What I Am
by sailor80
Twenty
[reviews]
Faith waited outside Sullivan Hall for Tara's class to end. As the carillon began tolling 4 p.m., students streamed out of the doors. Faith hopped up on a bench to get a better view. Tara was one of the last to exit. Faith got down and walked to intercept her. She fell into step with Tara. "Hi."
"Hi." Tara smiled.
"You doin' anything?"
"Not really."
Faith smiled and took her hand. "Wanna get something to eat? Maybe see a movie?"
Tara stopped, and Faith took another step before realizing they weren't moving any more. "I'd love to."
"Good." Faith smiled and tugged Tara forward. "How was school?"
"Fine. How was the gallery?"
"Five by five." Faith interlaced her fingers with Tara's. "What'cha wanna eat?"
"I don't know. It's still early."
Faith shrugged. They continued to walk. Faith didn't think they were headed anywhere particular, but Tara steered them toward her dorm. Half a dozen notes were taped to the door, but Tara ignored them and pushed inside. Faith closed the door while Tara dropped her backpack and turned on the twinkle lights. She lit a few candles while Faith looked around.
"It suits you," Faith said.
"I like it." Tara blew out the match and put it in the ashtray that held the candle. "Feels strange, though, like I haven't been here in forever."
"I know the feeling." Faith walked toward Tara. "It's nice to have some time alone. With you, alone with you."
Tara's hands slid onto Faith's hips as the brunette came closer. "It is," she agreed with a lopsided smile.
Faith's arms went around Tara's neck, and they kissed briefly. When they parted, Tara moved her hands to Faith's biceps and backed away. Her fingers glided down Faith's arms, and Tara caught her hands and pulled Faith along. When she reached the bed, Tara sat. She let go of one hand and patted the space beside her. Faith sat. Tara moved further into the bed and made herself comfortable, and Faith lounged on her side.
Tara looked at their hands, then smiled at Faith. "I've been thinking about what you said on my b-birthday."
"Yeah?" Faith asked hopefully.
Tara nodded. "I like you a lot, Faith. I" Loud knocking at the door interrupted her and startled them both. "They'll go away," she said.
The next set of knocks was louder and followed by a familiar voice. "Tara, I know you're in there. I saw you go in. Open the door."
Tara closed her eyes as her stomach did a slow roll. Faith started to leave the bed, but Tara held on to her hand.
"Leggo, Blondie, so I can explain some things to him."
"No," Tara said softly. "I don't want anything to happen to you." She leaned over and snagged the phone, and dialed the campus police. When the dispatcher answered, she said, "There's a m-m-man trying to get into m-my room. He keeps beating on the door." Tara was interrupted again by Donnie's thumps, and she held the receiver out so the dispatcher could hear him. When she returned the phone to her ear, the dispatcher said, "Someone is on the way. Do you want me to stay on the line until they arrive?"
"No, I'll be okay, thank you." Tara hung up and put the phone back. She still had a tight grip on Faith's hand.
Faith sat up and moved beside Tara, who let go of Faith's hand so she could. Faith put her arms around the blonde, and Tara laid her head on Faith's shoulder. They sat and listened to Donnie, who got louder and more obnoxious when the campus police asked him to leave. They heard a scuffle, and then Donnie yelled more, but his voice faded as he was forcibly removed from the building.
They made no effort to separate. Instead, they slid down the bed. Faith kept her arms around Tara, who rested her hand on Faith's hip. "I'm sorry," Tara said quietly.
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything." Faith said. She kissed the top of Tara's head. "You can't help it if your brother's a world-class jerk." Tara didn't answer, and Faith stayed quiet for a few minutes, waiting to see if Tara would resume their conversation. When she couldn't stand it any longer, Faith prompted, "You were thinkin' about what I told you on your birthday."
Tara raised her head and looked at Faith. "I was," she said, and returned to Faith's shoulder. "I've been thinking about it a lot."
"Good? Bad?" Faith tried to keep her tone light.
"Good. Definitely good." Tara smiled. She tilted her head back and brushed her lips along Faith's jaw. When she returned her head to Faith's shoulder, Tara continued. "After muh-my mom died, everything was so bad. Gram kept telling me things would get better, but it was so hard to believe. Gram had the Sight. She was always saying things that turned out to be true, and um, the last time I saw her, she s-said I wouldn't find what I was looking for if I was always looking. I thought she was just, you know, being cryptic or something."
Faith played with Tara's hair while she waited for her to continue.
"Are you really going to leave?"
"Yeah. I'll just be in B's way. Cleveland has a hellmouth, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It's all good."
Tara didn't say anything immediately, and Faith wished she could see Tara's face to gauge her response. Faith made herself be still and wait. Her hand stroked Tara's hair again and again. The motion soothed Faith, and Tara, too, who was still shaken by her brother's reappearance.
"I have another year before I graduate," Tara said.
"You could transfer," Faith suggested. "Case Western has a good reputation."
"I like it here. And, um, I have a scholarship."
"Whatever," Faith said indifferently. She heard 'no' from Tara, and tried to act like it didn't matter to her.
Tara felt the change as Faith shut herself down. She sat up. "W-we keep t-talking around the important th-things. Can we please stop doing that? If you want to ask me something, Faith, j-j-j-just ask."
Faith sat up and they faced each other. Their eyes locked, and for a long time, they just looked at each other. Tara watched Faith's brown eyes, entranced by the dancing gold flecks in her irises, while Faith struggled with her conflicting urges to protect herself and opening up completely to Tara. She knew, from their talks in bed each night, that once she crossed the line she maintained between them, she wouldn't be able to back away. "I can't, not yet," she finally told Tara.
Tara was expecting a flat no, and her heart soared at Faith's answer. She smiled a little, and said, "Ok." She wasn't certain what her answer would be, and was glad for the additional time to make her decision.
That reply surprised Faith. She thought Tara would tell her to go away until she made up her mind. "Ok," she answered, and looked away from Tara. A few seconds later, she asked, "Ready for dinner?"
"Sure." Tara turned and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Faith scooted up beside her. While Tara blew out the candles, Faith retrieved Tara's bookbag. Faith didn't reach for Tara's hand until they were outside. "Where're we going?"
"You pick."
Tara thought for a second. "How about the place by the movie theatre? They have a little of everything."
"Great!" Faith smiled. She let herself relax a little, and squeezed Tara's hand.
They didn't say anything else until they were seated. Then they began discussing the menu, and after that, Faith talked steadily. Tara watched her and listened with a bemused smile. Faith realized what she was doing and stopped herself. "I sound like Red," she said.
Tara smiled at her. "I was noticing the resemblance."
"Sorry. I'm a little nervous."
"Why?" Tara put her hand on the table, and Faith immediately covered it with her own.
"First date nerves."
"Our first date?" Tara asked, smiling.
"That, too." Faith sipped her water.
Tara's smile lessened for a moment. "Mine, too."
"How come you're not nervous?"
"I am," Tara told her.
"It doesn't show."
"Sometimes I wish it would."
The waiter interrupted them to take their orders, and they were quiet again after he left them. Then they both tried to talk at once. Tara stopped and let Faith continue. Their conversation stayed light through dinner.
Faith had stopped on the way to meet Tara to get movie tickets. She chose Erin Brockavich not because she wanted to see it but because she thought Tara would. She grinned as she pulled Tara past the line and into the lobby. They found seats in the back, and looked around, talking occasionally, until the trailers began.
Faith was surprised that she liked the movie, and they talked about it as they slowly walked back to Revello Drive. Faith stayed alert during their walk, but they were accosted by vampires anyway. The two young men ignored Faith's warning, and when one of them grabbed Tara, Faith saw red. He lived only a few seconds after touching Tara, and his partner had time only to turn to run before Faith was on him. She jumped on his back and twisted his head until she heard his neck snap. She released him before he turned to dust.
It had happened so quickly that Tara doubted that 30 seconds passed before Faith was anxious asking her, "You ok?"
Tara raised her hand to her neck. It was bleeding slightly where the vampires fangs grazed her, and she looked at the blood on her hand. It was black in the moonlight, and unnerved her enough that she answered Faith with a nod.
Faith saw Tara's expression, and put an arm around her waist. She moved them forward quickly, and when they arrived at the house, she took Tara immediately to the first floor bathroom. Faith closed the toilet lid and sat Tara down, then got the first aid kit out. She cleaned Tara's neck gently and put a bandage over the small injury. Then she put the first aid kit away. She turned back to Tara and asked, "You all right?"
Tara smiled weakly. Her brain was still in shock at the speed of the vampires and Faith's greater speed. "Yeah."
"Sorry about that."
"Not your fault."
"Yeah, well, it isn't exactly how I thought our night would end."
Tara stood up. The bathroom was small, and Faith was standing so close to her that as Tara got to her feet, her breasts slid up Faith's body.
Faith's brain and body threw conflicting messages at her. Her body wanted her to stay still and see what would happen next, but her brain made her take a step back. "Don't tease," she choked out.
Tara hung her head. "Sorry," she said quietly.
Faith raised Tara's face. "It's not that," she said, and when she saw Tara's expression, she lowered her hand and took one of Tara's. "We need to talk."