Switcheroony
by alicorn
Chapter 9
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The silence had been long and awkward. Buffy honestly began to wonder at one point, if she had gone deaf. She tried so hard not to look at Willow, who had finally stopped glaring at Anya and then Xander, and was now moving towards Giles' private book collection. She knew that they had to talk. Oh god, how she was dreading that. Where had all her self confidence gone? Willow seemed so much more in control. She realized just how much her slayer power, had helped to form her self-confidence. Without it, without knowing that strength was there, she felt lost, unsure of herself, full of doubt.
Slowly she moved towards the entrance to the training area, at the back of the shop. Even though she knew that Giles would eventually follow her, she was grateful that she was getting away from the not too subtle eyes of the others. Anya's words had laid her open, stripped away any camouflage she had felt was surrounding her feelings, hiding how she felt about Willow, so that anyone who really wanted to, could see her denial for what it was. Suddenly she felt herself wanting to cry but she swallowed and pushed it back down into her. 'Now is not the time for this.' She told herself.
'How had this happened? When had it happened? Why?' She shook her head, not ready to delve into the answers. Instead she moved towards the workout mat. She knew far too well that letting anything distract you from the battle could cause people to be killed.
Their faces suddenly filled her mind. Jenny Calendar, dead on a bed of rose petals; Her gypsy uncle, butchered with his blood used to scrawl a taunting message;. Kendra, her potential never to be realized; Theresa Klusmeyer, Doug Perren; too many. But the one that always made her question the cost of falling in love was a little salesgirl, whose beating heart Angelus had ripped out of her chest, as a Valentine's Day present for his beloved Drusilla. A life she had helped to end, because she had been so caught up in her love for Angel that she had lost sight of the battle while making that certain birthday decision. She couldn't let her feelings distract her - people could die.
Attempting to stick her handstand, she found herself unable to hold and lock her arms. Falling, she suddenly remembered, she was no longer the Slayer. Her decisions, her effect on the battle had been diminished by Faith's little game. Could she now take time? Take a risk? Sitting on the floor, where she had ended up, slightly winded by the fall, she stared at the wall, in sudden realization — I'm no longer the slayer — I can choose to have a life. Catching her breath, she began to smile.
'I could tell Willow how I feel. We could — be together. But what if she isn't interested?' Remembering her reaction to Anya's outburst, Willow had been quite clear that she had never thought of Buffy that way. Nerves got the better of her and she dropped her head, depressed at the thought of not having her feelings returned. 'Why would Willow want to have me? I'm no longer the Slayer. She is. What do I have to offer her?'
Feeling like a fool she suddenly realized something awful. 'Oh my god, now she's the one who can't take her eye off the battle ahead. I can't be the one to distract her - people could die! Buffy Anne Summers, you're a fool to think that 'the powers that be' could ever let you find Love.'
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Willow reached out for Channings, Cristoller Garbentium, pulling the large leather bound book from its location. Opening it to the index, she quickly moved to the chapter on globes, even though she knew she had read it at least four times yesterday. She needed something to lose herself in. Something to make her forget what Anya had said.
Moving to the table, she sat and rested her chin on her left hand, pulling her hair back with her right. Slowly she began to read. But the words didn't register and she found herself reading sentences again and again, unable to drink in their meaning, as her mind kept dragging her back to what Anya had said. 'Could she be right? Why would Faith want to put Buffy, let alone her into such a situation?' Suddenly she found herself wondering what it would be like to make love to Buffy. Heat built up inside her. Then embarrassment. She felt dirty. How could she be having such thoughts about her best friend? 'Anya is just sex mad; she sees everything, as either about sex or money.'
"Will?", Xander said as he carefully approached her. She lifted her head to glare at him. "So, you're still angry?" he asked as he settled across the table from her, placing the donut box between them.
She glared at him again.
"I come bearing donut goodness. I'm not sure what the Goddess of 'really pissed off with your girlfriend' wants as a peace offering, but a guy's gotta try. You know the kinda guy I am. Hey I'm your oldest friend, the one that doesn't really do much of the planning stuff, but every now and again ... I find the key to my brain, you know?"
Willow changed her expression to a half smile and closely followed it with a puzzled look.
"We had an idea." he explained, careful not to name Anya as part of the — 'we'. Taking a deep breath he sped on. "You know how Kendra once told Giles that her watcher had tried to get her to use a vision thingy." Willow's expression grew blank.
"You know - she talked about using a vision thing to help focus a Slayer's dreams."
"You mean using a vision rod to give her dreams clarity ... but you can move a vision when you use a rod ... be time specific ... it would ... it could allow a Slayer to change the focus on events either side of her dreams.", Willow replied, slowly beginning to grin.
"Yeah, that's it..." Xander enthused. "So, if the three of us try to focus on a vision of the cursing -- you know, what happened with Faith. Since we were there, that should make it crystal clear -- so then if we try to rewind the vision we might to see what she's actually up to?
"The fact we are having vision based on an event we were actually part of, should make rewinding easier, the vision clearer."
"Congratulations! You have just won a trip for three to 'deja-vu' land. It's just like looking for a hidden 'cookie', not the one that fell in the back of the couch but the one on a dvd.
Willow shook her head at him and Xander grinned back. They had a plan
At first Willow let her mind consider the possibilities of this idea working. Then something occurred to her. "Xander! Anya had this idea didn't she? How does she even know about Kendra? "
"Hey, I talk about stuff, I think about stuff." he protested. "What does it matter who had the idea? I know a good plan when I see one. Well okay, I know a plan when I see one. We can call it good if it works."
Willow raised a sceptical, but knowing eyebrow at him.
"The analogies were all mine." he stated defensively. "She spends a lot of time with the G-man. She works for him. You can't blame her for not coming out with it after your reaction to the last one". And then he quietly added, "It was a tough room."
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Giles entered the training room, feeling that he had given Buffy long enough to pull herself together. He was slightly surprised to find her sitting on the workout mat, staring at the wall. So inactive. So still. He had somehow expected her to be pounding the punching bag.
Steeling himself, he approached her, concerned that he was about to enter into a conversation that no father ever wanted to have with his daughter. He had never really figured out exactly when their relationship had changed, when he had first realized his pride in her. His love for her went deeper than Slayer and Watcher. He just knew that he would give his own life to save her, without question, but also that he would do anything to see her grow up and grow old. The knowledge that another Slayer would be called should she die, that the world of the Watcher's would continue, did nothing to remove his need to protect her, to nurture her.
He had watched her grow, observed her life change in so many ways, witnessed her strength and her generosity. He felt that he had helped to raise this wonderful young woman. Each time he saw pain fill her, he fought against his watcher self to shield her. Yet he had also learned the hard lesson that he had to let her grow up, let her work through her pain, that she was no longer the young girl he had first trained.
Willow was now the Slayer and so he had begun to train the young witch, just as he had the young Buffy. But, Buffy would forever be in his charge, even if she never regained her powers. He had seen her struggling with the loss, trying to find the new her. He had seen her looking so lost at times. And so he approached her with some apprehension and the very strong need to help this young woman travel through the loss of her powers and regain herself. Unsure how their relationship would change, if they couldn't get her powers back and if he no longer had to think of her as his Slayer, he took a deep breath.
Coughing ever so slightly, he let Buffy know he was there.
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The basement of the Magic shop was one of Willow's favorite places; she loved all the packed shelves, the smells of witch hazel, basil, gorem root, rosemary, the latent energy of the carved totems, talismans and gemstones. This place was made to bring her Wiccan senses awake, to bring them to the surface. She felt so alive, so like her old self. Magic, wasn't about physical strength; it was about nature, life, the earth, the sky. It made her feel a part of the world.
"Ouch.", Xander cursed the box of large stone pedestals he had just stubbed his toe on. "So need to spend a little less time in basements. It's not like I have the 'burn up in daylight' problem. Some large Xander-friendly windows are what's needed."
"The light switch is on your left."
"Yeah, right."
Xander turned on the light, and the dim half light from the quarter-size alley-level windows was replaced by the neon brightness of 100 watts. Now the basement looked more like the storeroom it was and less like the treasure trove Willow enjoyed thinking of it as.
"So what does a vision rod look like?"
"You have this whole plan, carefully worked out, but you don't know what one looks like?" Willow smirked.
"Hey, I don't know what this year's Miss World looks like, but I know it won't be anything like Aunt Maureen. Know what I mean?"
"Not really. And I'm not sure I want to."
Xander smiled, knowing he was about to have fun. "I could happily plan to set up, say, a brainy wiccan friend on a blind date with the present Miss World, on the fairly good assumption that the view would be pleasant and that I would at least be able to guarantee the date would score in the high seven's." He gave her a goofy smile. "That's how I could put together a good plan, without knowing what someone or something looked like."
"Xander. You scare me sometimes."
"So if I could, you know set you up? Interested?" Xander asked, arching one eyebrow suggestively.
"I'm a bit busy, kinda trying to get back into my own body." Willow said, giving him a shake of her head. "Don't think Buffy would take too kindly to me taking this one out on a blind date." Willow replied, turning back to the shelf she was searching.
"Okay, so how about after we sort this?" Xander pushed on. "You need to get out there, Will, because alone is just that -- lonely. The only man in your life says you need to be set up. I know you're not really out there with the 'butch', Will, let alone with the smooth pick up lines. I don't see long lines of women smashing down your door — their loss. You will need help." He turned his back to her and bent over to look in a large dusty tea chest.
"All of a sudden you know a bevy of Gay women?"
"Will, I work in the building trade. Do you have any idea how many female plumbers, carpenters, electricians and architects I come across in my line of work, who play for the other side? There's a whole customer base out there that prefers to have a woman working in their home, rather than some big burly sweaty guy. Can't say I blame them." He smirked. Giving up on the tea chest, he moved on.
"Okay, so you know some Gay women. What makes you think you could pick someone I would like?"
"Good point." Xander admitted. "So what kind of woman do you find attractive?" Inside he gave himself a slap on the back -- 'smooth'. He knew she would describe Buffy. He just had to make her say it out loud.
"Oh you know." Willow said, suddenly at a loss. Pulling back a large box blocking her access to some shelves, she tried to think about what kind of woman she was attracted to.
"Nope I don't, that's the point.." Xander said.
Willow let her mind wander as she began to search the deep shelves in front of her, moving items out of the way, so that she could reach the back of each. "I guess I like the idea of being relaxed with someone, feeling safe with them, knowing I could be myself, not having to hide anything — a Willow safe zone. Someone who wasn't afraid of my brain or embarrassed by it, who wouldn't treat me like a geek. Someone who likes to spend an evening watching videos, curled up on a sofa, sharing the sugary goodness and the like. Someone who doesn't mind whether I babbled or sat quietly. Not into the Magic - don't think I could share that again." Willow found her mind taking her back to some of her happiest moments.
"What little stuff would you like them to do for you? You know, Anya likes me to rub her shop feet."
"Brings me a Mocha early on Saturday mornings and buys me sweet things, like silly pj's. Stands up for me when I'm at a loss for words. Someone who wouldn't laugh if I cried at the sad or sappy parts in movies. Gives good back rubs. Doesn't ask me every five minutes what I'm thinking — that's so annoying. Likes my cooking, even when it goes wrong."
"Personality?" He added.
"Likes to have her own interests, but respects and supports mine. Loyal, strong, funny, but also sensitive. Understands about my parents. Welcomes me into her home. Doesn't feel she has to explain us to people. Considerate, compassionate and caring, but decisive and secure in herself. Wacky sense of humor, great at one liner's and quips. Bigger with the actions than with the words."
"Appearance?" asked Xander.
"Slightly shorter than me — I've tried taller, its okay, but now I know — shorter it is. Physically fit, but no Annie Schwarzenegger. Lithe and agile, but not butch. Sleek with eyes that can say everything. A mane of hair that flows when she moves — oh and can she move. But with a sweet youthful, almost naive face, that nearly hides her wisdom. Not afraid of anyone; brave, fearless, but not foolishly so. Someone who understands how I choose to live. Someone who fits into my life and accepts it. Someone who wouldn't freak out about the bad guys. Someone who believes the good guys can win. Someone who would be a best friend too."
"Good. Now just let me think if I know anyone that might remotely describe." Xander said, smiling at Willow. Then he sighed as if having to think hurt and slowly turned away from her. But as he did he saw the beginnings of a worried expression starting to creep across her face. 'Ah, the penny is dropping.' He laughed to himself. How could his super intelligent best friend really be so dumb?
"I don't think you know anyone that perfect. Besides, we're rather busy right now. I mean we need to find that vision rod. Get my own body back first. So I wouldn't waste your time for a while." Staring at his back, Willow suddenly felt very silly. She had just described Buffy. Would Xander realize? Oh goddess, she hoped not.
Somewhat distracted, she moved to the next stack of shelves. 'Buffy is your perfect woman and you know it. Why not talk to someone about it?' Shaking her head, she almost laughed at the thought of talking to Xander about her feelings. He would just go into that male fantasy zone, that silly far away look would cross his face and she'd have to fight the desire to hit him — hard.
"Willow. I've got it!", Xander exclaimed.
Panic washed over Willow. 'Oh goddess! He knows.' She didn't want to turn around; she couldn't face seeing that spaced-out male fantasy expression. 'Come on Willow, you have nothing to be ashamed of.' She turned to him and met his eyes, a very self satisfied grin filled them. 'Oh yes he knows. Now what do I say?'
Then Xander raised his hand to show her the vision rod.
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Giles replaced his glasses. "You have to admit that there is a very good possibility, all things considered, that Anya could be right. We have to consider that possibility and plan accordingly. This doesn't mean we stop looking for other possible meanings or ways to resolve our present predicament." He sighed. "I just feel that if we find no other alternative, Willow, she has ...
certain experience, ahh hmm." He cleared his throat. "I mean knowledge that could... it could be helpful ...you're friends. That should help."
"Oh, really? That's why Willow, my best friend was so freaked out by Anya's ... theory. Being friends should help — yeah right! I'll tell you why it doesn't. This would change everything! Just think about it - if you and, say, your best friend at school, could only save the world by sleeping together and you had therefore slept together, do you think you would have remained friends? Would you still be talking to him say twenty years later? I don't think so. And I plan on talking with my Willow till the day I die! Plus there's the whole Freudian thing of being in each others bodies."
"Buffy I never had a friend like that. I wish I had. Maybe then I would never have felt the need to waste so much time; I would never have needed to be Ripper.", Giles said, opening up a part of his life he rarely talked about.
"I'm sorry Giles. I know you're just trying to help here. But, how exactly do you ask your best friend to sleep with you? 'Hey, let's go to bed and hump so I can have my body and powers back.' Nope? Too selfish? How about — 'Hey, I think we need to have sex because being in your body is freaking me out and it's really brain exploding that Anya's right, but I won't tell her if you don't. Oh and when we're back in our own bodies, none of our friends will know what we did.'", Buffy finished.
"I can fully appreciate the weirdness that could ensue if you and Willow have se... It's a very personal thing. But you girls truly care about each other. I see your loyalty. You are co-supportive - like sisters. You love each other far too much to ever let this end your friendship.", He moved away slightly. "You would be sensible. You would talk it to death, take whatever precautions were necessary to ensure that you caused each other as little hurt as little as possible. You would fix this by talking until the early hours of the morning, probably over something containing far too much chocolate and glucose." Coughing he added, "If it helps I, for one, never intend to mention this again, I can assure you. Xander however could probably be threatened with physical pain to such a degree that silence on the matter could be arranged and Anya ... , well, okay I'll pay Anya."
Buffy didn't lift her head, but she smiled.
"I promise you that although Anya's theory seems to fit the curse's wording 90%, there is still the very good possibility, that Faith did not intend this as the 'get out' clause." Giles coughed. "That little lady, may throw sex around like breakfast menus, but the purpose with most things is to be at the center of them. I find it hard to believe that she would set a scene she couldn't take center stage in. I personally believe the curse has another solution. But we have to, at least, take the current theory on board. You and Willow have to talk about this possibility and soon." Giles looked with concern at the back of Buffy's head.
She had realized about halfway through this conversation, possibly the most awkward conversation, she had ever had in her life, that it was easier if she and Giles didn't actually look at each other. So she didn't look his way, instead she turned towards the weapon's board. "Okay, okay! So we say Anya could be right. Will's gonna be so not happy with that."
"Buffy, I didn't say this would be easy. Let's be realistic. Faith, the Faith we know ,wouldn't choose to make the way out easy. If this is the 'get out' clause..."
"I am so going to cause her pain; almost kill her to the point she wishes I would." Buffy promised. "And then I'm gonna hold her down so Willow can do the same."
Much thanks to Lilly my treasure of a beta reader