Conquering Death
by Rin
[reviews]
A/N: With my mind on hiatus from the Red Series, I'm adding this for the heck of it! I'll be back on the RS soon, though.
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With the dance already in motion, the teenagers of Sunnydale High School were all laughing, and having an overall good time. There were some troublemakers, and the general cliques. Wallflowers lined against the sidelines of the dance floor, watching the festivities, mostly too shy or self-conscious to actually dance in front of others. The popular crowd was mingled towards the middle, as though they were the entire center of life. It was something that had seemingly been set in stone in some unwritten book centuries before high school. But where there was the hustle and bustle of the lively crowd, one girl was underground being resuscitated back to life.
Her death had been foretold, and she wanted to run. Run away and hide from her own demise. Somehow, it didn't seem fair that she should die for the common man, when there were so many people that had no clue of the evil in the world. The vampires, demons, and even virgin-eating praying mantis ladies. It was all too surreal but when a person lived on the mouth of Hell, it was something that every day life was bound to see. For this, she wanted to run. She wanted to escape her destiny as the Chosen One...the one girl in all the world...the slayer. Buffy Summers just wanted to be like any normal teenage sophomore. She would even settle for being one of the wallflowers at the dance, opting to sit along the sidelines, and just watch. No...destiny and fate had other plans for her. Instead of dying, she would hide from the prophecy, and be like those other girls at the dance. So...why was she dead...fulfilling the very same prophecy that she tried to escape?
Willow...
That one word was more powerful than any other word in any language to the small blonde. Her actual life wasn't the only thing that died in the hands of the Master. It was more difficult than losing a heartbeat...it was finding a heart. When she had visited the young redhead, she still had every intention of running...until she saw the pained and scared expression on the innocent girl's face. It killed Buffy to see her best friend in such distress, and knowing the exact reason, there was no question about what she would do next. One look into those crying green eyes, and Buffy didn't hesitate once. She wanted to preserve the innocence of this young girl...the one she loved with all of her heart, even if she kept her feelings to herself. Standing in the bedroom with her friend, she knew she couldn't run; she had to save the world for her...there was only one thing she would die for, and that was the young woman she had fallen in love with gradually over the last few months. Yes, Buffy Summers would walk into her own death for Willow Rosenberg, for she was her life force.
Knowing that she'd never see her again, Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around Willow, and without hesitation or second guessing, brushed her lips lightly at first, and not giving the redhead time to react negatively, she deepened the kiss. In that intimate gesture, she just needed to feel the one thing that made life worth living, especially since she knew she was going to die that night. It wouldn't matter the rejection...it wouldn't matter the heartache at seeing the confusion and disgust in her friend's eyes. With the one kiss, she knew she would die a happy woman, and she knew it was selfish to leave Willow with the confusion...but she was still scared...she was still torn to pieces over what was about to happen, and she couldn't think clearly. All she knew was that she loved her Willow, and in that moment, their last moments together, she needed to convey her love for the beautiful redhead...needed to feel, and not let her fear and doubt control her for once. Tonight, she would die...but she would leave her heart and soul in a better place, and know it would be kept safe and loved. Breaking away, and backing towards the door to leave, she didn't want to see the fear, disgust, or rejection that would be plastered on her love's face; she needed to get out of there, and hope that there wouldn't be that much pain, and that it was over with quick. Not looking back, she left, and didn't see the confused and wide-eyed expression plastered on the hacker's face, nor the fingers that lightly traced the place where her lips had been only a few minutes prior.
Instead, she walked until she was there, Xander and Angel behind her. She had a job to do...and the fear and doubt that consumed her body were overpowered by the resolve and comfort that resided in her heart from being near Willow, and the residual taste of the redhead's cherry lip balm still driving her senses wild. When the Master had killed her, she never expected anything like this to happen. Now, she was breathing again, and didn't understand why. She was supposed to die; yet here she was...looking into the blurry faces of Xander and Angel. Confusion written on her features, they explained that her young friend had brought her back using CPR. Still feeling somewhat weak but knowing that the Master had escaped, and she had failed Willow, Buffy made her way out of the tunnels, and back to land, where she finally found the hideously deformed master vampire with Kool-Aid face.
When she found him above the library, her fear at dying earlier subsided when she noticed Willow down below, lying on the ground not moving. Once again, she found her resolve and anger placed, and when she threw the Master through the sky windows, she died again when his body turned to dust, and his bones were the only thing left. Looking down, she took a deep breath, and made her way back down to the library, dusting and fighting along the way, until there were no threats left in the place. Victory was theirs, and the world was safe again. Now, she had to deal with her two deaths. Her literal one at the hands of the master, and the proverbial one at knowing she failed Willow, knowing she wasn't able to be her protector like she promised. Not looking back, knowing that her friends were safe again, she left Sunnydale for the summer, trying to live again but failing all the same.
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"What do you think it means when a girl kisses another girl?" Walking down the street, playing 'name that movie quote' to pass the time, Xander and Willow ate their ice cream. Suddenly, the redhead asked her oldest friend the question but the confused boy was just that.
"Um...hmmm...that's a tough one... give me a hint." Willow jumped on the ledge of the stone wall, and eyed him like he had lost his marbles.
"I wasn't playing; I was asking a serious question." Xander moved to stand in front of her, and licked his ice cream cone again. Normally, Willow would be paying attention in lusty detail at the way the brunette boy ate his ice cream but ever since that night that Buffy kissed her, there were emotions and feelings she just couldn't explain, and she finally resolved to confide in her bestest bud, hoping for some sort of advice...any advice would be good at that point, since she really didn't understand why her belly felt all rumbly and her whole body would flush just thinking about Buffy.
"I would tape it, and show it every Christmas." Xander's dirty smirk caused Willow's eyes to bug. 'Okay...any advice but that...'
"No...I mean...there's just, and the..."
"Will, calm down. Why do you want to know? Thinking about kissing a girl, or something?" Xander smirked playfully, not thinking that his sweet, innocent little friend would harbor any kinds of feelings towards the same sex. Willow tried to cover up a little too quickly.
"No!!! Oh...that is...that I'm not...thinking...about that. I was just curious about what it meant when one girl friend, that is to say friends that are girls, and not of the flowers and candy kind...what it means when one kisses the other." Willow hoped that her ice cream cone was hiding her distress better than her words or obvious blush were. Xander nearly nodded, and wasn't sure what to say.
"Well...I'm not sure exactly. I don't think I'm the one you should talk to about this. Whenever I think of two girls kissing, I only have a tendency to think in the sexy way. How would they be kissing?"
"Well...um...I don't know?" Willow was pleading him not to ask too many questions but this was Xander...who never took a hint.
"Hmm...would there be tongue involved? Maybe groping? A little naked fun...maybe a pillow fight?" Xander's face contorted to a far away look again, and Willow's eyes widened in response.
"Xander!! No...no lusty wrong feelings...just...I don't know...kissing. Not friendly greeting kisses but...nice, slow...wonderful kissing." Willow started to daze again when she felt her stomach go all mushy, and her body start to react when she replayed the memories. Buffy had taken off for the summer before they had a chance to talk; it was hard to bring up something when the other party is missing. She wasn't even sure there was anything to say. Buffy kissed her...did that even mean anything? 'She knew she was dying, so maybe since I was the last person she saw, she just didn't want to die without ever kissing somebody again? I was just a convenience...because I was there?' For some reason, the thought made Willow sick, and she didn't want her ice cream anymore, so she threw it in the trashcan nearby. They started walking again. School was starting in two days, and there was still no sign of the blonde slayer. The redhead found that she was more worried than she imagined...even after her best friend had left without even a simple goodbye in person. Instead, all she received was a five minute phone call explaining that she would be staying in LA with her dad, and that she'd see her when school started. It was Xander that explained what had happened that night, and how their friend had died, and he was proud that he managed to save her.
Walking home, they didn't notice the person behind them until it was too late. The vampire jumped them, and had knocked Xander to the ground, lunging for Willow, and almost ending her life. Just as the fangs were about to pierce her neck, there was no longer a heavy weight holding her against the stone wall, and there was ash and dust all over her clothes, and flying in the light wind. With her breathing still heavy from the panic and fear, she looked up, and saw Buffy still hovering with her stake at the ready. The blonde's hazel eyes looked up to meet Willow's green ones, locking them in the first gaze since that night. The night that Buffy had died twice...all for the redhead.
"Buffy!! You're back!! How was LA?" Xander brought them out of their trance, not even recognizing there was one. Standing up, and brushing himself off, he moved over, and put his arm around her shoulders, leading her down the sidewalk with them. It took a few moments but Willow finally caught up with them. After the vamp scare, her heart rate seemed to increase even more, and her stomach was crazier than usual. There was no doubt that her entire body was on fire, and that there was a lot of tingly sensations...down there.
"Oh...big city, lots of lights...tons of shopping. The usual." Shrugging, Buffy kept all of her senses tuned to the sounds of Willow's heart pounding, her somewhat labored breathing, the scuffle of her shoes against the pavement. She would close her eyes briefly, passing the action as a soft blink, and focus on the smell of the redhead's shampoo, soap, and the always clean smell that seemed to permeate all over her body. 'Like fresh laundry...' As they continued walking, when she wouldn't look directly at her, Buffy used her peripheral slayer vision to take in the sight of her friend, trusting Xander to lead her in the right direction. The thing that bothered her most was that the usually cheery, upbeat redhead wasn't talking a bit. 'Apparently, that little kiss was more disturbing than I thought...I must've really hurt her big time. I need to apologize but how do I? I wasn't supposed to come back to life!! I'm supposed to be dead right now!!!'
"Buffy? Buffy!!! Did you hear a word I just said??" Xander had stopped them in front of his house, and was trying to get them to go on, hoping that the blonde would escort his friend the rest of the way.
"Oh...huh?" Buffy turned her Willow dial down, and the world around
her came back into focus. "Sorry, Xander. Must've dazed there...it's been a long day. What were you saying?" The blonde hoped that neither questioned what she was thinking about, and luckily, she got that wish.
"Just that...this is my stop...see?" Xander motioned towards his house with a gently sweeping motion of his hand. "I was just asking if you could walk Willow to her house."
"Oh, um...yeah, sure. Good night." Knowing that it would be more than awkward, both girls said their goodbyes to Xander, and continued down the sidewalk in a seemingly uncomfortable silence. When they reached Willow's doorstep, and the redhead stepped inside, Buffy turned to go but was stopped by a gentle touch on her shoulder. She tentatively turned somewhat
but didn't make eye contact with the hacker, afraid of what she'd see there.
"Buffy...wait. It's...um...you see...well..." Willow wasn't sure what possessed her to reach out for the blonde like she did but it had happened, and she knew that she didn't want to stay in her house alone. Not only did almost dying scare the tar out of her, now she had come face to face with something she feared: her emotions and feelings.
"It's okay, Wills. I understand. I'll...um...I'll just be on my way. Good night. See you in school Monday." Buffy started to walk away but was stopped by the gentle hand on her forearm once again. Breathing deeply, she didn't bother to turn around. "Wills..." It was barely audible, and the pain and need in that one pronouncement sent shockwaves throughout the redhead's body. It was too hard to think this close to Buffy, and the thing that scared her the most was that she liked the feeling.
"Bu...Buffy?" Her voice was shaky, scared that she would be turned down but she really didn't want to be alone in the house. Her parents were away again, and there were too many possibilities for evil things to attack in Sunnydale. Being faced with death already that night, she wasn't ready to relive that living nightmare too soon. It was hard...but there was only one other option. It was a coin toss...possible death sentence, or stay with Buffy? In the end, the blonde was face up, and now, her vulnerability was showing.
"Yeah? What, Wills?" She didn't want to draw out the conversation longer than it needed to be; she wanted it over and done with as soon as possible. Her heart was already dying over and over again. It had all summer. There were only two things on her mind: her death and Willow.
"Um...do you think...well that is...maybe if it's not a problem...do you think maybe I could stay with you tonight? Oh! That is...that well, I don't mean that we would be sleeping together...or I guess we would but in a totally clean way...I don't mean to intrude on you like this but it's just that...with everything that happened, and my parents gone, I just don't want to...be alone tonight...I'm...I'm...it's just..."
"Will...of course it's okay. It's not a problem at all...it's never a problem. You're never a problem to me." Inside, the blonde was battling with herself. She knew that they had slept in the same bed before, plenty of times...but the rules were different now. She had crossed that line; she killed that unspoken agreement that it was okay to hold hands, sleep beside each other, and linger in a tight embrace...just like friends. No...now that they had kissed, or rather she had kissed Willow...now, the feelings and emotions were a thousand times what they would usually be, and the night was going to be more than interesting as it unfolded.
When Willow had finished packing her bag, they made their way to the Summers home, just in time to see Joyce start to walk down the stairs. The girls were more than relieved when they noticed that the clock on the wall only said it was ten at night. Any later, and they would most likely be in trouble. Joyce only smiled, and hugged her daughter, and her best friend, ushering them inside from the warm Sunnydale weather.
"I hope it's not a problem, Mom...but Willow is going to stay with us tonight. Her parents are out of town again, and she just didn't want to be alone. Plus, it gives us time to catch up before school starts." When Joyce reassured that it was more than fine, the two girls made to move upstairs. Buffy didn't grab the redhead's hand like she used to, and they both ascended the stairs keeping to themselves. Willow just grabbed the strap to her overnight bag tightly, fiddling her fingers across the course surface. When they were in her room, Buffy closed the door, and turned on her nightstand lamp. She just kept her back to her friend, hoping that she wouldn't have to be the first to say something. Her sensory dial was turned to Willow again.
"Buffy..." Willow noticed the glazed, predatory look in her friend's face, and was afraid to mention anything. She found that she had those lusty wrong feelings again just by seeing the expression. Being this close to the blonde was already hard enough, so she decided to break the silence. Moving over to sit on the side of the bed, she tried again. "Buffy...I...I think that we need to talk."
"I know." It was a simple statement but there were so many emotions portrayed that the redhead had a hard time holding back from hugging her friend. Just like the blonde, she recognized that the rules had changed, and they could no longer fall back on the easy comfort of their close friendship.
"Look...I just need to know something. This entire summer, when Xander told me you had died...I went crazy. I could hardly sleep, eat, or even breathe. It was like a part of me had been torn away, and I was only half of me. When you didn't say goodbye to me in person, it was like you had really died, and were gone...were never coming back, even though I knew you would. I just...it's...I'm so confused, Buffy. I mean...you kissed me..." Her voice trailed to a whisper, as though uttering the words were a crime. She looked to her friend, hoping for any sign or expression, but she only saw sadness, pain, and fear. "I just need to know why...why you kissed me. I mean, you knew you were going to die. Granted, I didn't know that, and you didn't know Xander would bring you back but...I'm so confused. Sure, I'd thought about it before...kissing you, that is...but I never thought that two girls would actually kiss each other in a more than friends way."
"Oh, Wills...I'm so sorry. I know I should've come to you. I just...when I died, and I went after the Master, I saw you down in the library, and you weren't moving. I felt like I'd failed you, and I died all over again, thinking that you were dead somehow. I just...I couldn't deal with it. I had to get away, and knowing what I had done...kissing you...it was the worst and best part of my life." Buffy knew she wasn't making any sense when she saw the redhead's face contort into sadness, and saw her flinch slightly from the explanation. "I kissed you...and I had never felt so alive in my life...knowing that I was walking to my own death because I wanted to keep the world a better place for you...I had never felt so alive. I know you probably don't want to hear that, and that you're probably disgusted by it but I just needed you to know...kissing you was the greatest thing I've ever done in my life, and the worst because I was supposed to not be here anymore, and I was leaving you without an explanation...leaving you to deal with it all.
"I just...at that moment...seeing you crying...knowing I was going to die...I just...I couldn't die without knowing what it was like to kiss you. I had to know...it may sound cheesy, and you may not want to hear it...but if I was going to die, and live in Hell for eternity, then I had to know what Heaven tasted like...even if for a brief moment." Buffy let the thought linger, and she didn't even try to hide the tears or emotions that were flowing from her face or tone. There...she had said it...she had opened her soul again, and left herself vulnerable...something she only ever did in the presence of the redhead. Willow's next response would determine everything in their friendship from that point on, and the slayer had never faced a demon so terrifying. After several long minutes of silence, the redhead finally spoke.
"How did it taste?" Willow's voice was tentative but steady with the curiousness that the blonde loved about the hacker. Buffy smiled slightly at the thought but was more than confused. Her senses had been on overload, and she could practically feel the fear and confusion in her friend. It was a lot to take in, she knew, but they couldn't let the situation fester...that would only make things worse.
"Huh?" Buffy finally turned around to face her friend, and saw a neutral expression plastered on her face. For once, Willow wasn't wearing her emotions and feelings on her expressional face, and that frightened the blonde more than anything. The thought of it being either way, instead of a definite no was invoking mixed reactions in her, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to know what Will was questioning.
"Heaven...you said you wanted to know what it tasted like...so what did it taste like?" Willow wanted to smile; she wanted to take the fear from her friend's face but she still had her own fears and doubts, despite the fact that the entire time she'd been in Buffy's presence, all she wanted was for the blonde to kiss her repeatedly over and over again. Looking up, she noticed the wide-eyed expression on the slayer's face, and had to snap her out of her thoughts. "Well?"
"Cherries...it tastes like cherries." Okay...not exactly what she expected. When Buffy noticed the confused expression, she clarified. "You used to use that cherry lip balm stuff to keep your lips from getting chapped. That's what Heaven tastes like. Cherries." Keeping a straight face, albeit difficult, Willow looked up at her, and sighed loudly. Then, she pulled her chapstick from her pocket, and applied it to her lips in a sensual fashion. Noticing that she had Buffy's attention, she finally allowed a slight smirk to form on her face.
"Well?? What are you waiting for?? Tell me what it tastes like now." Willow squeaked when Buffy only hesitated a moment, thinking she was joking, and their lips crashed together again after four months. It seemed like a lifetime, and as the kiss deepened, and air was in short supply, the blonde cupped the redhead's cheek in a loving fashion, and kept their faces close, foreheads touching, and breathing labored.
"Willow..." Buffy's voice was a whisper, and she started to trace her friend's swollen lips with her thumb, outlining where her own lips had been just moments ago.
"Huh?" She wasn't paying much attention. Instead, the redhead was more focused on her body's strange reaction to the deep, powerful kissing, even though she knew she had been sloppy (it was only her third kiss after all...the first being Xander when they were little kids). It was as though every limb was on fire, and humming, and her stomach was doing a dance again, only this time more focused. Things had been cleared up, and she finally knew that Buffy wanted her, and that's why she had kissed her that night. The tightness from the fears were quelled, and there was no longer that stress in her stomach and mind. Now it was more of a gooey feeling, like...it was hard to explain. All she knew was that she wanted more smoochies, and as often as possible.
"Heaven tastes like Willow...and raspberry. New flavor?" Buffy smirked, and looked into the redhead's half lidded eyes, her own body responding to the close proximity, and the obvious reaction in her friend. 'I did that...I made her do that...oh Wills...'
"Yeah..." She let it linger in the air, as the two giggled but wouldn't let go of the other, wanting to keep the contact.
"We should go to bed..." When she noticed the panic creep into Willow's eyes, Buffy tried to save herself. "That is...to sleep...not to do other naughty, dirty...oh, stop me now..." Willow recovered, and giggled again at the blonde's attempt to cover her tracks.
"Yeah, right...you were thinking it. You're right, though. It's midnight, and I think we should drop by, and see Giles tomorrow. Let him know you're back." Looking down at the bed, she hesitated a moment, and her heart started to pace again. "Um..."
"It's okay, Wills. I'll sleep on the floor." Buffy moved, and started to grab a pillow until redhead flung the feathered headrest from its place to stop her. "Hey!"
"No...you're...uh. You're staying in the bed...here...with me, and we're going to sleep like any normal person." Showing her resolve, Buffy smiled, and grabbed her pajamas, heading for the bathroom to get ready for bed. Once she was back, she settled under the covers until Willow returned from her own trip to the bathroom, minty fresh and silky smooth. Turning off the light, Buffy scooted over closer to the edge to be careful not to touch the redhead. Her senses and control were already hard enough; now, with Willow right there, and obviously not having a problem with kissing her, she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to even brush against her slightly. When Willow was settling under the blankets, everything was set, and she could hear the redhead sigh slightly in amusement.
"What?" Buffy turned her head just a bit to see her friend's expression.
"We still need to talk." Buffy heard more than saw Willow's careful, compassionate features. Finally, Buffy wasn't afraid of dying anymore, and she knew that both of her deaths the previous school year were well worth everything. As long as she had Willow by her side, Buffy could even conquer death.