Tommorows Ecstasy
by wicked
[reviews]
Part 1
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Buffy knelt behind the tree looking at the face of her true love. Willow's face was drawn and haggard with pain etched deeply in each little wrinkle. Green eyes searched frantically for Buffy yet there was no sign of the blonde anywhere.
Just as Buffy knelt down to pick up the large duffel bag a breeze drifted across her face. The heartbroken blonde could swear that the scent of the breeze belonged to Willow because there was the faint scent of strawberries with it. The Slayer closed her eyes and breathed deeply knowing she would not be getting to smell that scent again anytime soon.
Once again she reached to pick up the large duffel bag and saw a picture lying on top of it. There was a picture of Buffy and Willow leaning against a tree with their arms wrapped around each other. The Slayer remembered that day well. Xander had been the one to take the picture. And the two girls just constantly held each other both loving the comfort that they had received.
Tears filled the Slayer's eyes at the thought of not ever holding Willow close again. The bell rang and all the students ran inside the doors of the school. Thinking it would be safe to head towards the bus station Buffy stepped out from behind the tree.
"Why?" One question filled with so much heartbreak and Buffy knew immediately who was asking. The red head Wicca was sitting in the wheelchair at the top of the stairs, not believing the Slayer would leave the Scooby gang, leave her.
Buffy walked across the street not able to deny her beloved a reason for the heartbreak they were both going to suffer through. The blonde had heard the question as if it had just been whispered in her ear.
The sun was shining bright in Sunnydale at the moment but the two girls standing in front of Sunnydale High could find no comfort in the warmth of the day. The Chosen One knelt in front of the redhead and said "I have to Wills. I am too dangerous for you all."
"Too dangerous Buffy? You have saved us so many times that I lost count and that's bad because I am a math whiz so if I lose count then that's bad yeah?"
Buffy had to smile at the babble but the seriousness was so very evident. She knelt down in front of Willow and took her trembling hand in her own. "Look at you though Wills. Angelus went for everything I hold dear and it was because of me. It was because I love you..." Buffy paused. "...all. I love you all."
Willow closed her eyes trying to ignore the headache that was almost becoming blinding. "I can't do this Buff." The redhead mumbled.
"I'll go Willow, I just wanted you to know that you did good. He was back."
The redhead's emerald eyes flew open in shock. "I did? But, you're leaving? So we did good and you go?" There was confusion etched in the girl's expression.
"I had to, ya know, it was too late." Buffy turned away and leaned on the railing trying to hide the tears. The feel of Willow's hand on her back was too much, a Slayer should not have feelings it was bad.
"I gotta...Wills, I gotta go." Buffy was panicking and it was so obvious.
"Can you help me home?" Willow asked quietly. If Buffy did indeed leave there was no way Willow would be able to face the rest of the day.
"You are gonna miss class, Wills." It was hard to imagine her best friend actually missing a class.
"Will you wait to leave until class is over?" There was a catch in the Wicca's voice but that was the only betrayal of emotion.
Buffy looked around and shrugged. "I'll help you home." The blonde picked up Willow in her arms and warmth spread through both of them. Willow looked up into her best friend's eyes and realized that it wasn't just her best friend she would miss. Every night when they patrolled and Buffy left Willow standing in front of her door, everything was incomplete. The redhead would lie in her bed arms wrapped around her waist worrying that when they said goodbye that would be the last time they spoke. The only thought she had until she saw Buffy again was that maybe there was something bigger and badder the Slayer would encounter.
Then the next morning when Buffy walked into the classroom, Willow's heart would return to a normal pace and the witch could breathe normal again. She was shaken out of her reverie as Buffy sat her down on the bottom step and ran back up the stairs to get Willow's wheelchair.
How could someone not admire the way the Slayer's muscles rippled as she moved? Buffy was wearing her overalls and a hooded sweatshirt but even that made her appear gorgeous.
"I so did not even think that." Willow mumbled to herself.
"Think what Wills?" Buffy asked as she placed the wheelchair down on the ground.
"Nothing, just doin' a lot of thinking, ya know. It isn't everyday you have to convince your best friend not to abandon you to be vamp bait."
"So not fair Wills. You don't understand what it is that I have to do. You can't know what it is like to have to kill someone who you trusted your heart to." Buffy wiped a stray tear away and bent and picked Willow up, placing her in the chair.
Willow groaned as her headache intensified. It was like the pounding in her head was going to cause a massive explosion. She covered her eyes with her hands trying to block the sunlight out. A tear crept down her cheek but the witch was not sure whether it was the pain in her head or heart that caused the tears.
"Wills??? Willow???" Buffy's voice was frantic. "Are you ok? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"No Buffy just take me home then you can go...do whatever it is you need to do."
The Slayer was far from convinced that Willow was okay but caring for her seemed to ease the terrible pain that was eating away at her soul. It wasn't just killing the man who she thought she could never live without; it was the knowledge that she could love someone who sought to destroy everything she held dear.
Buffy and Willow walked underneath the tree's shadows. The two girls seemed to be embraced by the welcoming arms of nature. Leaves swayed gently to and fro as the wind caressed their skin. So many thoughts ran through both girls' minds as they walked.
Buffy glanced down and noticed Willow's eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. One would assume the young Wicca was sleeping but that was far from the truth. The redhead was basking in the comfort that only Buffy could provide, she also was thinking if the Slayer left her life would never be complete.
Buffy stopped in front of Willow's house and wondered if this would be the last time she would see it. So many emotions tearing through her mind, Buffy felt as confused as ever.
"Can you help me in Buffy?" The redhead's voice cut through the silence.
"You know I am...Wills." After a few minutes Willow had been settled into her bed and Buffy stood nervously beside her.
"You can sit down Buffy." The Wicca said patting the bed beside her.
"I...uhmmmm...I should go Wills...yeah." Buffy hung her head, which was now hidden behind a veil of blonde hair.
"Please don't Buffy. I know it was hard what you had to do but I really need you here."
Willow reached out a trembling hand knowing this might be a turning point in both girls' lives.
"For what Wills? Huh? Do you think I could possible live with myself if something happened to you???? Look at Giles he lost the woman he loved because I couldn't control my fucking hormones."
Willow reached out a hand and it felt so good as I felt her warm flesh against my skin. I was so cold it felt like I was dying. I look down and saw her flesh against mine one is white the other a golden tan.
"Buffy, look at me please." The words were whispered softly, begging. Willow waited until pain filled hazel eyes met her own. The witch ran her hand down Buffy's arm until the two girls' fingers intertwined with each other. "Sit down please Buffy." After a brief hesitation Buffy sat on the side of the bed and hung her head.
"I loved Jenny Buffy, but she knew that you were in a relationship with Angel. It was so obvious that you two would take the next step in your relationship. Jenny knew what the happiness clause was and yet she never said a thing so please tell me how her death is your fault."
Buffy thought about it and looked at her best friend. "But what about you? How can it not be my fault that your hurting and in pain?"
"Buffy if you never believe one word I say then please believe this, the pain you see now will not be anything compared to what I will be in if you leave." Willow wiped a stray tear away. "You are my best friend Buffy, to know that I can stand beside you and help protect the world everyday is amazing to me." Willow brushed a stray blonde hair away. "To be able to help protect you and know your safe every night is my sanity. Don't take that away from me Buffy."
The blonde knew that the thought of being away from Willow tore away her very soul but how could she stay and keep placing them all in danger time and time again.
Buffy stood up trying to distance herself. "And what about you Willow? What about the fact you could die anytime just because I care about you." She turned around "What if I can't save you?"
Willow wished she could get out of that bed and just hold Buffy. "And what if you aren't here Buffy. We are already associated with you so you know that there will always be someone hunting us so wouldn't we be safer with you here."
Buffy saw the pinched brow and knew that Willow was in pain. "Why are you trying so hard to keep me here Wills?"
After thinking long and hard Willow decided it was time to be honest. "Because I can't imagine my life with you not in it. Making fun of my babble and bring me a double mocha every morning to school. I need you Buffy and it scares me because I think..."
Willow stopped herself hating that she had to hide this part of herself.
"Think what Wills?" Buffy arched her eyebrow.
"I can't tell you Buffy cus you would hate me and hate is bad so I shouldn't say anything cus no hate here nope not at all."
Buffy smiled for the first time since the night before.
"Babble much?"
"Idon'twannasayanything because iloveyouandiknowyoudon'tloveme."
Buffy almost fell over in shock. Surely her best friend did not just say that.
"Love in the best friend way right?" Buffy asked kneeling on the floor next to the bed.
"Love as in I want to be with you until forever." Willow whispered closing her eyes. She didn't wanna see the hate that would cloud Buffy's gorgeous eyes.
"Willow, don't joke with me." Buffy's voice choked on a sob.
"I know you don't feel the same Buffy and you can forget I said anything if you want. I just thought you should know why I don't want you to go."
Willow laid down on the bed and pulled the cover over her head, now Buffy had every reason to leave. She felt the bed shift as the blonde sat down beside her.
Buffy pulled the blanket back and saw the tears running down Willow's face. She leaned over and brushed her lips across the redhead's neck. "I feel the same." She whispered. "And I want you by my side and I will protect you."
Willow sniffed and opened one eye afraid to believe this could possibly be happening. She pulled the blonde down behind her and the two began to spoon both drawing comfort from the nearness. "How long Buffy?"
"Huh?" The Slayer ran her fingers through Willow's red hair that was as soft as the green grass of summer, without the stickers.
"How long have we wasted? Both wanting each other and never admitting it."
"I don't know about you but I loved you since the first time I saw you."
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Part 2
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The two girls fell asleep holding each other close. The sound of footsteps falling outside her door caused Buffy to jump up. Willow, considering her injuries, moved a lot slower.
"Willow, are you in there dear?" Her mother asked as she knocked softly.
"Yeah Mom, I came home from school early ya know not feeling well and all."
"Can I come in? Do you need anything?"
Buffy had moved to the window and was leaning against the ledge prepared to jump if her mother did decide to come in. Willow held her hand up, pleading with those beautiful green eyes for the blonde to stay so they could talk. "Mom, I am fine just going to rest and try to get rid of this headache."
"Ok dear just call if you need anything. Oh I almost forgot to ask, Mrs Summers called and asked if you had seen Buffy. Are you sure I can't come in honey? This is kind of a distraction speaking through the door like this." Buffy climbed on the ledge about to step out onto the roof. "NO!" The Wiccan shouted loudly startling both the blonde and Mrs. Rosenberg.
"You know Mom come to think of it I am kind of hungry could you go get me some soup and I will call Mrs. Summers in just a minute." Willow held her hand out to Buffy begging and pleading with her eyes to stay at least until her Mom walked away.
"OK I think chicken soup would be good and you love those little crackers. Oh I think we even have some of the alphabet soup because I know you still love to see how many words you can create with one bowl."
Willow blushed and pulled the pillow over her face. "Thanks Mom." Willow yelled loudly and continued to hide her face. Buffy smiled and knew that underneath the pillow the Wicca's face was as red as her hair.
"Why doesn't it surprise me that you make words with your soup Wills?" Buffy tried to pry the pillow out of the redhead's grasp but it remained locked in her firm grasp.
"Don't tease Buffy." She said easing the pillow away. Both girls knew nothing had been resolved and they still had a lot to discuss. The redhead looked somberly at her friend afraid that nothing had changed and she was still leaving.
"Well?" Buffy didn't have to ask what Willow was talking about, she knew the redhead was curious if she was still leaving.
"I don't have anywhere to stay Willow." Buffy tried to explain what her mom had said but it still hurt. "She was hurt Buffy to know that you would hide such a huge part of yourself from her."
Buffy turned away from Willow to look out the window as the sun faded from view leaving Sunnydales streets hidden in shadows. Sure there were a lot of unexplained disappearances but most of the residents would never accept vampires, werewolves and demons from hell.
"What was I going to tell her Willow?" Anger laced the Slayer's voice giving it a hard edge. "Mom just so you know it isn't my fault I burned down a gym it was the vampires. That sounds worse then the dog ate my homework Wills."
The Wiccan wished she could ease some of her friend's pain but this was something the Slayer had to do for herself. "Buffy, you can stay here tonight. I know everything is hard for you right now. Let me call your mom and tell her you are here please." Willow held her hand out to the blonde asking for her trust. "I can't promise I will stay Wills you have to know that." The redhead nodded trying to hide the pain at the thought of losing Buffy. "I trust you to do what is right for everyone. Can I call?" The blonde nodded and moved back to the window. It was as if the night were calling her name.
"Mrs. Summers?" Willow's voice sounded like that of a young girl asking for her best friend to spend the night.
"Calm down Mrs. Summers, she is ok." A slight pause "I can't ask her to do that but I thought you should know she is ok." A deep sigh escapes from Willow. "I do understand that Mrs. Summers but you also have to understand she is going through a lot right now and it is not my place to discuss it with you. Buffy is here and safe......No Ma'am...."
The Slayer continued to watch Willow regretting the decision to let her call, she knew how her Mom could be. "Yes Ma'am but you really shouldn't do that because if you do that she is going to leave and leaving is bad and yes....ok...uh hunh..."
The beautiful green eyes met Buffy's hazel ones. "OK.....I will tell her...good night Mrs. Summers." Just as Buffy expected Willow to spill on what was said there was a knock on the door. "Fuck me." The Slayer mumbled under her breath as she searched frantically for some place to hide. "Closet." Willow whispered.
The Wiccan's mom came in the room and fussed over her daughter for what seemed like an eternity. Where normally the girl did good to get 5 sentences in a year she seemed to be getting way too much attention right now. After a kiss on the forehead and being tucked in Mrs. Rosenberg finally left her daughter alone. Willow waited a few moments for Buffy to come out but she didn't.
"Buffy?" The redhead whispered hoping to be heard by Buffy but not her mother. No response came from the Slayer so fighting the dizziness and nausea that the movement caused, the Wiccan climbed out of her bed and walked to the closet.
As she opened it she had to smile at the sight of the Slayer sleeping with one of Willow's t-shirts in her grasp. "Buffy?" The redhead was hesitant about touching the sleeping Slayer though because that normally never ended well. There had been one time that Buffy was having a bad dream and when her and Xander had tried to wake her up, well suffice it to say they were both hesitant about making the same mistake twice.
"Buffy, wake up." Willow whispered next to her ear. 'Goddess she is beautiful.' The redhead though to herself as she took in Buffy's face. Although it was relaxed there was still a frown etched deeply in her brow. The urge to run a thumb across there and wipe away all the pain was deep and the Wiccan was sure that there was a spell that could help but that was beyond her capacity.
"Wills?" A husky voice whispered. The redhead was startled out of her reverie and found that she was looking into Buffy's hazel eyes but something was different they were darker and the flecks of gold were more pronounced. It was then that she realized that their lips were a mere inches apart, it would be so easy just to ease forward and...then...NO...they couldn't do that.
"Buffy, you ok?" They both tried to ignore the change in her voice. "I left most of the soup cus ya know you're the Slayer and they get hungry all the time but you don't have to worry because ya know your still gorgeous...yikessss..........oh my goodness I can't believe that I just said that."
"Breathe." the Slayer instructed with a small grin.
"Huh?" Willow wrinkled her brow trying to figure out what Buffy just said.
"You like just talked for at least 1 minute without drawing so much as one breath and your face was kinda taking on the whole redness factor."
"Oh....uhmmm...ok sorry...are you hungry?" Buffy looked around Willow's bedroom and had to smile at the obvious signs of Willow. There were books that Buffy couldn't even pronounce the name of. Candles were everywhere and in the corner there were different bottles of magic mixtures. She looked back at the redhead and noticed the worried look.
"Hungry no, tired yes. Ya think that we can lay down for a little bit? I mean I can lay on the floor if you want I just need to do a lot of processing."
"I understand Buff. Do you need any pajamas?" The blonde nodded and after they both got undressed (both stealing glances and hoping neither noticed) they were in the bed.
The Slayer rolled away from Willow as she thought of Angel's last kiss to her. He had been pleading for forgivness with that kiss and instead she had sent him straight to hell. She knew that he had been about to do the same thing to mankind but that didn't change the pain she felt.
Willow had almost dozed off when she heard a choked sob from the Slayer. "Buffy, are you ok?" The concern from the redhead overwhelmed Buffy causing the guilt to multiply. She shouldn't care if Buffy was ok, it was her fault everyone was hurt. If she should have done what every Slayer before her had done then she wouldn't be in this situation. Willow wouldn't have got hurt, Jenny would still be alive and Giles wouldn't flinch everytime he looked at her. To know that she caused so much pain was eating away at her. To top it off Angel would still be fighting the good fight trying to redeem the soul she so carelessly threw away.
Willow unsure of what to do, reached over and wrapped her body around the Slayer; knowing words were not what she needed. Buffy started to rock as the tears continued to flow until there was nothing left inside. As the pain eased a little she rolled over and looked at the girl who meant the world to her. It was then that she made a vow to protect her even if it meant being by her side from the time she stepped out the front door in the morning and was tucked away at night.
The blonde looked into the green eyes that glow like emeralds under the most magnificent light. "Wills?" She said her voice throaty from crying.
"Yeah Buff?"
The Slayer ran her thumb down Willow's cheek also noting that there were tear stains on her cheek as well. "We both know there is something here." She pulled the Wicca's hand towards her heart. "But we can't do anything about it." Willow started to protest.
"Not now we can't. I don't want what we have to be out of sorrow or fear. I am going to stay but we have to take things slow for both of our sakes ok?" Buffy wanted so much to have Willow holding her close like this every night. "I still have to deal with Angel and you are with Oz, Wills. If he makes you happy you know I would never stand in the way of that."
"I love him Buffy and I won't say that I don't." The Slayer's heart dropped down into her stomach. "But he can never be what you are to me and it isn't just because you are a Slayer. I mean hey he's a werewolf and that's supernatural too ya know. I mean the first time I saw you I was dumbstruck by you but I didn't even really know what the emotions I had were until now."
"Wills it's okay like I said we will take our time and make sure this is what we both want. I have waited for you my entire life what is a few more weeks or months."
"Ahhhhh Buffy, you're a hopeless romantic aren't you?"
The blonde's expression changed from thoughtful to one of sorrow. "I might have been Wills but I am starting to think that happy ever afters are not one of the Slayer's perks."
Willow pulled the Slayer tight in her embrace and tried to reassure her that everything would be ok. Then the urge to kiss the Summers girl was so strong she almost wanted to flee the bed.
"We'll just go slow Wills." The blonde reassured her loving the feel of the Wicca's warm breath on her flesh.
Willow nodded her head grateful that Buffy was staying close to her and that there was a chance, even if it was slight that they could be together. She was startled as she felt a pair of warm lips press against her own.
"Mmmmmmm..." Willow moaned not at all comfortable with the feelings that were happening deep inside her body. Even with Oz and their most intimate of times she never felt an arousal that was as consuming as this. She whimpered as she felt Buffy's tongue caress her lips seeking entrance. The Slayer pulled away feeling regret and arousal but more than anything she felt love.
"If it's meant to be Willow it will be worth the wait."