Starting Line
by Rin
16
[reviews]
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The semester seemed to fly by fast. They were already in finals, and Willow had been studying nonstop for the past month. The thing that scared her was that she couldn't keep her hands off Buffy. Whenever the blonde was around (and she was around a lot), the redhead couldn't wait to feel her skin pressed against the blonde's, or place little hidden love bites all over that body. She was addicted to the lovin'...moreso, she was addicted to Buffy's face in the throes of passion. Willow Rosenberg was afraid she was becoming a nymphomaniac...but who could blame her?
Buffy, in the meantime, was having the opposite problem. She wasn't caught up with her homework like Willow, and struggled with her schoolwork...all because she'd get a random booty call from Willow, and she'd rush over without question, forgetting her homework or essays. Buffy wanted to lovin' to slow down a bit. She didn't want the passion to wear off any faster, and was afraid that Willow wouldn't want her when that happened.
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"How were finals?" Willow was in a super happy mood. She'd aced all of her tests, and was waiting on Buffy to return from her final final. They were meeting in the Espresso Pump to celebrate their freedom for a month, and talk about their plans.
"Do you really wanna know?" Buffy felt her entire body shake again. She'd panicked during the test, and couldn't remember anything that she'd studied. It did not go over well.
"Of course, silly." Willow watched her girlfriend sit at the table, and become immediately worried. This was not a happy Buffy face. "What's wrong?"
"I panicked. I couldn't remember anything...and just stared at the paper." Buffy huffed before slamming her head on the table. A few other customers looked when there was a slight bang. "I don't want to take that class again. I'd rather drop out."
"It wasn't that bad." Willow scooted her chair closer to Buffy's, and started to rub her back. "Let me get you a mocha, cheer you up. I'm sure you did fine."
"How? I didn't write anything. The time was called before I realized that I hadn't done a thing!" Buffy was seriously scared; the class was required for her major, and it was the toughest one to sit through. She fell asleep most classes from the boring lectures.
"Buff, it's...I'm sure the professor will let you retake it. Just go talk to him." Willow made sure the waitress knew to put extra sprinkles on the mocha for Buffy.
"How can I? This was it. Classes are over, teachers are gone." Buffy's pout was more than usual.
"Well...we'll try to call him, okay? Explain, and see if he'll cut you a break. Let you make it up for credit." Willow had never seen Buffy this distressed before. "Want to get the mocha to go? Maybe go back to the dorm, or your house?"
"That's the problem." Buffy sighed.
"That you're not living on campus this year?" Willow wasn't surprised when Buffy had offered to help her mom with tuition by moving back home. It wasn't that bad a drive.
"No...I'm on campus most mornings already anyways. That's the problem." Buffy loved Willow...with all of her being...but spending every moment kissing, fucking, and making love (and they did a lot of each) was taking a toll on her sanity.
"That you're living partially in both places? I'm confused, Buff. Help me out a bit." Willow, for all her intelligence, could not figure out what was bothering her girlfriend. It was the basic human mistake...that we're all alike...that Buffy could handle the homework, the lovin', and the lack of studying, just like her.
"We have too much sex." Buffy said it in a harsh whisper, and panicked when she saw the hurt look on her face. "Wait...that didn't come out right."
"W...what do you mean? Am I...is it..." Willow swallowed hard, her own panic surfacing.
"No, no, you're great. Perfect. Just...I haven't done much studying, let alone homework assignments, because I'm mostly entertaining you." Buffy wanted to kick herself in the head. This was probably not the best place to have this conversation, either. Willow's face was turning red.
"So...you're only here to entertain me. Is that it? do you think that's all you are to me? You don't think I love you? Do I not say it enough? I mean...I know I'm not that open with my feelings or emotions but...I mean, I thought that...you would know..." Willow didn't want to run out of the coffeehouse and make a scene, or start crying uncontrollably. The urges were starting to become too strong.
"I just...maybe we need more time apart." Buffy could tell she was saying this all wrong. Willow's hurt face just kept getting worse, and the unshed tears kept threatening to spill. "I'm not saying this right. It's just...I want to spend time with you, all that I can...but I don't get anything else done that needs doing. I want to be with, need to even, it's just...I'm not like you. I can't do it all the time, and never study."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Willow went from stage upset to stage frustrated.
"Nothing...just. I'm not as smart as you. I need to study." Buffy lowered her voice, in hopes of calming her girlfriend. "I don't blame you...it's mostly me. I would run to you no matter if you called. I just...maybe we need to take some time apart, so that I can get things done."
"You don't wanna be with me anymore?"
"I'm not saying that. I wanna be you more and more...just...if I'm going to make it through my classes, maybe we shouldn't be together as much." Buffy saw Willow's tears finally start to fall.
"So, you wanna break up?" Willow felt her heart being torn in pieces. She'd never felt anything quite like this, not like this, not this strong.
"No! God...no, I couldn't...I just...maybe next semester we should make a schedule." Buffy couldn't believe she was taking away her own lack of whimsical spontaneity. Responsibility. Willow really was rubbing off on her.
"Like...we can only be together at this time, on this day...has it come to that?" Willow remembered her parents doing the same thing. "We have to have a sex schedule? What happened to passion, and love...this sounds like...like..."
"No...nothing like that. I mean like...certain days we can go on dates, and whose to say that I won't finish my homework early, or there won't be an assignment one week. I just...I know that being with you every minute is too much."
Willow didn't say anything in response. She just sat there, numb, and couldn't believe that Buffy had just said that. Her hurt and upset brain didn't listen to the context, only the words. Instead of saying anything else, she just stood up, steeled her jaw, and left the Espresso Pump, not caring if Buffy followed or not.
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Two days passed before Buffy was able to get hold of Willow. She'd tried calling her house but she would never answer, so she finally went over. It surprised her that Mrs. Rosenberg answered the door. The cars in the driveway should've tipped her. Mrs. Rosenberg just pointed to Willow's room, barely acknowledging Buffy's presence. It made the blonde upset, seeing and knowing how Willow must've felt all those years growing up with parents that were cold and distant, when they were home.
Buffy found the redhead in her room, reading a book on her bed. Shutting the door behind her, Buffy just entered further, hoping that at least Willow would acknowledge her presence.
"I'm sorry, whatever I said or did, I'm sorry." Buffy sat at the end of the bed but Willow just turned the page in her book.
"Am I on your schedule for tonight?" Willow didn't mean to sound so bitter but Buffy had practically told her that it would not be a forever thing with them, that she couldn't live with her, and be with her every minute.
"That's not fair, Wills. You know I have trouble with studying, and you're a distraction, a welcome distraction, but a distraction no less." Buffy took a deep breath.
"You just keep digging your hole." Willow steeled her jaw again. "Anyways, my parents are home, so you can't stay anyways."
"Wills...come on. I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. I would rather be with you...but we're so close to being finished with school, and I want to avoid failing classes. I got lucky my professor let me retake this time...but I can't count on that happening again. I have to have study time, and this is the only way I can guarantee..."
"Buffy, I get that you need to study. I understand." Willow went back to her book.
"Really...because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like you're taking this as something personal, and it's not. I want to spend every minute of every hour, every second of every minute, just being with you, not even making love all the time, just...having you there. This has nothing to do with us, or how I feel about you. This has to do with me trying to become a better person, the person that you deserve, that can get a job because she's able to finish college, and I can't do that without studying, and I can't study when you're around. It's too tempting to get lost in you." Buffy watched as Willow slowly lowered her book, and took a deep breath. "Please don't be mad at me. I'm not good at this emotion stuff, either. I just know that I'm so in love with you, and want to be the person that is able to give you everything you need or want."
"Oh...Buffy, I love you, too." Willow felt silly at being so upset. "I just wish you would've told me sooner. I would've limited my phone calls to only times when I knew you weren't busy. You just...you never said anything. I thought everything was okay."
"It is okay. Well...it will be, at least. I don't like the feeling of you being mad at me. It's worse than if I'd had to take that class over again." Buffy scooted closer on the bed, and enveloped her girlfriend in a hug.
"I'm sorry. I just...the way you said things. I guess I overreacted." Willow took a deep breath, and just squeezed tighter. "I wish my parents weren't home."
"I don't believe that. You always wish they were home more." Buffy released the redhead from the tight hug but kept hold of her hands.
"Well, it's just...you don't need to study, since there is nothing to study for, and...you're already here..." Willow bit her lip. She really was becoming a nymphomaniac.
"It's a shame you can't get into the dorms. Mom's home, too." Buffy felt the heat rise, as her belly started to swell, and her lowers started to tingle in anticipation.
"There's always a motel." Willow was getting desperate.
"I don't think they let you rent by the hour." Buffy was being serious, though her tone indicated she was joking.
"Well, we could just make use of the entire night's fee, then." Willow started to scoot closer, ready to devour the blonde now.
"Yeah but...motels are so gross. They never really get all the stains out." Buffy was getting desperate, too...but knew the redhead would not like it too much afterwards.
"Well, if you promise to be quiet..." Willow pulled Buffy into a loose embrace, keeping their lips close but not touching, their hot breaths kissing the small air between them.
"You're usually the loud one." Buffy smiled, as her eyes got heavy, and their lips connected. It felt like too long since they'd last done this. Three days ago, before the small fight/not really a fight at the coffeeshop. "Maybe...sometimes you can...help me...and then, I wouldn't...have to...oh...go away...as much..."
"I can definitely do that." Willow started to kiss along Buffy's neck.
"Well...you have to promise no grabby hands. Actual studying must be done during those times." Buffy buried her fingers in red locks, encouraging her girlfriend further.
"I will help you always. You just have to ask...sometimes, not even then." Willow was about to run her hand up Buffy's shirt when there was a loud knock at the door, causing Willow's head to hit Buffy's jaw, and the blonde to bite her tongue and yelp in pain.
"Willow, is your friend staying for dinner?" Mrs. Rosenberg could never remember her daughter's friends but she was glad to see that Willow wasn't spending every waking hour with that Harris boy anymore. It was good that she'd found some female friends.
"It's my date night with Mom." Buffy was glad to have an excuse. "Sorry."
"It's okay." Willow cupped Buffy's cheek before placing a soft kiss on her lips.
"Willow? Are you listening?" Mrs. Rosenberg was about to burst open the door. She hated it when her daughter didn't listen to her.
"No, mom. Buffy won't be staying." She really wanted to say 'no, I wasn't listening, and you were the one that taught me that lesson' but she bit her tongue. Willow always felt stronger, braver whenever Buffy was around.
"Okay, dinner's almost ready, so she should be moving along." Mrs. Rosenberg left to finish dinner.
"Well...we'll figure something out. Maybe I can sneak back later? You can keep your balcony doors unlocked, and I can sneak in all romantic-like." Buffy sighed, smiling adoringly at Willow.
"For people who never listen, they have ears like hawks. They'd hear everything, even if I tried to sneak out. It's like we're not really juniors in college, or of legal drinking age." Willow giggled, as she gave Buffy a sweet, lingering kiss.
"Mom works tomorrow, if you wanna just...oh...stop by around nineish? We can make a day of it...make good use of the time we have together." Buffy pulled the redhead into another tight hug. "I really am sorry. I never meant to make you mad or sad. Those are the last two things I ever want to do."
"Well...I'll see you tomorrow, then." Willow walked Buffy out, sneaking one last kiss in, while her parents were in the kitchen, before sending Buffy on her way. Tomorrow, they would probably have all the time in the world to get in kisses, and maybe a lot of lovin', too. She had to feed her addiction.