Hear Me
by Red
[reviews]
Hear Me
Red
Joss' folk.
BW...R
Summary: Willow sees Buffy with Spike(season 6) and that, kids, is the straw that breaks the Willowy back.
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I used to be scared of letting someone in
but it gets so lonely being on my own
no one to talk to and no one to hold me
I'm not always strong oh I need you here
are you listening?
hear me I'm cryin' out I'm ready now
turn my world upside down find me
I'm lost inside the crowd it's getting loud
I need you to see I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear Me...Kelly Clarkson
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Buffy trudged up the stairs as quietly as she could. She needed a hot shower...one that lasted a year. How could she do this again? How could she let Spike touch her? It was a sickness, she knew it...a way to feel something again.
That didn't take the sick out of her stomach.
Reaching the top of the stairs, she made her way down the hall, stopping at Dawn's room and peeking in. She had to smile when she saw her kid sister curled up with her faveorite teddy bear, fast asleep. To be so innocent...had she ever been that innocent?
Closing the door, she continued walking, stopping outside of Willow's room. Willow. The most innocent person she had ever known. The one thing in her life that she knew she could never live without. Willow was part of the reason she went to Spike.
Buffy loved the redhead so much...too much. How many times had she wanted to take the witch into her arms and tell her just how much? No, that was something she could never do. Loving Willow could get Willow killed and the slayer knew she had already put her life in enough danger just by being her friend. If anything ever happened to Willow...
The slayer opened the door to check on her best friend. With Tara leaving...and the magicks...Buffy had been alot more worried about her friend than usual. It was even harder now, with Tara being gone, to not tell Willow that whole, how much I love you, thing. But she couldn't...she wouldn't...no matter how much it hurt, that was one secret Buffy would take back to her grave.
The door opened, Buffy peeked in and found an empty, unmade bed. Opening the door more, she stepped inside, more than a little panic rising inside of her. She reached for the light switch.
"Don't."
"Will?"
"Don't turn it on."
Buffy turned toward the window and saw the silohouette sitting in the chair, the street light catching strands of red.
"Will, are you ok?"
"Go to bed, Buffy...I know you're exhausted."
Buffy closed the door and moved closer to the chair.
"I'm good...but I'm thinkin' you, not so much. Wanna talk?"
Buffy couldn't see the sick little sarcastic grin that graced the witch's face.
"Trying to ease that conscience, slayer?"
Buffy's brow furrowed. "Willow, I'm turning the light on."
"NO!"
Buffy took 3 steps and placed herself right next to the chair. Bending slightly, she looked at Willow's face.
"Oh gawd...Will, what happened?" she gasped, taking in the bruised lip.
Willow looked at her, met her worry filled eyes and Buffy saw the grin.
"What do you care?"
The slayer wanted to be hurt, shocked, but she couldn't be either. She hadn't been best friend girl, not since she came back from the dead and she knew it. She had distanced herself from all of them...Dawn, Giles, Xander...and especially Willow. She had to. The temptation was so strong...the opportunity screaming in her face...Buffy needed to be touched...needed to feel, to know she was in fact, alive...and she needed more than anything, for Willow to show her those things.
So she pushed away...lost herself in what was once her worst enemy.
Buffy tried to speak...it wasn't easy. She feared if she opened her mouth, everything...every feeling, every desire, every tear would come crashing out and that couldn't happen.
"What's wrong? Vampire got your tongue?"
Buffy's eyes widened, her mouth falling open. The sickness in her stomach multiplied by a million and she had to put her hand on the chair back to keep from falling over.
Willow knew.
The redhead's grin faded and in it's place, was the most wounded, hurt, broken look the slayer had ever seen on anyone. She dropped to her knees and reached for Willow's hand, pulling back when she winced.
Looking up into lost green eyes, Buffy stood and hurried over to the light switch, flipping it on. When the room illuminated the redhead, the slayer rushed back over and gasped. The woman she had loved for so many years was a beaten mess. Not only was her lip bruised, her right eye was black and swollen, as was the entire side of her face, ugly black and blues decorated her arms and her hands were bloodied at the knuckles. Willow lowered her head, her eyes staring at Buffy's shoes.
"Willow...talk to me...who did this? Tell me who did this, please."
Buffy felt the slayer in her shaking for vengeance. Whoever, whatever did this, wouldn't see the sunrise.
For a moment, Willow said nothing...then slowly, her head rasied and her eyes met Buffy's.
"Me."
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Buffy turned the water off and check reached into the tub. The temperature was perfect...not too hot, but hot enough. Moving to the bedroom, she helped Willow up and led her down the hall. Her heart was in a thousand pieces. Her Willow...her Willow had done this to herself.
The slayer wasn't a fool. She was more than aware that there were people...many of them, young girls her own age, who hurt themselves. She read the magazines, watched the special Mtv had aired...cutters, that's what they called them. She and Dawn and Tara and Willow had watched it last year. Buffy herself had even thought about it after her mom had died. She and Dawn had talked about it...not about Buffy's contemplation of doing it, but of the illness itself. The slayer wanted to make sure that her sister wasn't anywhere near that place.
The thought that her best friend could be, never crossed her mind.
"It's nice and hot, but not too hot," she softly said, undressing Willow carefully.
She half expected to find more bruises as she did, possibly even cuts, but thankfully, thankfully, there were none.
Buffy almost wanted to laugh at the irony of the moment. She had fantasied for how long about taking Willow's clothes off and here she was, doing just that, and all she could think was GOD please don't let there be bruises or cuts.
GOD was listening and for that, the slayer thanked HIM.
Kneeling down, Buffy removed the jeans then carefully took the panties down. Despite the seriousness of the situation, the slayer couldn't deny how much she enjoyed the view. If only this was a different time, a different place...no demons, no chosen one, no battered, beautiful redhead...
Sometimes, if onlys, aren't worth shit.
Leaning in, Buffy placed a gentle kiss between Willow's thighs. She couldn't help it. Things had changed. She no longer cared about needing to feel, to be alive. The woman she loved with her every fiber was in pain...so much pain, that she had taken her own fists to herself.
Buffy didn't care about Buffy at the moment. Buffy cared about Willow.
Willow stood quietly, numbly, not having said a word since me. She let Buffy lead her to the bathroom, she let Buffy undress her, not making a sound. She had dreamed about being undressed by the slayer for how long and here she was, being undressed by the slayer...the slayer who had just fucked Spike.
Not how it was in her dreams.
Then...
A low moan fell from Willow's lips when she felt soft lips against her warmth. Buffy wanted to look up, to see the look on her witch's face, but gentle fingers in her hair kept her still. Willow tenderly stroked the blonde tresses, her eyes closed, her body humming. Buffy felt it, literally, the trembling against her lips and swallowed hard. She wanted more...needed more...needed Willow to know that she loved her, that she wanted her more than anything in the world.
"Do you love him?"
The soft voice was thunder in the slayer's ears and the tears that had been threatening since the admission, the confession of the witch, finally eased their way out, falling against the warm flesh of her everything.
"I've only loved one person in my entire life," she replied, her voice shaking.
Willow swallowed hard, tears now gracing her own cheeks.
"Ang-"
"You."
Willow's eyes flew open and she looked down to Buffy's teary yet smiling face.
"Me?" Buffy nodded. "Me, me? Like, the me that's here, now, naked, bruisy me?"
"Yes, yes, yes so yes!"
"But, Spike, I sa-"
"You hurt herself with your fists, Will...I hurt myself with him."
Willow's fingers gently massaged Buffy's head as she tried to take this in. Buffy...Buffy Summers...Buffy Summers, the vampire slayer, the woman she'd been in love since first meeting...that Buffy was in love with her.
Buffy watched the emotions play over Willow's face.
"Is it ok, Will? Is it ok that you're the only person I've ever loved?"
Willow nodded, emphatically. "So the uhhuh...if it's ok that you're the only person I've ever loved in my life...it is, isn't it?"
Buffy smiled bigger than she had ever smiled in her life...smiled because her Willow was the most beautiful...the most adorable...and most importanly...hers.
"I think it's kinda manditory." She stood and looked her witch in the eye. "MY Willow...I love you MY Willow."
Leaning in, she brushed her lips gently over Willow's, careful not to hurt her. Willow didn't care about pain. She pressed her lips, bruised and all, hard against Buffy's, her arms wrapping around the slayer and holding onto her tight. Buffy's arms did the same, her own mouth now giving as hard as it got and when they finally came up for air, they stared into each other's eyes.
"I love you, MY Buffy."
Buffy gently, carefully caressed Willow's bruised cheek.
"Things are gonna be different, Will...from now on...you're mine...and no one hurts my witch...including my witch."
Willow couldn't help but smile. "Your witch, Buffy, for always."
Buffy returned the smile and they kissed again, this time softly, tenderly and as their lips parted, the slayer smirked.
"You know you're gonna be punished for doing this to yourself, right?"
Willow smiled, eyes closed. "Mmmm, k, punish me, MY slayer."
Buffy leaned to her ear and whispered. "First, bath...then, first aid...then, you over my lap while I spank this naughty little witch ass."
Willow giggled and opened her eyes. "Gotta buy me dinner first, baby, not that easy."
Buffy reached around and gave her a good spank, prompting the redhead to gasp and ow.
"No joking here, Will...you're not getting away with this...I'm gonna set this sweet little ass on fire...a fire that shall burn for a several days...because I want you to remember it, in case you ever even think, about harming yourself again, understand?"
"Understood." Willow nodded, rubbing her bum, her thighs kinda wet.
"Good." Buffy kissed her softly, reaching back and rubbing for her. "But just in case, I think we need to do a little, online shopping. There's this place, they sell really nice paddles...we can get one for your good girl spankys and one for your bad girl ones."
The kinda wet was rapidly turning into very wet.
"K, the good girl, so like that, but, um, see, there isn't gonna be any bad girl, nope, never again."
Buffy smiled as she slid her hand between Willow's thighs, her fingertips brushing lightly against. Hazel eyes locked into green ones and the slayer grinned. Willow swallowed hard as a soft, breathless moan escaped from her mouth.
"Well, maybe a little bad....."