Bitter Homecomings...
by hexx
chapter 2
[reviews]
All characters belong to Joss and M.E.
BITTER HOMECOMINGS AND BLISSFULL FAREWELLS
* * * * * part two* * * * *
During the drive to L.A. neither girl spoke a word. Buffy kept her eyes on the road, Willow's eyes on the other hand never left Buffy for a second, afraid that were she to even blink, the dream would end and she would be gone. In contrast, Buffy's hand never once broke contact with Willow's. Willow took the opportunity to study the slayer's face as if she had never truly seen her before.The last time she had seen Buffy in person was just days following the final battle with The First. At that time the slayer had been healing, body and mind. She had been covered in bone deep bruises and a wound that would have been fatal to anyone else but the slayer. But it was her psyche that had taken the most punishment, her face etched with the deep lines of stress, fear and rage. Now those lines had been erased and in their stead , the soft wrinkles of extended time spent in the Mediterranean sun, her pale complexion, the result of a near nocturnal lifestyle, replaced by a deep healthy tan. Her thick blonde hair was now bleached near white by the sun and she had put on weight too, the bones of her face no longer held in high relief by the deprivations and trials Sunnydale's last days had inflicted on her. Weeks of missed meals and sleepless nights had taken their toll on Buffy then, now, her curves had filled gently, and though still retaining the physique of an athlete, she now displayed the unmistakable curves of womanhood. This last change did not go unnoticed to the young witch, and it began to lead her mind down paths she quickly decided it would be better to explore at a later time. Willow found herself enthralled by Buffy who she had always thought to be beautiful, but now found her to be utterly angelic.
For her part, Buffy had been studying willow as well, but driving, her observations had been limited to furtive glances and a few cherished moments of eye contact when she had to stop for lights and traffic. At these moments she drank Willow in, and as she had many times in the past, wondered how Willow couldn't know how beautiful she truly was. Buffy had other senses as well, and with every fibre of her being she felt connected to Willow. The witch still radiated innocence, even after everything they had been through, and above all, washing over Buffy in waves of warmth and light, was Willows love.So strong, so pure. Their hands were almost constantly in motion, fingers entwining, caressing, and never separated. Still, neither spoke, sharing the silence and the communion of being together. Their thoughts deep, and serious, swirling with questions and answers to what they both knew was going to be a lengthy and difficult conversation. Willow knew it was going to be a taxing night, and all too likely, morning, and found herself in tears again. She was amazed that she had tears left, but now they flowed for a different reason. The miraculous appearance of Buffy changed everything. When they reached L.A. the silence was finally broken when, at Buffy's request, Willow gave her directions to Angel's hotel. Angel and company had long deserted it for apartments at Wolfram and Hart and elsewhere, and now it stood locked up and vacant. As they walked up to the front doors Buffy pulled a wrinkled envelope from her back pocket, and produced a set of keys. The largest of the keys fit easily into the front door and there was a clear click as the lock slid back. To Willow's quizzical look she merely replied" soon". Inside they didn't find the lobby as they had expected, instead of musty, with layers of dust, it was clean and cool, evidence of working air-conditioning. Obviously Angel had used his resources at the firm to keep the building up. Lights came on at the touch of a switch, and Willow recognized the lobby immediately, with the exception of the large pentagram staining the tiled floor. In the centre of the lobby was a circular, padded bench, to the right the reception desk. Behind the desk they found the door to Angel's old office, and they paused a moment before entering. Inside, they turned on the desk lamp which seemed to be the only light in the room, and after scanning the furniture they settled onto a leather couch, legs folded under them, knees touching, facing each other. Once again Willow was struck by Buffy's beauty, and for a moment was lost in the haunted soulfullness of her deep hazel eyes. Slowly extending an arm, she gently wiped the tracks her tears left on Willows cheeks, Willow closed her eyes and relished this simple act, leaning into Buffy's touch. After a moment she spoke, softly, slowly. " Perhaps I should begin, ok Wills?" Willow could only nod, relieved. Thinking that it was good that Buffy would begin, as she didn't have the ability to speak yet. Buffy's eyes found her's, and a very solemn look ghosted over her features, and when she began to speak her voice wasn't altogether steady. She produced the envelope again. "I received this letter from Angel about six months ago, but I didn't open it until I heard what happened. In the letter he told me about spike, and about Cordy. He never said as much , but I could tell that they had become more than friends." Willow only nodded, saying nothing, not wanting to interrupt. "I'm glad he found someone again."
"Wills, I think he knew what was going to happen, how it was going to end. He wrote of how he still thought of me, and of the great impact I had on his life." She paused a moment, mourning him, again."Mabey it will be easier if you just read the end for yourself."
"Buffy. I'm sorry to do this, there so much to say, so much left unsaid between us, but there really is no one else. In the envelope you will find the key to my hotel in Los Angeles. It's yours, if you should ever return to the states and need a place to stay. I think it would be a good place for you to house and train the new slayers as you find them. I have also set up a trust fund in your name. If you don't want to keep it, I understand. I know that you feel that I have betrayed you somehow by taking over Wolfram and Hart, I hope that you will understand someday. Evil cannot always be beaten from the outside. I hope you know that I will always keep part of you with me. You will find the number of my lawyer , as honest one as you can find in L.A., in the rolodex on my desk in the hotel. He will have the deed, and if you wish, will handle the sale of the hotel. Don't worry, he's been paid in advance. He'll take care of whatever you need, Call him for anything, I trust him . Tell Willow I said thank you. "
When Willow looked up to Buffy's face it was contorted with pain and tears spilled from her lashes. Willow took her into her arms and for a time they stayed that way, Buffy sobbing, Willow stroking her hair and murmuring assurances. " I should have been here Will, I should have trusted him. He needed me and I wasn't here for him. After everything , I just left him to die!" " NO Buffy ! No. He knew what he was doing, and I know that no matter how much he might have wanted to have you fighting at his side, he would not have wanted you to die with him. You saved the world, not once but many times. You've done enough and he knew it, and I don't believe for one minute that he would have had you risk your life for him, not again, not ever. Angel never stopped caring about you, never wanted anything but happiness for you. Thats why he left Sunnydale, that's why he left you the hotel, and that's why he never would have had you come here just to die with him."
"Oh Willow, I was so angry at him for so long, but I never wanted this, not for him to die!"
"I know that Buffy, and so did he, I'm sure of it. You have always had a profound affect on those closest to you.Your strength, your dedication and your devotion to those you love, you bring out the best in everyone you touch. They can't help loving you, not Angel, not spike, . . . not me." At that Buffy looked at Willow so intensely that she wondered if she had said something wrong, but the moment passed and Buffy began to speak again but softly, never taking her eyes from Willow's.
"Everyone I love gets hurt, they leave, ... they die. After awhile I felt that I couldn't have love, couldn't risk it, didn't deserve it." Willow was about to protest, but Buffy covered her lips with her fingers. "Let me finish, please , before I lose my nerve. Before that last battle with The First, when everything felt so hopeless, so dire, I found myself thinking of how much you meant to me more and more. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I really did love you.But it was so confusing, and everything was so...so bad, so nearly hopeless. And you had Kennedy, and there was Dawn and the others. Of course there was Spike too, and I owed him so much. And I was so scared that I would lose you, that if I told you , you might hate me, that you might die. "
"So I put my mind to what I was up against, tried to forget about my feelings, and left plans for the future to deal with if we survived. We did survive, and then you left for England, and Dawn and I moved to Europe, and I convinced myself that it was for the best. You had love again, something I had prayed for since Tara died. There was no way I was going to do anything to ruin that.
It wasn't until I opened this letter that I fully realized the loss, that aside from Dawn, I had lost you all , one way or another, and ...and I couldn't bare it Willow!" She was crying again though she didn't seem to notice. "I couldn't bare the thought of losing you forever, I tried to call you but I would always hang up.What was I going to say to you? What were you going to do, leave Kennedy and rush into my arms? Give up everything , for me? What if I was crazy? What was I going to do if you rejected me? I couldn't bear the thought of driving you away, of losing you as my friend, so I did nothing. How could I hope that you could feel that way for me, Why would you?"
By now Buffy was sobbing, Willow took her back into her arms and began softly kissing her, small tender kisses tasting of tears."Oh Buffy, How could I not?" Buffy leaned forward and kissed her so very softly on the mouth. They looked at each other again, touching each other's faces, wiping away tears, smoothing back hair.
Now it was Willow's turn, but she had so many things she wanted, needed to say, she found that she had no idea where to start.The distraught look on her face worried Buffy and she leaned forward to kiss her again. Once again Willow was struck by the realization that this really was what had been wrong in her life for so long, what had been missing. This felt more right than anything since Tara had died. All at once she knew where to start, and she gently pushed Buffy back a little so that she could look in her eyes.
"Buffy, when Tara was killed, and I, when I went all dark and evil, you were the first to put yourself in harm's way, to save me, your first reaction was to help me, even when we fought you still sought to protect me from myself. I couldn't hear you then, but when it was over, I knew. For as long as I've known you, that's what you've done, time after time. You were the best friend I had ever had, the sister I never had. When I went to England with Giles, I was sure that you would never forgive me for almost killing you and Dawny,and, well, everyone. But I knew that you were here. I knew that it would be difficult to win back your trust and your friendship, But I knew that you were here, so I knew where I had to be, and I was willing to do anything to be here, by your side."
"And then I came home, and I know that there were times you didn't always know if you could trust me, but your friendship was there right from the start, and you have no idea how much that meant to me. But I never thought that you could see me "that way", I never thought that you could love me as ...a lover, not just a friend. So I was happy to be at your side, friend, sister, sidekick, it didn't matter so long as we were together."
"Then Kennedy came to us, and I was swept away by her strength, her loyalty, her energy, she was so very much like you. For a long time I really thought that I loved her. But it wasn't her I loved, it was the slayer that she was. In some ways she really was so much like you. Once you were gone, things didn't stay all rosy for very long, and everything began to change."
" I began to spend more and more time with Giles and the new council, and less and less time with her. She didn't give up though, and she really tried, but even then she knew it wasn't going to work. She knew before I had it figured out, but still she loved me, never showed me anything but her support, and devotion. But it became harder and harder to look at her without, on some level, wishing it were you." "One night we had this terrible fight. She accused me of being with her because I couldn't be with you. She was so hurt, I couldn't stand to see her like that. I tried to convince her that she was wrong, but inside I knew that she was right. The next day we talked, there may have been some yelling involved, but in the end we agreed that it would be best if I moved out. I stayed with Giles for a while, and even considered using a spell to find you, but he talked me out of it, said it would be better to wait for you to come to me, I hate it when he gets all sensible like that." Buffy couldn't help but smile at that, her memories of her battles of will with Giles were held with great affection. " I didn't know what else to do, so I came home. But home is gone. Xander is gone, just seeing me was causing him pain. Tara is gone, Anya, Cordy, Angel,Dawny, everything was gone. But mostly, YOU were gone. I felt so lost, so alone, all I could think was how much I missed you, how much I wanted you to be here, to protect me again, to be strong for me, to need me again, to love me." "That's when I called your name. I wanted you to be here, to be here with me. But I'm still not sure how you got here, not really." Buffy outright laughed at this which startled the young witch, "Willow, you're one of the most powerful witches in the world, maybe THE most powerfull. I don't think you have to do much more than REALLY want something to happen, and it will... But I think it was more than that, I think it was us. We were thinking of each other, calling out to each other." "I was in Spain, in the countryside. For days I've been having nightmares about being alone, in an empty world...I haven't been sleeping, so I got up early and went hiking. I ran all day, walked when I couldn't run anymore. It was late when I sat under a tree to rest, but all I could do was think about you and how I should have told you how I felt before you left, about how I might not see you again.Then, I was sure that I could hear someone call my name, I thought it might've been one of the other slayers, no one else could have kept up, so I called back, but there wasn't anyone there. I was looking at the stars, still thinking about you when I heard it again, but it was so much clearer, and it was you, I knew it was you and I called out to you. There was a hiss, and then thunder, and then I was here, not ten feet from you. You were laying on the ground, crying, and I couldn't believe that it was really you..Oh God Willow it is you, its really you and I'm here! I don't know what happened, maybe you wished me here, maybe , maybe after all we've been through, everything we have shared and lost, maybe we've earned this..." Now Buffy was welling up again. "Maybe after all we've suffered we've earned the right to be happy." They embraced again, and for some time they just held each other, silently comforting each other through emotions so long held within.Willow realized that this was perhaps the first time since Tara that she had truly allowed her heart to have it's way. She had never truly mourned her lost friends, never faced her true feelings for fear of what those feelings might be or where they might have led her. " Willow ?" Buffy whispered. " I'm so tired. Tired of being the slayer, not just A slayer, but THE slayer. Tired of having to be stronger, being the leader, making choices that might get the people I love killed, of , of coming up with solutions to terrible situations. I'm so tired of having my heart broken. Tell me this is real. Promise me that when it's morning I'll still be here with you, that this isn't a dream." "Willow smiled softly and began kissing Buffy again;"Buffy, it IS morning, and I'm still here, you're still here, and I still love you, I'll always love you." Buffy looked looked through the doorway out into the lobby where the pale light of dawn was spilling in. She shifted her gaze back to Willow and something of the old slayer seeped back into her expression. " What d'ya think Wills, you think they have any vacancies in this place? Maybe one with a shower?" Suddenly Willow realized how she must have looked, all that crying and laying on the ground to boot. She immediately began scrubbing her cheeks with the heels of her hands."Oh my god Buffy, I must look terrible!" Buffy took her hands and pressed them to her lips,"you're beautiful Wills," she smirked," a little streaky maybe. You should think about a different hobby than laying in dusty old craters." "Buffy!" Willow exclaimed putting on a hurt front.Then Buffy took her hand and led her out of the office and up the stairs off the lobby. They found a suitable room quickly enough. It was decorated with a green decor, had a queen size bed and a large bathroom with an old fashioned claw foot tub. Sitting on the edge of the bed Buffy began to unlace her boots, worn brown hikers with frayed laces. Once she had the boots off she started to remove the rest of her clothes, dirty blue jeans with a torn knee and frayed pockets, a black t-shirt, and a brown leather vest with embroidered trim. "Ugh, I really need a shower, I'm a grimy slayer " she quipted as she started to slip off her shirt . "You know Wills, I was half way round the world and a bunch of time zones away when you beamed me back to Sunnydale." Willow hadn't considered it before, Buffy had probably been up for more than a day. "I'm sorry Buffy, I should have realized, I mean you must be really tired and...I mean, you should rest and I was thinking...listen, I'll find another room, and..." Willow was quickly becoming a whirling dervish of words and Buffy had to cover the witches mouth with her hand to quiet her. "Hush Willow! It's not like I haven't pulled an all nighter before, and if you think that I took the magic wormhole thingy all the way here from Spain and spilled my guts out for the world to see just so I can sleep alone you're out of your little wiccan mind." Her smile was genuine and there was a hint of something naughty in her eyes. Willow laughed out loud and it was a welcome release. She had begun to believe that she was made entirely of tears. Buffy had continued to undress until she reached her underclothes. Now she paused and Willow noticed with some bemusement that she had blushed to a brilliant crimson. Looking up at Willow she smiled awkwardly then removed her bra and panties, and now stood naked and blushing with her hands clenched at her sides and staring at the floor. Willow was in awe of her body, the absolute perfection of her form. The play of muscles beneath the bronzed skin, defined in obvious relief in her arms, legs and abdomen, the perfection of her breasts, firm and high, and finally the fine blonde down concealing her sex. It all combined to bring blood to Willow's face and a hitch to her breath. It was then that she found that Buffy had yet to move, nor had the blushing dimmed. She made a sudden movement to cover herself But Willow stayed her hands and began to kiss her tenderly. "I have never seen anything more beautiful than you," she paused to lift Buffy's eyes to her own," please don't , don't hide from me. If you're not ready I understand, I really do, but please , please don't be afraid of me." Buffy looked deep into Willow's eyes, " Willow, I...I'm uh...I need a bath." Both girls began to laugh and Willow kissed her several times before leading her into the bathroom. Buffy sat on the edge of the tub and turned on the water, she was very unsure of herself, and didn't quite know how to proceed. The sound of rustling clothes behind her drew her gaze and she found herself staring open-mouthed at the naked form of her oldest friend. Willow stood in the middle of the room, head held high, looking levelly at her with affection and not a little lust. That she was having this effect on her friend gave Buffy some small amount of courage, she stood and took a single step forward. Willow held up a hand to stop her and Buffy gave her a bemused look. "Wait for a moment Buffy, I want to say something. I know that I love you,I have no doubt, but this is a new situation for you and I don't want you to rush into anything your not ready for yet." Buffy was overwhelmed by the concern, but began to laugh none the less. She placed her hands on Willow's shoulders and tried to look more confident than she actually felt. "Wills, I've fought demons, vamps, gods, muggers, and the original evil, I'm pretty sure I can deal. " She was blushing again, but what she felt for Willow was now compounded by what she now saw. Buffy had never seen her friend naked, had in fact not seen too many naked women but what was now before her, deepened her blush and caused her heart to race. Willow's skin was creamy white and almost completely without blemish, the exception being a few freckles scattered across her chest. Her breasts were small,and even, with small pale nipples. Her waist was narrow with a small navel set almost flush with her stomach. Taller than Buffy, it seemed that her slim legs went on forever, and terminated at a completely hairless mound. Buffy gave Willow an amused look and this time it was the witch's turn to blush." Well, you know... I uh...Kennedy liked it that way...OK?" she stammered. " You're more beautiful than I could have imagined." was all Buffy could get out before she was compelled to kiss her. This time the kiss lingered much longer and was infused with more urgency. Buffy could not imagine any thing softer than Willow's lips and was enthralled by the sensation, and when Willow's tongue sought her's she eagerly responded. By the time they broke the kiss, mostly due to the need for air, both girls were breathless, flushed and enraptured with just feeling the softness of each other's bodies pressed to their own. For Buffy this was enthralling, overwelming,,she was captivated by the softness of Willow's skin, the feathered gentleness of her touch, her smell, the feel of her breath on her skin. It suddenly occurred to Buffy that the tub was still running and when she turned to check on it , it was near to overflowing. With two quick steps she reached the tub and turned off the faucets. After letting some of the water out, she beckoned for Willow to join her, and stepped into the tub, Willow climbed in after, sitting opposite and for a few moments they just sat there, looking at each other, 'till they both began to giggle and Buffy set to the task of getting clean. Willow helped her rinse the shampoo from her hair then instructed her to turn around. She began to lather up the slayer's back when she noticed the scars, dozens of them. Faint and small, they left pale lines on the tanned skin. She began to trace them gently with her fingertips, brushing her lips across one particularly long one across Buffy's left shoulder. It was then that it dawned on Willow what these really were, the evidence of a life spent in battles for her life and for the lives of those around her. She found herself tearing up again at the thought of , not just what she owed this woman, but the whole world owed her, many times over. The thought was humbling. As her fingers continued their gentle exploration of Buffy's body, she pressed her own body tightly to Buffy's back, pulling her closer to her, wishing desperately that she could erase all the pain that had been inflicted on this woman, who she felt more love for as the moments passed. Buffy hugged Willow's arms where they crossed her chest and rested her head back against Willow's shoulder. After a few minutes had passed Willow realized that the slayer's breathing had become slow and regular,...Buffy had fallen asleep. "Buffy?" The slayer's head snapped up and her muscles tensed."Shsssh, Buffy, it's ok, it's just you and me." "Sorry Wills, I guess it's been a long day. It's been a long time since I've been this relaxed, since I've been this ..happy." "No apologies required, lets get you to bed," "Hmm, bed, much goodness." the slayer was still drowsy and Willow happily towelled her off and led her to the bedroom.
As they got under the sheets, Willow held her close to her, each studying the other's face yet again, each looking for doubts in the other, and gratefully, finding none. Buffy's eyes were half shuttered and Willow could tell that she should sleep. Buffy brushed her lips with curious fingertips, so soft, could there be anything in the world this soft, this sensual? Willow kissed her, and this time it was the slayer's tongue doing the searching. After a moment or two Buffy pulled away looking serious again.
"Willow...?" A tear formed in the corner of one eye and Willow quickly kissed it away. Buffy was trembling," It's been so long since I've felt anything like this, and never this strongly, I..."
"It's O.K. Buffy, I know, believe me I know. We have our whole lives, we have forever to love." She pulled her closer still so that Buffy's head was nestled in the shadow of her chin," Sleep now. You don't have to be afraid anymore, I'll watch over you for a change and when you wake up I'll still be here, I'll never leave you again, You'll never be alone again."
"I love you Willow ."
The day had taken it's toll, and never having felt as safe, as loved as she did at this moment, Buffy was soon asleep.
The only light to be seen through the bedroom window when Willow awoke was the streetlights outside. Still half asleep it slowly registered that they had slept the day away and it was now night again. A soft, pleasurable feeling along her side brought her closer to fully awake. Opening her eyes, she found Buffy looking rather intently at her, the sensation, which was now raising goose bumps along her hip and thigh was Buffy's fingers, slowly, lightly , caressing her skin.
Buffy's gaze drifted up to Willow's eyes. "Did you know that your skin is the softest thing I have ever touched? It's just so...soft."
"Buffy? How long have you been awake?
"I don't know, it was light out but you were sleeping so soundly, and you looked so beautiful, I just laid here and watched you sleep. I'm sorry if I woke you."
"Don't be." By now Buffy's fingers had made their lazy way to Willow's stomach and the sensations were making the muscles twitch. "Hmmm, I hope you know what you're doing, It's not polite to tease."
Buffy looked at her with a mischievous smile. "Wills, I have absolutely no idea what I'm dong, . . . but I think I know what I want to do."
Willow brushed Buffy's cheek with the back of her fingers and was at once very serious. "Buffy, are you sure? I mean, we don't have to, you know, do anything . If you're not ready. . ."
Buffy brought her mouth to Willow's, and though the kiss began light and gentle, it quickly increased in urgency. Her tongue sought out Willow's and she pressed their bodies tightly together.
They spent the night expressing their love, they held nothing back, not their passion nor their pain. Willow guided Buffy at first, but soon they were joined in their exertions and pleasures, each giving all to the other, and surrendering their all in their turn. Dawn found them holding tightly to each other, spent and weeping, though no longer in sorrow, but for the joy they had found in the arms of the other, now, and forever.