Heroes and Lovers
by als
Chapter 3 — The Return of Willow
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It was Xander who spoke first, "Oh God...is she?"
"Willow!" Buffy threw herself to the ground and gathered Willow's still unconscious form into her arms, she was breathing and warm to the touch. "She's alive!" Buffy glanced at Giles.
Willow moved slightly in her arms and Buffy felt her breath catch in her throat. She looked down to see her friend's beautiful green eyes staring up at her. "Buffy," Willow whispered and reached up to brush her fingers softly against Buffy's cheek, "I missed you."
Buffy felt the tears flowing freely down her face, "Oh God Will, we thought we'd lost you, Spike...he said he killed you, and I found your clothes in the crypt and there was blood, just so much blood and you were gone and..."
Willow reached up and lay a single finger on Buffy's lips stopping her gently, "Shh, it's okay now Buffy, I'm here and it's gonna be okay."
Suddenly Xander was with them, wrapping his strong arms around Willow and Buffy, crushing the pale redhead between them in a strong hug.
"Oh God Will, you scared us so bad, we thought..." Xander's voice was full of relief and joy as he spoke, tears spilling down his face.
"Xander..." came Willow's soft voice before being cut off as another pair of arms wrapped around them wordlessly.
Buffy looked up to see tears falling from Giles' eyes as well. He'd been so strong, helping her and Xander try to deal with the loss of Willow. He'd never let them see his pain, his tears.
The hug seemed to stretch on forever with everyone just basking in the warmth of the love they felt for Willow.
"Okay. Oxygen becoming an issue," Willow half-gasped after a few moments. Her eyes went wide and her face turned the nearly same shade of red as her hair, "Oh! And I just realized... I'm kinda...naked...under here"
Giles virtually leapt to his feet, "Um, yes, I'll get you something to cover yourself." He hurried away, blushing almost as deeply as Willow had.
Xander, too, blushed as he stood and stepped away, chivalrously trying to keep his eyes from wandering over his naked friend's body.
Buffy didn't move, she just continued to kneel on the floor, holding Willow tightly. She saw Giles return from the corner of her eye and reached for the blanket he offered her. Gently, Buffy wrapped Willow in the soft blanket. "Do you need me to help you to the couch?" she asked quietly.
Willow started to reply but before she could get a sound out, Buffy swept her up off the floor and over to a sitting position on Giles' couch. Buffy knelt on the floor at her feet looking up at her, unwilling to be very far from Willow. "Uh, thanks, Buffy, but I'm okay...really." Willow glanced at Xander and Giles and pulled the blanket around her, blushing self-consciously. "So how long was I...um, gone?"
Giles spoke first, "Well, you, ah, disappeared almost a week ago. All we ever found were your-well, your clothes."
"What happened Will? Where were you?" Xander asked.
"That's kind of a long story, and well, I'd sort of feel better telling it if I were, you know, wearing clothes...instead of wrapped in a blanket."
Buffy felt her eyes go wide, "Clothes...yes clothes would be good, 'cause definitely more comfortable then just a blanket. Right, um, Xander, we need to get clothes for Will, can you...you know, drive to the campus? I'll go with and we'll get Willow clothes." Buffy's face went hot with embarrassment. 'What on earth is wrong with me? I don't babble!'
"Yeah, sure thing Buff, anything for the ol' Willster." One of Xander's goofy grins plastered itself across his face at the sound of a babbling Slayer. He walked behind the couch, leaned over and kissed Willow gently on the top of her head. "It's good to have you back Will," he whispered quietly.
Hearing his words, Buffy threw her arms around Willow again, hugging her roughly, "Willow, God I missed you so much." She drew back from the hug and saw the tears glistening in her friend's eyes, "You're not going to disappear on me again right?"
Willow smiled softly as she spoke, "No Buffy, I'm not going to disappear again, not ever."
* * * * *
Willow looked up at Giles as she heard the door to the apartment close. She felt the heat of her face flushing again as she became aware once more of just how awkward the lack of clothing was.
"Giles?"
"Yes Willow?"
"I'm sorry, for everything. I know how badly my disappearance hurt everyone. I could feel the pain you were all in, but I couldn't reach any of you to help. I couldn't let you know that it would be alright, that I was okay." Willow could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, the warmth flooding her face.
"That's...quite alright Willow." She fought a slight smile as Giles visibly got all uncomfortable and English at her words. "Can I get you anything, something to drink or eat?"
Willow considered for a moment. She knew that she didn't need to eat or drink anymore, but she wasn't quite ready to cross that bridge just yet. "Some water would be good."
Giles walked into the kitchen and got a bottle of water from his fridge for Willow, "So, you seemed...surprised at how long you were away? Was it longer for you?" Giles walked back into the living area, chivalrously opening the bottle for her before offering it to her.
Willow awkwardly reached out and managed to take the bottle without further exposing the former librarian to her nudity. "Shorter actually. Though that's probably because I wasn't awake a lot. It felt more like a day...or maybe two at most." She took a deep drink from the bottle; the cold water soothed her throat and felt wonderful.
"Ah. Were you...er I mean, rather did you...was it..." She raised an eyebrow at Giles; it was rare to hear him stammer like this.
"Some of it was very unpleasant and even extremely painful, but most of what happened, was not." She smiled gently at him. "What hurt most of all though, was being separated from the people I love and not being able to comfort you all."
Giles nodded somberly, "I think Buffy was having the hardest time with it. I don't think I'd ever seen her so...hurt. I think that must have been very much like what she went through after she sent Angel to hell." Giles began cleaning his glasses, an act which brought a smile to Willow's face. "I think she cares more for you then any of us have ever realized."
This was definitely not the conversation she'd been expecting to have with Giles, but she certainly wasn't going to shy away from it, not now. Not after nearly losing Buffy forever. "I'm in love with her Giles. I-I always have been, but I don't think she knows it. I've never felt like this about anyone before. It almost killed me to feel her hurting like that." The tears were back in her eyes threatening to push Willow over the edge.
"Willow," his voice was gentle and soothing. She looked up and saw a comforting smile on his face. "You and Buffy have been like daughters to me and I've seen the glances between the two of you when you thought that no-one was looking. I do not doubt in the slightest that she feels the same about you."
Willow smiled up at the misty-eyed former Watcher and gently whispered "Thank you."
"Now then, they should be back soon with some clothing for you. Why don't you take a shower and get cleaned up. I don't doubt it will help you feel much better."
He stood and turned his back toward her, giving her the privacy she'd need to stand up and rearrange the blanket she was using to cover herself. With a smile, Willow did just that, pausing for only a moment to give Giles a hug from behind before walking to the bathroom.
A short while after she entered the shower, Willow heard the door to the bathroom open and a familiar blonde head poked in. "Hey Will, I'm laying your clothes on the toilet for you."
"Thanks Buffy, I'll be out in a minute." She replied. Willow could feel Buffy hesitate, as if she wanted to say something. But the words never came and she heard Buffy pull the door closed. "God, this just isn't going to be easy is it," she whispered to herself as she reached down to turn the water off.
* * * * *
'Well, that wasn't awkward at all,' Buffy chided her self as she walked back to the living area of Giles' apartment after leaving Willow's clothes for her. 'Way to creep out the woman you're in love with!'
Buffy heard Xander's voice and quickly joined the male half of the Scoobies.
"So, how is she G-man?" Xander asked.
Buffy jumped in before Giles could reply, "Did she tell you anything at all about what happened?"
"Yes, well not much. She'd no idea how long she'd been gone, apparently she was unconscious for most of it." Buffy released the breath she hadn't even realized she was holding in. "Beyond that she said very little about it."
Buffy frowned at her former Watcher. He had that look on his face again. The one he usually got when he was withholding information that he was afraid would hurt them. A big part of her wanted to call him on it and press for whatever he was holding back, but she heard Willow turn off the water in the bathroom and thought the better of it.
"Are we sure it's really Willow Giles?" Even as she spoke them, the words tore at her heart.
"Whoa...what?" Xander's mouth had dropped open, clearly stunned that Buffy could have asked that. Buffy couldn't bring herself to look either of them in the eye.
"Buffy, why do you ask? Is there something that's giving you cause for concern?"
'That's the $64,000 dollar question,' she thought.
"It's nothing, really. Just, she 'feels' different. Not like touchy feels, but like 'feels' feels. You know, it's hard to explain, I'm saying this all wrong. It's probably nothing." She shook her head and looked at the floor, ashamed to have said anything.
Ice water rushed through her veins as she heard Willow's voice from the doorway. "I was wondering if you'd felt that."
* * * * *
"I was wondering if you'd felt that." She watched as Buffy tensed up and turned at her words. Giles and Xander looked at her with obvious shock on their faces as well.
Willow sighed. 'Nope, definitely not going to be easy.'
"Willow, I..." Buffy looked absolutely mortified that she'd been overheard.
"No, Buffy. It's okay. I would have been surprised if you hadn't been worried about whether or not I'm really me, which I am, but not exactly the same me I was before I left, but that's why you could feel the difference..."
"I think I speak for everyone here when I say, 'Huh?'" Xander stared blankly at Willow for a moment, trying to understand. "Though, I gotta say that the babbling is a pretty strong sign that this is the Will we all know and love."
"Everyone should sit down, and I'll try to explain what happened and hopefully, then you'll understand more." She walked into the living area and stood in front of her friends as they sat down. They were staring at her as though she'd just sprouted an extra head. She swallowed nervously before she began to speak.
"Well, um, Buffy. A little while after I got home from the party, someone knocked on the door to the dorm. I didn't really think about it, I just sort of said 'come in' and it was Spike." She was talking too fast and she knew it, so she paused and tried to get a grip on her nerves. "Oh! So we should really do an uninviting spell on the dorm room cause if we don't, well Spike might come back looking for you..."
"Willow, don't worry about that. Spike won't be coming after anyone, I staked him." Buffy voice sounded calm and reassuring.
Willow looked at the floor as she spoke again, "Well, that's good, cause if he wasn't already all dusty and stuff, what he did next would probably make you want to go after him. Spike bit me and drained me and actually even tried to, you know, make me a vampire." She couldn't bring herself to look up at her friends, just yet. "He killed me and fed me his blood and dumped me in a crypt to wait for me to rise."
"What?!" She should of known it would be Xander who said something first, she looked up at him and the look of anger and hate on his face caused her to drop her eyes back to the floor. "You mean you're a vampire?"
"Oh God no, Xander! I am not a vampire! I mean I've got a heartbeat and a body temperature and everything."
'God I'm so stupid, I should not have said that like that,' she berated herself, 'Of course they'd jump to that conclusion, who wouldn't?'
"I mean I can pick up a cross or... since its still day I could go outside and stand in the sun to prove it if you want." She started to walk toward the door.
Buffy stopped Willow gently before speaking, "Having checked your pulse myself after you appeared on the floor and felt your heart beating, I'll take your word on the vampire thing." Her smile faded quickly though, "But if Spike killed Willow, then who or what are you?"
"I'm still Willow." She looked her best friend straight in the eye as she spoke. "I should've been a vampire when I woke up in that crypt. But instead, when I woke up there was someone else there with me. He said his name was Whistler and that the Powers that Be had sent him, to help me." Buffy's eyes went wide at the mention of Whistler's name and Willow understood in an instant. "You've met him, you've met Whistler before."
"A-A couple of times. When Angel was trying to wake Acathla. Whistler was the one who told me how to stop him." Buffy swallowed hard. "So he works for the Powers that Be?"
"Yeah, he does. He's kind of a conduit between the Powers and the mortal world. He told me that the Powers were giving me a choice. They couldn't change the fact that Spike had killed me but that I didn't have to become the monster that Spike tried to make me into, that they could intervene and make me a champion, like you and Angel. They could make it so that I wasn't taken away from the fight." She glanced around at her friends, seeing deep concern on all of their faces. "And I agreed to it, so the Powers took me away, and cleansed me of the daemon-taint that Spike tried to inflict on me and sent me back to help you..."
"So you're, ahem, you're still human then Willow?" Giles voice was soft, not accusing or angry, just concerned for her.
"Yes...well, no...Sort of." She was letting frustration get the better of her. She'd known that her friends were going to have a hard time understanding everything that had happened, but knowing and being confronted by it were two very different things. "What I am...it's complicated, and it's not in any of your books. There's no word for what I've become, because the Powers have never given this to anyone before."
The looks on their faces...they were closing themselves off from her, shutting her out as they tried to deal with this, she could feel it and it hurt. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at them.
As she spoke again the tears in her eyes began to spill down her face, "Please, don't shut me out, I need you, all of you, I can't do this without you. It's still me, only now I'm something else too." She sank to her knees sobbing, "Please, don't hate me, don't..." The rest of her words were choked off in her tears.
* * * * *
Buffy felt her heart breaking as she watched Willow begin to fall apart and start crying. It was in that moment that she knew beyond any doubt that this was Willow, her Willow. There was no doubt in her mind, none at all. She moved quickly, sitting next to her on the floor and gently putting her arms around the weeping redhead. "Shh, it's okay Willow. We still love you; everything's going to be okay. I promise." Buffy spoke softly, comforting her friend.
Within moments Xander and Giles had joined Buffy on the floor, each of them comforting Willow, reassuring her that she was not alone, that she would never be alone.