Carcass *Chapter 11 up on 3/01*
by DawnBTVS
Validity
I'm following the stone pathway through a local cemetery. I have both hands shoved into my pockets, going back over how Giles informed me that we, vampires, could obtain feelings. It was an interesting revelation of course. Now I wonder if Angel and Spike could've told me that. Of course they could have because they had both been vampires for over 400 years combined. I kick a few pebbles out of my path as I continue forward, head hanging low but aware of what's going on at all times. I'm really enjoying the increased hearing now. Coupled with vampire speed and I could probably make a killer assassin. The whole light issue would be a problem but they usually work at night anyway.
I pause, lifting my head slightly. I know the smell that's pressing against my nostrils. It's a tinge of sweat mirrored with some shampoo, Old Spice maybe. I smile to myself, pleased to see him again. I walk forward, eyes scanning the cemetery for any sight of him. I finally spot him crouched down on the ground, brushing away some leaves off a grave. Visiting her, huh? So loyal aren't you? I purposefully step on a leave, making a loud crunch. The crouching man lifts his head up towards me, eyes taking a couple moments to register who I am. I give him a small wave.
"Been a while, Xander," I calmly start off. He slowly rises out of his crouch, hands clenched. He steps forward. He's angry. It's a cold, smothering anger. I used to think it never really fit him. In truth, it looks like it fit him with a glove. He just scared me because I was too nice to accept that he could be so angry. He pauses, staying several feet from me. He stabs a finger towards me in hatred. I can feel my smile faltering just a bit.
"You're not her," Xander states. I give him a cheeky grin, pulling my hands out of my pocket. I spread my arms out.
"Aren't I? I have the long red hair. Let it grow out in Spain. The striking green eyes and of course, the beautiful smile," I reply with a soft smile. He continues to glower at me.
"She's dead," he responds in an icy tone. I nod my head.
"I'm here," I answer. He reaches into his back pocket, pulling it out. His hand's gripping it tightly. He'll likely have splinters in the morning. I glance up at the twinkling stars in the air, just taking in their beauty.
"I'll kill you. It's what she would have wanted," Xander proclaims. I have to stifle a laugh with my hand. Is he really serious? He takes a couple steps forward as I just stare at him in utter amusement. Such compassion these humans have towards the memories of their fallen. God, it almost makes me sick. Thank God I'm dead although I guess I never really had a chance to meet him. Looks like I'm destined for Hell, yippee. Maybe I'll meet Satan and give him a sweet kiss or something.
"It's what she would have wanted, Xander? I seem to remember her flaying Warren pretty nicely. As a matter of fact, you were there too. All the skin just ripped off revealing the tendons, muscles, and innards. Tell me, how long did that nightmare linger?" I ask as he freezes. He eyes me but hardens himself again and continues moving forward.
"She paid for that mistake," Xander gruffly comments back at me. I smirk back at him.
"Right. You never paid for breaking her heart, you know," I remark, tilting my head slightly at him. Xander should be angry more often. He'd make such a good vampire with all that hate. I can feel the pulsing in my head and the lust to turn him is powerful. He'd make a good partner although not for the sexual use. Unless Buffy was into three ways, which could be fun but I promised her to do no harm, which sucks that I can't suck. Xander frowns at me slightly, a bit confused.
"What?" he asks, trying to sound angry but instead he comes off as pitiful. He never was that brave. He only lost his eye because he tried playing hero and failed, as usual. God, how could I have ever worshipped the ground he walked on?
"She worshipped you, Xander. It's almost pathetic looking back at how fond she...or I was of you. From seventh grade on through sophomore year I was fawning over you like a lost kitten. Desperately craving any affection you would throw my way. Oh, how I relished those school dances. Of course you never really wanted to dance with me. You'd see that I was all alone and you would think, 'I can be the hero in shining armor' and so we would go and you'd ogle somebody else while tugging at my heart. Even through junior year I was all over you but you didn't see a damn thing. Miss French? Ampata? You slept with Cordelia over me," I snarl at him, growing slightly angry at the image in my head of when I had learned about that. Crushing was an understatement. Xander shakes his head, trying to shake my words off. He scowls back at me.
"You...she was my best friend," Xander chokes out. I snort in derision at him. He's still standing in place, hand clenching that stake like it's the only thing holding him up.
"You're a real piece of work, Xander. How did it feel fucking Faith? While the rest of us were saving the world, you had to go after Faith. It's funny but you always seemed to be interested in everybody but me. What was it that attracted you, Xander? The girl inside is desperate to know. I wasn't the rebellious and all powerful Slayer but that didn't stop you from banging Cordelia. It was fucking Cordelia, Xander! If anybody hated her more than me, it was you!" I growl, feeling the venom washing over me. The images are constantly flashing through my head the more I talk. They're helping to fuel my anger. Xander just stands there slightly stunned. I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for an answer.
"You're just toying with me," he finally mumbles. I shake my head.
"You never were the hero, Xander. You're still the same guy cracking jokes and trying to make light of everything in life so that you don't have to show us how scared, and pathetic you really are. Buffy and I have both died and what happened to you? You lost an eye? That's fair. You wanted Buffy and Faith because you always wanted to be the big man. You always wanted to be the star of the show and have everybody look up to you like a king. You didn't even have the grades to go to college," I mutter with disgust. Xander flinches but somehow manages to remain fairly angry. Not as angry as before unfortunately, but angry enough. He raises the stake up as if it'll scare me.
"Just shut up. You're a demon and don't know a damn thing about Willow," he snaps at me. I just give a slight chuckle.
"Can't you remember how hurt I was when you became that hyena? All those cruel words you said towards me with nary a hint of remorse. A lot like a vampire, actually. What were those words...ah. I quote, 'So I won't be needing your math help anymore. Which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again,' end quote. Oh, you remember that, Xander. I'm sure you do. You managed to shoot down my intelligence and potentially kill any lust I had for you in one sentence."
"Willow knew that wasn't me, that I was possessed. She forgave me," Xander replies softly. I smirk at him, sneering as I take a couple steps towards him. Two more steps and we'll be almost face-to-face.
"Of course she forgave you, Xander. She loved you. I loved you. You've never loved, Xander. All you've ever wanted to do is ream the opposite sex to prove your worth as a man. Anya was just a toy to you. A sexual object utilized for your satisfaction whenever you needed to cum," I snarl. Xander leaps at me with surprising speed. He's a human though, so I sidestep him. He turns around as I hit him with a hard jab to the face, sending him staggering back a couple steps.
"Shut up!" he sputters as blood starts falling. He charges forward but I manage to dodge, reach around encasing him with my right arm, and wrenching his wrist with my left hand. The stake drops as I pin his body against me. He's squirming and making me hot. I smile as I lean forward, resting my chin on his shoulder while I pin his arms to his sides with my right arm. I press against the side of his head with my left forearm.
"You'd make a great vampire, Xander. Such hostility inside you just waiting to be unleashed but I made a promise to a cute blonde. I wouldn't bite any of the Scooby Gang for the happiness of puppies or whatever. You know you'd be dead right now if not for that promise. Faith has probably committed suicide, which suits me fine since I never liked her anyway however I do like you, Xander. Enjoy life," I whisper before shoving him hard to the ground. He rolls several feet before winding up on his back. I turn and begin to walk away, ignoring whatever it is he's muttering at me. I'm done with him.
~~~BTVS~~~
At least the flush feelings have finally gone away. God, could I be anymore transparent? I probably came off as a sex hound that wants only that and doesn't care about anything else. She's just sleeping in my bed.... with me...in a likely spooning position...oh! I growl to myself and am met with a growl. I glare at the charging vampire and promptly stake him, not in the mood for a long bout of 'bruise Buffy' tonight. I shake my head at another influx of sexual images batter my brain. I really have to keep my wits about me.
"Yiah!" I shout, jumping a good foot when I feel a hand, an ice cold, hand touch the base of my neck. I whirl around driving the stake home, or swerving in this case, to stake Willow in the shoulder. I wince instantly, pulling the stake out of her left shoulder. "Oh God, sorry! So, sorry but you sneaked up on me!" I apologize and admonish in the same breath. Willow glances at her shoulder, then at me with a small frown.
"Some welcome," she mumbles. Blood's seeping through her shirt as I tuck the stake into the back of my jeans and press a hand again the wound. It's kind of disgusting but I did sorta stake her.
"Well, you snuck on me," I say in slight defense of my actions. It is the truth after all but being a Slayer, it was a really dumb move on my part. Willow arches an eyebrow slightly and I know she's thinking exactly what I just thought. More the dumb move than it being the truth most likely.
"Just saying hi," Willow growls softly. I give her an apologetic smile. She's watching me.
"I am happy to see you, ignoring that staking fiasco, which is totally understandable cause I'm a Slayer," I comment, pulling my hand away. I frown when I see that it's caked in blood. Eww. I hope it washes off easily but I don't think it's gonna. Damn.
"It'll heal, Buffy. I just wanted to drop by and let you know that Giles has something to talk to you about. That doesn't involve me, it seems," Willow mutters with a pout. I give her a small smile and link an arm with hers.
"I'm sure I can drag you along. We can go the Spike route with the blanket if it's during the day," I say, trying to comfort her. She gives a slight scowl when Spike's name is brought up. I frown at her. "What?" I ask, slightly confused.
"Spike. He tried to rape you," Willow snarls. I look at her.
"He did but he also saved the world."
"He deserved to die."
"Left a strong impression, huh?" I ask, kind of amazed at the ferocity of Willow's anger. She even vamped out for just a few seconds before reverting. It was kind of shocking but...not that scary either. Guess I've been around too many vampires in my life.
"He had no respect for your body....or you, Buffy. It pisses me off to think that you'd let something like that touch you," she whispers. I frown at her, wondering what exactly she meant by that. Who's she to question my past anyway.
"That? Like vampire because I'm looking at you...and you did go all vampy for a few seconds," I comment. Willow looks at me, a brief flash of surprise escapes to reveal the calmness again.
"No, not vampire. You let an animal touch you, Buffy. He had no regard for you at all. He was basically Xander," Willow answers. I stop walking, looking at her with a slightly startled expression. Xander?
"Did you just compare Spike to Xander?" I ask with disbelief. There's no way Spike is like Xander. Not in a million years.
"Xander was just obsessed with sex. Even when he was with Anya," Willow mutters. I can feel the shiver down my spine.
"Did you and Xander meet up?" I ask, already having an idea of what the answer will be. Willow nods her head and gives me a wink.
"We had a talk of sorts," Willow calmly replies. Uh oh.
"Was it like that talk with Faith?"
"Xander never did apologize for his treatment of me in the early years. I gave him a bloody nose but that was it."
"Why?"
"He tried to stake me after I accused him of being a sexual predator. He didn't seem to find the truth that endearing," Willow says, smiling at me like it's some joke. I sigh and close my eyes.
"Fuck, Willow. Are you making it your mission to go around killing off any friendship you built up as a human?" I ask in exasperation. Willow shrugs her shoulders in indifference.
"I'm just telling them what I never really could in the past, Buffy. If they can't deal, that's on them," she replies.
"Great. Make enemies of the few people that basically wouldn't kill you. Even if I try to reason with them, you've basically driven Faith, and Xander to wanting to kill you no matter what," I snarl in anger. Willow wraps her arms around my waist but I'm too tense to relax into her touch.
"I don't feel compassion for them, Buffy. Besides, it's time that they heard the truth rather than living in this make believe world where everything's peachy," Willow whispers into my ear.
"Can't you just try to make life a bit simple for me? I have feelings for you, you're a vampire no less, and now you're going around and basically trying to create a fucking army to kill you," I growl in frustration. I pull out of her embrace and turn to face her. She gives me a disappointed pout.
"I can handle them," she answers. It takes everything in me not to punch her out of disgust.
"Fine," I tell her, beginning to stalk off in anger. She doesn't follow me.