What I Am
by sailor80
Seventeen
[reviews]
They stared at the ruins of the once-lovely house. Nothing was left except charred rubble sticking up unevenly from the smoking basement.Technicians in white hooded jumpsuits scrambled over and around it. No one said anything as they walked by, and they remained quiet as they approached the site where the child was killed. Faith and Buffy watched from just behind the crime scene tape. Willow and Tara hung back a little, unwilling to look at whatever was left.
Both Slayers were silent when they backed away, and no one said anything as they walked toward campus. Along the way, they stopped at the computer shop and Willow chose a computer. She couldn't wait for them to install the extra memory it needed, so she bought it, too. From there, they went to the dorms and Faith's apartment for clothes. They walked the two blocks over to Joyce's gallery, and were relieved to see her Jeep parked in the alley. The other three waited outside while Buffy went in for the keys.
She came out smiling, spinning the keyring on her index finger. "Mom's got a dinner meeting with a client. She said she'll take a cab home and we can have the Jeep."
"Not if you're driving," Willow said firmly, and held out her hand.
Buffy saw Willow's resolve face and sighed. She handed the keys to Willow. "Spoil sport," she grumbled.
Faith just grinned at Buffy while Willow unlocked the vehicle. They quickly loaded their gear and headed back to Revello Drive.
Riley was sitting on the step, and he jumped up when Willow pulled into the driveway. "You guys all right?" he asked.
Buffy climbed out of the passenger seat and looked at him across the hood. "What's going on?"
"Dr. Walsh and Dr. Angleman are missing. The 314 lab is all torn up. There's blood everywhere. And it looks like whatever they were working on did it, because it's gone, too."
"Adam," Willow said softly.
Riley barked a laugh that sounded like he was trying to clear his throat. "Figures. But you missed lunch, and I was worried..." he trailed off.
Faith shoved a garbage bag at him. It was all that remained of her belongings. She and Buffy took all the remaining bags except the one holding Willow's computer. Willow took that one, and led them to the door.
"Sorry about lunch," Buffy told Riley. "Something came up." She paused a moment. "Probably Adam."
"Huh?" Riley asked. He pulled the door closed behind thm.
"That little boy was pulled apart like he was being examined. Like you dissect something," Buffy said.
"Oh, man," Riley said. "That's really not good."
"Do ya think?" Faith asked sarcastically before heading upstairs to empty her arms. Tara followed her.
Riley's pager went off. He put down the bag to turn it off. "I have to go. I'll see you after class tomorrow."
"Ok," Buffy agreed, and let him leave.
Buffy joined Willow in the dining room. She had the laptop case open. Buffy watched her install the extra memory and reassemble the machine. "What other skills do you have that I know nothing about?" Buffy asked.
"If you're good, maybe you'll find out," Willow teased.
"Maybe?" Buffy replied with mock outrage.
Willow grinned at her. "If you're good."
Buffy leaned over Willow. "How good?" she breathed into the redhead's ear.
"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed. Quieter, she added, "Tara and Faith are upstairs."
"So?" Buffy nuzzled behind Willow's ear.
"Don't tease."
"You started it," Buffy pouted. She stood up and began to gather the packing materials. When her arms were full, she moved toward the kitchen trashcan.
Tara and Faith lingered upstairs. Tara sat on the bed, looking pensively at the floor. She still hadn't had time to process all that had happened since she was drawn into the barely controlled chaos that always surrounded the Slayers.
Faith squatted in front of her. "You ok?" she asked gently.
Tara gave her a small smile. "Yeah." She patted the bed beside her. Faith got up and sat beside Tara. "Does it ever stop?" Tara asked.
"You mean the slaying?"
"I guess."
"It stops when I die. But that's a long way off."
Tara looked at the floor again. "I don't know if I can do this," she said hoarsely.
"Do what?" Faith asked.
"This." Tara swirled her hand through the air. "All of this."
Faith wanted to answer but couldn't think of anything to say. She stood up.
"Faith?"
"I'm goin' downstairs," Faith said without looking back at Tara.
Tara watched her go. She sighed when Faith was out of sight. As much had happened since Willow pulled her into her dorm room as had happened in all her life before. She wished for the trillionth time that her mother were still alive.
She stood up and walked to the window. It looked over the back yard, where Faith paced, occasionally gesturing. Buffy joined her and they began to spar. Tara backed away from the window. She sat on the bed and sighed again. Then she heard her grandmother's voice telling her as she had in life, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop." Tara smiled at the memory and got to her feet. They would need to eat, and none of the others had any interest in food beyond consuming it. Being busy would allow her, for a while at least, to ignore the things she had to sort through.
Buffy and Faith left to patrol as soon as it was dark. Willow was glued to the computer. She had encrypted and stashed various parts of the documents she had been reading on public servers, and was busy retrieving and reassembling them. Tara sat across from her trying to read a book she had chosen at random from the shelf in the spare room. She gave up and put it down with a sigh.
Willow looked over the laptop. "You ok?"
"I guess." Tara got up. "I'll let you work."
"I need a break," Willow said. She stood and stretched, then rubbed her stomach. "Dinner was great. Thanks again for cooking."
"You're welcome."
"So, you gonna tell me what's on your mind, or should we play 20 questions?" Willow picked up her glass and rattled the cubes against its empty inside. She gestured for Tara to follow her to the kitchen.
"How do you do it?" Tara asked.
"Do what?" Willow filled the glass from the tap.
"Stay calm while she's out there." Tara looked at Willow.
"Experience," Willow answered and turned off the faucet. She turned toward Tara. "They'll come home dirty and hungry and talking a mile a minute. That's how it works."
"What if they don't?" Tara pressed.
Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "They will," she repeated, then looked at Tara. "You have to believe it." Willow drank some water. "You should go with her. Watch. See that she knows what she's doing."
"Some day, something bigger and stronger and faster is going to beat her," Tara said matter of factly.
"You don't know that."
Tara just looked at her. Willow sighed. "I know that Buffy has come back from everything," she said. "Everything," she repeated with emphasis. "She and Faith have each other's back. They'll be fine."
Buffy and Faith stayed behind the soldiers, who were following a pheromone trail from the site of the child's murders to caves just outside Sunnydale. They watched from the treeline as they discussed what to do next.
Three vampires charging from the cave answered their question. They were quickly stunned and shackled. Adam came out next, and with a swing of his arm, knocked three of the soldiers aside. Buffy and Faith came out with a yell. The remaining soldiers were trying to arm their weapons and one that had been knocked aside rolled from the others and emptied his tazer into its back.
He flung both Slayers aside as he turned to the source of the electrical stimulant. "Invigorating, thank you," Adam said, and stepped onto his throat. The soldier's body arced up as he tried to get away, and Adam applied more pressure.
Buffy and Faith, approaching from the side, heard the last, wet gurgle before Adam removed his foot. They tried to subdue Adam, but he again flung them to one side before trotting away.
The Slayers looked in the direction the monster had gone. They struggled to their feet and took a few seconds to catch their breath before slipping back into the woods and leaving the soldiers to fend for themselves until backup arrived.
They couldn't go fast. Buffy's right knee was visibly swollen through her pants, and Faith was grunting with each breath in or out. They hobbled toward home. As they walked toward Sunnydale on the shoulder of the road, a Jeep pulled up beside them. Riley was driving. "Get in," he said, and both were happy to do so.
They didn't talk while Riley drove. He was listening to radio conversations in his headset and paid no attention to Buffy and Faith. He stopped outside the house, and waited impatiently while Faith helped Buffy out of the vehicle. He drove off with the door open as soon as Buffy was standing on the sidewalk. The door swung closed while they watched, and a few moments later, Riley's taillights were gone.
It took them nearly two minutes to limp up the sidewalk and onto the porch. Faith pushed open the door and stepped aside so Buffy could hop over the mantel into the foyer.
Tara and Willow appeared. Willow took one look at Buffy and went to her side. She pulled Buffy's arm around her shoulder and put hers around Buffy's waist. Buffy gratefully took the weight off her leg and let Willow steer her to the couch.
Faith pushed the door shut and winced. She winced again when she turned to lock it, and yet again when she turned to enter the house.
"Are you all right?" Tara asked.
"Yeah," Faith answered.
"You're a lousy liar, Faith."
"I'm a little banged up. It's no big." Faith moved slowly past Tara into the front room, where Buffy was on the couch with pillows under her leg. Willow reappeared a few seconds later carrying a first aid kit in one hand and a bag of frozen peas in the other. She put the peas on Buffy's knee and ignored the sharp hiss that escaped Buffy.
"Hey, B, you want me to carry you upstairs? Faith asked.
"No," Buffy and Willow answered together.
"Ok, I'm going to get in the shower," Faith said. Tara watched her climb the steps slowly. She turned back to Willow. "Can I help?" she asked.
"No, we're good. Thanks, though," Willow answered. She smiled tightly at Tara, then returned her attention to getting Buffy's boots off.
Tara followed Faith upstairs. Faith was all ready in the shower. She stayed there a long time, and came out wrapped in a towel. Tara sat on the bed and watched her gather shorts and a shirt to sleep in. When Faith got tangled in the shirt and cursed, Tara went to her and smoothed the fabric over her head and down her sore sides.
"Thanks," Faith said. She turned away and took the towels to the bathroom. When she returned, Tara was where she had left her.
"Where are you hurt?" Tara asked calmly.
"Side."
"Sit." Tara patted the bed. She scooted to the middle and sat crosslegged. After a moment, Faith joined her, slowly easing herself into position opposite Tara. Tara held out both her hands and waited for Faith to place hers in them. She squeezed them gently when Faith did, and said, "Close your eyes."
Faith did as Tara asked. She didn't feel anything. Her side still ached, but she was glad Tara was still with her. Tara began to hum, and Faith slowly relaxed.Drowsy, she unfolded herself away from Tara, and was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Tara stayed a few moments longer before she climbed off the bed. She straightened up the bathroom behind Faith and changed into pajamas. Then she climbed into bed and curled around Faith, who pushed back against her.
Getting Buffy's boots off was easy. It was the pants that were difficult. Willow finally got a grip on them and peeled them down Buffy's legs. The one was a mess, and Willow frowned at it. "We should go to the emergency room."
"Call Giles." Buffy's knee, free of her leather pants, swelled more. "Please, Will? If Giles says I should go, I'll go."
"Ok," Willow agreed doubtfully, and went to the phone.