort of the hug Joyce enfolded her in. When they separated, Joyce opened her arms to Willow, who went willingly for a hug. Buffy's mother had been there when her own hadn't.
When the hugs were finished, Buffy asked, "You remember Faith, right?"
"Hello, Faith," Joyce said pleasantly.
"Hi, Mrs. S," Faith answered.
"That's our friend, Tara Maclay. Tara, this is my mom, Joyce Summers," Buffy introduced them.
Tara smiled and gave a small wave.
"Tara, it's nice to meet you." Joyce turned back to Buffy. "Are you hungry?"
"No, Mom, we're good. We just need some stuff I left here."
"Oh. Slayer stuff. Got it." Joyce moved out of the walkway so Buffy could get by. She addressed the rest of the group. "Can I get you anything? A drink?"
"No, we're okay," Willow answered. She turned to Faith. "Could you give Buffy a hand?"
"Sure, Red," Faith answered, and left the kitchen.
Willow kept her voice low. "If anybody comes around asking for us, you haven't seen us."
"Are you girls in trouble?"
"No more than usual," Willow answered. "It's a long story, and we don't have time, and you usually don't want to know what we're doing anyway."
"True," Joyce agreed. "When things settle down a little, you and Buffy should come for dinner."
"We'd love to." Willow smiled at Joyce. "I'm sorry Buffy hasn't been around more."
"Oh, don't apologize. I understand you're busy. The house is just so quiet without you and Xander around all the time. How is Xander anyway?"
"He's fine. I'll tell him you asked for him."
"Thanks. You sure you don't want a drink or something?" Joyce asked. When Willow shook her head, Joyce turned to Tara. "How about you, Tara?"
"N-n-no, thanks," Tara answered.
Buffy appeared in the doorway with a bag slung over one shoulder. Faith was behind her. She, too, had a duffel bag. "Sorry we can't stay, Mom," Buffy darted to her mother and kissed her cheek.
"Be careful, dear." Joyce squeezed Buffy's shoulder, then looked around the room. "All of you."
"We will," they chorused, and went through the kitchen door into the back yard, each with a wave or "see you later."
They didn't take the direct route to UCSD because it took them through two cemeteries. Still, both Buffy and Faith managed to stake two vampires as they made their way through Sunnydale. Tara's watched the brief fights with wide eyes, and they opened wider still each time a vampire turned to dust. They stopped briefly in Willow and Buffy's dorm and at Faith's old apartment before making their way to Crawford Street.
They approached through the back garden. Buffy found the key under a planter on the patio, and let them in. As Faith told them, the mansion was clean, and the power was on. Curiosity and thirst sent Faith to the refrigerator. It was full of food, and Faith turned to Buffy. "Fang is quick, B. He got groceries laid in for us all ready." She pulled a can of soda from one of the four boxes in there and tossed it toward Buffy.
Buffy pulled it out of the air. "Quit fooling around, Faith."
"I'm not foolin' around, B." Over her shoulder, Faith asked Tara, "Want a drink, Blondie? How about you, Red?"
"Water," Willow answered.
Faith didn't toss Willow's water or Tara's. She closed the refrigerator and handed a bottle to each of them. "What now?" she asked.
Buffy grinned at Faith, "Dibs on the master suite."
Faith shrugged. "Whatever. Any TV here?"
"Somewhere," Buffy answered.
Faith nodded, and left in search of it. A few minutes later, she was back. She grabbed Tara's hand and pulled her out of the room, saying, "You've got to see this."
"Bet it's not the library," Buffy said to Willow, and they both giggled when Faith yelled, "I heard that!"
"C'mon, Will." Buffy took her girlfriend's hand. "Wait till you see the master suite."
Willow resisted Buffy's tug. "Is that where you...?" she tapered off.
Buffy looked uncertain for a minute. Her eyes widened as she realized what Willow was asking. "No, I never. Not here. He was sick, remember? I wouldn't do that, Willow."
"Okay," Willow said, and let Buffy pull her toward the front of the house and the main staircase.
The mansion was in better shape than the last time they had seen it. The master suite was at the end of the second floor corridor. Buffy pushed the doors opened and the lights came on.
"Wow," Willow said softly. She entered the room behind Buffy and looked around. Nearly every surface was covered in dark, rich fabric. The center of the room was a canopied four poster bed. A fire was burning, although it needed fuel. Buffy let go of Willow's hand to close the doors and tend to the fire.
Willow admired her girlfriend, but couldn't resist the lure of the bookshelves on the far side of the room. Her fingers trailed along the spines of the books. Many were old, and looked well used but in good condition. She was browsing the titles of the thinnest books when Buffy came up from behind her and wrapped her arms around Willow's waist. One of Willow's hands went automatically to cover Buffy's, but the other stayed at the books.
Her finger stopped at one, and she pulled it out. It was a signed edition of Sonnets from the Portuguese. She turned to the first page and began reading aloud. Buffy began to walk them backward, toward the fire. Willow let her lead them as she continued to read aloud. They ended up on the rug in front of the fireplace, with Willow in Buffy's lap. Buffy kissed her girlfriend's neck occasionally, and purred her approval of the situation.
Willow let the book fall open in her hand, and read, smiling,
Say over again, and yet once over again,
That thou dost love me,
Though the word repeated
Should seem a "cuckoo-song," as dost treat it,
Remember, never to the hill or plain,
Valley and wood, without her cuckoo-strain
Comes the fresh Spring in all her green completed.
Beloved, I, amid the darkness greeted
By a doubtful spirit-voice, in that doubt's pain
Cry, "Speak once more--thou lovest!" Who can fear
Too many stars, though each in heaven shall roll,
Too many flowers, though each shall crown the year?
Say thou dost love me, love me, love me--toll
The silver iterance!--only minding, Dear,
To love me also in silence with thy soul.
When she finished, Buffy turned Willow's face toward her own. "I love you," she said softly, and kissed her gently. Willow set the book aside so she could cradle Buffy's face between her hands. Shared "I love you"s linked each kiss. There was no urgency in their caresses, but it wasn't long before they were shirtless, then naked in front of the fireplace.
Faith pulled Tara down the hall into a huge room. A billards table dominated one end. At the other was a mid-sized TV with a Playstation attached to it. She was certain that this room was the other Fang's doing, because she couldn't picture Buffy's brooding vampire letting himself enjoy a good shoot 'em up game. Smaller game tables were scattered throughout the room.
"Bet I can beat you at pool," Faith challenged.
Tara smiled. "We'll see."
Faith started racking the balls. She let Tara break, and watched her run the table. When she finished, Faith grinned at her and asked, "Something you wanna tell me? Like you're putting yourself through school as a pool shark, maybe?"
Tara laughed. "N-nothing like that." She chalked her cue and watched Faith rack the balls again. "Y-your break."
"Nah, you go ahead. I wanna see if that was beginner's luck or what."
Tara again methodically sank each ball in sequence.
Faith collected the balls to rack them again, and asked, "Okay, what's your secret?"
"N-no secret," Tara smiled. "Just lots of practice. You break this t-time."
"Okay," Faith said, and moved to the other end of the table. Tara watched her break. Faith sank one striped ball, and moved toward a second.
"Try 14 first," Tara suggested.
Faith looked at the table, and took Tara's advice.
They played for an hour before Tara started yawning. Although Faith wasn't tired, she ended their game. Faith got both bags and they climbed the stairs together. The door to the first room on the right at the top of the stairs was open, and they went in there. It was decorated in maroon, black, and gold, and Faith shuddered at the full Victorian effect. But it had a big bed and a large sofa, and one of the doors opened in to a bathroom.
Faith put Tara's bag on the bed. "I'll take the sofa," she volunteered.
Tara started to smile, and thanked Faith, who waved it off. Tara went into the bathroom to prepare for bed. Faith turned down the covers on the bed and took a pillow. There was a blanket on the chest at the foot of the bed, and Faith took it. She sat on the sofa and removed her boots. She made herself comfortable and looked toward the bathroom door until Tara emerged in a baggy t-shirt and shorts. Tara turned out the bedside light before climbing into bed. "Good night, Faith."
"'Night, Blondie." Faith closed her eyes, but didn't go to sleep. She listened to the house, and heard, in addition to its noises, Buffy and Willow's lovemaking. She grinned at Willow's siren-like screams, and wondered what noises Tara would make. Faith listened closely to Tara's even breathing and thought about all that had happened since she woke completely from her coma.
It had been like being underwater, and she surfaced for longer periods each day, until she was strong enough to stay lucid. She remembered Buffy being with her, and Joyce sitting at her bedside regularly. One day, Faith sat up, removed all the wires and tubes, put on a set of scrubs she found in the bathroom locker, and walked away. She went to the apartment Mayor Wilkins gave her before everything went completely to pieces, and hid there. There was canned food, and clothes, and she ate and slept and exercised until she felt like her old self. She was close to getting into the Mayor's office to retrieve a cache of weapons and cash when the Initiative captured her. Faith sighed. It was bad enough for her, but then B was there, too, and no matter how mad she was at the blond Slayer, Faith couldn't just give her over to the blood-crazed demons they were pitted against. If anyone was going to kill Buffy, Faith swore it would be her, and not the half-assed Frankensteins created by the government's mad scientists.
That decision led her here, to a couch in Fang's mansion, 10 feet from a witch who might be her witch. Faith's Watcher, before she was dismembered by Kakistos, had taught her enough Slayer tradition for Faith to know that for all this Council insisted the Slayer work alone, successful Chosen Ones had a team at her back: A Watcher, a witch, and a family. The three might be combined in one person or two, but usually were separate.
Faith smiled as she thought about Tara. She felt calmer when Tara was near. While she recovered from the Initiative's testing in the Rosenberg's spare room, Tara had been there with cool cloths and quiet reassurance, and hadn't flinched at Faith's demands for answers. As much as the threats — actual and implied - from Tara's family infuriated her, her control was stretched to its limits when Tara winced at her brother's grasp. Faith remembered that position and the line of bruises it left on the soft skin of her upper arm. She was certain Tara was marked, and she was torn between rage at Tara's brother and sympathy for Tara. She thought about kissing the bruises, gently, to take the pain away, and the intimacy that implied made her smirk. Faith was certain Tara wasn't a 'want, take, have' kind of girl, but it didn't hurt to ask.
Faith threw back the blanket and sat up. The room wasn't completely dark. A slender column of light came from the barely open bathroom door across the foot of the bed. She followed it to the bed and climbed in.
"What's wrong?" Tara asked sleepily.
"Nothin'," Faith said, and slid to the middle of the bed, where Tara laid on her back. Faith put her hand on Tara's belly, and Tara's eyes fluttered open again.
Tara turned her face toward Faith. The light made Faith's face look more angular than it was, and Tara thought she saw minute flashes of gold in Faith's dark eyes. She blinked, but they didn't go away, and her brow furrowed slightly.
Faith moved her hand to Tara's face and gently rubbed her thumb between Tara's eyes. "You're not supposed to frown at the gorgeous woman in your bed."
"Your eyes," Tara said.
Faith blinked and Tara watched the flecks explode like fireworks. "What about my eyes?"
"Beautiful." Tara covered Faith's hand, now cupping her cheek.
"You are." Faith moved closer to Tara's lips. Her thumb moved gently against Tara's cheek.
They moved together slowly, and their first kiss was unhurried. Faith's thumb continued its gentle motion on Tara's cheek and Tara shifted her hand slightly to place her fingers between Faith's. After their kiss, Tara turned away and yawned hugely.
"That good, huh?" Faith asked.
"It's not you," Tara said. "I'm just really tired." She yawned again.
"S'all right, Blondie. Get some sleep." Faith said.
Tara smiled lopsidedly at Faith before turning her back to her. Faith slid closer, and turned onto her side. She snuggled against Tara and listened to her breathing change as Tara slid further into sleep.