Buffy On Springer
by will
[reviews]
This is in response to helena's challenge.
Title: Buffy on Springer
Author: Montevallo (willntlover)
Disclaimers: Joss owns Buffy, and I don't know about Jerry or where it is filmed. And I don't own Disneyland, or Disneyworld.
Notes: [ ] thoughts, "" spoken
TELEVISION SCREEN CUTS FROM THE MOUNTAIN DEW COMMERCIAL, AND ON THE SCREEN IS EVERYONE'S ROLEMODEL:
JERRY SPRINGER
"Hello all, and thank you for tuning in. Today on our show we have a man here who thinks his charges are shirking their duties." (Audience claps as Giles walks out on stage)
"You say that your 'charges' are shirking their responsibility. Do you have any idea why?"
"Yes I do. They-"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but what responsibilities? They are in their twenties right? Kids are supposed to have fun."
"Yes. Children are supposed to have fun of course, but Buffy and Willow have been neglecting their duties. Buffy as the slayer, and Willow as a mage."
"What?" Jerry asks too calmly, because he already knows.
"They are both, what is a good word for this? Chosen for certain responsibilities that are tremendously important. And as of late they have been falling behind. What with them being involved romantically and all." The audience looks at Jerry expectantly.
"You mean that they are in a romantic relationship?"
"Yes."
"With each other?"
"Yes. I thought we went over that already? Why are you asking me all of these questions again?"
Jerry ignores Giles and turns to the audience with a grin on his face.
"Here they are Buffy and Willow!" The audience hoots and hollers as Buffy and Willow walk out.
"Giles why did you bring us here?"
"Yeah, because I got really nervous when they said that the title for today's show was 'Bizarre Love Triangle Reviled'."
"No need to be nervous Willow, you are here to clear up some problems with Giles." Willow looked scared at Jerry's words.
"What do you mean? I- It's not like he has like some sort of crush on one of us is it? Because that would be very wrong. Cause one Buffy and I are together, and two that would be very disturbing. That-"
"Willow baby-"Buffy's voice is drowned out by the audience's catcalls. "Just calm down. It can't be to bad. Giles took us on Jerry!" Jerry smiles at the crowd.
COMMERCIAL*******************************************
"We're back and with us is Buffy and Willow." Info appears on the television screen.
Buffy Summers: age 20, has had every relationship end with her partner either moving away, or losing his soul. Willow Rosenberg: age 20. Has had one relationship, and was always responsible, until now.
"So how long have you guys been going out?" Willow perks back up and answers before Buffy can say anything.
"Two months!"
"There are a lot of new things in your life, Buffy as your girlfriend, you must be very busy."
"Yeah. But it's worth it." Buffy smiles at Willow.
"Now Giles seems to be having a problem with the two of you being together."
"I never said such a thing!"
"Giles!" Willow grabs Buffy's hand as the blonde starts to cry.
"I didn't ever say that! I told him that I thought the two of you were slacking off on your duties! That's all!" Buffy wiped the tears from her face, rising out of her chair.
"Wait a minute folks. No need to get physical, we are all just trying to make the best of these situation." The three people on stage turn and give Jerry the evil eye. "Giles? Would you like to share your feelings with Buffy and Willow?"
"Yes." He turns back to his surrogate daughters. "Since you two have started going out, your have been missing meetings, research gatherings, and training." Willow looks over to Buffy, confused.
"You missed training?" Buffy quickly turns back to Jerry.
"What the hell is this? My life is of no concern to you!" The crowds give and nsync 'oooooo'.
"Well when you start messing with someone's heart they deserve to know what's going on." Buffy turns deathly pale.
"Buffy? What's wrong? What is he talking about?"
"Buffy we have a surprise for you." Buffy's eyes widen. [Shit! I'm in trouble!] "How would you like it if I said there was someone very close to you here to see you?"
"Is it Xander?" Jerry chuckles at Buffy's lame attempt to get out of the guest appearance.
"No, but they have known him. Here she is.... Faith!" The brunette haired slayer walks out on stage strutting her stuff. Willow jumps up, but Buffy grabs her and sits down on top of her to keep the red head in the chair. Faith smirks and sits down.
"What?! No wise ass comments? Lose your edge Faith?" Faith gets up and walks over towards Willow and Buffy.
"No. But I have gotten something recently."
"What? A brain?"
"No. Your girlfriend." Faith pulls Buffy off of Willow and kisses the other slayer.
"You-" Willow picks up her chair and moves to hit Faith with it.
CUT TO A COMMERCIAL*******************************************
What happened during the break:
Giles grabs the chair and removes it from Willow's grasp.
"Willow I think it would be wise if you-"
"Shut up!" Willow picked the chair back up and begins to throw it at Faith, but stops and throws it at Buffy who is still kissing Faith.
"Ow!!!!"
"Get your hands off of her!"
CUT TO EVERYONE SITTING IN A CHAIR. GILES ON ONE END AND FAITH ON THE OTHER.
"Welcome back, as you saw during the break Willow took some initiative and hit Buffy with the chair." He turns back toward the stage. "So why did you go into a rage?"
"Are you deaf ?! Did you hear what she sad?! Plus she's a big hoe!" faith jumps up, and races toward Willow.
"Hey! Take that back you little-"
"Faith! No!" Buffy trips Faith up, and runs over to Willow.
"Let go of me you kissed her!" Buffy tried to get Willow to look at her, but the red head just kept turning her head.
"Willow please! She kissed me! Not the other way around!"
"I didn't see you trying to stop her!"
"Willow-" Faith grabs Willow and starts dragging her backstage. "Dammit Faith, stop it!"
Buffy ran after the two, but ducked out of the way as Willow muttered a few words. Suddenly the witch was out of Faith's arms and had the girl in a headlock.
"How do you like that? Huh Faith?" Willow tightened her hold as the other slayer flailed her arms about.
"Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!" Steve went over and picked Willow up, handing her to Buffy who kept her arms around the still struggling witch.
"Let me go! I'm gonna kick her ass! She can't just say stuff like that!" Faith grins at Willow.
"What can I say Jerry? I'm irresistible." Faith moved to sit back down, but was tackled by Willow.
"You are a big hoe!" Crash! Faith's head into the stage floor. "Keep your hands off of Buffy!"
Another crash. Jerry starts to look afraid, and hides behind Steve.
"Cut to a commercial dammit quick!"
***************COMMERCIAL*************************************
Final Thoughts:
Jerry is standing behind his little screen trying to ignore the sounds of Faith and Willow fighting. Actually Faith running away from Willow, who was being chased by Buffy, while Giles just sat in the chair shocked.
"Today we have learned that it does not matter about the gender of your loved one, but about their commitment to you. And in Buffy's case, she needs to seek help.-"
(in the back ground)
"I heard that! I do not need help! Willow tell him I do not need help!"
"Shut up for a minute I'm trying to catch Faith! Who's the wimp now!!!"
"Take what you have seen here today and please try to do some good things with your lives. Thank you and goodnight." Faith runs past Giles and stops for a second to throw him at Willow.
"That's cheating!" She mumbles a few words and suddenly
The credits roll.
Buffy laughed and turned the t.v. off.
"I guess you would be happy wouldn't you? You didn't get banned from California!"
"I told you not to get the axe from the car."
"But now I can't go to Disneyland!" Buffy pulls Willow close.
"Hey there's always Disneyworld."
"Really?! When can we go??"
[Oh dear lord what have I started?]
THE END